


The Whole Raising Harry Thing

by thebadslandx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fix-It, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post-First War with Voldemort, Post-War, Raising Harry Potter, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:33:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 95,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28139226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebadslandx/pseuds/thebadslandx
Summary: Sirius Black was never wrongfully convicted as the Marauder to blame for the tragedy that took place on the 31st of October, 1981. Now, he and Remus must deal with the wounds and losses the war left as they try to raise Harry Potter.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 110
Kudos: 136





	1. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfiction here on ao3!  
> This is going to be a "raising Harry" story, mostly on Sirius' POV, where he and Remus end up having to do it together. After the war, things are complicated between them, but the task of raising a kid together makes them address old wounds and, of course, fall in love.

??? of November, 1981

Right now, Sirius couldn't tell someone what time, day, or even year it is. Okay, maybe not the year thing, but the rest is true. He wasn't able to simply forget it was 1981, the year he lost everything. The year practically everyone he knew and loved went away in the most horrible of circumstances. It would seem unbelievable, but the pain in his chest that never went away after the 31st was too real to let him imagine it had all been a dream. 

Hell, if someone had told him all that was to unravel in 1981 a year earlier, he wouldn't have believed them. Now, he looked at 1980 as the last year of his life where he was able to feel like himself. Even though everything was fresh in his memory, Sirius knew that he would carry the events that took place in 1981 with him wherever he went for the rest of his life. Nothing would ever be the same. The sun wouldn't be as bright and the jokes wouldn't be as funny as they once were. 

He kept relieving that day, much to his displeasure. Still, Sirius had no choice but to look back at the moment he utterly, incredibly, and stupidly fucked up. 

Merlin, how hadn't he seen it all coming? 

Worm— Peter Pettigrew was never like the rest of them, to be quite honest. He did like Peter back in Hogwarts, but he was no James or Remus. No one in the Marauders actually enjoyed having to spend all that much time alone with Pettigrew, but he was always there anyway, he still mattered. 

But right now he couldn't look at those simpler times with a single shred of fondness regarding Peter for what they once were.

He couldn't even put into words what he felt or had been feeling for the last days or weeks. The closest he could get to it was guttural sounds as he sobbed into a pillow. But that's an improvement of sorts. 

For a while, all he could feel was uncensored rage, not only towards Pettigrew and Voldemort but towards himself too. Had he been better and smarter, all of this could have been prevented. 

Rationally, Sirius knew that it wasn't all his fault, but he was used to knowing that a lot of the problems he caused could have been prevented had he thought things through. Making Pettigrew the secret keeper was his own idea and that destroyed him inside out. Fuck, how hadn't he noticed something weird was going on when Peter, who had never really put himself on the line for others, volunteered for something so incredibly risky?

Nevertheless, what was done was done and he couldn't do anything but cry about it, sometimes of sadness and other times of anger. And there's that word, "anger". Merlin, for the first few days after the 31st, that was all he could feel. All that mattered was finding that piece of shit traitor and making him pay for everything. 

The catharsis of confronting Pettigrew was the only thing guiding him at that moment, he could not even think about James and Lily as anything but what felt like sacred entities that Peter had dared defy. 

He was in some sort of dream-like state, as though his actions wouldn't have any consequences and he would wake up to find himself at the Gryffindor Tower with all of his friends, the life he had before it all went to shit.

Peter had expected Sirius to go after him, he wasn't the brightest Marauder, but he wasn't stupid to the point of not understanding Sirius' impulsive and brash behaviour. Peter's faults lied in his ever inferior wizarding skills. He had made an entire plan to frame Sirius as the traitor of the Order of the Phoenix. 

However, he had been wrong to assume there would be any kind of hesitance from Sirius once he cornered him in the bright daylight of a muggle street. Surely all of those years spent in Hogwarts had meant something to Sirius, he was always impulsive and often careless, but never truly heartless. Well, Peter was right about Sirius not being heartless. But he had never been able to fully grasp the lengths to which Sirius would go for James.

Peter spent his years at Hogwarts trying desperately to amount to something in the eyes of James, but he felt as if nothing was enough when Sirius was right there not trying anything, being much cooler and, more importantly, much more loved by James. No one had ever spelled it out, but everyone knew that Peter was no Sirius in the eyes of James.

He never had anyone quite the same way Sirius had had James, so he could not understand for the life of him the way Sirius felt about his best friend and how he would not hesitate to kill him for a mere second, even though that meant killing one of your childhood best friends.

The act of treason had been cooking up for some time before 1981. Peter sometimes felt like a bit of an outcast in the group, as they got older and started talking about fighting in the war with a glint in their eyes, excited to become heroes of sorts, Peter didn't understand they were serious. All of them noticed that Peter didn't care as much as them. For a while, he thought they were just childish dreams, but things kept gradually getting more serious and so did the Marauders when it came to that old war fantasy that they had. 

Peter couldn't understand how making plans for a future outside of the war didn't even cross the other's minds, what did they expect would happen once it was all over? Life wasn't built on superficial romantic ideas of martyrdom. 

As he grew worried, other possibilities opened up for him, promises of a better, shinier future. All of that was quite seducing, even though Peter wouldn't be able to admit it to anyone and not even himself out loud for some time. But, as the promises grew, so did fear.

And, with that, came the snowball of events that culminated on the 31st of October 1981.

Even though many people doubted Sirius' intelligence over the years, he himself knew he was no fool. But, Merlin, he couldn't help but feel incredibly stupid when he looked back knowing what he did now about Peter. It was all under their noses; it made sense. And yet he had thought Remus, of all people, was the traitor. War-time paranoia was involved, despite that, he never felt so bad about something in his life.

So, full of uncensored rage and hoping for justice even if he had to do it with his own hands, Sirius set out to find Peter Pettigrew.

Maybe it was for the best that the spell Sirius cast towards Peter did not fully catch him, all it did was enable him from running away. Aware of Peter's animagus capabilities, Sirius ran towards him as he fell face-first to the cobblestones of the street and held him there at wand-point while not-so-lightly squeezing his throat so that Peter would pay the utmost attention to what he had to say. 

"Si—Sirius, wait a second, I can explain, I swear it wasn't me!" Peter struggled to say as Sirius' grip on his throat tightened, his voice growing more desperate by the second as if he didn't have a plan up his sleeve.

"Listen here, you fucking piece of shit," Sirius said to him while looking feral and animalistic in a way Peter had never seen before, "I will tea—"

Luckily, Sirius was cut off by the loud cracks of a bunch of aurors apparating to the scene. He didn't finish his sentence and couldn't say anything as he was dragged off of Peter by two aurors who did their best to prevent him from doing anything else. 

Had the aurors taken a few more minutes to appear at the scene, the outcome of the day would have been completely different.

After that, it was all silent. He vaguely remembered something about Peter being sent to Azkaban, but that hadn't brought the catharsis he was hoping for. It just made him angrier. 

He didn't know what to do after the fact, so he went back to his flat and trashed everything, threw glass bottles at the walls, broke anything that was breakable on sight, minus the things that reminded him of James. 

The rage was spilling out of him and he simply could not control it. He felt like a little kid who was finding out about magic for the first time at age 7, it all came out in outbursts, breaking windows without even thinking about doing it and smashing plates that were just sitting on the counter. 

Sirius tried so hard to translate his anger into actions, but as he broke all his stuff, the anger only grew. He hated everything, and that was all he could feel. Until it wasn't, and a bottomless pit of utter sadness substituted his anger as he realised there was nothing left to throw against a wall or towards the ground that would require a minimal amount of energy. He only realised he wasn't standing anymore when his knees hit the ground of his small living room. 

Even though his latest actions had altered the space quite a bit when he looked around all he could see was his old life. He looked at the fireplace and saw James the day he had flooed unannounced in the middle of the night to tell Sirius with the biggest smile on his face that Lily had gotten tired of waiting around for him to propose and decided to pop the question herself.

He looked at the scratched _The Clash_ record, _London Calling_ , that was lying on the floor under the table and all he could see was the Marauders playing it and drunkenly singing along on their first day off in weeks that were full of Order duties. 

He looked at the shelf and saw an untouched game of chess that he had begun to play with Lily and planned on continuing sometime soon.

For the first time since it all went down, he cried. Everything was so fresh, he just wanted to curl up and die right there on the spot. 

After some time of not being able to rise from the ground, he decided he couldn't stay at his flat anymore. There were too many memories there that just made the suffering feel louder inside his head. He picked the first few clothes he could find in his bedroom and some money he had left hidden and disapparated to the first place he could think of, the Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley.

And that's where Sirius found himself now. He's been staying at the Leaky Cauldron for the last two or so weeks, he's not quite sure how long it's been. 

He wished he could have gone somewhere more isolated from the wizarding community, but he didn't know two shits about muggle inns and didn't have the energy to go look for something else. So he settled there without telling anyone he knew, which wasn't hard, since he didn't know that many people anymore. 

The melancholia he felt at this moment would put Ophelia to shame. Virtually, every day is the same for him. He wakes up in the lumpy bed of the room, which he pays 2 galleons for per day, at around two in the afternoon. Then, he reluctantly gets out of bed after some time and opens the door of the room, hoping to find something to eat since he's also been paying for the staff to bring whatever there is to eat to his door. 

The Leaky Cauldron is not the fanciest of places, so sometimes the plate of lukewarm food isn't there, but he doesn't do much about it. Opening that door is the closest he gets to leaving the room at all. He mostly just sits and thinks about everything while trying to process it. Sirius finds that it's easier to fall asleep when he's in his animagus form, so he just stays like that for long periods of time. Unsurprisingly, a dog's thoughts are not as complex as human thoughts. 

Sometimes he cries, other times he doesn't even have the strength to do so. Then, he drifts off to sleep and does it all again the next day. Mostly, he just spends time with his thoughts. Now, the moments of rage are long gone in his actions, but the feeling is still dormant inside of him.

After some time in such a state, his thoughts wandered to something other than Peter, James and Lily. He's reminded of Harry. Sirius had given Hagrid his motorcycle so he could take Harry somewhere safe. Thank Merlin he was alright.

But who was taking care of him now?

Merlin, where the fuck was his godson? 

It wasn't that Sirius didn't love Harry and hadn't thought of him due to carelessness. The baby had been on the back of his mind for some time now, he just hadn't verbalised his concerns. The more he thought about him, the more he felt an overwhelming feeling of worry tug at his chest.

That's when Sirius Black realised that he must get his shit together sometime soon and do something about it, Harry was his godson after all. He just didn't have the strength needed. 

Still, thinking of Harry made him come to his senses. He stretched on the bed and touched his face where he could still feel the ghost of dried tears. Then, his fingers reached his hair and for a moment images of Snivellus flooded his brain. _So greasy,_ he thought.

So, in a burst of energy he hadn't felt in weeks, he leapt off the bed and began writing a letter to Dumbledore. He didn't want to seem like a complete mess, so he didn't write the date in fear he would miscalculate by a lot.

_Dumbledore,_

~~_I'm sorry I haven't been present since after Peter's arres_ — ~~

No, too formal and weird.

~~_Please tell me where Harry is, I'm his godfather and have a right to know. I promise I won't try to take him awa_ — ~~

Merlin, too desperate. 

_Since the events that took place on the 1st of November, I have been staying at the Leaky Cauldron. Truth be told, I have been in no fit state to do much about Harry's situation. But, please do tell me where he has been relocated to and how I may get in touch with him as his godfather._

_Regards,_

_S. Black_

Sirius didn't feel like himself while writing that short letter, it was all so stiff and nothing like his true self. But it'll have to do.

For the first time in weeks, he went downstairs to request the use of an owl. He sent the letter and went back to his room to pace. It was nice having something else to think about.

However, the rest of the day came and went without a response from Dumbledore. Sirius stayed awake for most of the night hoping that an owl would come, but he ended up falling asleep reluctantly.

* * *

When he woke up the next morning, he spotted a tiny piece of parchment lying on the table that was next to an open window. He got up from the creaky bed and quickly went to grab the paper. The owl must have come while he was sleeping, he figured. As he got closer, he could see what was written.

_Meet me at the Leaky Cauldron at 3 o'clock_

_— R. Lupin_

It slightly took aback Sirius, where was Dumbledore's response? He felt a bit of anger again.

His eyes skimmed the parchment twice as he made sure of what was written. Merlin, Remus. He hadn't thought about him much. Sure, he tainted a lot of the memories he had been thinking of James, but Sirius hadn't thought of him as someone that was going through the same struggles as him. He felt bad about it, so egotistical.

He glanced at the clock that was sitting on that table and his heart rate shot up when he realised it was 15 minutes past three. He scrambled to find something to wear, picked up the first shirt he saw, and put on the only pair of trousers he had brought. Sirius wished he had had more time to get ready, he didn't want Remus to see him like this, so...distraught and fragile-looking. Still, he had no choice but to go as he was.

For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Sirius Black left the room and went down the flight of stairs, arriving at the pub, where he received a few curious glances. He wasn't sure whether they were due to his physical aspect or to who he was. 

He caught sight of a man who had his back turned to him while sitting on a table, he could see that his shoulders were tense and immediately recognised the man to be Remus Lupin. Sirius approached and sat silently on the chair in front of him, avoiding eye contact.

"Sirius," called Remus, startled with a cup of tea in his hands as he hadn't seen him coming. "I—I'm sorry I didn't try to go after you sooner, I—"

"Did Dumbledore send you here?" 

Remus looked a bit taken aback by that question, maybe he had expected a bit of a warmer reception. He took a few seconds to think before he answered.

"Y—Yes. He did." Sirius looked at him with an extremely annoyed expression, "But it's not what it seems!" 

"So tell me where he is." 

"Who?" Remus dreaded the conversation that was to come.

"Harry, of course," he snapped back as if it was obvious.

Remus put his cup down on the table carefully while planning what he was going to say next, knowing very well who he was dealing with.

"Sirius, it's not...so simple"

"Well, please indulge me," said Sirius sarcastically.

"He's with Lily's sister—"

"That cunt from the wedding?!" he raised his tone.

"Yes… she's his aunt, after all." Remus lowered his voice, "There are things Dumbledore won't tell me, but he said it was of extreme importance that Harry gets raised by the Dursleys. I'm afraid I can't go into much detail, as I don't know much either. But it apparently just has to be like this...I'm sorry, Sirius"

"Harry can't be raised by muggles, much less by them! For Merlin's sake! That's ridiculous!" Sirius was outraged, completely revolted. Then, after a quiet pause of not knowing where to go next with his arguments and Remus having now looked down at the cup in his hands, avoiding eye contact, he continued, "I'm his godfather, doesn't that count for anything?" 

He was so tired of not being taken into consideration. He felt just like a rag doll, being thrown around for years, first by his family and then at the Order. He lost so much already...

"I know it sounds awful, but Dumbledore advised me to tell you that this is what's best for Harry—"

"The _best_ for Harry?! Bullshit!" he banged his fist on the table, "And why didn't Dumbledore tell me this himself? That prick—"

"He knew you wouldn't take it well...I'm sorry, Sirius, I—" 

There was nothing else he could say to Remus. Clearly, the issue wasn't going to get solved by him. 

"But he's safe, right?" Sirius asked as he looked down at his lap, in a much quieter tone. He looked sadder than Remus had ever seen him.

"Yes, I promise he is. Dumbledore wouldn't endanger him, there must be some type of spell involved, I'm not sure...but it is probably the best for him. Safety-wise, at least." 

Silence settled between them, Sirius thought to himself that he would come back to this problem later, let Dumbledore think he would back down or some other bullshit. But, for now, he would sort out his own life.

"How have you been, anyway?" Remus asked carefully with genuine concern in his voice.

 _How could I put it into words? Awful. Terrible. Dreadful. It's excruciating. Absolute agony. The worst thing that has ever happened to me and, oh boy, that says a lot_ , Sirius thought to himself. He could feel the anger boiling up in him.

"It's been fine." 

"Fine?" 

"Yes, Remus. Fine. What else could I say to you? That it's been a sea of roses?" Sirius questioned him in an increasingly annoyed manner. At that moment, Remus looked more tired than Sirius had ever seen him, and, again, that's saying something. He regretted being so harsh.

"Sirius—"

"No, I—I'm sorry, Remus. I don't want to lash out at you, it's just that, y'know… I don't know how else to react." There was a bit of an awkward silence. Remus wanted to say something meaningful so bad, but he couldn't think of anything. He had come to the Leaky Cauldron to try and offer Sirius a helping hand, not only because Dumbledore had asked him to, but everything was just so stiff between them that he didn't even know how to break the ice anymore. Good intentions are not enough, so he just felt bad for making Sirius listen to all of this when he'd clearly not been well. 

"I tried...to find you. After everything, I went by your flat twice, then I figured that you must have been sleeping somewhere else. I didn't want to bother you or anything, but then Dumbledore owled me explaining the whole situation and telling me you were here. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, before that." 

"Right." Sirius didn't know what else to say. He felt bad about not having spared Remus much thought, he was as involved in the situation as Sirius was, maybe he should have reached out. But things weren't the same anymore, it was weird, different. "How's everything else? He's in Azkaban, right?"

"Peter? Yes, for life. The rest is pretty much the same. Truth be told, after everything, there are not many people left to check up on." He gave a dry chuckle.

"And how have you been?"

"Me?" Remus asked as if he didn't expect the question. "It's been tough, but I know it's been harder for you." 

"No, Remus. You were their friend too, you have to stop diminishing your suffering when you're afraid of 'offending' others," and there was that awkward silence again. Every time the conversation went slightly past the usual small talk, they seemed to find roadblocks. Things really weren't the same anymore. Back in simpler times, they could talk about any and everything, the four of them. Now, it felt like they could barely talk about the weather without conjuring up old and fresh wounds.

"It's...complicated," Remus looked at his cup of tea that had gone cold at this point.

"How was the full moon?" Sirius asked in a low tone, "I'm sorry I wasn't there...especially now." During the Order days, the full moons were never the same as they once were at Hogwarts. Not only because Remus had been working as a spy inside the werewolf community, but also because adult life had hit the Marauders at full speed. Suddenly, the four of them couldn't all spend full moons together anymore, there were missions, jobs, and, by the end, a baby. But, after the 31st, Sirius should have thought about how Remus probably didn't have those werewolves to keep him company in those days anymore.

"It was fine." There was that word again, "It was on November 3rd, your birthday. It's okay, you don't need to worry about it, I manage them better than when I did back when you guys weren't animagi yet," there was a sense of longing in his voice.

Right after he said that, the waitress came and took Remus' cup away, relieving Sirius of having to say answer anything at all. Remus stretched his arms out, he was clearly very tired, but didn't look it as much as Sirius probably did at that moment. But, as Remus stretched, something caught Sirius' eyes, a patched up injury in Remus' upper left arm. It looked quite big, judging by the size of the bandage.

"And what day is it today?" Sirius tried to sound natural.

"November 23rd," he answered, trying not to worry about Sirius' mental state. "Happy belated birthday, by the way."

"Oh. Right. Guess I'm 22 now," he tried to sound nonchalant about it. His birthday hadn't really crossed his mind, so he couldn't be even slightly mad about anyone "forgetting" it or anything. He didn't mind it, he was paying more attention to the fact that he remembers from the Hogwarts days that the wounds weren't so deep and that they healed in a week or so. They were only ever that bad in the first few years. He looked at Remus as if waiting for a truthful explanation.

"Sirius, it's fine. Really." Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Look, it was...tougher than usual. But I'm managing it...it was to be expected." 

Sirius wished he could tell Remus that he'd go back to spending the full moons with him but everything felt like he would be stepping over boundaries and prying. So, he pretended he believed that it would be fine.

Silence settled between them again.

Remus glanced at the watch that was hanging on the wall of the pub, he looked startled.

"Shit," he cursed and started fishing for his wallet inside of his trouser's pocket, "I'm sorry, Sirius, I've got to go now."

 _He does look sorry,_ thought Sirius.

"It's fine, I'll handle it," he said as he reached for his pocket hoping to find some forgotten change.

Remus looked down at his wallet with a blank expression.

"I insist," Sirius said with some sort of formality that felt foreign to him while talking to Remus, of all people.

Remus nodded. It wasn't normal for Remus to go down without a fight when it came to others paying for him, he hated it. But Sirius didn't plan on asking any questions and got a few sickles from his pocket. Remus got up from his chair and turned to look Sirius in the eye.

"If you ever need anything, Sirius, please let me know." Sirius looked up at him and nodded. 

"You too," he responded.

  
  



	2. Brother Black's Travelling Salvation Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so begins the longest day of Sirius' life.

10th of December, 1981

After his encounter with Remus, Sirius Black got a different outlook on his life. Not because of anything his old friend had said, mind you, but because now he had a purpose. He had to take care of Harry, he didn't give a rat's arse about what Dumbledore thought and he was so, so tired of all that mysterious bureaucracy that involved the man, always with a new charade up his sleeve. He was going to do things his own way, that's what James would have wanted. They were marauders, after all. Dumbledore cared about Harry in a non-personal, detached way. But to Sirius, Harry was James' kid, and he deserved to grow up properly with his parent's memory still alive.

Nonetheless, it was easier said than done to just spin his life around to where he needed it to be right now. He was still at the Leaky Cauldron; he hadn't gone back to his flat. He was afraid that going back would just set him back on his track to getting better, he'd be reminded of the losses and that was not what he had to focus on at the moment. He would deal with all that shit later. It didn't matter right now.

He spent most of his time in his room, but often pacing around and thinking rather than in his Padfoot form, just waiting for the sun to set. On some days, it was harder to put all of his thoughts on Harry and what he would do next. Sometimes, thoughts of James and Lily would just flood his head and he could not shake them out for a good amount of time. Even so, it was progress.

Truth be told, Sirius did not feel like the most creative person right now. He hoped he would create this incredible and infallible plan to get Harry under his custody in a very short amount of time, almost like how he thought of elaborate pranks on-the-spot back at Hogwarts. It seemed so easy then, why couldn't he just have that same spike of energy and get it over with already? He was but a shadow of his former self.

However, the more he thought about Dumbledore and just how  _ annoying _ he could be when dealing with matters like these, being all secretive, the angrier Sirius got. His feelings about the man weren't so sudden. Even though he never showed it, in the Order he often got impatient with Dumbledore. He never fully understood the man's motivations and plans.

For all they knew, Dumbledore could have a mysterious plan up his sleeve that ended with five people dead and other three wrongfully thrown in Azkaban. Then again, rationally, Sirius knew that the order was about something bigger than individual lives. Despite that, he was still the individual in question going through it all and being toyed with and he craved for a scapegoat.

So, in a day where he woke up without the melancholia of James' presence in the forefront of his thoughts, Sirius decided to go and confront the man himself. After all, sending Remus had been ridiculous in his eyes.

Trying to look more put together, Sirius solved the issues with his hair with a good wash and cast a charm that would cover a bit of the bags under his eyes. He put on the best clothes he had blindly brought, which wasn't saying much, but that was all that he had in hand, and disapparated to Hogsmeade.

He hadn't thought about how going back to Hogwarts would affect his mental state. Maybe he should have, but now it felt like it was too late to go back and think it through. So, he just looked at the ground of the streets he knew too well and started quickly making his way towards the castle. He noticed the Christmas decorations around the shops of the village, which reminded him of what he felt was the best time of the year at the school. Going to Hogsmeade on the last weekend before Christmas was always so much fun, the Marauders would excitedly plan their last prank of the year while drinking as much butterbeer as they could. But now wasn't the time for nostalgia. Avoiding such thoughts, Sirius continued making his way to Hogwarts while trying his best to not look at the snow that lay on the ground and think of snowball fights of the past. 

Arriving at the castle, it was even harder to ignore all of it. He got a glance of a few students wearing the red and gold ties around their necks as they ran past him and shuddered. This was definitely harder than he had expected. He made his way towards Dumbledore's office (a path he knew all too well). 

As he got there, he realised he didn't know what to do next. Should he knock? It had never occurred to Sirius that every time he had gone to the Headmaster's Office as a student that the door would always be open, waiting for him. That was because his presence had been requested. But, now arriving without notice, he didn't know what to do exactly.

Luckily, though, the door started creaking as it opened from the inside. And out came the man himself, Albus Dumbledore.

"Oh! Mr Black," Dumbledore seemed quite surprised to find Sirius standing outside his office, but then his expression grew into a more sombre one. "Well, I figured you would come, eventually. Please, do come in."

Sirius followed him in silently and sat on the chair facing the one Dumbledore was now sitting at. Before he could say anything about his visit, the older man started, "Actually, to be quite honest with you, Mr Black, I expected you to come sooner. But it seems we are almost in mid-December." 

There he goes again, always knowing everything beforehand.

"Well, I had a tough time... But you're probably aware of that," the man nodded. "And you also probably know that I'm here because of Harry."

Dumbledore nodded again.

"Yes, I do, Mr Black. Thinking back, sending Remus to tell you the news probably was not the most tactful of actions I could have taken, but I thought it might have helped to see a friendly face. People are worried about your state." 

"People? What people?"  _ there's no one left,  _ Sirius thought. The question was earnest, though.

"The Weasleys, for one. Mary Macdonald also manifested her worry. And Remus, of course," Dumbledore replied patiently. Sirius felt like a petulant child, needing someone to tell them that people cared about him, how ridiculous. But it's not like the names listed meant all that much to him, except for Remus, but that was probably a given.

"Anyway, I'm here because of Harry," he repeated while glancing away, trying to change the subject to what really mattered.

"I figured," he began, "Mr Black, you must understand that Harry has played an immense part in the defeat of Voldemort. His followers will not spare means to get to him, and I'm afraid that, for as good as your intentions may be, they may not be enough." 

"I could protect him, you know?!" he asked rhetorically in a challenging way, "Muggles can’t raise him, he's a Potter, for Merlin's sake!" 

"Mr Black," Dumbledore called with caution, "There are things of which you do not understand. What's best for Harry is not often was it seems, and for his own sake, I ask you to believe in that. I am aware that an upbringing in your care would grant him a childhood full of excesses and everything that he deserves. However, his safety comes first. I understand that it must be very hard for you, but there is more to Harry than what meets the eye." 

"But isn't a bit of a sacrifice worth it if it means he'll be better off another way? He's not something to be looked at as some sort of tool, which we get to throw around as we please. He needs to have a shred of self-worth, and...he's just a baby." 

"I am quite aware of that. So I urge you, Mr Black, to understand that Harry will not be better off any other way if it means his safety will be at risk. I am going to be completely honest with you, I still don't know everything that there is to know about the state of the matters regarding Petunia Dursley's house, yet. But I do know that it is our safest bet." Dumbledore remained calm, you could not tell he was affected whatsoever by Sirius' outraged reaction.

"How on earth will he be safer with muggles?! It doesn't make any sense!" Sirius ranted, putting his hands up as he spoke.

"I'm afraid I already told you all there is to know about the subject, which, as a matter of fact, remains quite mysterious for the time being," Dumbledore gestured for Sirius to leave his office. For a few seconds, Sirius stared in disbelief.

"I see," he snarled as he stood up and left taking heavy steps. Again, this wouldn't be the last of it.

When he left Dumbledore's office, Sirius wasn't sure what to do next. It's not that he had expected to leave it with Harry in his arms or anything, but maybe an agreement? Or just...a better understanding?

Truth is, he didn't know. Sirius hadn't known what to expect and just had to come to Dumbledore because it was the first obvious step to take. But after their conversation, he hoped to have an idea of what would come next so he could do things right.

All of those thoughts swirled around his head as he made his way through the school's corridors with his hands in his pockets while looking down.

"Mr Black!" called a startled voice he knew too well right in front of him. When he looked up, there was Professor McGonagall. 

"Oh...hello, Professor," Sirius mumbled while trying not to seem too irritated when talking to her. McGonagall was standing a few metres away from him, she looked as put together as usual, just like he remembered her from his own Hogwarts days.

"I've been meaning to talk to you," she tried to think of what to say next. That's a problem most people seem to find nowadays when talking to Sirius, he thought to himself. She looked around the empty corridor and turned her gaze back to him as he started speaking.

"I was just leaving Dumbledore's office...I came to talk about Harry," he tried to shrug his anger towards the man aside. McGonagall nodded, she too didn't seem too surprised.

"You know, Mr Black...I am aware of your concerns regarding Harry. You would like to take care of him, wouldn't you?" she speculated while analyzing him.

"Yes. That's what I was hoping for, at least. But things are...complicated at the moment." Sirius expected her to give the same exact speech Dumbledore gave him and say that he just  _ doesn't understand _ things and also that he, Sirius Black, of all people, wouldn't be able to care for a baby, be responsible, and all that jazz.

"I see," there was a pause, "I went to the Dursleys myself, in that house of theirs on Privet Drive. Observed them for an entire day. I must say, I've never quite met a more disagreeable muggle family in my life. They have absolutely nothing to do with our kind, and their other kid is awfully behaved. I'm afraid they won't offer the support Harry Potter requires. Not only because of his 'celebrity status' nowadays, but also emotionally, as their son of sorts." 

Well, he was surprised at that.

"So you think he shouldn't be raised by them?" he asked skeptically, as if looking for some sort of catch.

She silently looked around the empty corridor as if checking if anyone was hiding or making their way towards them, Then, as no one came, she stepped towards Sirius and ducked her head, he mimicked the movement.

"Sirius," she began in a lower tone, "What I personally believe in at the moment does not matter. However, it is within the wizarding world's best interest that Harry Potter has a healthy and happy childhood in said world."

Sirius nodded along as she said that.

"So, were you to get Harry, I wouldn't personally stand in your way," McGonagall said in an even lower tone of voice, almost whispering, "Life is full of complicated twists and turns that don't often make sense, and I know you know that to be true. Therefore, if anything were to happen that ultimately gives you the right to raise him, I would help you."

Sirius stared at her in a bit of disbelief, was she serious? Was she actually telling him to do something...else about the whole situation? 

As he continued looking at her, she just gave him her best small mischievous smile. Then, she stepped away and raised her voice to a normal tone again, "Well, I have got classes to teach. Good afternoon, and please take care, Mr Black." 

"Good afternoon, Professor," he just answered along, as McGonagall walked away, still in a bit of a trance. 

Now, the engines in his brain were turning as he kept thinking about what she'd said. He then finally continued making his way towards Hogsmeade and then to the Leaky Cauldron. 

* * *

It had been a few days since Sirius went to Hogwarts. He had been thinking non-stop about the conversation he'd had with McGonagall, while the one with Dumbledore had practically been forgotten at this point in time.

So...Sirius should do  _ something _ . But what? Certainly, her tone had suggested something perhaps unorthodox. It was no time to be irresponsible, though. He knew that McGonagall, of all people, hadn't suggested for him to be irresponsible in such a serious matter. But...something had to be done.

As he went back to staying exclusively in his room all day long at the Leaky Cauldron, he spent all the time mostly alone with his thoughts. But in a reinvigorated way that put most of his energy into Harry.

In one of those days, tired of not thinking of anything worthwhile, he decided to stay awake until he had an idea. He would try and force his brain to think of something and go do it. 

So, it was around two in the morning when he thought of a faulty, not so brilliant plan, that would have to get the job done. He'd even put it into action the very next day. He went to sleep determined.

* * *

16th of December, 1981

Waking up that day, Sirius knew exactly what to do. He glanced over at the clock, on the table across the room, it was still 9 in the morning, with plenty of time left. He put on some clothes and went downstairs to eat something like a normal customer, having a fuller breakfast. Today felt different. Today was the day where things would finally start looking up for him.

Having finished eating, he set out to do as he planned, which was going to Privet Drive. Even though he had never been there, he decided to apparate. Out of all the  _ Three D's  _ he had learnt while in apparition class,  _ Determination  _ was the one he felt the most at the moment, so hopefully, it would fill in the gaps of  _ Destination _ .

He left the Leaky Cauldron and went to an isolated corner of Diagon Alley, where no one could see him. There, he did his best to try to change his appearance without the aid of a mirror. He changed the colour of his hair to a light brown, grew a beard, and changed the shape of his angular nose to a rounder, softer one. 

Then he disapparated. As he did so, he could feel the uncomfortable put bearable process of feeling like you're being forced through a very tight rubber tube. However, mid-way through it, he started feeling a sharp pain around his shoulder. Before he could even think about it properly, he already found himself looking around the suburban neighbourhood that Harry's new home was located in. Sirius quickly looked around to see if anyone had seen him, as he found himself in the middle of the street. 

He then was fast to go over to the pavement and pretend to just stand there like any other muggle or whatever they usually did. He was quite tense. While walking, he could feel something tugging at his left shoulder, to which he finally looked down upon and was a bit shocked to find blood appearing through his white shirt.

" _ Shit!"  _ he hissed to himself through his teeth while trying to access the damage lifting up his shirt's sleeve. Well, considering the carelessness when dealing with the "destination" part of apparating, he had to be grateful that the splinching seemed to be minor. Apparently, all that was missing was just a bit of flesh. He could live with that.

After that distraction, Sirius set out to find out which one of the eerily similar looking houses was Harry, hoping he didn't look like some sort of muggle predator that someone would call the police upon while inspecting each house's windows from afar as he walked down the street. 

After a few minutes of not taking notice of anything that would indicate Harry Potter's presence, he finally came to a halt when he spotted a fat kid around Harry's age through a kitchen window of a house with the number 4. Sirius knew that Petunia had a kid, so he just stood there for some time thinking whether it could be the house or not.

As he observed, a whole domestic scene unfolded before his eyes. The fat kid was sitting on the kitchen counter, out of nowhere he started crying and screaming while kicking his little legs around. Just normal kid behaviour, really. Then, quickly came Petunia, which Sirius had last seen at James and Lily's wedding. He noted that she looked much more tired nowadays, but that was a given, she had been raising two babies at once.

Petunia rapidly engulfed the kid in her arms in a gesture of motherly love, shushing the kid and whispering things Sirius could not hear from afar. After some time, he stopped crying and just fell into a deep slumber. However, Sirius didn't stop hearing a baby crying when the one in front of him seemed to calm down. Of course, the other kid he hadn't noticed was crying could only be Harry. But he wasn't in the kitchen and Petunia didn't move a single muscle to go and aid him, she left the room with the baby in her arms and went further into the house. 

Sirius followed Petunia through the windows of the house as she made her way to put the kid in the crib that was in the living room. He was trying to be very careful and not let her see him, hoping to Merlin that no one from outside would catch a glance of him either. He would have turned into Padfoot had the windows been lower. 

Examining the living room, he could see in the very far corner the other baby, the one he knew too well, crying his eyes out. His heart swelled at that moment, Harry had grown a bit since the last time Sirius had seen him. He noticed the baby was wearing clothes far too big for him. He was expecting Petunia to at least go to Harry after putting the other one down, but she just left the room having not even glanced at Harry. It was like he didn't exist. Oh, that bitch.

Sirius had always known that Lily and her sister were never on the best of terms, he knew very well what that was like, so he shouldn't have been so shocked to find out that she had been neglecting her nephew. Nevertheless, that only gave him even more strength to execute his plan.

Sirius took his wand out of his pocket, having to rely on his injured arm to do what he had planned. 

" _ Wingardium Leviosa!"  _ he whispered while pointing his wand to the television that was in the middle of the living room a few metres from the ground. From the corner of his eye, he could see Harry had stopped crying, looking in awe at what was happening in front of him. 

Sirius continued casting the levitation charm around other items of the living room, a radio, a chair, a lamp, and the books on the shelf. All of them found themselves in the middle of the room moving a bit from side to side and around each other. Harry was now laughing while looking up at what was happening. 

Making so many objects levitate at once and maintain control over them wasn't the easiest of tasks, but he had learnt it years ago when planning all the different pranks the Marauders could pull with it. 

Just as he had hoped, Petunia finally made her way back to the living room. She stood at the door with a shocked expression on her face as she took in all that was going on right in front of her. Her face quickly twisted into one of disgust. 

Then, it felt like everything happened at once. 

Sirius heard a car pulling into the driveway right behind him. Luckily, he had positioned himself in a way that whoever was there couldn't see him so quickly. Or so he thought. 

"Oi! You! What're you doing there?!" called an angry masculine voice from behind.

Sirius was rightfully distracted by that as he turned to see who was standing there, which he recognised to be the bloke Petunia had married. He then quickly turned his head again to the inside of the living room, where now Petunia was letting out a loud, high-pitched scream. Sirius then noticed it was because the distraction had made him lose a bit of control over the furniture, as well as his injured arm that resulted in a faulty grip at his wand, which was now making rounds towards the room and dangerously close to the crib where the baby that was now waking up and crying again lay. Harry, of course, was still laughing.

The fat bloke that had interrupted Sirius seemed torn on whether to punch him or to run to the house and see what was all the screaming about. While he made up his mind, Sirius didn't lose any time and made all of the furniture fall heavily onto the floor, which got him yet another scream from Petunia, who was running out of the room with the crying baby in her arms. 

He then went to the man as fast as he could and pointed his wand at him, who looked too stunned to do anything about it.

" _ Obliviate! _ " Sirius cast as he then proceeded to apparate out of the scene.

With his heart pounding in his chest, he found himself to be somewhere close to Diagon Alley in muggle London. That was close enough, he guessed. Luckily he had ended up in an alleyway of sorts and no one seemed to have seen him. He then proceeded to undo the alterations he had made to his face and made his way out of the shadows as he walked towards what he thought was the direction of Diagon Alley. 

Sirius chose not to apparate again because a stroll around the block would be very welcome as he calmed down and thought about what happened. Things didn't go exactly as he had planned, but it would do. Sirius was well aware of Petunia's aversion towards magic. Not only because Lily had told the Marauders in moments of confidence after Hogwarts when she had become a permanent part of the group, but also because he had seen it first-hand at their wedding. As the best man, he himself had to ensure every wizard and witch invited would keep their wands to themselves when in contact with Lily's extended family. But, even without magic around, Petunia was downright insufferable about it during the party. Always making dramatic gestures every time a wizard did so much as breathe in her direction, shielding herself with her arms and whispering angrily at her now-husband.

Taking advantage of that, Sirius had hoped to just scare her, making her think that Harry was showing  _ very  _ early signs of magical abilities. After having seen her reaction and the way she treated him, he was even more optimistic about it! She clearly didn't care for Harry, and if he showed abilities so young that could endanger her precious son, maybe she would backtrack and demand that Harry be taken away.

Wow, it had been a few years since Sirius had had the chance to do something mischievous like that.

Distracted in his thoughts, Sirius walked around without worrying too much about where he was going. He didn't really know his way around muggle London, but he wasn't all that worried about that at the moment.

"Sirius?" asked a voice he knew too well, "What are you doing here? You ok?"

Sirius turned around to find Remus Lupin holding groceries on both of his arms while looking intensely at him as if to check he wasn't a mirage.

"Remus! Yes, yes. Great, even!" he suddenly felt the urge to tell his old friend about everything that had transpired like it was a prank he had just executed to annoy the Slytherins.

"Oh?", Remus didn't know what to do with that information. The last time he saw Sirius, he was a downright mess. "Uhm, good"

"Say, what are you doing right now?" 

Before Remus could answer that question, he couldn't help but notice the red spot on Sirius' white shirt.

"Sirius! What happened to your shoulder?!" he questioned while extending one of his arms, but not being sure of what to do with it. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Oh, this?" he asked while looking nonchalantly at the injury, "Just splinching, don't worry about it I'll just do a few healing charms. Good as new"

"You've always been rubbish at healing charms", said Remus, still getting used to Sirius' manic state, "I live just around the corner. Come with me, I'll patch you up"

"Alright," Sirius went with it. This way he would have the time to tell Remus all about his latest endeavour. 

Remus didn't know what else to say, so they just continued walking in silence until they reached Remus' door. Luckily, it was very close by so the silence between them didn't become all that awkward.

"Here we are. Please, don't mind the mess," said Remus as he opened the door, "You've never actually been here? Have you?"

"No. But I always wondered what it looked like, you were so mysterious with your werewolf duties."

"Guess I just preferred to keep those two worlds separate"

Sirius looked around the tiny apartment taking it all in. It did look very much like somewhere that could only be inhabited by Remus. The living room could only really fit a sofa and a small coffee table facing it. The kitchen was opened and even smaller. But it felt very  _ Remus _ , there were half-finished books lying around, as well as numerous mugs scattered around the place. Everything was in those earthy-tones that Remus always wore on his clothing. The walls had exposed bricks and a few photos could be seen in them, but not framed, just glued there. 

Remus went to put all of his groceries away as Sirius examined the photos on the walls. He could see that some of the photos looked like they had been torn, like one that had the Marauders celebrating the Quidditch Cup when James was captain. They were all there, except for Peter. They looked so happy that day, and nothing had changed in the miniatures of themselves with the absence of Peter as they smiled and cheered for James as he left the pitch.

Before Sirius could look at any other pictures, Remus came back and sat on the sofa with his elbows on his thighs, gesturing for Sirius to come and sit with his left shoulder closest to him.

"Alright. So, take off your shirt," Remus demanded.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The picture Sirius examines was inspired by this fanart (https://br.pinterest.com/pin/374291419004443347/) by the great viria13, a true legend.


	3. Beautiful Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimmer of hope!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! I changed the name of the story (previously "Beautiful Boy"), sooo there's that lol  
> Oh and this chapter ends the "beginning" of the story.

Sirius tried his best to peel off his shirt so as to not make his shoulder hurt more than it already did. Now that he had calmed down since he got to the apartment, the pain on his shoulder was sharp and throbbing. Maybe the splinching had been worse than he first anticipated. 

Shirtless, he sat next to Remus, who had brought a very well prepared first aid kit with all different sorts of potions. _That's what comes with being a werewolf_ , Sirius guessed.

"Hadn't seen that new tattoo of yours," Remus said as he looked through his kit, referring to a rune Sirius now had on his right arm.

"Oh, it's not that new," Sirius said with little thought. "I mean, I got it in...September." It was a lie. He got it in April, but he didn't want Remus to feel like he had missed a lot when he hadn't been able to spend much time with the Marauders because of his duties as an Order member.

"It's cool. I like it," Remus shrugged. He now reached for his wand and started murmuring a few healing charms under his breath as he pointed it to Sirius' injured shoulder. Sirius stared as he saw his skin lose the red and irritated aspect and become normal again with the wound closing.

Trying to keep the conversation afloat, he figured to just say anything that crossed his mind.

"Maybe you should get one, then! A werewolf paw print? Or perhaps something more poetic?" he suggested, knowing that Remus would find it absolutely ridiculous. 

Remus was always insecure about his lycanthropy, but never with the Marauders. So, in saying what he did, Sirius hoped that he hadn't lost that special place in Remus' mind of someone he could joke about that stuff with.

"Merlin forbid." as expected, he laughed a bit at Sirius' idea. "I'll leave that department for you, Sirius"

Sirius smiled weakly at that comment.

"You have no sense of adventure"

"You have no sense of reason," Remus laughed again.

"And what's unreasonable about it?!" Sirius questioned him in a fake revolted tone.

"It _would_ feel terribly kitsch for a werewolf to have a paw tattoo, of all things," Remus now looked at Sirius' face rather than his shoulder.

"You and your funny words, Remus Lupin...you would look like a punk rocker." Still, he didn't want to push the subject. 

"Punk is out, anyway. Now the 'new wave' is all the rage with muggles."

"That's fine...when have we followed the current, anyway?" Sirius shrugged. 

A comfortable silence settled between them as Remus reverted his attention back to the task at hand and finished casting the healing charms. It was true; he was miles ahead of Sirius when it came to them. 

"Here. Drink this, it will handle the scarring," Remus handed Sirius a small potion flask, which he took from his hands and drank in one go without even glancing at the label to see what it was. The days of suspicion of treason were long gone now, he'd gone back to trusting Remus blindly. "And here's a clean shirt," Sirius snatched it from his hands and stood up.

"Thank you, Remus," he said as he put the shirt on. It didn't fit him perfectly but it was more than alright. "I'll give it back to you." 

"Don't worry about it." Remus now stood up and with his back facing Sirius started tucking everything from his first aid kit away. "Why were you so agitated when I found you on the street? That you wanted to tell me about?" He turned around to see Sirius' reaction at the question.

"You make me sound like I was wandering aimlessly... but you have no idea what I just did! I'll tell you...but you have to promise you won't rat me out! Think of it as the 'olden days!" He was so excited to tell him all about his plan that he kept gesturing with his hands, barely containing himself.

"Oh, Merlin. Alright..." Remus started bracing himself for what was to come and sat on the sofa again, looking up at Sirius.

Sirius began telling Remus about how he'd gone to Dumbledore and the conversation he'd had with McGonagall, highlighting the fact that she was very much on his side. Then, explained in detail what had transpired in Privet Drive up to when they had bumped into each other. He made sure to thoroughly explain the way Harry was being treated by Petunia and how Dudley was never really in any danger. Now, he just had to wait for her to demand Dumbledore to take Harry back, who then would _have_ to give him to Sirius. All the while, Remus remained silent, accessing the situation. When Sirius finally finished, he had a glint in his eyes and the sensation of victory firm in his chest. Remus stared in disbelief.

"Sirius." There was a pause in which he looked for the best words to use at that moment. "Are you mental?" Remus' voice grew louder with each word uttered, he had his hands in his face. Sirius' smile faltered at that. Maybe not the reaction he'd been expecting to the news of getting Harry out of Petunia's house.

"What? No, Remus, I had to do it. I couldn't just leave him there to grow up being ignored and neglected!" He started defending himself. Sirius was used to this feeling now, of having to explain his side and make pleas.

"I understand that Sirius, I really do," Remus shook his arms defensively in front of himself. "But you can't just go behind Dumbledore's back like that! Merlin knows what he'll do to you after he finds out!" 

"He won't find out!" Sirius didn't know if he believed his own statement, "And if you dare tell him what I did...I swear, Remus...I'll hex—" his tone became threatening, but not in a way that would make Remus worry about actually getting hexed whatsoever. Sirius could be...very protective.

"You know the man, Sirius! He's bound to find out...that is, if he doesn't already know about it." Remus turned around to escape Sirius' gaze and think clearly.

There was a moment of silence.

"It's just that...this isn't all that surprising, is it?" Remus asked rhetorically as he turned back to face Sirius, who now had a confused look on his face.

"What do you mean by that?" Sirius questioned.

"It's just so...impulsive, Sirius." Remus frowned in a soft and tired manner. "Were you really thinking of what's best for him and not what's best for yourself?" He asked genuinely as Sirius stared at him, "I know you took James' death very, very hard but you can't jus—"

"Of course I want what's best for him!" Sirius exploded, "I'm his godfather, for fuck's sake. No one ever asked _me_ what I thought would be best, right? No one cared. Well then, I might as well just do it my own way," he shot back, getting angrier by the minute.

"It's careless and thoughtless! I'll be very surprised if McGonagall actually turns a blind eye," Remus insisted.

It wasn't that Remus didn't raise valid questions. He did. But...well, he couldn't undo it. He didn't feel like doing it, anyway. Maybe he should have thought things through better...but there was no time to be lost on trivialities. 

Sirius' confidence on the subject was getting worse the more Remus questioned his actions.

"I just...I wanted him to grow up like he deserves to, alright?" Sirius' face grew softer as he looked down and avoided Remus' gaze. "The way James and Lily would have wanted." 

"Listen, Sirius, I wish Harry could be with you. But life just isn't working in our favour right now. When did it ever?" he chuckled in an exhausted manner. He wasn't very good with comforting words.

"What do I do now, Moony?" Sirius looked up to find Remus' eyes, hoping he'd offer an answer. He only noticed he had used the old nickname after it escaped his lips.

All the dread that had been in the back of Sirius' mind came back to the forefront of his thoughts. The high of his optimism getting further and further away, the only thing he could think of was the thousands of different ways everything could and probably would go wrong because of what he'd done. It was always like this.

Before Remus could answer anything, they spun around as they heard two owls outside the kitchen window. Remus went to both of them quickly, getting a note from each one. He looked down at one of them and frowned.

"This one's for you," Sirius went to get it from his hands and read it.

_Mr Black,_

_Meet me at my office as soon as possible. The password is "Lemon Drop"._

_Albus Dumbledore_

"Yours is from Dumbledore too, isn't it?" Remus asked while lowering his note and putting his hands on his hips.

"What? He sent you one too?" Sirius mouthed nervously.

"Yes, to meet him at his office at once..." Remus looked genuinely confused at that. 

"Me too. D'you think the plan worked?" he contemplated anxiously.

"'Guess we'll have to go and find out" Remus prepared to head out picking up his coat from the hanger. "But why me?"

* * *

Sirius and Remus apparated from the apartment to the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. They didn't stop for a drink and went straight to Hogwarts, walking with their hands in their pockets through the heavy snow that gathered on the ground.

"How come no one ever thought of putting some anti-snow spell here or something of the sort?" Sirius tried to make small talk to distract himself from his own thoughts.

"That's an excellent question," Remus answered mindlessly. "This feels awfully familiar," he glanced around, taking in the scenery.

"The both of us here? It does," Sirius pushed the pain of the memories that comment had conjured up to the back of his mind and hoped they would stay there.

They continued making their way in silence until Sirius broke it again.

"Remus, I know we have a...disagreement towards the issue. But... if by some miracle it all works out, please, I beg you not to tell Dumbledore about what I told you earlier." 

Sirius wasn't one to beg often. Still, this was about Harry, and he was willing to go at any lengths for that boy and everything he represented. He did recognise he hadn't made the cleverest plan of all time, but it was too late to do anything about it.

Remus remained silent.

Sirius felt as though he had already done his bidding and there was nothing more he could say to help make up Remus' mind. Normally, Sirius would be enraged by the uncertainty the other presented to him, but the new Sirius couldn't risk everything to simply shout at someone to make himself feel better. Still, he wasn't used to that unwillingness to come from Remus.

They made their way to Dumbledore's office in silence. When they finally reached the door, Remus turned on his heels as if he had finally made up his mind about the subject he'd been debating in an inner monologue for the last few minutes and looked at Sirius in the eyes.

"I won't tell him. But it's your shit to clean up," he turned back around to the gargoyle guarding the entrance, "Lemon Drop."

Thankfully, the old Remus still existed somewhere within present Remus. But Sirius didn't have much time to dwell on that because next thing he knew, he door was being opened and Remus stepped into the room and Sirius followed him in.

"Mr Black. Mr Lupin." Dumbledore greeted them while standing behind his table, "Please, do sit down," he gestured towards the two chairs in front of said table.

As they greeted him, they both sat down and so did the older man.

Sirius' heart was pounding so heavily in his chest that he was afraid the others could hear it.

"It appears we have a new urgent matter at hand," Dumbledore said calmly. 

"'We', Professor?"

"Yes, Mr Lupin. Earlier this morning Petunia Dursley contacted me demanding vehemently that Harry gets taken out of her care," he explained.

"Oh. I see," Remus answered worryingly while faking a tone of surprise. Sirius sunk in his chair, eyeing the both of them nervously, afraid to say anything that would make him seem too suspicious. "Did something happen?"

"Apparently, Harry's already showed magical abilities. Usually that only appears at an older age, but it is not unheard of to happen to babies. Either way, Petunia's aversion to magic caused her to feel threatened by Harry. She even said he'd almost killed her son, Dudley." 

"Did he really? But that's awful!" Remus fought the urge to glance at Sirius, who now thought it would seem suspicious to _not_ say anything.

"And there was no convincing her to let Harry stay?" He spoke for the first time.

"She was very certain about her decision, as well as completely aware of the implications it may have on him. For that reason I tend to agree that it may not be ideal for Harry to be raised there, to be quite honest."

"What's going to happen to Harry, then? Is he alright?" Sirius tried to remain cautious.

"He's perfectly fine, Mr Black, no need to worry. And what will happen to him is still up for debate," Dumbledore stated.

Sirius sat up properly at that, earning a curious glance from Remus. 

"Up for debate?" He tried not to sound too hopeful and failed. Dumbledore looked at him fondly.

"Precisely. And that's why I asked the both of you to come here. Sirius," Dumbledore turned to Sirius, looking him in the eyes, "you've made me quite aware of your interest in taking a parental role to Harry." Sirius nodded, "So, would you be interested in taking care of him until I figure out what the safest bet is at the moment? Be aware that this is temporary."

"Merlin, you are not joking, are you?" Sirius had to make sure this wasn't some evil plan of the universe to get his hopes up and then crush them.

"I've never been this serious about something. It is temporary," he repeated with caution.

He could not believe it. Has it worked? _Actually_ worked? Wow, maybe Sirius Black wasn't so rusty anymore.

But, more importantly, he'd get to take Harry home. Oh, how incredible. There were so many things he wanted to do, places he's like to take him to. He could make a list.

"However, there are conditions," Dumbledore began, "Since Harry has lost the protection Petunia Dursley's house offered, I can't simply let him live with a few common protection spells and one wizard." He turned to look at Remus the same way he did Sirius earlier. "That's where you, Mr Lupin, come in. You do reside in a muggle community, don't you?" Sirius had been so distracted thinking of endless possibilities of his life with Harry that he almost didn't hear what Dumbledore just said. 

"Erm..yes, I do. So I'd...live with them?" Lupin too was surprised at that.

"Well, yes. I believe two wizards of your calibre will manage to protect Harry. I myself would take care of all the protection spells required, and I believe that your outstanding knowledge of magic would be great for managing said spells." He paused and looked between the two men, "Unless you are not interested." 

"No! I am! I'd be...delighted. I just wasn't expecting this." Remus smiled timidly, his cheeks going slightly red. 

Living with Remus would be fine. Maybe they weren't like they used to be anymore, but they could manage it. If the condition of taking Harry was taking Remus too, then it sounded great! 

"Guess it's settled then! Where's Harry?" Sirius rubbed his palms together and looked at Dumbledore excitedly.

"Mr Black, we still have matters to discuss," Dumbledore remarked. Sirius could see a small smile playing on Remus' lips from the corner of his eyes. "Part of the reason why Harry was with the Dursleys was due to the fact that they were muggles. You do understand that he ought to be raised outside of the spotlight, right? And that that would imply on you having to live outside of a wizard village or neighbourhood?" 

"Oh, yes," Sirius replied caught by surprise.

Growing up inside the world of pureblood nonsense, Sirius knew next to nothing about muggle life. Even after he ran away from Grimmauld Place he stayed away from all that. Granted, the Potter family knew almost as much as he did about how muggles lived. Remus was a half-blood, though.

He'd be willing to learn all of it for Harry. Godric, he'd even cook and clean without magic if it meant he could have him there.

"You might have a bit of trouble adjusting to a muggle neighbourhood, Mr Black. Hopefully, Mr Lupin will help you in making such a transition." Sirius eyed Remus, who nodded friendly but also a bit uncomfortably at him.

Sirius hadn't yet given much thought about the mechanics of actually bringing Harry home and having to share an apartment with Remus. He quickly realized he would have to move out of his own flat due to the fact that it's in a wizarding community.

"Guess you'll have to move in with me," Remus turned to Sirius with an awkward smile.

* * *

After all arrangements were done, it was finally time to leave.

"Well, then. You are both free to go." 

"Thank you, Dumbledore. Really," Remus said while standing up. 

"Yes, thank you so much." Sirius looked back to the older man with a true feeling of gratefulness in his eyes. 

They started making their way towards the exit.

"Mr Black— I almost forgot. Mr Lupin, you may go ahead. It shall only take a minute." Sirius nodded and watched Remus leave quick on his feet. This felt awfully like an episode of _deja vú_ from years past. 

"Believe or not, you remind me a lot of myself when I was younger, be it a good or a bad thing." Dumbledore began after they heard the door close, "I admire the lengths to which you are willing to go to for Harry. However, I urge you to not let your judgement get clouded by your own needs and wants. Am I being clear enough?" 

Sirius looked down at his own feet. _Did he know?_ Alright, maybe he had not been as smooth with his plan and lies as he had thought. But did it matter? If Dumbledore was willing to give him a chance even after that, then no, it didn't. His days of pride were long gone.

"Yes...I get it"

"Very well...Good luck, Mr Black"

"Thank you, Dumbledore...for giving me a chance." Sirius turned around and exited the office. Passing the door, he saw Remus holding a basket in which lay a sleeping baby while talking quietly to McGonagall.

Sirius couldn't contain himself and took a few steps closer to inspect the inside of the basket, observing the kid and not making any noise to disturb him.

"Hello, Harry." He whispered, "Finally." 

Remus noticed this and turned to him.

"There you are, we can go back to my flat and...sort this out."

"Yes, of course," Sirius looked up at Remus, "Hello, Professor."

"Mr Black, I was just telling Mr Lupin how pleased I am to see the both of you taking responsibility over Harry," she smiled at him.

"Thank you, Professor"

After bidding their goodbyes to McGonagall, Sirius and Remus found themselves alone once again. Well, Harry was there too.

Remus cast warming and protective charms over the basket so that they could walk back to Hogsmeade, although their journey back to Remus' apartment would take much longer than simply apparating, due to the fact that Sirius wasn't so keen on doing so, not on the same day as his splinching accident.

The sun had already set and the night grew darker as they walked through the thick snow once again. Sirius kept looking at Remus with the corners of his eyes, trying to read the man's face and understand what was going on inside his head. Remus didn't give him much to work with as he kept looking forward as he walked.

"What are you thinking about?" to Sirius, though, it was as simple as asking.

"About Harry. And you. And the fact that I'll no longer have the flat all to myself," he smiled at that comment.

"Remus...if you don't want this, it's fine. You just have to be honest with me and tell m—"

"I do want it! I swear, I do," he promised, "It's a huge change, that's all."

Sirius was afraid he was pushing Remus too hard into something he didn't want to do. Even though the other man had promised him that he did, there was still an air of uncertainty around them. He could never get inside Remus' head and understand him fully.

But then, of course, he was reminded of something crucial. Sirius stopped on his tracks, earning a confused glance from Remus, who stopped as well and looked at him waiting for whatever he was about to do.

"If it's the werewolf thing that you're worried about," Sirius began and Remus sighed, "I'm sure you would never hurt Harry! Besides, you won't need to lock yourself in a run-down place anymore! We could go back to spending full moons running around. Don't worry, we'll figure it out." 

"It's not so simple though, is it?" Remus always looked so tired, but especially when dealing with subjects that kept pestering him all throughout his life, like lycanthropy. 

"Of course it is!" Sirius insisted. How couldn't he see that it was all so simple? Why did Remus always keep such pessimistic views?

Remus sighed in annoyance and resumed walking, "We'll talk about it later, ok? We've had a long day."

Sirius gave up for now.

* * *

When they arrived at Remus' flat in muggle London, they ate whatever he had in his fridge and prepared to go to bed. They were too tired to dwell on sleeping arrangements or any other trivial thing that could be solved the next day. 

Since the flat was meant for only one or two people at best, there weren't enough rooms to accommodate the three of them all that comfortably. Remus stayed in his room and for now Harry would stay at the tiny office that was next to Remus' door. Sirius would make do with the couch in the living room. 

It was very late at night and somehow Harry had slept through it all, Sirius almost envied him for being able to rest so easily. He carried the basket to what would now be Harry's room and carefully took him out of it and settled him into the moss green armchair that sat in the corner of the room. He tried his best at transfigurating the basket into something that would resemble a crib, or anything that Harry could sleep in, really. He was too tired at this point to care for aesthetics.

"Need any help?" Remus was casually leaning on the open door behind Sirius.

"No, no. I've got it," Sirius didn't get it, but he was tired of needing someone to help him with this sort of thing today. It was a day of meager attempts at magic for him. Maybe it had been a bit wonky for longer, but he couldn't tell precisely since his use of magic had been minor in the last month or so. 

Sirius tried to transfigurate the basket once again, but it turned into a wooden figure that did not even resemble a crib. It was incredibly frustrating.

"Shit..." Sirius groaned to himself. Remus took a few steps forward and was now standing beside him.

"Hey, leave it to me," Remus raised his wand and looked at him as if waiting for his approval. Normally, Sirius would try again and again until it worked out, but it wasn't what the situation called for. He nodded.

Remus transfigurated the abstract wooden figure to a decent-looking crib with ease. 

"Thanks..." Sirius couldn't hide his disappointment at himself. Remus decided not to intrude.

"It's alright. I'll see the both of you tomorrow," he smiled at Sirius and looked towards Harry, "G'night."

"G'night," Remus went to his room. "'Guess it's just you and me now," Sirius said to Harry while picking him up to put him in the newly-transfigurated crib. However, he woke up, opening his big green eyes and looking up as Sirius, whose heart melted at the sight.

"Hello there, what a time to wake up, huh?" Harry raised his little fists to pull at Sirius' hair.

"Padfoo!" the baby said for the first time that day. 

Sirius' eyes watered at that and he couldn't help but feel a bit silly for it. Usually, he wouldn't even notice each time Harry called him or grabbed a different part of his body, such as his hair. However, now Sirius was hyper aware of anything the kid did, feeling a twinge in his chest. He allowed himself to just spend a few moments holding Harry close.

Sirius would _love_ to spend more time with the baby, but he was practically sleepwalking at this point. He lowered him into the crib and fought a little to free his hair from the baby's grap.

"C'mon Harry, don't get too agitated now...erm, how did Lily do this?" He thought aloud to himself. He pushed the armchair from the corner closer to the crib and sat there at an arm's length. 

He spent some more time looking at Harry and playing with him by lightly squeezing his feet, pulling his hands and making him laugh. He was entranced by that baby, it seemed unreal how he had actually managed to get what he wanted, that didn't happen so often to Sirius. For the few seconds at a time where he actually managed to forget everything that had transpired in his life this past year, Sirius felt at ease safe in the knowledge that Harry was now with him.

He hadn't felt this happy in what felt like years. The magnitude of the feeling was only made greater by the bottomless pit of sadness he found himself in this past month. It was a true roller-coaster of emotions. For the first time, he smiled in earnest. It wasn't the happiness he performed for others or a momentary burst of excitement. No one else besides Harry was there, and that was all he needed.

There was no denying how much Harry resembles James, even as a baby. Now that Sirius had solved this issue, it became even harder to run from the despair he felt when thinking about him. But still, he'd try. Harry needed him right now.

Quietly, he began singing a song he'd heard dozens of times before. Half for himself and half in an attempt to make Harry fall asleep again. 

"Close your eyes,

Have no fear, 

The monster's gone, 

He's on the run and your daddy's here, 

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, 

Beautiful boy..."

However, Sirius did not get to finish the song, as he ended up putting himself to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter there'll be a change of POV, 'cause why not?


	4. Werewolves of London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV change! Remus' struggle with the new additions made to his life...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is officially dedicated to MsKingBean89...I'm standing on the shoulders of giants, more specifically, hers.  
> This chapter is a bit longer.

16th of December, 1981.

Remus prepared himself to go to sleep after what felt like an endless day. When he woke up that morning, he had no idea he was going to end the day with two new people living at his house and a complete change in his foreseeable future. But now he was _too_ tired to think about that and have a mental breakdown, so he just settled for taking a shower and putting on something more comfortable. 

As he lay awake in bed, he found that he couldn't sleep despite his exhaustion. Remus' mind was too awake and agitated, his brain couldn't shut down as he relived the day, trying to process all of it. As he tossed and turned, he gave up on trying to fall asleep and decided to go to the kitchen and have a glass of water to try and put his mind at ease.

As he left his room absorbed in his thoughts, he saw that Sirius wasn't on the couch as he was supposed to be. Remus looked around the living room and saw no trace of him, he hadn't even unfolded the covers Remus left for him there. Looking to investigate, he walked around the small flat until he noticed a voice coming from Harry's "room". Following it, he found the door still open, the room only illuminated by a lamp on a far corner. It was right next to the door of his room, but he'd been so distracted that he hadn't even noticed on his way out.

Getting closer to it, he recognised the voice to be Sirius singing. He definitely wasn't expecting that. 

He stood by the door in silence, Sirius had his back to him as he sang quietly for Harry. Remus recognised the song, of course. It was the same one he'd heard James sing to him just months before his death. 

His heart was swelling with a fondness for both the baby and Sirius as he observed the scene.

Sirius' voice got quieter by the second and Remus realised he fell asleep on the armchair next to the crib. He snapped out of it when he realised he'd been staring at them and moved to gently turn off the lights with a flick of his wand, close the door and go back to his room. 

Lying on the bed, Remus thought back on this last year and all the regret that came with it.

He spent the first few months of 1981 engulfed in the werewolf packs, which, on its own, was a sort of psychological torture. He despised having to spend time in Greyback's presence, sometimes he had nightmares about the man. The rest of the pack wasn't so bad, some of them were almost normal people, just like him. Either way, living with them was just a constant reminder of what he was. The proud way they talked about being werewolves would be encouraging if it wasn't quite repulsive to him.

Remus didn't mean to feel this way, he wished he could be as free of worries as the others in the pack. Nevertheless, he couldn't. Maybe it was because he grew up within wizards, but without the hate that comes with it when one is a werewolf. He met his fair share of prejudiced wizards during his lifetime, sure. But he couldn't hate all of the wizarding kind because of it the same way the others did, not when he'd also met wonderful people who didn't care about his monstrousness. 

Remus still didn't know how they put up with his lycanthropy for so many years. His insecurities were his downfall, though. The werewolves could see that Remus couldn't be hateful towards the wizards the way they wanted him to be, even though he tried to trick them into thinking he was just like them. They toyed with his thoughts.

Going to live with the pack as an Order mission, he planned on being low key and making them all believe that he agreed with everything they had to say. What he hadn't expected, though, was to feel so truly welcomed by his kind and free on full moons. He loved having the Marauders with him during that time, but it just could not compare. 

He did not expect to get so caught up in the pack. Without seeing his friends for so long, he ended up feeling lost in the world and the other werewolves were _right there_ for him.

They kept getting to him, somehow destructing all the barriers he had built for himself that separated the "real Remus", the one that went to Hogwarts, loved chocolate and would do anything for his friends, and "pack Remus", that was just a false amalgamation of all things that culminated in a werewolf that would reject the wizarding world. 

Somehow, they got to know the real Remus. They entered his mind and started making him believe that all of those "disgusting wizards" would just abandon him and only the pack was forever. 

The worst thing was that he started believing them.

Nothing beats the sense of shame he felt when he realised how much their ideas were getting to him, how tired he'd truly been of all the prejudice and the fact that he had to hide. He only came to his senses about those subjects when he started living with the pack. 

The euphoria of the ideas presented was liberating until they got progressively worse. For his own sake, he had to get away before they poisoned his brain any further. Thankfully, he had to report back to the Order right before the end of October. It would be a much-needed break from the intoxicating presence of his own kind.

Then it happened. 

James and Lily died in the hands of the Dark Arts. 

Merlin...how could he have even for a moment thought that it wasn't _all_ that bad? Was he truly feeling so lonely that he lost his mind in the pack?

He was _so_ ashamed.

Sometimes, he could not help but wonder if Peter had not betrayed them earlier, Remus would have been the one to do it. 

There was a time where he even got mad at Sirius because he could see that he had doubts about Remus' loyalty when he realised how much the werewolves affected him. It also didn't help that Remus disappeared for months on end, only to return with stories about the people from the pack that didn't sound bad at all. He tried not to talk about Greyback.

Now, he had to admit that Sirius hadn't been completely wrong to assume he could have been the traitor. But he felt so wronged when he realised why Sirius was treating him differently, it even fuelled some of his darker thoughts that once the wizards didn't need him anymore, they'd just abandon him.

Without the pack and with his mental state in shambles, the full moons worsened. He would scratch, bite, and throw himself against walls in ways he had never done before, not even before the Marauders turned into animagi. He felt like he deserved it, though. So he didn't try to change it.

Secretly, he was glad he hadn't found Sirius in the first few weeks after James and Lily's death, it would have felt like some sort of intrusion. How dare he?

He did go meet him at Dumbledore's request, though. After everything, he was eager to help because of the guilt and shame he felt.

And so now here Remus was, undeservedly raising James' kid with Sirius. How did this even happen? Why did Dumbledore allow it? Couldn't he see that Remus was dangerous? Especially for a baby, and especially for _Harry Potter_?!

Merlin, it just doesn't feel right.

Despite all that, he wanted so badly to help Harry, but the pang of guilt he felt every time he looked at him was sickening. 

* * *

17th of December, 1981.

Remus woke up very confused to the smell of fried eggs. Then, the memories from yesterday came rushing back into his mind. Oh, right. Sirius is here.

He got up, changed his clothes, and made his way towards the living room, being greeted by the sight of Sirius trying to make eggs with a flick of his wand while balancing a baby on his hip. The scene was so domestic, Remus felt like he didn't deserve to be here. 

"G'morning," he greeted while making his way over.

"Hello," Sirius turned to glance at him quickly with a smile on his face, "How d'you sleep?"

"I couldn't. Too much to think about," he sat down on the kitchen table, "Why are you cooking, anyway? You shouldn't! You're the guest here and I—" he began getting up again.

"Not really," he felt Sirius' hand on his shoulder guide him back to the chair, "I'm living here now! Or have you forgotten? Don't worry about it."

Remus would let it slide today since he was too knackered to do anything about it.

"Well, but if you want to help...you could hold him for a bit," before Remus could say anything, Sirius was handing Harry to him.

The thing was that Remus had no idea how to hold a baby properly. He had only held Harry on his lap when Lily put him there for about 30 seconds, which was the time it took for him to start crying and demanding to go back to her arms. Still, Harry was now sitting in his lap while trying to grab anything close enough and to throw it around.

"I guess this is the first day of the rest of our lives," he muttered more to himself than to Sirius.

"Hopefully it is," Sirius's smile faltered as he spun to look at him, taking a more serious tone, "I know Dumbledore said this was...temporary. But, I'll manage— we'll manage."

Remus smiled softly to hide his worry and began observing the kid that was now clutching at his hands, lifting himself up so he could reach the table. He wished he had a way with kids like Sirius.

"I feel useless with you doing everything by yourself," Remus diverted his attention back to Sirius.

"I've barely done anything!" he protested.

"I know you spent the night awake by Harry's side...I heard you."

"Oh, thought hadn't seen that," his cheeks flushed slightly, being barely noticeable as he turned away, "But don't worry. I wasn't awake for long— as a matter of fact, he was the one who had to watch _me_ sleep, didn't you?" he said now approaching Harry with a pan in his hand.

Harry put his arms up, reaching for Sirius, "Pafoo!"

Remus was but a distraction to him, he was never the centre of the baby's attention when "Uncle Padfoot" was around. Not that it hurt his feelings in any way, shape, or form. It's his fault, really. He just didn't know how to have that hands-on approach that came so naturally to Sirius.

Sirius poured the eggs onto a plate, freed his hand of the pan, and now reached for Harry, taking him off Remus' lap. He then sat on the chair across from Remus and began eating, not minding the agitated baby against his chest.

"You could put him on the sofa or something," Remus suggests.

"No." Sirius said while eating quickly and dismissing it, "I like him close." 

Silence settled between them for a while, the only sound being that of food and Harry.

"Eventually we'll have to go out and buy some things for Harry." Remus broke the silence and started talking with little thought. "I s'pose the Dursleys won't give anything back and Merlin knows what happened to his things from Godric's Hollow," Remus avoids saying James or Lily's names when referring to Harry's original family.

"Yeah...but...not right now, okay? It's just that I don't think we should be out and about so soon, y'know?" Sirius looked uncomfortable and turned his attention to the kid on his lap.

"No, no. I agree, I just...erm..it's that—"

"Remus," he called and smiled faintly, "it's fine."

Remus didn't know how to deal with Sirius and what was going through his mind. One minute he seemed fine and almost, _almost_ the Sirius he always knew, and the next he retreated a little. He just didn't know what to say or how to act. All this time with Sirius and they're yet to have a conversation that doesn't leave him nervous just because it doesn't compare to the ones they used to have. Even though they live together now, it still feels distant.

* * *

20th of December, 1981.

The first few days of their new life together drag with the same monotonous routine every day. They don't leave the flat. Sirius spends the entire day trying to predict anything Harry might need in the next hour or so while never leaving his side. Remus even gives up on the make-shift bed on the sofa and starts leaving blankets on the armchair of what is now Harry's room. 

Sirius seems to only live for a single purpose: Harry. There are days where he forgets to eat and Remus has to bring him plates in unorthodox hours of the day. Those are practically the only occasions in which Sirius lets go of Harry, lasting about fifteen minutes or so.

However, there's a pressing matter that won't leave Remus' mind: the next full moon. It's only a few days away and he cannot stop worrying about it. He wonders if the fact that he's a werewolf had even crossed Sirius' mind recently. Someone who seemed so protective of Harry surely wouldn't let him live with a werewolf or even entertain the thought of just locking him up at the flat during the full moon. 

Even though Remus had certain difficulty being completely present for Harry the same way Sirius was, he loved him. So much so that he knew he couldn't let the matter continue forgotten like this for any longer.

"Sirius," Remus approached him nervously while he was playing as Padfoot with Harry on the floor of the living room, "we need to talk."

Padfoot looked at him curiously, tilting his head, and in the next second, he turned into Sirius.

"Is there something wrong?" Sirius looked around anxiously almost as if he expected to see death eaters barging through the windows.

"Nothing like _that_ ," he addressed quickly. "But...I don't know if you're aware that the full moon is only a few days away..."

"Oh. When is it?" he asked nonchalantly. 

"On the 24th, so in four days — Sirius, I'm so, so sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I don't know what came over me, really, I—"

"Do you think Moony misses Padfoot?" he asked in childlike excitement. 

"—didn't mean for...Wait, Moony?" he asked incredulously. 

"Do you think he misses playing with Padfoot on full moons? I think so," Sirius looked at him, seemingly not understanding the gravity of the situation.

"Sirius, you can't be there!"

"What do you mean? I have to!" there was a pause, "Remus, I know it's been rough for you, I can't leave you on a full moon now," Sirius said as Harry continued playing and ignoring all that was happening around him.

"There isn't even a safe forest to go to nowadays...Besides, who is going to stay with Harry? Isn't it too soon to leave him with someone else? And it's not the responsible thing for Harry's...guardians to be running around on a full moon. We're not teenagers anymore."

"B-but where would _you_ go, then?! You'd have to be locked up somewhere!" 

"I've been thinking about this...issue. Like you, I've been thinking about what's best for Harry. So, maybe it's time for me to get registered at the Ministry," he prepared himself for the other's reaction.

"Are you mental?! You can't do that!" Sirius had wide eyes, he could not believe what he was hearing.

"I'll just stay there on full moons, it's fine! One less thing to worry about," he shook it off. 

"And more dozen others!" Sirius shot back. "Remus, I don't know why you always choose the hard way for yourself," he said more quietly. "We'll just ask Dumbledore to use the Shrieking Shack again."

"No...We can't." He took a few steps back and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Why not?" 

"Listen...I don't know why Dumbledore let me stay with Harry," he looked down in shame, "I don't want to remind him of reasons why I shouldn't be here."

"Don't be daft. He's well aware of the fact that you're a werewolf!" Sirius got impatient.

"It doesn't seem like it!"

As the volume of their voices rose, Harry couldn't ignore them any longer and began crying due to the agitation. Sirius made a motion to answer Remus' remark, but before he could, the crying snapped him out of it. He picked Harry up and began rocking him gently while shushing him.

Remus took the opportunity to leave the room and go to his bedroom to think about the situation. 

Rationally, it may seem ridiculous for him to not want to remind Dumbledore of his lycanthropy. However, he knew that both he and Sirius were on thin ice when it came to keeping Harry. Sirius may not realise it, being swept up by the notion of raising him, that one false move may result in their "temporary deal" ending. And knowing the both of them, Remus knew that false moves were to come, regardless. 

He simply can't rip himself to shreds at Hogwarts and remind everyone of just how destructive he can be on a full moon. That doesn't go well with the thought of caring for a baby, does it? Especially _that_ baby. Sirius doesn't _understand_ just how fragile their situation is. Dumbledore clearly doesn't care that he's Harry's godfather.

With those thoughts, Remus' heartbeat quickened as he got more and more nervous.

 _Calm down, for fuck's sake_ , he thought to himself, breathing deeply. 

He promised himself and even the Marauders once in fifth year that he'd never go to the Ministry to end up being treated as a beast rather than a man. It was easy to be so young and make those types of remarks, feeling like some sort of rebel.

He was still young, but he felt so much older. Life hit him like a ton of bricks during the war. It was never easy before, but still…

They were supposed to be kids at 21 years old, but now here they are, raising one. Remus felt like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and that could be seen when he looked in the mirror. He was _so_ tired.

He kept dwelling on everything until the sun set outside. He didn't even notice the time passing so fast. He then felt incredibly rude for just locking himself up in his room after his conversation with Sirius.

Before he could go out and make amends, there was a knock at his door and he went to open it.

"Sirius," he said in an apologetical tone, being met with an understanding expression on the other's face. "I'm sorry about that..." 

"Don't worry about it," he shrugged. "You forgot to eat, though," he gestured with his hand that was holding a plate of warm food.

"Thank you…" he got the plate from Sirius' hand.

"I'll go put Harry to bed. Go eat on the table, don't want any muggle insects in your room, do ya?" Sirius smiled softly at him and turned to do as he said. 

Remus stood there stunned for a second and then made his way to the kitchen table. After a few minutes of eating in silence, Sirius appeared through the living room door and began speaking.

"I know that you want to get registered...but please, think it through. It's your decision to make, but it doesn't have to be like this."

Remus knew Sirius was measuring his words and that he had carefully thought about what to say.

"I'm afraid you don't see how fragile our position is regarding Harry...I don't want to risk it." 

"I do see it. And, to be quite honest, I find that you're being rather silly." 

" _Silly_?"

"Yes. Dumbledore is a man of many faults. However, he knows what he does. You don't have to worry about what he'll think of you. He's probably thought of every single thing that could happen and still asked you to be here with us."

"It's not so simple."

"Remus, we're talking about the man who gave you the opportunity to study at Hogwarts and built an entire secret tunnel, shack, and tree for you! Of course he won't suddenly remember that you're a werewolf and call the whole 'raising Harry' thing off! At least it won't be because of that..."

Remus looked down at his plate. When he said it like that, it did seem simple.

"Alright."

"Alright?" Sirius repeated.

"I'll ask for the Shrieking Shack...that place still gives me the creeps, but I guess it's better than whatever cell they have at the Ministry."

Sirius smiled, happy to have won the battle. However, the war was still raging in Remus' mind.

* * *

24th of December, 1981.

As Sirius predicted, Dumbledore was glad to let Remus stay at the Shrieking Shack again, as he said through a letter. 

When the day of the full moon arrived, Remus could sense a certain restlessness from Sirius, who was being a little more helpful and paying a little more attention than usual. He thought it was because he had to stay with Harry rather than come with him. 

"You're sure you'll be fine?" Sirius asked eagerly while Remus put on his cloak before he left for Hogsmeade.

"Yes, Sirius. I'll be back early tomorrow, there's no need to worry," he assured him. 

"Yes, there is! Why did you tell Dumbledore not to send Madam Pomfrey to help you?"

"I'm not a student anymore. I can manage."

Remus found that without Pomfrey he could still retain some sort of secrecy behind his awful full moons. 

He opened the door and took a step forward.

"Don't wait up," he then closed the door behind him and apparated to Hogsmeade.

* * *

He didn't expect to feel so many things at once when he entered the Shrieking Shack for the first time in what felt like a lifetime.

He was reminded of the bad early days, being scared and feeling incredibly lonely at the school. Then it got better once the Marauders were formed and they would come to the Hospital Wing to visit and bring him chocolate frogs. Back then, he didn't feel like it could get any better than that. He had what he always dreamed of: friends who didn't care about him being a monster. It felt mental back then and still does now.

When they became animagi, the full moons became so much better. For a while, he lived in bliss, in an almost normal life that didn't include so much worrying all the time. 

Nothing good lasts long enough, so the war came and took that away from him. The pack had glorious moments, even though it hurt to admit. Still, it left his mind at an awful place as he realised what he was becoming in their presence: one of them.

As the sun set, Remus prepared for what was to come. 

He stripped off his clothes and put them folded neatly in a corner with his wand, putting his humanity on hold. He then sat on the edge of the bed and waited.

Now that he was alone and had to be with his thoughts, he let himself cry until the memories became a blur and the moon shone brightly in the sky.

* * *

25th of December, 1981.

Remus woke up the same way he usually did in the last few months, with a gasp. 

He found himself on the floor of the shack, now frantically looking over his body to see the damage that was done. Analysing each limb, he concluded that he was slightly less hurt than he'd been in the last full moon. It was a far cry from the happy Hogwarts days, but it was progress nonetheless. 

There were some blood and wounds here and there, but he would live.

For a few seconds, he let himself look around the room, now tainted by rays of sunshine, and pretend that things never went wrong and that it was 1977 again. 

He figured that he had to leave the shack as soon as possible, just in case Dumbledore sent Pomfrey anyway, despite his request. He didn't want Sirius to see him like this, but it was better than anyone at the school. He probably would still be sleeping when he got home, so he'd manage his wounds and Sirius wouldn't even notice.

Remus carefully got up and made his way to where he'd left his clothes with caution. He put them on slowly but surely and left the shack, apparating to the outside of his flat.

Before opening the door, he did a quick body check on himself through Sirius' eyes. _It could be worse_ , he figured and opened the door.

He was met with quiet. He looked around, not expecting to see anyone. But there was Sirius, sleeping on the couch for the first time since he'd moved to the flat. He didn't look like he had planned to fall asleep, though. He still had his shoes on and no blankets. 

Not looking to disturb him and make him wake up only to ask a bunch of questions, Remus made his way across the room quietly. That is until he stepped over a squeaky wooden floor. _Of course_ , he thought.

“Remu?” Sirius mumbled as he sat up quickly before even opening his eyes properly, “How did it go?”

“Hi, I'm fine. Go back to sleep,” he whispered a rushed response in the other's direction. 

Remus turned around and continued making his way towards his bedroom.

"Wait,” Sirius seemed to properly wake up as he stood up from the couch and began following Remus. 

Remus tried to be faster, but his wounded leg wasn't having it. He tried not to hiss in pain as he walked. However, when he got to the doorframe, Sirius caught up to him, still rubbing the sleep away from his eyes.

"How'd it go?" he asked again.

"I told you, it was alright. Don't worry about it, you can go back to sleep." 

Remus tried to shield his body using the bedroom door now that Sirius was on the other side. However, Sirius seemed to have now properly woken up and begun taking in Remus' appearance. He noticed Sirius' eyes focusing on his leg that was partially hidden by the door. He quickly hid it. 

"Well, I saw that," there was a hint of a smile in his voice, but also of worry.

"I can manage it. Really." Remus just wanted to lie on his bed and solve this by himself the way he'd grown accustomed to. 

"You must be tired, I know how you get after a full moon. I'll help you," Remus was _exhausted_ and Sirius' expression was of pure earnestness. 

"You don't have to."

"I want to. Besides, I know it hasn't been easy for you...I saw the scars back when we first saw each other after...y'know..." 

Remus pondered for a few seconds and looked down to avoid the other's gaze. 

"It'll be just like it was before," Sirius said, and Remus looked up again, remembering the full moons at Hogwarts when Sirius was the one to stay behind and check on him before Pomfrey came.

Giving up, he nodded weakly and opened the door for Sirius to enter behind him. He made his way to the bed and sat there, occupying his hands with the task of lifting his trousers' leg to take a proper look at the wound there.

"How did you manage to scratch your leg so deeply? Isn't it usually the...upper body?" 

"Moony gets creative when he's bored, I suppose," Remus laughed weakly but then winced as the fabric brushed the wound. Looking concerned, Sirius knelt on the floor in front of him and took a closer look as he reached for his wand.

"Don't even think about it, Black," he warned.

"I'm not _that_ rubbish at healing! I've got you out of some particularly critical situations back at the shack, mind you." He was met with that old smirk.

"I recall a time when you actually managed to increase blood flow rather than close a gaping wound," Remus grinned as he thought back on it.

"That has never happened." Remus could hear the smirk on Sirius' face even though he couldn't see it from this angle.

"I've got the scars to prove it. Madam Pomfrey went pale when she found me that day."

Sirius chuckled at the thought and put his attention back to the task at hand.

"You should lie down, you're practically sleepwalking," he advised Remus.

"I won't lie down like I'm some invalid," Remus said jokingly and pointed his wand at his leg, muttering charms under his breath.

Sirius watched as Remus struggled a bit to complete the task, which seemed to go on for longer than it should. The confusion was showing on Remus' clearly tired face, looking a lot like frustration.

"I don't know why this isn't going as it usually does," the grip on his wand tightened as he pondered.

"I'll do it," Sirius was quick to offer.

"No, no, it's fine. I'll—"

"Remus," he called with a more serious tone, "I'll do it." 

Remus looked at him with uncertainty and nodded in defeat.

"Alright...be careful," he let go of his wand and stared at Sirius as he prepared to fix the issue.

Sirius pointed his wand at Remus' injury and began whispering spells and charms in a calm and patient manner that Remus hadn't seen in him in what felt like ages. Slowly, it seemed to work, and the wound began closing. However, it wouldn't close completely like it usually did in his experience.

" _Shite,_ " Sirius muttered as he struggled.

"Oh, it's fine. Leave it like that."

"What? No, just wait a minute," he continued to cast charms.

"No...you said you knew it's been tough, right?" Sirius nodded, "Well, sometimes it just takes some more time before I'm able to heal them...I'm used to it, though."

"You can't close them properly anymore?!"

"Sort of...but—"

"Remus! You should have gone to St. Mungo's or something," Sirius suggested, exasperated.

"And get registered?" Sirius frowned, "The blood stopped flowing, so it's alright. I'll deal with it later... I have my first aid kit, don't I?"

Sirius wasn't completely convinced, but he said nothing else.

"But your skills got better. Where did you learn to do that?" Remus was impressed, to say the least.

"You underestimate me, Remus," he stood up, "I'd be offended if it weren't for all of my justifiably failed attempts of the past." Remus chuckled out of politeness. He was too tired to even pay attention to what the other was saying.

"Well...I'm sorry. And thank you, but I'll manage the rest."

"No, no, no. Let me see the damage."

"I s'pose there's no use in fighting," he gave up at that point and took off his shirt, revealing a ghastly gash across his chest.

"You learn fast," Sirius smiled at him and sat beside him on the bed, analysing the recent injury and doing the same thing to it. 

Remus took this time to observe Sirius and take in his appearance. He didn't look as awfully put together as he did on their first encounter. Granted, he also didn't look like the old Sirius. It was visible that behind that superficial banter, there was still a haunted man. Still, for a few moments, they seemed to go back to the way they were.

"Well, that one was better," Sirius said as he finished closing the wound, snapping Remus out of his thoughts. That was the last clearly visible injury that would require some assistance.

"You can go back to sleep now before Harry wakes up."

"You don't want any help patching that leg up?"

"No. I'm used to it," he began standing up so that Sirius would too.

Sirius then stood up and made his way towards the door.

"If you need anything, you know where to find me," he passed the door.

"I can say the same thing to you," he smiled, "And thank you, Sirius." 

Sirius nodded and headed out, closing the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Sirius calling Remus "Remu" is so cute...so yeah...


	5. Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try their best at Christmas and an emotional connection is formed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any Brazilian readers, consider the alternate title of this chapter to be "Então é Natal"
> 
> And the way I've been getting hate reviews for this fic on FFN lmao gotta love that site! 

25th of December, 1981

Sirius couldn't sleep after Remus' return from the Shrieking Shack. It's not like he tried a lot, though. He just sat on the sofa and pondered over things in an internal dialogue with himself.

It'd been a few days since he first moved in with him and progress was slow when it came to their friendship becoming as strong as it once was, but he could see a few hints that it was still possible. To be quite honest, that was one of the reasons why he didn't let Remus deal with his injuries by himself. Of course he was truly worried about his wellbeing, but he couldn't help but see it as an opportunity to talk to Remus without the constant reminder of Harry. Besides, the odd hours right after sunrise offer a safe space detached from time and space where life doesn't feel as real.

He'd been trying not to step on Remus' toes, not to annoy him with his presence, not to abuse his kindness and understanding. Sirius had always known that he liked his privacy and time alone, so it was a constant worry that Remus would tire of his presence and feel like he was  _ too much _ .

He had someone fetch what he left at the Leaky Cauldron a day after they got Harry, but it still wasn't enough to live off of. It was dawning on him that, at some point, he'd have to go back to his flat and face the mess he made. 

If only it were only the mess, though. 

Remus was worrisome, too. It didn't matter how eager Sirius was to help him, he would fight any type of help. It wasn't new behaviour, but it grew into something more dangerous as the stakes rose in their lives. 

Sirius was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard crying come from the other room. Quickly, he made his way over to Harry, ready for a day of doing exactly the same things he did every single day.

He approached the crib and picked the kid up, steadying him, hoping he'd calm down.

"There, there, Padfoot's here," he whispered.

A baby cannot survive on love alone, so Sirius gave a wild guess, presuming the crying was because of hunger, and made his way towards the kitchen. As he prepared something for Harry to eat, he noticed the calendar hanging on the wall.

_ 25th? I thought yesterday was the...Oh.  _

_ It's Christmas.  _

Forgetting his own birthday wasn't enough for Sirius, so he had to go and forget about Christmas, of course. He couldn't help but feel shame creep upon his face. He'd been  _ so  _ involved in his own mind that he'd managed to forget about everything going on around him. At this point, he was surprised could remember to put trousers on in the mornings.

"Alright, Harry...change of plans for the day," he enjoyed talking to Harry as though he was a continuation of his own mind. Better than talking to himself, he guessed.

Was it appropriate to celebrate Christmas? Did he even feel like celebrating  _ anything _ ? The answer to both questions was no. But Harry was a kid, right? Hadn't he already had a bad enough 1981?

He'd do it, then. For Harry.

Sirius spent the rest of the day taking advantage of Remus' period of convalescence and searched the house for anything even remotely Christmas-like. As expected, there wasn't much to go off of, but he considered himself to be a creative soul. Well, maybe snowflakes made of paper weren't the best of decorations and just reminded him of something a hospital would have on its walls, but it was good enough. 

He hoped Harry wouldn't remember it. Regardless, he was taking no chances. He didn't seem to mind too much as he played mindlessly with the makeshift decorations. 

The food for the evening would have to be more of the same, Merlin knows his cooking charms were mediocre at best. His upbringing didn't help with that, be it as a Black or later on as a Potter. The only thing both houses had in common was how much they spoiled their kids. He couldn't think too much about it, though. Christmas was supposed to be about all things positive.

Remus was better at cooking, so maybe he'd lend a hand once he woke up.

Speaking of the devil, as soon as he came to Sirius' mind, Remus appeared through the door of the living room, only to find Sirius sitting on the floor in front of the sofa with Harry between his legs reaching for the pieces of paper he was cutting. He looked just as tired as the last time they'd seen each other. 

As he took the scene in, Remus smiled at both of them.

"What's this bloody mess?" he asked, amused.

"Language! And Happy Christmas."

"Oh, it's Christmas." Remus was taken aback. It appeared that he'd been in the dark about the date too.

"Thank Merlin I wasn't the only one who forgot," he smiled with a hint of sadness that quickly vanished as he continued talking, "We're making the decorations, of course. I must say, your flat shockingly lacks any Christmas spirit."

"Happy Christmas to the both of you, too." Remus chuckled and made his way over to the couch. He didn't seem ready to stand up for much time. "But well, please pardon me. Even more shockingly, the werewolves I dealt with weren't too keen on things such as Christmas, so I wouldn't want them to find anything too incriminating,"

"Naturally," Sirius kept cutting the paper, Harry was becoming bolder with his clammy little hands trying to snatch it all away, Sirius couldn't help but laugh at his adorableness. "Can you get him? He keeps pestering me."

"Oh, of course," Remus did his best to get the baby, it was still a clumsy attempt, but it got the job done and now Harry was sitting on his lap and pulling at his jumper. "I'm awful at this," he sighed.

"What? At what?"

"The whole Harry thing. You seem to be such a natural at it, I can't even pick him up properly," Remus' exhaustion seemed to be getting to him, he wouldn't usually open up like this.

"Bollocks, you'll get the hang of it in no time." It didn't feel great to dismiss what Remus said, but...it wasn't the time to talk about the issue. "How's the leg?"

"Good enough," that answer wasn't enough for Sirius, so he just kept looking at the man. "It's...better than that gash I had on my arm when we met at the Leaky Cauldron, remember that? I know you saw it."

"Erm...that's good then...Has that one healed?" Sirius turned his head to observe Remus.

"Yes. Healed enough, there's always a nasty scar left, though." He played mindlessly with Harry's hands. 

Trying to change the subject, Sirius went to the only place his mind never left.

"Think he's going to be a chaser just like his father, it's all in those hands," the smile he put on faltered as he processed the words he'd just said.

"He'll be captain, for sure." Silence settled for a while until Remus resumed speaking as he leaned onto the sofa, "James would be so proud to see him win the cup. Imagine that. Remember when he won and thought  _ that  _ would finally impress 'Evans'?"

Sirius chuckled absentmindedly, "The look on his face when she told him off...I'll never forget that." His laughter got more genuine as he recalled the event. It seemed funny in retrospect, but at the time they had to spend the night in their dorm consoling James.

"And then...then he had the idea to levitate those god-awful elves in cupid costumes to her on Valentine's Day in the middle of the corridor —  that was probably a violation of their rights." Remus' laughter was contagious, as he had to take pauses while speaking.

"She was  _ so  _ furious," Sirius had to put down his arts and crafts project as his body folded in laughter. Even Harry seemed in on the fun and began laughing with them, which only caused them to laugh even more.

"To get back at him, Merlin-knows-why, she went to Pete —" Remus stopped dead in his tracks as he realised what he was about to say. He hadn't even realised before he started speaking. Their laughter died down instantly.

Remus hissed in pain as he recovered from all the laughter.

"Can't even have a good laugh," he mumbled, referring to his injuries or the fact that Peter Pettigrew would forever stain the memories of the time when they were happiest, maybe both.

The atmosphere that had been light for the past few moments grew darker as both of them reflected on who they had been talking about.

"It's so fucking unfair," Sirius said sombrely, his voice only slightly quivering.

"It is."

Then, he couldn't help but feel a pang of slight guilt about having laughed when talking about James.

The only one to make any noise from that moment on was Harry, who still didn't understand the weight or meaning of anything that had been said.

With the mood having been ruined, Sirius considered his decorating job to be done and brushed his negative thoughts aside for Harry's sake.

"Alright," he stood up and picked up Harry from Remus' lap, rocking him gently as the baby blabbered, forming incoherent words. "We've been meaning to ask you, Remus — "

"We?" Remus seemed confused at the sudden change of mood.

"—what's the best thing you can come up with for Christmas dinner?"

"Hm...Let me think..." his train of thought got interrupted by an enormous yawn, "I'm afraid I can't do turkey...but I can whip out something." 

"Marvelous! Isn't it Harry?" the baby blabbered in response as Sirius rocked him more intensely.

* * *

As the night came, Sirius made sure to do his best with the little they had in hand for their Christmas celebration. Remus had expressed his desire to help out, but he still looked so tired that Sirius made him go back to bed.

His decoration looked a bit ridiculous, but it came from the heart.

He used this time to reflect upon what they'd been doing for the past few days. In a way, he knew that things couldn't go on like this, strained when it came to talking about their past or anything of the sort. It also felt like he was in a holding place where he didn't know where to go next.

He supposed that his future was all about Harry, but when would things feel like they settled?

When would this flat feel like home?

After a soul-crushing war, one's biggest wish is to come back home and not have to constantly worry about anyone's safety for the rest of their lives. But Sirius didn't have a home anymore, not even the one he hated. 

It felt like a betrayal to wish for a home when the Potters' were gone. But then, of course, not all of them were. After so many years living off of their kindness, it was his time to build a home for a Potter. It's only fair.

As his thoughts wandered, his attention was caught by the sound of Harry waking up from his afternoon nap. 

"Pafoo!" Harry greeted him as he made his way through the bedroom door, sticking his arms out to be picked up. Sirius, as always, complied.

"Hello there, my little chaser." they made their way back to the living room, "Excited for Christmas?"

Harry clapped his hands excitedly.

_ "So cute, _ " Sirius mumbled absentmindedly to himself as he settled Harry in the kitchen chair that was far too big for him. "Remus was right, we have to get you some kid-friendly stuff..."

Remus was supposed to have woken up about an hour before so he could help with the cooking. He'd even made Sirius promise that he wouldn't let him sleep any further. Knowing Sirius, Remus should have known that he would do the contrary regardless of any promises he might have made. 

So, Sirius did his best with the copy of  _ Enchantment in Baking _ he found on the shelf. He had to settle for something made up from whatever he could find in the fridge. Cooking it had been fun, though. Seeing Harry's eyes light up when the pots, pans, and ingredients swirled around them made his afternoon. Harry would laugh and clap his hands. Sirius found a child's laugh to be the purest sound on Earth, and he felt tugging at his chest out of fondness every time the kid did it.

The food was almost ready and the sun had already set when Remus Lupin came through the door, looking much better rested.

"You promised you would wake me up!" 

"Well. I lied," Sirius grinned mischievously.

"But you did it all by yourself! That's too much work!"

"I don't mind it," he shrugged, "Besides, you wouldn't have been much help if you were tired and messing up some of my finest work."

"Finest?" he asked suspiciously as he sat beside Harry. Sirius had his back to him and was finishing up the recipe.

The dish seemed to be ready, and Sirius levitated the plate to the table with a flick of his wand. Sirius looked at Remus, waiting to see his reaction.

"If this is your finest...I can't even imagine what the rest looks like," he said jokingly as he raised his eyebrows and took the plate in.

"Remus Lupin, you should know better...what truly matters is the taste. I can assure you this will put anything the house-elves have ever cooked at Hogwarts to shame." Sirius began putting plates and cutlery down on the table.

"I guess I'll have to find out for myself," he said in a tone of extra caution as he eyed Harry, who now broke into a fit of laughter. "Oh, that reminds me," he gets up from the chair again and makes his way towards a cabinet and comes back with a bottle of muggle whiskey in his hands, "So it'll go down easier."

"Very funny, but I won't refuse it...not after so much time of only fire whiskey at the Leaky Cauldron. But, anyway... what's the best Christmas wear you have to offer?"

"Christmas wear?"

"Yes! Jumpers and all that stuff. Don't pretend you don't have any! It was Mrs Potter's favourite present to give." 

"I'm way too knackered to even try to argue about it..." Remus answered in defeat. As he slowly made his way towards his room

Sirius began cutting the dish and serving it onto both plates. He then turned around to get Harry's food, which sadly hadn't got the same Christmas treatment and was just more of the same. Sirius wasn't about to give Harry anything that wasn't advisable on Zamira Gulch's  _ Care for Magical Babies: ages 1-2 years old _ .

Remus came back wearing a glorious green and red jumper with a reindeer in it. Sirius looked at him and laughed.

"Don't. I saved you the best one." He said warningly as he passed the one he had in his hands to Sirius.

Sirius unfolded it and was met with what looked like a puddle of vomit of Christmas cheer.

"I love it," he chuckled and put it on top of his shirt. "How do I look?" he asked with his hands on his hips.

"You've never looked better," he said as a smile played on his lips.

"Huh," Sirius shrugged, "didn't know that was possible," he said as he sat down and earned another laugh from Remus

"Always so humble, too."

As dinner began, Sirius didn't mind his own food and started feeding Harry whatever fruit-based baby food was on the menu for the day. Fortunately, the child ate with little fuss. After a few moments, he looked up to see Remus staring at them with his food untouched.

"You're not going to eat it? I know I'm not a professional cook, but I swear it's—"

"Oh. No, no, it's not that," he was quick to shoot down the accusations, "I was waiting for you."

"Oh, it's okay. Eat it, I'll just eat later." 

Remus looked down at his plate and his expression became unreadable, but before Sirius could say anything, it was erased from his face and he began eating, humming in surprise as he looked up again.

"It's not bad!"

"See? I told you, you tosser," he said with a smug expression and gasped as he realised what he'd said. "No! Harry, you didn't hear that."

Remus had to put his fork down as he began shaking with laughter. Harry just looked unbothered.

"We have to set good examples for him! I hope that  _ you  _ police yourself more when you're around him too, Lupin," Sirius said in all earnestness. 

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen..." Remus said in between laughs.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, from fourth to seventh year you couldn't get through a phrase without throwing a 'wanker', 'arsehole'—"

"Shut the fuck u—Oh, Merlin, no. Stop bloody swearing!" Sirius almost collapsed as he couldn't control what came out of his mouth anymore and buried his face in his hands.

Remus couldn't stop laughing, "Alright, alright. I'll stop. But, Merlin, you should see your face."

Sirius then realised the ridiculousness of the situation and chuckled, "If you had told me back then that this is what I would become, I wouldn't have believed you."

"I wouldn't have believed anything about my life now," Remus said in a lower tone. "But I'd be shocked to know that you were born to take care of kids."

Sirius from a few months ago would have probably shoved Remus and yelled " _ Shut up!" _ at that thought. However, the new Sirius took it as the purest compliment he could have ever received.

"D'you really think so?" 

"Absolutely, look at the kid! He adores you, always have," they both turned to look at Harry, who eyed them adorably with his big green eyes with a plastic spoon in his mouth, wondering why he was being stared at.

* * *

They spent their dinner talking about anything superficial that came to mind, some of the old banter they both had missed so much. Sirius didn't plan on admitting anytime soon, but the wine did help with his cooking. It was nice enough for a first try, though. For a few moments at a time, it felt awfully domestic, such as when Harry threw some food or did about anything they found too adorable to scold him for. 

Even though his presence was a constant reminder of his loss, it was also a great way to take his mind off of it. To immerse himself in Harry was to think of nothing but Sirius' life in relation to his. It was the only thing that seemed to matter. 

Sirius hadn't cried about James ever since he got Harry. When his mind would be put at ease and he'd be able to not think about his friend for a few hours, putting on his quasi-manic performance of wellbeing, he'd still feel like he was just waiting to snap and for the floodgates to open. 

Sometimes it felt real, though.

Morbidly, he thought it was fair. He shouldn't be out and about laughing and living his life as if James meant nothing to him. Still, he had to keep it together for Harry. So he just accepted to hide.

After the wholesome but short Christmas celebration, Sirius went to put Harry to bed as Remus fiddled with his under-used record player in the living room.

Harry protested a bit when being lowered into the crib, having a tight grip on Sirius' neck. Eventually, he let go and drifted into a deep slumber. Sirius lovingly caressed the kid's cheek with the back of his index finger before leaving him.

Returning to the living room, Sirius was met with Remus with his back turned to him, with the beginning of Paul Simon's 1972 self-titled album playing. He was swaying from side to side with a glass of whiskey in his hand.. Sirius let himself observe, as he hadn't seen Remus this loosened up in a very long time. Then, he cleared his throat to call attention to his presence. Remus jumped back, startled, and turned to look at him with rosy cheeks after a few glasses of whiskey.

"Having fun?" Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.

"How long were you standing there for?!"

"Long enough," he chuckled and threw himself on the couch in one swift motion. "Paul Simon?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"It was hard hiding my Paul Simon and Simon & Garfunkel appreciation from you punk fans back at Hogwarts...but I'll live my truth now." He smiled while taking another sip from his glass. 

"Of course  _ you  _ would like that granny music." 

"Granny music?!" he repeated outraged. "I'll have you know this is some of the finest work of its generation." 

"Well, if that's the finest..." Remus had to laugh at the callback to their earlier conversation.

"Touché," he answered as he frowned jokingly. 

A comfortable silence settled between them as they listened to the music.

"D'you think this poor excuse of a Christmas celebration was enough for Harry?" Sirius broke the silence. 

"He's a one-year-old," Remus snorted, "It's not like he'll remember. You could give him a rock for Christmas and he'd be happy." 

"Oh,  _ shite _ !" Sirius swore.

"What?" he asked, confused at the suddenness.

"I forgot about getting him a present! I knew something was missing, how stupid." He buried his head in his hands.

"Not to worry, Paddy. I...actually got him something," Remus went to the shelf bringing a small wooden box with him. He sat down on the armchair nearest to the sofa. 

_ Paddy? He must be drunk indeed.  _

"Oh. What is it?" Sirius looked at it with curiosity.

Remus, looking quite proud, opened the box and took out a golden snitch with its wings folded over themselves. 

"Wait— you have James' snitch?" Sirius sat up properly and leaned forward to look at the snitch on Remus' hand.

Remus' face fell quickly and there was a panicked look on his face.

"Erm...yes. Fuck, I didn't think this through...I'm sorry, I thought you knew I had it." He tucked the snitch back into the box, closed it, and handed it to Sirius. "You can have it, it's yours." 

Sirius didn't move to get the box.

"No, no, it's alright, Remus." Sirius cursed himself as he realised that Remus thought he was mad about it. "I just didn't know you had it...How did it end up here?"

Remus lowered his arm and put the box on the coffee table.

"He forgot it at my house once. It was a few years ago...I planned on giving it back, but I just forgot. Then, sometime in November, I went back there to get some of my stuff and found it...I've been treasuring it ever since. I thought it would be a nice present for Harry, he could play with it just like James used to...d'you remember? How he'd think he was hot shit while catching it for all the girls to see," Remus chuckled fondly.

"Yeah...He thought he looked  _ so cool _ , even with that hair. I thought he looked cool either way." 

" _ Especially  _ with the hair, it was all part of his appeal." Remus settled his glass of whiskey on the table next to the box. "I managed to alter it and make it slower so Harry can play with it. It's reversible, though, so don't worry." 

"I think it's a great gift," Sirius smiled at him and looked over to the wall that had the picture of the Marauders he'd seen the first time he came to this flat, "It's from that game, isn't it?" 

"Yes, that was such a good day..." he answered as he looked over. "I never gave two shits about Quidditch, but that day was probably the best of all."

"You were gripping on your wand as if you were going to have a heart attack at any second!" 

"So were you! You kept shouting at anyone who would commit a foul anywhere near James, it was bordering on ridiculous." 

"Someone had to be on the lookout! That Slytherin narrating the game was letting anything pass by!" He smiled fondly as he remembered the summer day in which it all took place.

"You always put the fault on the Slytherins...they weren't  _ all  _ that bad."

"Since when did you become Remus Lupin, the Slytherin defender?! I am in the place to bash them, I lived with a whole bunch of them! For years!" 

"The Blacks don't count for the whole of Slytherin House, you got the absolute worst to represent centuries of people."

"All the bad people I've ever met were from Slytherin…" silence settled for a few moments, then he continued bitterly, "Well, I guess not all." Remus was silent, Sirius continued, "We can't let that bastard ruin every memory we have of James."

"We won't. At least I know  _ you  _ won't let it happen." Remus uttered.

"How can you be so sure?" Sirius asked truthfully.

"Because I know that he was always in the background when it came to you and James. It was like the both of you lived in your own little world, even  _ I _ didn't understand what went through with you two. I guess I was in the background with Peter too sometimes." 

"Remus, you were never like him! I hope that this is the whiskey getting to your head or something."

"Sirius, I'm not delusional. What you and James had was special, I was always fine with that..." Sirius wasn't convinced, "Let me put it this way: it's probably like how you felt when hanging out with James and Lily. You loved them both and had great fun, didn't you?" Sirius nodded. "But you still recognised that the feelings they had for each other were stronger."

"I suppose so," he accepted his defeat. "But you were  _ never _ like him, Remus. Not to me." Remus chuckled breathlessly. "I'm being honest! He was never like the rest of us, you have to admit that. We just let him tag along because that's what we were used to...Fuck, I regret it  _ so much _ ." 

With the whiskey having weakened his barriers, Sirius' stream of thoughts about Peter and James was unstoppable. He buried his face in his hands and breathed in deeply.

"It's true, but...it's not your fault.  _ I  _ should have done something too. James knew it deep down, too, but was just too nice and too much of a wonderful person to do anything about it." Remus said steadily. "There's no point in looking back and wishing you'd done it differently, Sirius. It's all shite and it's unfair, but it's all we have."

"I'm so tired, Remus." He said as his voice got muffled within his hands. "He didn't deserve it. Any of it."

He then heard sounds of something shifting beside him and felt someone sit beside him on the couch.

"I know," he felt a hand between his shoulder blades. He looked up at Remus, who smiled weakly at him. "But we'll get through this." 

"Doesn't seem like it," he avoided Remus' gaze, eyeing the pictures he had on the walls. 

"Sometimes I wish he had killed  _ me  _ instead," Sirius' confessed in a choked voice.

"Don't say that..." 

"I'm  _ so  _ sorry I ever doubted you, Moony. I—I was such a twat. Please forgive me," he couldn't help but let the floodgates open. The tears fell hot on his cheeks.

"Of course I forgive you," his voice sounded strained as if he couldn't decide on what to do next, "Stop blaming yourself for it, none of it is your fault." 

"But it is! Can't you see it? You were away with the pack, but I was here. I trusted him. I trusted that— that—" he grunted loudly as his emotions got too overwhelming and he couldn't say anything anymore as he just settled into crying with his face buried in his hands.

"We'll get through this, Sirius. I promise."

For some time, silence settled as Remus tried his best to comfort Sirius while holding back on his own emotions. Eventually, the record finished playing, silently spinning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The updates for this week may slow down a bit 'cause I've got a university entrance exam. Wish me luck...  
> But in the next chapter, there shall be some new developments...


	6. Nowhere Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius reconnects with his forgotten past and is shocked to remember the things he once felt.  
> TW// internalised homophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah guys that uni exam I had did me dirty...

18th of January, 1982.

The end of 1981 and the beginning of 1982 came and went with ease, as the routine of the Lupin-Black-Potter household remained pretty much the same. 

As the days passed, Sirius couldn't pretend any longer that he didn't long for all of his belongings that were still at his flat. After a while, he started wearing some of Remus' clothes at the other's insistence. For as comfortable as Remus' jumpers were, he missed his dear leather jacket. And there was also the fact that their colours didn't do his complexion any favours.

Sirius spent most of his time with Harry, either entertaining, feeding, bathing or just observing him. It had been particularly fun to watch Harry play with James' snitch, so it was a two-way street.

However, as the days came and went, Sirius could sense Remus become gradually tenser when the subject was money. It was never an issue for Sirius, who thought Remus was doing more than enough by offering his home to them, but the man could be proud. Remus was the one who got out of the flat to do all the shopping. He kept throwing guilty glances at Sirius' way whenever he would nonchalantly throw money around for things such as food or toys for Harry. 

That behaviour started annoying Sirius. Remus could be like this when it came to money. He always hated when the Marauders would buy expensive things for him, even if it was for his birthday. He didn't seem to care that both Sirius and James were filthy rich, and that one or two more galleons on a price tag meant nothing to them. 

So, one day, always so tactful, Sirius decided to confront it head-on as he received one of those looks while in the kitchen.

"Stop looking at me like that whenever I give you money! I'm the Black heir, it's not hurting my pocket." He explained for what was probably the hundredth time.

Remus looked taken aback by the suddenness of it, but he already expected that this conversation was to come.

"Sirius," he sighed, "I know it's not...hurting your pocket. But I feel so...useless!"

"How could _you_ be useless?!" It seemed quite ridiculous.

"I'm awful with kids, I have no money, I...feel like you do everything that's worth anything." 

"Oh, Remus, don't say that! Who else would feed us? You make a mean roast beef!" Sirius thought that had been the right thing to say, but Remus' crestfallen expression said the contrary. "Hey...I'm serious."

"Not that joke again," there was a hint of a grin forming on his lips.

"I didn't even plan on it!" he answered honestly, humoured at the coincidence. "But I _am_ serious when I say that. And maybe you don't have such a hands-on approach with Harry, but that's okay." 

"No, no, it's not okay. I don't give him what he needs." 

"What he _needs_ is someone that truly loves him," Remus didn't seem too convinced. 

"All the love in the world won't change the fact that I can't support him, that I'm a liability for his safety, and that I can't even hold him properly!" Remus slumped down in the kitchen chair with his face in his hands. 

Sirius hadn't expected such a show of emotion. Sure, Remus wasn't crying on his shoulder, but visible frustration was the most he ever showed.

"You know that I don't care about money. Don't be daft," he said in a soft voice, but Remus didn't even budge. "And don't start with the whole 'being a liability' thing again. It's because the full moon is approaching, isn't it?" 

Remus raised his head and looked at him begrudgingly, "It's in a week. But it's not like I don't think about it every single day."

"What I _meant_ to say was that you're acting like this because you're tired!" 

"No, it's too far away for that," Remus uttered while avoiding eye contact.

He always got more worried and sensitive about his furry little problem when the full moon was approaching. In the last few years, the changes became almost imperceptible if it weren't for the physical fatigue. But, ever since the end of 1981, it seemed as though the weight of the world was back on his shoulders, the same way it had been in the early days.

"I can't solve your furry little problem," he said in all honesty. A faint smile played on Remus' lips as he heard that old term. Sirius knew that the battle with that problem was something that he couldn't solve even if he tried his hardest, it was entirely Remus' to deal with. "But, what I _can_ do is get you started on being a bigger presence for Harry. I'll show you how to do everything, it can be fun!"

Remus finally looked at him again, "And you won't mind sharing him?"

"With you? Not at all. If it was anyone else, though..." Remus' smile grew a bit wider, but with a crease of concern on his forehead still present. It was enough for Sirius, though, who considered the matter to be solved for now.

Their conversation seemed to have set Remus' visible worries aside, at least for now, as he went to Diagon Alley and bought all they needed for the next month or so in terms of baby necessities. 

To Sirius, the Remus he had moved in with differed completely from the one he'd always known. A lot of the quirks were still there, but he seemed to be so emotionally exhausted, that he didn't even bother bottling everything up as efficiently as he once had. Sure, Remus wasn't going around spilling out everything that bothered him, he just had less of a will to dismiss Sirius' attempts to understand what was going on with him.

He still didn't know whether it was a good or a bad thing. Only time would tell.

As they settled into a routine, the dark days of the war remained as shadows in their present. Sirius had never really given much thought about how it felt like for anyone else outside of their little bubble. As a matter of fact, he had hardly thought about anyone other than Harry, Remus, and himself. 

So, when Remus got back from Diagon Alley for the first time since he moved in, as they had been primarily shopping on muggle stores, he was surprised to listen to what he had to say.

"...the streets are full of people. You would think it's the week before the start of the year at Hogwarts. And the overall mood is just so...happy," Remus explained, still with a bag of magical baby utensils in his hands, their previous conversation having been swept under the rug.

"Happy?" Sirius had certainly never thought that the mood would be joyful. He'd been so cooked up in his own misery that he simply forgot that to everyone else the 31st of October meant the end of a war. 

"I've never seen Diagon Alley like that. I should have predicted, but...honestly, I just forgot about it. 

"I did too," he added thoughtfully.

The rest of the day passed unremarkably.

* * *

It was only at night that what Sirius had offered Remus in the morning came to play. It was time for Harry's bath.

"Are you sure I won't be a bother?" Remus asked apprehensively as he was guided to the guest bathroom of his own house.

"On the contrary!" Sirius seemed more excited than anyone else. He had Harry in his arms, as he wore a gaudy green towel that had a hood that resembled a frog's face. It was one of the muggle things Remus had bought for him.

Arriving at the bathroom and in front of the bathtub, Sirius explained how he did the spells that would get the best possible bath.

"I just do a classic _Aquamenti,_ " he demonstrated with a flick of his wand, filling up the bathtub. "Now, to heat it, you'll just do the _Focillo_ charm. But be careful! Always check with your hand before Harry gets in."

It was such a change of pace to have Sirius explain charms and spells to Remus, but it was a welcome one nonetheless. When Sirius finished explaining, he looked at Remus, expecting him to do something and nudging his head towards the bathtub.

"What?" Remus asked when he realised he was being stared at.

"Well, check the water!" he answered as if it was obvious, "Haven't you been listening to what I say?"

"Oh," Remus did as he was told and put his hand in the water. It seemed good enough for him, "I think it's okay."

Beside them, Harry seemed to get impatient and started kicking his little legs up in the air.

"So now it's all you." Sirius handed Harry to Remus, who didn't seem to expect it and did his best to hold him properly. For a few seconds Remus just stared at Sirius while holding the kid unorthodoxly. "What are you waiting for?!" he asked amused while gesturing towards the bathtub.

"Oh. Right. Of course," Remus seemed impatient with his own lack of tact as he collected the towel from Harry and put him inside the tub. His lack of skills at handling Harry made the sleeves of his jumper wet as he lowered the kid, but it was good enough.

"Alright, so now we gotta keep the kid entertained, don't we?" Sirius said jokingly towards Harry, who giggled absentmindedly at Merlin-knows-what. Standing up and going towards the tiny bathroom closet, Sirius pulled out some muggle plastic toys Remus had bought a few weeks prior.

"He needs toys even in the bath?" Remus asked, finding the situation as funny as it was cute.

"Who doesn't?" Sirius shrugged, handing the toys to Harry and going back to Remus' side. "Bubbles baths are only on Sundays, don't let him stare at you like a lost puppy until you let him have it his way."

"Why do I feel like that has happened more than once to you?" Remus grinned at him.

"It has absolutely not. This kid does not have any control over me whatsoever," his tone contradicted his words, as he couldn't help but smile.

"You've gone soft..." Remus noted.

"Anyway, now you get to wash his hair." Sirius diverted the subject while handing Remus the baby shampoo and waiting for him to get started. "Careful with his eyes!" 

Remus did his best at washing Harry's hair as he couldn't stop moving for even a second, being too enthralled in whatever was the plot that involved his toys splashing around. 

Sirius took this time where attention wasn't on him to properly scan the scene. Remus looked so concentrated at the task at hand that it borderlined on cute. His jumper's sleeves were now rolled up as he knelt beside the tub. His expression of concentration was the same he'd make when taking exams at school, with his tongue peeking through at the corner of his mouth. At moments like these, Sirius could still get a sense that they were still the same people.

"Merlin, Harry, you’re going to get us all wet," Sirius complained jokingly while wiping droplets of water off his face.

Remus busied his hands making little hairstyles on Harry’s head to entertain himself.

"Look, just like a little punk," Remus turned to Sirius as he had just formed a Mohican with Harry's hair. Sirius snorted and looked at them fondly.

"Wash it off before the water gets cold."

* * *

It warmed Sirius' heart to see Remus take on a more hands-on role in Harry's upbringing. There was still a bit of push-back, but he could see that he was trying hard. 

Sirius wasn't blind, he was aware of Remus' issues and knew all too well that they didn't just go away when they talked about it briefly. But now he was preoccupied with creating an atmosphere that would make Remus feel comfortable and secure enough to just let go and allow himself to have this. 

Even though that was at the forefront of his thoughts, there was still another issue bothering him: his flat. He longed for things he left behind and needed them more often than not now that they had settled into "normal" life. It wasn't just his clothes, it was his records, too. He had had enough of Paul Simon. 

So, when Remus was busying himself with dressing Harry in his pyjamas, Sirius went over to them in Harry's room.

"Did Uncle Moony keep you intact, Harry?" He asked playfully and rhetorically as he leaned against the doorframe.

"'Uncle Moony'? Haven't heard that one in ages," Remus turned to him while putting socks on Harry's bare feet.

"Thought I should bring it back," he shrugged and made his way towards them. "But...I actually wanted to get your opinion on something," Remus looked up at him again with curiosity. "You must be tired of lending me your clothes, so I thought I might go back to my flat to get some stuff..." 

Remus knew instantly what that meant. He knew there was a reason Sirius hadn't gone back yet or at least sent someone else to get his clothes for him. So, taking it as progress, he was quick to support the idea.

"Oh. I don't mind lending you my clothes," he also didn't want to push him to do anything he might not be ready to, "But...if you're sure...I think it could be great. I know you're not Simon & Garfunkel's number one fan." he chuckled to hide his concern.

"What is it with you and early 70s music, anyway?" Sirius consciously diverted the subject.

"Reminds me of better times, I suppose," he answered as his eyes seemed fully conscious of Sirius' discomfort.

"I'll go. Tomorrow," he looked down. "Can you stay with Harry?"

"Of course." Remus smiled encouragingly at him. 

It would be the first time Sirius ever left his side. It made him nervous, but he knew he had to go back to his flat. He'd been making a mental list of things to get back, and in it was a box of Hogwarts memorabilia he had kept from their Marauder days. He wanted to keep everything he had of James as close as possible, to only leave his side the day he gifted it to Harry when he's old enough.

* * *

When the next day arrived, Sirius woke up already anxious as he thought about what was to come. He would spend as little time as he had to at his flat, he wasn't planning on cleaning up the mess or anything of the sort. He'd just get whatever he needed and get out. 

It was already progress, so he didn't feel too bad about it. After anxiety, he hoped there would be some feeling of proudness.

"Are you sure you can handle him without me?" he asked Remus while trying to postpone his departure even if only for a few minutes.

"Yes, Sirius, don't worry about it." Balancing Harry on his hip, Remus tried to address Sirius with confidence.

Standing near the door with only his outer robes left to put on, Sirius decided it was time to go.

"Okay...I won't be long," he said before going up to Harry and kissing his cheek while Remus smiled at them. He couldn't hide the worry on his face even if his life depended on it.

Sirius smiled sheepishly and headed out. 

Under normal circumstances, he might have decided to walk over to his flat and finally see the world again after so much time inside. However, he couldn't risk leaving Harry for more than a few seconds, afraid that a Death Eater would come in his absence. He trusted Remus, but two are better than one. 

So, he disapparated to the outside of his building since his flat was also apparition-proof. Looking around him, he saw wizards in the same overall mood that Remus had described. 

His last memory of the wizarding world was that of war-ridden places, fear that could be felt in the air and an overall awful sensation. However, now he looked around to see children laughing and running around playing with whatever cheap crap they bought at Zonko's, witches talking excitedly about the new issue of _Witch Weekly_ , and a whole world of colour that hadn't crossed his mind since 1978.

If he could, he would stay the whole day frozen at this exact same spot. Or so he thought he would until he noticed those very same witches with the magazines start to look at him and talk to each other in hushed whispers.

Suddenly he lost all willingness to stay there and rushed to the front door of the building. Going up the stairs and finally arriving at his own door, he found himself a bit hesitant to open it, afraid of what he would find.

Swallowing his fears and thinking of Harry, he turned the doorknob.

He found the place to be the exact same way he left it, a mess. A lot of things were scattered around the floor and the windows were still broken, which had brought a lot of leaves to the apartment. 

With a quick _Reparo_ , he fixed the windows. Sure, he wasn't going to clean it all up, but he didn't want to completely trash the place.

With his heart pounding in his chest, he started making his way towards his bedroom to get a bag of clothes, trying to keep his mind occupied in the task so he wouldn't get lost inside his head.

Getting the biggest bag he could find in his closet, he started to dump shirts, pants, robes, and shoes into it, not bothering to fold anything too neatly. Almost emptying his wardrobe, that wasn't too big anyway, he left his favourite leather jacket for last. It had been a Christmas present from the Potters, who seemed to think that the kindness they showed him wasn't already enough of a present to last for a lifetime. 

Hoping to finally feel like himself again, he put it on and stepped in front of the mirror. 

There he was. Sirius Black in his natural state. He'd be lying if he said he didn't look bloody good in that leather jacket. He always loved it, but now it carried a new sentiment that he couldn't, for the life of him, put into words.

Turning his attention back to the task at hand, Sirius took the bag to the living room, going over to his record collection to pick whatever was the least like Remus' hippie folk music. There weren't many records, as he planned on starting a proper collection once the war ended, so he tried to fit all of them into the bag, including _The Clash, The Buzzcocks, The Ramones,_ and whatever other punk band had a "The" in their name. 

Looking fondly over his small collection, he was reminded of the time he bought most of it when he and James went ham on a record store in their seventh year and bought about anything that looked cool enough.

After putting it all in the bag, he looked around the flat, thinking of what else he'd like to take. He didn't plan on abandoning all of his belongings forever, he'd just take whatever he wanted to keep close.

 _The box! Of course,_ he'd almost forgotten about it. 

Sirius rushed to the space on the floor beside his bed, under which he kept the box of the dearest things from their Hogwarts days. As he pushed the box from under the bed, he saw the Gryffindor scarf, tie and robe on top of everything. The box was medium-sized and had no lid.

Not looking to spend more time away, he thought of going through the box at Remus' flat rather than here. So, he put it under his arm, got the bag, and left the flat, not sure of when he'd come back. Just to be safe, he put more safety charms at the entrance before leaving.

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" Sirius joked in the worst American accent he could pull off as he opened the door to Remus' flat, settling all he had brought on the floor. Not hearing a response, he looked around the living room. "Remus?" 

Still no response. His heart rate picked up as his mind prepared for the worst. He began frantically walking over to the other rooms. 

"Remus?!" He repeated desperately as he opened the door to Harry's room. 

His brain took some time to fully process the scene he found. 

They weren't in imminent danger, that's for sure. Remus sat on the floor with his arm stretched out in front of Harry, as he drew over his scars with all sorts of colourful muggle markers.

Hearing Sirius' desperation in his voice, Remus looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Did something happen?!" He got up as he spoke and picked Harry up.

"Oh. No. Nothing...erm." Sirius felt ridiculous about his little performance, "I just— For a moment, I thought—"

"Is everything okay?" The other one quizzed. Sirius took a deep breath.

"Yes, nothing happened. I just freaked out for a moment," he turned his attention to Harry, who looked at him with curiosity. "Can I...uhm..."

Remus stared at him for a second until he realised what he'd meant, "Oh, yes. Sure," he complied as he handed Harry over to Sirius.

Having the kid close served as a reminder that the desperation he'd felt a few moments prior had been _just_ a product of his paranoia. Harry was right here. He took deep breaths as his heart rate slowed down.

"That's some beautiful artwork you've got there," he gestured towards the other's arm.

Remus blushed, too aware of the fact that he'd been mostly wearing long sleeves for the past couple of months.

"Maybe he'll prefer to be an artist rather than a catcher," Remus answered.

"In your dreams..." Sirius' playful tone could hardly hide how shaken up he felt.

The rest of the afternoon passed with Sirius by Harry's side. Sensing the stress that radiated off of Sirius after he came back from his flat, Remus didn't even offer help with anything Harry-related, giving Sirius his space.

The whole thing had tired him, too. So, at some point he found himself sprawled on the sofa sleeping and waking up several times while Harry slept peacefully on top of his torso. He took a few minutes to just analyse his face and think of the multiple ways the kid already reminded him of James, all the while Remus read a book on the armchair beside them.

It was only at night, after dinner, when Remus had already retired to his bedroom and he had already put Harry to sleep once again, that Sirius found himself to be wide awake. The afternoon napping hadn't been the best idea, so now he lay on the sofa with his mind too alert to rest.

Before retiring for the night, he'd already organised his clothes into random drawers that Remus had emptied for him throughout the flat. However, the box was still in the far corner of the living room, untouched.

Sighing in defeat, he went to get it and put it in front of the sofa, where he could look through it comfortably.

Taking the Gryffindor stuff out first, he didn't spend too much time looking at it. Seven years of wearing it every day had already been enough.

Underneath it was a stack of pictures that he didn't feel strong enough to look at now and another stack of letters. Scattered through the box, there were little tokens he'd collected throughout the years, a bunch of them being from pranks they'd pulled and other secret adventures through the passages of Hogwarts. 

Sirius picked up the photos to find his best memories. There was one of them at the Hospital Wing with Remus. He remembered that day; it had been a particularly fun night after a full moon, the only scratches Remus had were of playing around with Padfoot. Madame Pomfrey was even surprised to find Remus in such a good mood that day, as he usually came to his senses with a dreary expression that would remain on his face for the whole day. They came to visit with their bodies still full of energy, laughing way too loud for how early it had been. 

Sirius had taken the picture. It showed Remus on the bed, smiling brightly at whatever joke Sirius told to get them to look at the camera, as well as James, who had been caught mid-sentence, so he appeared gesticulating excitedly. Peter was on the left, looking at James with eyes full of wonder. Sirius' stomach sunk. He began tearing the photo to cut out Peter. The miniatures of James and Remus didn't seem to mind.

He looked through the other pictures, most of them showing similar situations. Where it was possible, he'd cut Peter out, trying to pretend he was never there. 

There they were exploring the secret passage to Honeydukes' storage room, James sleeping with his mouth open on the Hogwarts Express with Remus laughing beside him, James and Lily on their first day (that the Marauders had gone to under a disguise), Remus reading a book by the fire of the Gryffindor Common Room, Remus posing in front of Salazar Slytherin's portrait while mocking him when they sneaked into their common room, Remus flipping him off from his bed at their Dorm Room. 

As he looked through the pictures, it dawned on him that they were all taken in 1975. It didn't come as a surprise.

His heart sank as he remembered what else was in that box. He hadn't thought about it in years, a memory buried deep within his mind for his own safety. It felt as though the universe was pulling a prank on him by reminding him of this now.

That year was hard for Sirius. Back then, he had thought he was on the path to losing his mind. His mother's abuse got so much worse and his inner turmoil so complicated that he'd felt like he would explode.

Having to see it with his own eyes, he reached for the stack of letters.

Going through them all as quickly as he could, with most of them being from James, others from Remus, one or another from Peter, and a few from random people from throughout the years, he found it.

The letter did not have an envelope because it was never really a letter. It was never sent. And that was very much on purpose. 

It was folded, only having _Remus Lupin_ written on the outside.

Eager to see with his own eyes, he unfolded the crumpled paper and began reading it.

_23rd of July 1975_

~~_Remu_ _s,_ _Remu_ _,_ _Rem_ ~~ _, Moony,_

 ~~_You're probably never going to actually read this_ ~~ _Scratch that, you'll never read this. But I'm sort of losing my mind right now and need to get some things off my chest, alright?_

_I have no idea what has been going on with me. It's been awful here at Grimmauld Place, that I can be sure of. But this summer's different from any other. Maybe it's the fact that mum got harsher this year because Reggie seems to be aeons ahead of me in terms of what the perfect pureblood heir is._

_I never minded them much, but this whole Black thing has been crawling under my skin lately. I can't stand it anymore. Reggie told mum about all my friends at Hogwarts, making sure to say that you're a half-blood. It made my blood boil. They don't know about your furry little problem, of course. I'd_ ** _never_** _tell. But thinking about what they_ _would_ ~~_say_~~ _yell at me for being friends with you makes me so so so angry. Not in the same way that I get when she screams about Prongs or Wormtail._

 _Today's the full moon. As I write this, I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there. I'm so sorry mum never lets me go anywhere during summer. As I stare at the moon,_ _~~I can only think of you~~ _ _I can surely say that I miss running around the Forbidden Forest with_ ~~_you_ ~~ _the Marauders._

~~_Merlin Sirius keep it together_ ~~

_I don't know if I'm making a whole lot of sense. But the truth is that this whole scenario of pureblood mania and the crisp air of the night made me realise something completely mental. Something that I would never in a million years confess to you or to anyone else. But something that cannot leave my mind for as much as I try, hence this faux letter._

_While fuming at my mother, I came to the shocking realisation that I can't get you out of my head. It hurts to say it and it sounds mental; I know. Fuck._ ~~_I just._ _Well,_~~ _I don't know._

_I haven't told James. Nor do I plan to. I think I may be going mad._

_Merlin, this probably sounds ridiculous. And I sound like a poof. Wouldn't that make mum go mad? I can feel the Cruciatus curse through my veins as I write this._

_I think this is me having completely lost my mind. I need to get out of this place. I'm sorry._

_Please don't ever hate me,_

_Padfoot_


	7. Where is my mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius freaks out and hatches a new plan.

Sirius put the letter down and stared blankly at the wall as he gathered his thoughts.

Had he really been that...out of his mind that year? Well, he supposed so. The letter is from a couple of months before he ran away from home.

As he leaned back on the sofa, his mind was flooded with memories from that year. More precisely, of when started having bizarre thoughts about Remus John Lupin, of all people.

It all started when Remus would offer the support James couldn't. He had tried very hard, but he just didn't know how it was like living through situations such as those. Remus understood, though. So it happened somewhere between the nights where he'd stay up trying to distract him in the Common Room when he couldn't sleep and when he would pretend not to find his jokes funny that Sirius realised that he was becoming more and more entranced by him.

It was very hard coming to such realisation, so much so that it took him months. So, when he finally accepted the bizarreness of the situation, he decided to get it out of his system and write it down. That would be the one and only time any thought of such nature would be put into the world.

He remembered planning to burn the letter right after writing it. But, for some reason, he didn’t, and just put it with his other letters. And here it sat, seven years later.

In a strange way, Sirius' plan worked. He got it out of his mind, but he wasn’t sure if it was truly because of this or because the whole Black situation got more intense as the months progressed, taking over his mind. At least Walburga had done him some good then.

After becoming an honorary Potter, the war filled his mind, which also helped with pushing any unwanted topics to the back of his mind.

He couldn’t have been serious about this. Fancying Remus. It sounds ridiculous now, looking back. That didn't mean he would share his finding with Remus to have a good laugh, though. It would probably just seem sad. And pathetic.

Seven years had passed, anyway. That means it was just a momentary thing.

He didn’t know what to do, though. That memory had been buried so deep within his brain that he didn't know where to go next with this information. For some reason, it affected him. And it's not like he had anyone to discuss the matter with at the time.

Sirius' thoughts were disrupted by crying coming from Harry's room. He dropped everything, as he had been quite alarmed that day, and rushed to where he was. Thankfully, the crying was just a normal baby thing this time, as there didn't seem to be any imminent danger around.

Harry was restless as he protested at any of Sirius's attempts at putting him back to bed. Sirius just accepted his faith and continued rocking him gently. Tiredness got to him, so he settled on the armchair after a while, holding Harry against his chest.

Sirius didn't notice the time passing as he slowly drifted away to sleep.

* * *

19th of January, 1982.

Sirius woke up disturbed by distant voices with a sharp pain in his neck. Hissing in pain, he moved his neck from side to side. Looking down, he saw what the weight on top of him was: Harry, who still slept peacefully. 

Focusing on the voices, he could clearly tell that one of them belonged to Remus. But the other one was of a woman, which deeply puzzled his barely awakened mind. 

Having no choice but to move, he gathered Harry in his arms and got up from the chair, feeling sore all over. He tried not to awaken Harry but failed, as he noticed the big and sleepy green eyes looking up at him.

"It feels awfully early, doesn't it?" he asked rhetorically. Harry could only yawn adorably in response. 

The both of them made their way towards where the noise had been coming from. The womanly voice was now louder than it had been when Sirius woke up, which made him more alert. The thought of an intrusion frightened him, banishing all traces of sleep from his mind as he walked faster towards the living room. He cursed himself under his breath for not taking action sooner.

Arriving, he was met with a strange sight. 

Remus was hunched over the kitchen sink washing dishes as a short, fat, ginger woman whom he recognised as Molly Weasley gave him a stern look.

"You can't expect to have a child living here under such conditions!" She pointed her finger at the kitchen table that still had the cutlery from yesterday, even though Remus had his back to her. He just nodded, wishing to get it over with. "You're lucky I came to visit. Sooner or later you would have lost Harry in all the mess! I could barely see the ground when I arrived."

Sirius didn't even know what to think of the scene, so he called attention to himself.

"Molly?" his voice was still rough from sleep. 

The woman turned around quickly and looked him up and down. Before she could say anything about him, her eyes settled on Harry, who looked at her with curiosity. 

"Harry!" She rushed to Sirius' side and collected the kid from his arms in one swift move. She hugged the baby in such a motherly gesture that Sirius couldn't even be mad at the sudden intrusion. Then, she finally looked back up at him, "Hello, Sirius! How have you been?" 

"Uh...it's been alright," he glanced towards Remus, who didn't even look their way.

Before he could say anything else, she eagerly continued, "How has Harry been? Oh, he seems like such a sweet boy." She rocked him delicately and looked down at him with an expression of the utmost piety, her previous smile faltering.

At that moment, it reminded Sirius of the last time they had seen each other at Fabian and Gideon's funeral. 

"He's been fine, too. I think." Sirius felt awfully dumbed down, having been caught by surprise. Then, the obvious question came to his mind, "Molly, not that I don't want you here or anything...but what are you doing here?" 

She didn't seem to mind the question at all, smiling at him. "I figured I had to come check on you boys, eventually. I didn't come sooner because I've just had Ginevra — a girl, finally! Can you believe it?"

"Oh, congratulations."

"I know firsthand that parenting is no simple task, and you boys are so young...I had to come and offer a hand." The smile she gave him then was more reserved and honest. "But I didn't expect to find such a mess. Thank Godric I arrived early, it will give us plenty of time to tidy everything up! Remus is taking care of that tiny kitchen of yours. I've been working on the living room, and you, Mr Black, may join us now."

"So that's what you two were arguing about earlier?" Sirius couldn't help but grin.

"I wasn't arguing, I was just saying the truth! A child that grows up in a place like this will develop a terrible sense of hygiene." 

Sirius never thought of the flat as dirty. It had always been perfectly acceptable, at least to him. He glanced at Remus and frowned,

"Why isn't he using cleaning spells?" 

"Oh, those are rubbish! To get things properly clean, one must do with their hands if they can't properly master household charms. But now come and help me clean." 

So that's where Remus' frustration was coming from. Sirius could have sworn he heard a scowl from the other side of the room where Remus stood.

Molly finally let go of Harry and put him on the sofa, handing him the golden snitch to keep him distracted. She then grabbed her wand and began casting a few spells over the rug. As Sirius looked at the sofa, he realised something at the back of his mind was bothering him.

Then he realised.

He remembered the previous night and what he'd been doing before going to Harry's room. He remembered he had left everything on the sofa, that was now spotless and only had Harry and a few cushions on top of it. He frantically looked around, while trying not to appear too phased. He couldn't see the letter.

"Uh... Molly?"

"Quit stalling, Sirius..." Molly warned as she looked behind her shoulder at him.

"Where's everything that was on the sofa?" His vagueness was only to not call attention at any specific item.

"All that mess? A cleaning charm took care of it!" 

_ No no no! _

"But where is it exactly?" He tried to make his desperation not sound too obvious. He failed, though, as he noticed Remus turning around to look at them from the corner of his eye.

_ Fuck fuck fuck. Could that mean…? Merlin, no. _

"Don't worry! The charm doesn't get rid of anything, it just tucks everything away neatly!" Even she had noticed the strain of Sirius' voice. His palms were now sweaty with nervousness.

"So it's here? In the living room?"

"Yes, Sirius," she called impatiently, "now come and I'll teach you a few basic household charms."

He couldn't look for the letter now, as that would probably earn him a scolding of the same fashion Remus had received earlier. He settled for doing as Molly said to get it over with as soon as possible. Once the living room was cleared, he wouldn't rest until he found it.

* * *

Sirius and Remus threw themselves on the sofa the moment the door closed behind Molly.

"Merlin, I know her intentions are good, but..." Sirius groaned as his entire body ached after the herculean task she made them do.

"Tell me about it," he groaned. "I woke up with her knocking, she could have owled before...Or come at a more humanly time of the day," Remus' voice showed the same tiredness as Sirius'.

"You might want to go and check if Harry is still in his room in case Molly took him with her," Sirius joked.

"And you would think seven kids were enough..." 

Too worn-out to say anything else, they just remained in silence for a few minutes.

"The flat does look better, though." Sirius looked around, smelling the cleanness in the air.

"Yeah," Remus snorted, "I was never the best at keeping everything properly clean."

"Must be a werewolf thing," Sirius observed his reaction from the corner of his eye. 

He still hadn't forgotten about the letter. As a matter of fact, he was hyper-aware not only of it but also of everything that involved Remus. He watched his every move, trying to figure out whether he found the letter or was still blissfully unaware. He also couldn't ignore that their arms were touching, shifting away from Remus.

"I'll have you know that Greyback's pack was much cleaner than  _ you _ ever were in our Dorm Room," he grinned weakly at his own comment.

Remus seemed pretty much the same, so Sirius considered that he still had time to find the letter before he ever did. He told himself that he wasn't so much worried about the content of it as he was about the whole thing just being plain embarrassing. He couldn't make Remus feel uncomfortable around him now that things were getting on track.

Not wanting to waste any time in finding the bloody letter, he put a plan in motion.

"You should go rest," Sirius suggested innocently. "In your bedroom," he added stupidly.

"Mm...Too knackered to get up," he uttered, sinking back on the sofa.

"But the bed's much more comfortable," Sirius could've slapped himself.

"It's also too far away..."

"But your back hurts when it's close to the full moon," Remus frowned at Sirius' insistence. 

"It's still a week away...Why are you trying to get rid of me anyway?" Remus quickly caught up to him.

"Me? Rid of you?" He asked as if the idea sounded crazy while trying to think of something believable. "I just want the sofa all to myself," he said in a defeated tone. It earned him a chuckle from Remus.

"Alright, lazy sod." Remus didn't seem bothered at all and began getting up. He looked back at Sirius as he left the living room while laughing under his breath, "And I thought Sirius Black, the great Marauder, would be a better liar."

Sirius looked at him for a split second, having been caught red-handed. "I'm not lying!" he said to an empty room, as Remus had already left, leaving him stunned.

Well, his plan, like many others, hadn't been perfect. But it had worked, and that was enough. Ignoring his body's protests, Sirius got up from the couch and started his scavenger hunt.

He looked everywhere. The shelves, the drawers, the floor, under the furniture, and anywhere else he could think of. He saw all the other things from the box that now lay empty on a corner. The photos were stacked on the shelf. He found the Gryffindor paraphernalia in the drawers. Sirius got excited when he found the stack of letters, but deeply worried when he noticed that the one he'd been looking for wasn't there. He even looked in the kitchen and in other rooms, minus Remus'.

That meant there were two possibilities. It had either been thrown away, or it was in someone else's hands.

Molly wouldn't have taken it. If she found it, she'd have given it to Remus since it had his name. Right?

Sirius prayed to Merlin and Godric that it had been thrown away on accident. 

If Remus had it, it meant he hadn't read it yet. He probably didn't even notice what it was about, maybe he just put it in his pocket so he'd inspect later, assuming it was his and that he'd just forgotten about it. 

Sirius was sure he hadn't read it. If he had, there's no way he'd act so casually around him. 

Merlin, this can't be happening. It's like that bloody piece of cheap parchment only came back to haunt him out of nowhere, just as his life started to settle down.

He looked around for some more time but found nothing. Desperation turned into dreading the moment Remus would come to him, saying he didn't want Sirius there anymore. 

This always happens, he always fucks everything up…

* * *

The next few days came and went without so much as a clue about the whereabouts of the damned letter. Well, physically, that is.

Sirius didn't know whether it was his own paranoia or what he had expected had happened, but he could feel Remus acting a bit more strained as the days passed. Now he just pretended contentment. 

And that, of course, drove Sirius mad.

It was such a  _ Remus  _ thing to do. He would never go around slamming doors and calling Sirius a disgusting poof. He'd just slip away slowly, never confronting him about it.

He'd been hyper-aware of anything the other did, so he wished that maybe it was all just his paranoia speaking, that Remus hadn't changed at all, and that he never read the stupid letter.

However, Sirius couldn't deny something had shifted when conversations such as this one took place:

"What's a six-letter word for 'Aphrodite's favourite'?" Remus asked as he looked up from his crosswords at Sirius, who had Harry on his lap.

Sirius looked at him as he pondered for a second, then offering a toothy grin when thinking of the answer, "Sirius, of course."

Instead of the expected chuckle and roll of his eyes, Remus didn't budge.

"No," he looked back at the crosswords, looking for the answer. "Adonis, obviously." 

"I don't know who that lad is, but I can assure you Aphrodite takes much better liking to  _ me _ ." 

In his defence, he couldn't let a joke go when he was this bored. Annoying the surrounding people was like oxygen to Sirius, he couldn't live without it.

"He was her dashingly handsome mortal lover. He came from an incestuous relationship between his mother, Myrrha, and her father, King Cinyras, after Aphrodite cursed them," Remus answered while paying him no mind.

"We've got so much in common!" He was sure that would earn him a laugh, but Remus acted as though he hadn't even heard it.

In retrospect, Sirius thought he might have been exaggerating when he thought that conversation proved that Remus had read the letter. But Remus' strained behaviour continued after that. And, well, Sirius didn't enjoy being ignored.

"So, what hairstyles do you have in mind for today's bath time?" Sirius grinned playfully as he went to Remus to signal it was time for Harry's bath.

Remus, who sat on the armchair reading a book, looked at him, the bags under his eyes being noticeable.

"Sirius...I'm sorry, but I'm exhausted..." Sirius' smile dropped.

"Oh. It's okay, don't worry," he said as he left the room with thoughts circling around his mind. 

Not that Remus wasn't  _ allowed  _ to be tired, especially so close to a full moon. It's just that it didn't happen only once. That wasn't the first or last time. Remus had been so adamant about being a bigger part of Harry's everyday life that it just seemed out of character. He'd make the extra effort, even if Sirius himself thought it wasn't necessary and he was pushing himself too hard. It was a minor thing, but it just left him overthinking. As anything that week did.

His mind would not leave this issue. He found himself becoming obsessed with it. Maybe it was because he was so utterly bored with nothing to do all day besides caring for Harry. It was killing him, though.

He wasn't losing his mind, Remus  _ was  _ distancing himself from him. He couldn't bear to see it happen and know the exact reason why it did. Pretending he didn't know and acting like a fool for the sake of appearances was about the least Sirius Black thing he had done in the last few months.

Sirius wasn't one to beat around the bush. He didn't even have the privilege of doing so, his stupid little problems palled when compared to his greater responsibilities. 

So Sirius, as he does, thought of a plan.

He had already embarrassed himself enough with the letter, but he couldn't bear to see Remus go without so much as an explanation to whatever the fuck the confused and frightened 16-year-old version of himself thought he had felt. 

Merlin, if Remus thought he had been hiding those feelings all this time, he'd think that the whole raising Harry thing had been nothing but a ploy to be with him!

He  _ had  _ to explain himself. Besides, he couldn't lose Remus. Not when he was the only one left. 

Desperation kicked in. Yes, he was going to do this. He's going to explain and hope to Merlin that Remus believes that it is all in the past now. 

And tomorrow he had the best opportunity to do so.

Molly had been very kind to tell them they could always leave Harry under her care whenever they felt like it. She took a liking to him and, even if she denied it, pitied both him and Remus to no end. 

It didn't help that they didn't own an owl and that their floo network had to stay closed off, so he'd have to just surprise her and hope she wouldn't be too mad about it.

* * *

26th of January, 1982.

Sirius took advantage of Remus' pre-full moon sleeping habits to take Harry to the Burrow during the afternoon while the other slept. 

It wasn't the first time Harry had left the flat since he first got there. They had taken him out for muggle ice cream once. It took awhile until Sirius was comfortable with the idea, but he read in a muggle magazine that kids his age have to get out of the house for their brain to develop properly or something like that. They were taking it slow though, covering up his scar and staying there only for about 15 minutes.

Dumbledore never told them to keep Harry inside at all costs. However, things were still fresh, so it took some time. 

Taking him aside the day she came by, Molly had also assured him that The Burrow was completely safe. So, reminding himself constantly of all those elements, Sirius felt it was alright to leave Harry for only one night. He'd get to play with kids his age and maybe feel like part of a proper family again.

It still left Sirius nervous, though. But now that his plan had been set into motion, there was no turning back.

Without Harry and trying to calm down his pounding heart, Sirius sat in the living room completely unnaturally, waiting for Remus to appear.

His mind was in a cycle of feeling worried for Harry and having to remind himself that he was alright. That didn't keep him for tossing and turning in his seat and his fingers from fidgeting.

After only a few torturous minutes of wondering if this had been an awful mistake, Remus immersed from his bedroom with sleep heavy eyes and robes in his hands. Sirius jumped from his seat.

"You're already going?" he asked eagerly while getting up and trailing after Remus, who eyed him curiously.

"Uh, yes." He answered as put on the robes. "Don't wait up," he gave an uncomfortable smile.

" _ I'mgoingwithyou _ ," Sirius blurted out. 

Remus spun around, "What?"

"I'm going with you," he repeated.

"What about Harry?" Sirius noticed the dread on Remus' voice. It was clear he didn't want him to go. Instead of putting him off, though, it just made him more impatient to explain himself.

"He'll be fine," he tried to offer an assuring smile.

"What? Where is he?" He asked with a deep crease in his brow.

Sirius felt bad about Remus' genuine confusion, but his nervousness couldn't stop himself from telling the information little by little.

"...with the Weasleys." 

"What?! You took him there?" Remus was borderline outraged. "Without telling me?" he continued in a quieter tone.

"I uh...I...wanted for it to be a surprise…?" He really wasn't good at lying. "It's just that...you've been sort of down lately, and I didn't want for you to have another one of those terrible full moons."

"Sirius...thank you, but...well, you should have told me," his voice was gentle. 

It seemed as though he pitied Sirius. It wouldn't be surprising. Of course Remus would be sweet even if he thought Sirius was harbouring feelings for him. It was just his way of being.

He was always so sweet, in fact, that if Sirius' phase had been something more than that, he wouldn't be surprised to find himself falling for him again. In a way, Remus' politeness betrays him.

"You would have said no." He offered a genuine smile this time.

"And I'd have good reason to. You should just go back there and get him, I can handle the full moon."

"No."

"No?"

"I really want to go with you." Sirius cursed himself. He sounded just like his 16-year-old self, and that was  _ not  _ the plan.

Remus sighed, "You worry too much." 

"I worry just enough," Sirius decided he'd had enough and went on to put on his robes that were hanging near the door. "And I'll go with you, you can't prohibit me."

"Alright... I'm almost late, anyway." Remus answered, giving up as he glanced at the watch on his wrist. "But this won't become a habit." 

Sirius opened the door and motioned for Remus to pass, "It'll be fun, just like it used to be," he said while knowing that the truth of it wouldn't be as fun as it would be agonizing.

"Merlin…" Remus mumbled under his breath as he passed.

Arriving at the shack, the situation got much more real in Sirius' head. Well, not only in his mind, since his heart was leaping out of his chest. 

"I haven't been here since...1978?" He asked as he looked around, taking the space in. It hadn't changed a thing.

"I suppose so," Remus answered unfazed.

Okay, so would he address it now? Or wait until sunrise? How would he even start this conversation? Godric, he should have thought this through.

"How much time until the sun sets?" He turned around to face Remus, who just stood awkwardly against the wall.

"Uh...only five minutes, I think." He glanced at his watch that was now in his hands. "And I should tell you that after sunrise I plan on leaving as soon as I can...I don't really like staying in case Madam Pomfrey comes, even though I told Dumbledore not to send her. It's just...you know..." 

"Oh, that's fine."

Okay. Not much time, then. It would have to be now. 

Sirius could hardly stay still as he gathered up the courage to bring the letter up.

"Remus...there's actually something that I wanted to talk to you about, if that's okay." 

Remus glanced up at Sirius, who was almost trying to hide in a dark corner.

"Okay...but we don't have much time. He told him while taking off his robes and setting them aside." 

Merlin, Sirius hadn't thought about how uncomfortable Remus must be with having to take off his clothes in front of him. Fuck, this way it looks like he's cornering him or something!

"I know. But it had to be somewhere without Harry and...anyway," he took a deep breath, hoping Remus wouldn't notice how badly this affected him. 

"Remus, I know that you...found out something about me." Remus looked at him quizzically. "I need you to know that it isn't true anymore. You weren't supposed to find it, I wrote it when I was going through a tough time, I didn't know what I was saying—"

"What the fuck are you on about?" 

"—And I've noticed that you've been drifting away from me...from us, and I'm very sorry if it made you uncomfortable. But I swear on Gryffindor's sword that that is not how I feel anymore." Sirius let out a breath and finally looked at Remus again.

Silence settled as neither of them knew what to say. 

"Sirius, what on Earth are you talking about?" 

"You know, the letter..."

"What letter?"

"...You haven't read any letter this past week?"

"No. I have no idea what you're prattling on about!"

"Oh fuck. Uh, forget about it." Sirius couldn't even meet his gaze anymore as he raised his hands to his face, somewhat trying to hide.

"What? No, what is it?"

"Uh...Isn't it time for the full moon?"

"Shit. It is...we'll talk about it later" Remus looked back at his watch. He looked around the room and turned back to Sirius. "I have too...you know...would you mind…?"

"Not at all," Sirius spun around, offering him some privacy.

He blushed deeply while thinking about what just happened. Fucking daft moron! He was petrified. He hoped some full moon miracle would happen and Remus would forget about this moment when he woke up the next day. 

"You should turn into Padfoot," he heard a voice say behind him.

He did as he was told. Sirius didn't turn to face Remus until he heard the awful familiar sounds of his transformation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And in the next one, we shall see what Remus thinks about all this...


	8. Ghosting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus decides to turn his life around and ends reading something...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter title is for the lgbt community

27th of January 1982

Remus woke up coughing like his life depended on it. He couldn't focus on anything besides the need to expel whatever fluid was making it so hard to breathe. 

He raised himself and turned around so he wasn't with his back on the icy floor anymore. Before he could do anything, he was spitting onto the floor. It took him a few seconds to open his eyes and notice that it was blood. 

He barely noticed when a warm hand touched his back and only realised someone was speaking to him halfway through a sentence.

" —mus talk to me! Are you okay?" Remus turned towards the voice and realised Sirius was speaking. His eyes took a while to focus on him. "Shit, I have to get Madam Pomfrey!"

At that, Remus jumped and found himself to be alert again.

"N —no..." it was hard to form words, though. "Jus—just help me up."

"No, Remus!" Sirius wore an exasperated look on his face. 

Remus didn't understand what all the fuss was about

"For f—fuck's sake, just...just help me up." He tried raising himself with his arms and failed, bouncing back onto the floor.

"I can't, you won't be able to stand up!" Desperate, Sirius looked around hoping that someone would just appear right beside him to help. "Hang on, I'll go get her. Don't do anything."

"No! Sirius, no!" Remus could barely shout at him, not finding the strength to do so. 

Sirius left the shack in a hurry. As Remus watched him go, his eyes rolled to the back of his head and everything went black.

* * *

_ That's better,  _ Remus thought as he didn't feel the cold dirty wood under himself anymore, but a warm and soft bed. 

He didn't feel like opening his eyes at all as he stretched and went in and out of sleep for an unknown amount of time.

He only made sense of the world around him when he heard people talking beside him

"—can he go already?" A male voice asked.

"He should be able to. It's about time he woke up, if I remember well." 

For a shocking split-second, Remus believed it was 1978. Then, of course, if it were, dread wouldn't be dawning upon him the second his mind gained consciousness.

Reluctantly, he opened his eyes. The sight cleared the dread a bit, as the first thing he saw was Harry's green eyes staring at him from where Sirius stood holding him. Sirius was too occupied talking to Madam Pomfrey to notice he had woken up. He realised it was the end of the afternoon.

"M—moomoo," Harry pointed at him. Remus couldn't hold back a smile. Sirius didn't seem to notice.

"Moomoo!" Harry repeated. Sirius glanced at him, confused. 

"Wha—?" His gaze shifted to Remus and his eyes widened. "Oh, thank Godric! You're awake!" 

Remus was still confused about why he seemed to be so worried.

"Guess so," his voice still rough from sleep. "What happened?"

"You hurt yourself during the full moon. Badly." Madam Pomfrey spoke. He felt like a little boy again. "Sirius practically dragged me out of bed saying he had come to check on you and found you badly bruised." The smile she offered him was kind, but worried.

He knew Pomfrey had never seen him quite like this. Over the years, they had formed a bond after so many early mornings in which she found him in his worst state, be it physically or emotionally. When his full moons started getting progressively better, she was optimistic about his future, thinking he'd be able to lead a normal life with only one or two days a month being affected by his lycanthropy. 

Five years later, finding him all bloodied and passed out at the shack at age 21, she probably wondered where it all went wrong.

"Oh. Right," he mumbled as his face flushed in shame. He covered his eyes with his hand, pressing his fingers hard against his skin, trying to gather himself. "I'll get going, then. I'm so sorry for bothering you, Madam Pomfrey. Thank you so much f—" 

"Remus...I told her." Sirius carefully spoke for the first time. "About how you can't heal yourself anymore..." 

"You what?" Remus looked at him intensely. 

Fuck. Classic Sirius. Remus wasn't supposed to be here, let alone tell her all about his latest fuck ups.

Pomfrey sensed the tension and intervened, "He did the right thing in telling me, Remus. You shouldn’t have to worry about keeping secrets from me. We did share the biggest one of all for years, didn’t we?" Her voice was kind but it still felt like he was being talked down to. "I will come to the shack from now on. You can't go through this alone!" 

That was precisely what he had been trying to avoid.

"Thank you, but...I can handle it." He bit his tongue after those words came out of his mouth. He knew he couldn't handle it.

"Remus Lupin, I won't let you bleed to death in that shack while I'm standing right here doing nothing. There's nothing wrong in asking for help."

Remus knew for a fact that she wouldn't let the matter go.

"Alright," he sighed, "but I won't spend the day at the Hospital Wing or anything of the sort."

"You better not. You don't go here anymore, do you?" She teased playfully. "Now if you may excuse me, I have students to tend to."

Remus thanked her again as she watched her go. 

Sirius stood there quietly facing the window. Harry was still restless.

"Moomoo!" He said again, raising his arms in Remus' direction. Sirius looked at him fondly.

"Think he misses you," he said while approaching him. "Do you want to…?" 

"Yes," Remus' inner turmoil about Harry would have to wait. He was way too fragile right now to deny him. 

Sirius handed Harry to him. Remus held him with little struggle, he was getting better at it. 

"Hey," he whispered as Harry settled into his arms. "Did you have fun with Molly? Or did she make you sweep the living room?" 

Sirius snorted. Harry kept reaching for his face, trying to touch the bandages.

Remus dreaded the conversation he'd have to have with Sirius. He couldn't continue to be such a bother to Pomfrey, though, so it was time to leave.

As he looked at Harry, who now rested his head on Remus' chest, he didn't know how to feel. When he looked at him, he was flooded with protectiveness and love, but also guilt. To think this sweet kid had to live with a monster like him was almost unbearable. This feeling was partially irrational and Remus knew it, but it didn't make it any less real.

Tightening his arms around Harry, he let out a sigh and prepared himself to go home. 

* * *

Remus had to admit that he felt much better after going to Madam Pomfrey. Resting in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts offered him a different peace of mind. The stress of having to go home right after a full moon to heal himself probably contributed to his ever-growing fatigue.

The night had already fallen by the time they got back to the flat. Sirius fixed up some dinner and very little was exchanged between them. Remus was both too tired and too confused to say anything. 

Sometime around dinner he remembered the conversation he'd had with Sirius right before the full moon. He truly had no idea what he had been referring to. Remus would be lying if he said he wasn't curious, but another concern overshadowed said curiosity. 

Sirius had talked about how he'd distanced himself from them lately. He wasn't completely wrong; it was partially true. It wasn't because Remus was mad at whatever it was that Sirius was talking about. It was because his old concerns hadn't gone away at the drop of a hat like Sirius probably hoped they had.

Sirius' optimism warmed his heart, but it just wasn't possible. The more fun he had with them washing Harry's hair, letting him colour his arms, and just all around being in his presence, the guiltier he felt. It wasn't right for a kid to grow up with someone who physically couldn't be there for them all the time. And it was absolutely outrageous how Dumbledore let The Boy Who Lived be raised by a dark creature! 

He couldn't wrap his head around it, it was eating him from the inside.

As Remus drowned in his own despair, he waited for Sirius to put Harry to bed and to appear in the living room. Well, that's if he quit hiding from Remus.

Alas, the sound of steps grew louder.

"We have to talk," Remus announced without even turning to see if Sirius was there. The air in the room grew cold.

"Oh...okay," Sirius said hesitantly.

He made his way towards the armchair and sat there, avoiding looking at Remus.

"You shouldn't have called Madam Pomfrey," he said in a soft, but firm voice.

"Remus...don't start that again," he could feel a sense of relief when Sirius noticed he wasn't going to question him about the letter. "You don't understand, you wouldn't have been able to heal yourself."

"I would. I have healed worse," he answered stubbornly.

"While passed out on the floor? I bet you have," he bit back without a humorous tone behind his words.

"It would have been fine!" Remus knew he didn't sound convincing, even to himself.

"Of course it wouldn't! Was I supposed to drag your unconscious bloodied body back to the flat and just leave you bleeding on your bed? You're mental."

"If that meant there would be less of a chance that anyone finds out about me, then yes!" He was starting to get exasperated. 

"What are you on about? You never minded going to the Hospital Wing." Sirius wore a compassionate but worried look on his face as he tried to understand Remus, who felt just  _ bad  _ about bothering him with his never-ending issues and complexes. 

"It’s different now. The circumstances have changed and the stakes are much higher. I didn’t want to go to Pomfrey because it’ll just remind her and everyone else that The Boy Who Lived is living with a werewolf! And I also didn’t want her to see me like that. The full moons have gotten so fucking bad that having Padfoot around doesn’t do shit. She thought I was doing better after Hogwarts...I don't want her to worry about me."

Remus didn't mind that he was rambling. He had to get it all out. Or at least what he  _ could  _ tell Sirius, who remained silent.

"And you shouldn't have brought Harry. What if someone connects the dots? Do you think there won't be pressure from the wizarding community to have him taken out of our care? Fuck, so much's at stake. You don't understand." He sunk back on the sofa as he finished talking.

Sirius was silent for a few seconds.

"You’re right." Remus looked at him, not knowing what to expect. "I’m sorry I brought Harry, I should have thought about it. But what you’re  _ not  _ right about is hiding from Pomfrey, she just wants to help."

"And that’s what makes it worse!"

" _ She wants to help _ , and she fucking has to. You worry about Harry losing you because of the wizarding community, but if it continues like this, he will lose you in another way. You can’t deny her help. Not now." Sirius was at his most earnest as he looked Remus dead in the eyes. Remus felt slightly ashamed and ducked his head.

"You know, it —it was terrible having to watch you rip yourself to shreds as Padfoot. I couldn't even do anything. I tried distracting you, but I couldn't hold your interest for long. I hated every second of it." Remus looked up again to see just how endearing Sirius could be. He was so emotional, Remus only felt worse about having made him see all of that.

He saw sense in Sirius' words. But...it was  _ so  _ hard to just accept it and move on.

"I —I'm sorry you had to see that." He felt himself choke up.

"Don't be. I'd rather be there and ready to help you the second the sun rises than to be here worried sick."

"No...Harry needs you —" 

Sirius could sense that Remus was starting to be convinced. At times like these, Remus' poker face dismantled with ridiculous ease. 

"Harry hardly needs me," he dismissed in a light tone. "Besides, I don't think Molly would deny having him there. We could always introduce him to my cousin Andromeda, too. She has a kid."

"It's not so simple." He said almost whispering.

"It could be...haven't we suffered enough?"

Remus wanted to believe him so badly. With a pang to his heart, he decided to do so.

Sirius had a point, they had suffered enough. For as selfish as he felt, he would take a deep breath and pretend it was alright. It would be worth it even if it lasted only for two more months. Or two more days.

He could only look down again and think about what Sirius had said. Silence settled between them as if Sirius had been waiting to just deliver the message and make Remus reflect upon it. When Remus looked in his direction again from the corner of his eye, he realised he had left him.

He went to bed thinking about it.

* * *

28th of January, 1982.

Remus woke up at his usual time. It was a relief not to be left with gaping wounds after a full moon, that he had to admit. 

As his mind circled back to his previous conversation with Sirius, this could be the day he flips his life around and starts actually living. Present in the now. 

He spent a lot of time debating with himself, Sirius had a point. But Remus knew he himself had a point, too. He  _ just _ wanted to forget about those issues, though. To live in blissful ignorance, to not think about everything going to shit for more than ten minutes at a time. 

He had to catch a fucking break. 

So he'd do it. He would play house with Sirius and pretend everything was fine. They deserved this, after everything.

Sometimes Remus liked to put things into perspective and think about how ridiculous their situation is when you take all the tragedy out. If he could tell Sirius in 1975 that this would be their future, he'd have probably lost his mind. He was so defensive back then. He'd have probably been scared shitless that he "ended up being a  _ poof _ ", a word that was very much present in his adolescent vocabulary. Remus smiled absentmindedly as he thought of the boy's reaction. 

It was kind of funny; he had to admit. 

Reinvigorated, he got himself ready and went to the kitchen to prepare something for them. 

In the beginning, Sirius had always woken up earlier than Remus, which he thought was because he couldn't sleep much. Now, Sirius had already gone back to his usual self when it came to sleeping habits. Remus took it as an opportunity to be the one to get Harry from his bedroom.

It isn't so much the act itself as it is the meaning of it. He felt like a proper father when he was greeted in the room by a laughing child with very messy hair sticking out. 

Merlin, not  _ father _ . Maybe older brother, then. Or uncle. Yes, uncle.

"Moomoo!" 

The way Harry had started calling for him ever since he started getting more involved warmed his heart to no end. It had also been a source of worry and dread, but now he forced those feelings aside.

"Hello there, Prongslet. 'Tis I, Uncle Moony" He said as he reached for him and settled him on his hip.

Godric, Prongslet. Talk about a buried memory. It was nice, though. A way to keep James' memory alive in their day-to-day life.

Making breakfast holding Harry on one arm was even harder than how Sirius had made it look back when they first moved in together. But he had a better knowledge of cooking charms, so he could make do with what he had.

He put on a silencing charm as to not wake up Sirius, who slept on the couch, and continued with the work. He did get bored, though. 

"Harry, tell me, what's your favourite food to have at breakfast?" 

Harry happily mumbled something incoherent.

"Ah, yes, that's an excellent choice. You have a fine palate for a child"

Harry mumbled again. Remus was sure he wasn't actually answering anything. Harry was a very talkative baby, even though he couldn't form many words, so he'd always be saying  _ something.  _

"Oh, please pardon me. I didn't mean to offend you! Your palate is above many others I have encountered throughout my brief yet tumultuous life." He answered in an apologetic tone.

Talking to Harry could be therapeutic, in a way.

"Your godfather, for example, wouldn't eat anything that cost less than five galleons." Harry laughed, "Well, that doesn't come as a surprise, does it?" 

"I was conditioned to it! If I had had the choice to drink butterbeers at age nine like any other kid, I would have."

Remus' jumped at the surprise. He spun around to find Sirius standing there with a grin splattered on his face.

"Oh. Sorry. I... didn't know you were there."

"I noticed," he laughed. "If you think  _ I  _ was bad, you should have seen what Regulus ate."

Remus noticed that Sirius had gone back to treating him as if nothing had happened, be it their last conversation or the bizarre reason why he had been on his toes this last week. It was nice.

He turned back around to resume the task.

"James wasn't easy either." He tried continuing the conversation naturally. "I don't know how I survived those first couple of years with your posh arses."

"We could be a bit unbearable, I'll admit." He smiled fondly as he remembered. "But you had your faults too! It took a while for us to fully comprehend your accent, for starters."

"Oh, Sirius, pardon me for speaking like a commoner." He couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm just saying!" 

Remus finished cooking and poured it onto their plates with a flick of his wand. He put Harry in his chair and cast a spell that would feed him with a spoon.

"Well, the posh accent was better than that time you decided to drop it in a rebellious act." He couldn't stifle his laughter as he remembered Sirius' ridiculous attempt.

"Oh, don't remind me..." He buried his face in his hands "I was just a kid."

"You were fifteen." 

"I was trying to be more like you." Sirius looked away and seemed to curse himself. Remus pretended he hadn't noticed.

"Like me?!"

"You had that dangerous accent and scars going on for you. James had his hair and Quidditch. I had a hair that couldn't get messy even if I didn't brush it for days and the pale skin of a porcelain doll."

"Oh, you say that as if you didn't have every girl in Hogwarts lining up to run their fingers through that hair!"

"It wasn't about that, a man can have aspirations that don't correlate to the fairer sex." Remus snorted.

"To each their own, I guess." 

Their pleasant conversation continued throughout breakfast, and the mood had overall improved.

The next couple of days passed with ease. Addressing some issues had actually done them some good. It's not like they had been solved, but acknowledging gave them a better perspective on it.

Remus could live like this, he thought. It was so easy.

Not that Harry wasn't a handful, but in their own pace, it all became delightful. Back in 1978, when they thought about living together, this wasn't what they had in mind. Their dreams involved many more parties, friends, and dating. Now their idea of fun became sitting on the floor and entertaining Harry until he got tired enough to fall asleep.

It wasn't bad. Not at all.

The last full moon changed their perspectives. The fact that Harry had spent the night somewhere else and had a great time with kids his age was encouraging.

For as protective as they were, especially Sirius, they couldn't shield him forever. Not only that, but he needed to interact with the outside world more often if he was going to grow up properly. 

The things they had been reading on The Daily Prophet were also encouraging. The news were optimistic, gone were the days when people dreaded opening the paper first thing in the morning.

So, they thought it might be time to take Harry to Diagon Alley for the first time.

"Let me do it," he said while batting away Sirius' wand, which was dangerously close to Harry's face.

"No! I've been practising. Look," he cast a Colour Change Charm, turning Harry's hair blonde. "Oh, Merlin, that's an odd sight. Sorry, Prongslet."

"It definitely does not match his complexion."

Remus cast a charm to hide his scar and they parted to Diagon Alley.

The scenery was just like what Remus had got used to ever since he started coming more often. It brought back wonderful memories from when he'd come to buy his school supplies. Somewhere along with those thoughts, he let himself imagine if they would be able to bring Harry here when he's eleven years old.

Their first stop was Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, at Sirius' insistence.

"Isn't it  _ too  _ cold for that?" Remus asked with a crease on his brow as he eyed Sirius, who had a grin on his face. 

They stood in the middle of the busy street in front of the shop. Remus held Harry in his arms, who couldn't stop looking around and reacting to everything that was going on around him.

"It wasn't 'too cold' for that muggle ice cream!" Sirius protested. "Besides, we can't let this child live in ignorance thinking that  _ that  _ is anything like wizard ice cream." 

"It's not that different."

"They only have boring flavours!" Sirius protested quite ridiculously.

"The man can leave the pureblood family, but the pureblood family does not leave the man, I see." 

"Oh, bugger off! I was simply stating a fact."

"It's not my fault you've been going to the wrong muggle shops"

"I've been going to the ones  _ you  _ take me to," he accused.

Remus rolled his eyes and raised his free arm in defeat.

"Alright, alright. Let's go in already before we catch our deaths," he followed Sirius, who held the door open for them.

He had missed moments like these, where they would have useless arguments over small things. 

After some time, they settled on buying two strawberry-and-pistachio ice creams for him and Harry, and a vanilla one for Sirius.

"Oh, you complain that the muggle ones are boring and  _ this  _ is what you choose?" 

"So?" Sirius shrugged with a smirk on his face, "I never said  _ I  _ had a personal interest in the better flavours."

They ate as they chatted. Remus hadn't felt this happy in a long time. Their banter was just the same, and Harry was always a delight to have around. Maybe he should listen to Sirius more. 

"We should buy an owl," Sirius suggested as they threw the leftover ice cream on a bin. "Y'know, now that we plan on seeing more people."

Remus agreed and they made their way to Eeylops Owl Emporium. Opening the door, they were met with rows of all types of owls and a bunch of other buyers.

A short blonde woman with glasses way too big for her face appeared from behind a desk.

"Oh, hullo! My name's Cynthia. How can I help this beautiful beautiful family?" She offered them a blinding smile.

"Uh… we're looking for an owl..." Sirius answered uncomfortably.

It felt odd for him too to be referred to as a family. Remus couldn't pinpoint exactly what they were. Two bachelors and a kid? Well, yes. But is that a family? Not really. A part of him didn't want them to be seen as a family either way. It was too restrictive. Too strong of a word.

"I sure hope you are!" She laughed as if that was the funniest thing she had ever heard. "A lot of families come to get an owl when they have a child, with the chaos of raising a little one and whatnot. A lot of them let the kids choose the owl too, I find that it's something that brings everyone together, isn't it?" 

"I suppose so..." Sirius kept shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"Wouldn't you like to try?" She asked, looking at them eagerly.

"Sure! Why not?" Remus stepped in for Sirius, who seemed to have lost all his social skills in a matter of seconds.

She guided them through the rows of owls waiting for Harry— or Edward, as they had informed her— to have  _ some _ reaction towards one of them. That method didn't seem like the most effective, but they went with it.

"We don't get many families like yours around here," she informed, smiling at them with a weird sort of sympathy.

"I suppose you don't… we're sort of unique, aren't we?" Now Remus was getting uncomfortable. Was that her telling them that she knew who they were? That she was aware this was The Boy Who Lived?

"Aw, you sure are. So brave, too." She pouted a little as she said so. Remus didn't understand what she was talking about. Fuck, were their covers that bad? Before he could ask, she jumped up in excitement. "Oh! Look! He likes this one," she pointed at Harry, who was stretching his arm towards a tiny owl who sat quietly in its cage. 

"I think we imagined something a little bigger," Sirius opened his mouth for the first time in a while.

"Oh, but this one's splendid company! He's a little untrained… but very loyal."

Of course Harry had to pick that one.

"You sure you like that one, H—Eddie?" 

Harry couldn't get his eyes off the owl and kept trying to leap off of Sirius' arms to reach it. They took it as a yes.

"He's such a darling!" She said enthusiastically.

Remus sighed, "I guess that's the one, then. Does he have a name?"

"Not yet! He's so young… we haven't given one to him."

Remus looked at Sirius over his shoulder, "I think we should name him Simon. You know, in honour of Paul Simon."

"Merlin," Sirius smiled, "might as well get another one and call it Garfunkel while you're at it."

They bought the owl and went straight home. It was difficult convincing Sirius to pay for only half of it through hushed whispers at check-out, but they managed it in the end.

Cynthia had said that they should open the cage and let the owl explore the house for some time. Harry took this as an opportunity to treat the animal as a pet. Weirdly, the owl took a liking to him.

The sun settled and Remus was especially tired after such a tumultuous day. It didn't compare to the days he had during the war, but after so much time of doing nothing, a trip to Diagon Alley became exhausting. 

Sirius didn't seem to feel the same as he trailed after Harry and the owl, talking about how they had to teach it to properly deliver letters.

"Cynthia said she's not all that well trained, so we should do a few test runs," Sirius announced barging into the living room with the rest of the residents.

"Uh, do what you must." Remus couldn't care less about the issue, sinking into the couch as watching the action.

Sirius spent the next hour writing their names on pieces of paper and trying to get the owl to deliver them properly. Out of ten times, it worked around three. The times it succeeded had probably been a coincidence, as there weren't many people there.

They ate leftovers and the owl activities continued until Remus couldn't even bear it anymore. Around ten o'clock he left Sirius to it and went to sleep already.

He gathered Harry, who was falling in and out of sleep on the sofa, in his arms and took him to his bedroom. He treasured the quiet moments he had with him a lot, not that he didn't enjoy Sirius' presence, but it was different. He finally understood what went on in Sirius' head that would make him sit on this armchair and spend his time just watching Harry sleep and being overall present.

So, he did the same and sat there. He felt proud but couldn't exactly pinpoint what he was proud of. Maybe of the fact that they had been managing him pretty well. Or that he saw that he could put the kid's needs before his own after so much time of struggling. Those were still at the back of his mind and won't ever go away. But he could manage as long as things continue to be exactly as they are.

He almost drifted away to sleep like Sirius had done so many times on this chair, but got interrupted by Simon, who poked him with its beak, carrying yet another piece of parchment with Remus' name written on it.

" _ Ouch _ , okay, okay," he grabbed the parchment and patted it lightly on the head.

He almost crumpled the paper and set it aside, but something caught his eye. 

It was different from the other pieces of parchment he'd been receiving throughout the night. It was folded and seemed a little older, a bit wrinklier. 

He then opened it and saw that there was a whole letter written on it. 

That was definitely strange. He skimmed his eyes through it and saw that it dated back to 1975. 

_ What is this? _

Then, he read all of it.

Oh. 

_ Oh. _

So this is what Sirius must have been talking about. Right...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh


	9. Tomorrow Never Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has to confront Remus about the letter. Things settle, but then...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// internalised homophobia

_Where's that bloody owl?_

Sirius asked himself, feeling his shoulders slouch and his legs ache as he got progressively tired from trying to train Simon. 

He looked for it through the flat, stopping outside of Harry's bedroom, that had a soft light coming through the open door. It must be there with Remus, then. 

"Is that bloody owl he—" He stopped the second he saw what Remus was holding in his hands.

His heart sank. He could only stare at Remus as they looked at each other, having no idea of what to say or do. Remus' face was blank but in a bit of shock.

He had to break the unbearable silence.

"I — It's not — It's not what it seems." He stumbled through his words, raising an arm defensively in Remus' direction.

 _Shit._ He had been so relieved when Remus told him he did not know what he was talking about at the shack. Remus tried to wipe the expression from his face, but his eyes widened eyes remained.

"Oh. Uh. God. I — It's fine, Sirius." He managed to say. 

"No, no, I'm sorry." Sirius closed his eyes and opened them again after a beat, trying to regain his thoughts. "I don't know what I had in mind back then. I was going through a lot. You remember that, don't you? I… I was confused..." He felt himself blush deeply at his ill-attempt of an excuse.

"No, I get it. Really. It's just unexpected, that's all," he could see Remus going red too. This situation was excruciating for both of them.

Bless Remus, he was so kind as to not freak out right in front of Sirius.

"I don't feel like that anymore! I swear!" He blurted out, sounding quite desperate.

Remus stood up and raise his hands as to calm Sirius down, "It's okay, Sirius. I'll just...go to bed, alright?" 

He left before Sirius could say anything else. The letter lay open on the armchair. Sirius snatched it quickly and buried it in his pocket.

Sirius left as to leave Harry alone. It was a miracle he hadn't woken up with all the fuss.

He sat on the sofa and felt like he could cry. 

Remus' face had said it all. 

Of course his words were kind. Of course he wouldn't verbally hold the letter against him. But he couldn't help what he felt. 

Things had been going so well these past few days, Remus seemed to have finally fully accepted the situation he now found himself in. They laughed, shopped, and lived together. They hadn't been this close since school. Or, to be quite honest, since the times he'd have insomnia because of worries and nightmares. That was when he would go to the Common Room and find Remus in similar situations. 

That had been a low time in his life, of course he would latch onto Remus and call it love or whatnot. Now he was mature enough to understand that it hadn't been _love_. He was desperate. He couldn't connect to the girls the same way he could with Remus. Looking back at it, he was lucky he hadn't thought the same of James. That would have made things even weirder.

But why Remus, then? Why not James, the prince among men? 

That just proved it had been a weird phase in his life. If he could actually feel attracted to a man, he would have definitely felt that towards James, wouldn't he? After all, he always knew James was handsome. But not in _that_ way. Right?

Merlin, Sirius didn't even know who he was anymore. 

But the pressing matter was that Remus would probably wake up the next day and ask him to leave very politely. Actually, he wouldn’t outright say it, he would just get more and more uncomfortable as time went by. 

Fuck, what should he do? 

Should he just pack up and bring Harry to his flat? Then he could move to Grimmauld Place. No, Harry didn't deserve to be raised in that horrid place.

Just as he thought an exception had been made to the rule, he fucked up again.

He lay with his head on the pillow, trying to fall asleep and failing miserably.

Remus would probably hate him after this. He was probably shifting in bed thinking of this and feeling _disgust_ towards Sirius, and there was nothing he could do about it. The hatred wouldn't come so much from the "homosexual tendencies" displayed in the letter as it would from the way it made their whole situation look. 

He would think that Sirius planned this all along or something in some pathetic and desperate attempt to be with him and make a family. That woman at the shop implying that they were one didn't help either, it would only make the subject fresher in Remus' head.

And if he did all this to be with him, it would seem like he's been obsessed with Remus for years! Over five years, to be exact.

It was truly awful. Almost like some sort of betrayal on Sirius' part.

As a result, Sirius barely slept at all that night. He only realised how much time had passed when sunlight started seeping through the windows. 

Shit, it meant that sooner rather than later he'd have to look at Remus in the eyes again. 

With a heavy heart, Sirius got up from the sofa and started pacing around, thinking about what he was going to tell Remus. 

What could he even say? Everything would probably sound desperate and, honestly, untrue. He had to be honest with himself here, that letter showed sensibility that Sirius rarely ever let out. It was sappy. And honest. So very honest. And that was the worst part. There were no jokes, puns, or anything of the sort, just unadulterated honesty and suffering. He'd never talked about a girl to the Marauders the same way he'd written about Remus. It was just so… raw.

He sighed, James would have known what to do. James wouldn't judge him.

Alright then, there's not much else to do.

Running his fingers through his hair and thinking frantically, he came to a decision. Sirius opened the drawers throughout the flat that contained all his stuff and started pilling it on the sofa. 

When he got the fifth drawer, he heard footsteps and felt his heart plummet through the floor. Sirius took a deep breath and straightened his posture, turning to face the door. Just as expected, Remus appeared. He still wore his pyjamas and had messy hair, but wore a concerned expression.

"Sirius?" he called while passing the door in slow steps. "What are you doing?" 

"Remus." He said stupidly. But then, measured his words, "I… I know that you're probably angry with me. And I don't want to make you live in a constantly uncomfortable state, having me around all the time. I understand how you must feel... you weren't supposed to read that...But I think you know that," Sirius offered a breathless laugh. "I had no idea what was going on with me when I wrote it — I still don't know, I was confused. I don't feel that way anymore. Haven't since that year. But I completely understand if you don't want to live with me anymore." Remus was looking at him with his eyebrows knitted together. Sirius bit the inside of his cheek, getting more nervous by the second.

"Are you mental?" Remus said in a low tone while not changing his expression at all. Sirius stared at him for a few seconds.

"What?" He asked after a beat.

 _"Are you mental?_ " Remus relaxed his face. "Sirius, I understand that the letter was _very_ private and I'm sorry I even read it. When I realised what it was about I should have just dropped it and given it to you."

Sirius' jaw slackened at the surprise of what Remus was telling him.

"Why are _you_ apologizing to _me?_ I just shouldn't have written it." He said exasperated. This was getting confusing. "It—It was just a phase. But you don't have to be so kind as to pretend it doesn’t affect you...So I'll go away and well never have to speak of it again."

"Wha—?" Remus frowned.

"You don't understand, I—" 

"You don't have to explain yourself. Believe me, I get it." Remus looked at him intently, his gaze piercing. He was making it harder. His kindness was getting in the way of the truth.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable," Sirius made a last effort, his eyes pleaded. 

"Sirius," Remus said firmly, "do you think I wouldn't want to live with you because of _that_?"

Sirius dropped his gaze to the ground, giving himself some time to think.

"Well, yes. You don't have to pretend—"

"I don't care about it!" Remus cut in "I understand. It was ages ago. It's fine. You don't have to feel self-conscious about it, I get it."

How can he just dismiss this?

"Besides," Remus continued in an accusatory tone, "why were you getting all your stuff? Did you plan on taking Harry away? Because of _this_? Where would you go? To Grimmauld Place? And wouldn't I get a say on this?" 

"I...I hadn't thought of that..." 

"So were you just going to take off by yourself and do _what_? All because you thought I would suddenly hate pretty much the only friend I have left because of something he wrote years ago?" His tone became progressively softer. Remus couldn't get all that mad as Sirius. Truth be told, he understood him and how he functioned.

"Uh..." Sirius blushed deeply. Merlin, he felt so stupid. Remus' reaction had been the contrary he had expected, he could read Sirius like a book. "So...you want me to stay?" 

"Of course I do, you prat! I thought _we_ were going to raise Harry together, for fuck's sake." Remus said in such a light tone that Sirius felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders. His expression softened and he offered him a gentle smile, "We don't have to talk about it ever again if you don't want to."

Sirius nodded, "Okay...I'm sorry about that. And thank you, Remus. So much."

* * *

Things didn't continue the same for some time since the incident. Remus had kept to his word and never uttered anything else about the letter. Neither had Sirius, of course.

The initial panic having washed away, Sirius still cringed at his younger self but was much more at ease when interacting with Remus. 

He now recognised his sudden decision to have been just one of his impulsive episodes, that usually did more bad than good. He never thinks them through, he just gets so caught up in the euphoria of his feelings that he forgets to take into consideration some obvious things before acting. By now he just considered that behaviour to be part of his personality. 

It got worse after James and Lily's deaths. But it's what brought Harry to him, though. It's also what made Remus almost break up their friendship in 1976 after that ill attempt at a prank.

Putting things into perspective, his outburst in '76 made a whole lot of sense. The way he'd felt when he realised what he had done was just about the worst he'd ever felt up to that point in his life. And, when you're 16, everything feels like it's the end of the world.

He felt like a revisionist historian looking back at his life with this new vision of _why_ some things happened.

Well, of course. He shelved his feelings for good after the prank. He'd been so desperate for Remus to forgive him that he just let himself feel immensely grateful for having that friendship back. It was all he needed.

It made sense.

He was kind of pathetic, wasn't he? Well, Sirius thought so. 

But he was willing to put it all behind him and start with a clean slate. No more secrets, it's all out and Remus is _fine_ with it. Things couldn't be better.

After getting Simon, their days became slightly more exciting, which wasn't difficult. Remus wrote to Molly about how they have to thank her for doing so much for them. They didn't know exactly _how_ to thank her, but she took command of things and invited them over for dinner at The Burrow. 

How would they thank her by eating at her place? They didn't know, but you can't argue with Molly Weasley.

Remus would never admit this, but Sirius thinks he's dying to get some new tips from Molly, especially in the cooking department. He sees right through him when Sirius is trying to cook something in the kitchen and Remus walks in, his face telling he's already worried about what uninspiring dish Sirius tried and probably failed to cook. They also don't know what to cook for a baby, Sirius' copy of _Enchantment in Caring: A Comprehensive Guide to Raising a Magical Baby_ only covers so much.

And that's how they found themselves at her doorstep right after sunset.

Sirius carried a bouquet and wore the best thing he had so as to not provoke Molly to go on a rant about how they are adults and have to start looking like it. However, the best thing he had was the old leather jacket he wore under his robes. Remus looked a bit more presentable by Molly's standards, with his trusty corduroy pants and cardigan. So, like an old man. Harry, as always, looked adorable in the little suspenders they had bought him.

Sirius went to knock on the door, but before he could, it was flung open and he was met with an explosion of red before his eyes and the warm embrace of the Weasley atmosphere.

"Hello, boys!" Molly smiled widely. "Please come in! Oh, Harry, as cute as always." She ushered them in and promptly took the kid from Remus' arms.

"Hi, Molly. Thanks for inviting us," Remus said behind him while holding Harry in his arms. 

Sirius began taking his robes off. The house was much warmer than outside. He looked around taking the place in, at night the house looked even cosier. The lights shined yellow and all the clutter just made the place more endearing.

He looked back at Molly, who was collecting their robes faster than they could take them off.

"Have you fixed that broken pipe, Remus? It’s a simple spell, you remember that, right?"

"Oh, yes. It's as good as new!" Sirius could tell from his look of surprise that Remus hadn't even touched whatever broken pipe she was referring to. He smiled absentmindedly at the scene.

"And you, Sirius." She diverted her attention to him, "You have kept that living room livable, right?" She crossed her arms and stood with her legs apart. It was like being scolded by a mother he'd never had. 

"Yup. Squeaky clean," he flashed her a blinding smile that was usually aimed at McGonagall. "And these are for you," he handed her the colourful flowers.

"You're just like children..." She addressed both of them while taking the flowers and turning around to guide them through the house.

As they entered the living room, a storm of red-headed kids appeared.

"So many..." Remus whispered to him.

"And we can barely take care of one," he leaned closer as he responded.

"William!" Molly yelled, startling them. A kid about twelve years old quickly appeared in front of them. "Show them their places while I finish cooking. And take him." She was handing Harry to him.

"Oh, no, Molly. Let me take him." Remus interfered.

"William is used to it. Now, settle in and I'll be right back!" She smiled pleasantly at them and left.

"Huh. Hi William, I'm Sirius! And this is Remus." He crouched to be on the kid’s eye level and offered the nicest smile he could.

"Hi," he answered shyly, not meeting his eyes. "I actually prefer Bill..."

"Alright, Bill. You have a lot of siblings, don't you?"

"Yeah...I suppose." He was shifting in his place.

"Are you going to Hogwarts already?"

Bill nodded and smiled with a little more courage, "I'm a Gryffindor," he said proudly.

"We were too! That's by far the best house. I knew you wouldn't be a Slytherin, yikes." Sirius scrunched up his nose as to show his aversion to the snakes. Bill laughed and seemed to be more at ease. "Now let me take Harry, I bet you have carried enough babies for a lifetime already." Bill nodded and he took Harry swiftly from his arms.

Sirius finally stood up straight again and looked at Remus, who smiled at him.

"What?" He asked with curiosity.

"You have such a way with kids," Remus said softly.

"You just have to speak their language, that’s all." 

Remus was about to answer when he was interrupted by a loud yelp escaping his throat. Their eyes shot downwards as they saw two ginger heads at their feet holding a garden gnome dangerously close to Remus' calf.

"What the f—" 

The two identical boys burst out laughing, and Remus was just too confused and in pain to say anything. 

Sirius started shaking with laughter.

"FREDERICK GIDEON WEASLEY AND GEORGE FABIAN WEASLEY," Molly's voice reverberated through the walls as she crossed the door in heavy steps. "Throw that garden gnome out at once! And apologise!" She turned to Remus, changing her expression from furious to pitying. “Dear, I am so sorry…”

The two boys were still snickering between themselves.

“Apologise!" She glared at them.

They turned their heads to look at Remus in the eyes, an act of courage that their older brother seemed to be lacking.

“Sorry,” they said in unison.

"Uh...it's okay?” Remus said unsure. 

She offered the kids one last stern look and turned back to them smiling politely, "Dinner is served! Hand Harry to me, he will sit with Ronald."

Sirius did as he was told. 

The entire family sat at the table, the younger toddlers being put in special chairs at one far end. 

"And how have you been?" Arthur asked politely as they settled in their chairs beside one another.

"We've been well… Holding on, I suppose," Remus answered.

"You know," Molly began, "I was twenty when I had William—" 

"I want to go by Bill mom!" The young kid called from afar.

"— So I understand what it must be like for you boys to be raising Harry. It's very sudden for you, of course. But not so different." 

"Oh, those days were great," Arthur intervened. "He had so much stamina, didn't we, Mollywobbles?" He grinned.

Molly flushed and laughed as she nodded.

"Oh, keep it to yourselves," another one of the freckled kids spoke.

"Ew," said Bill with a scrunched up nose.

"It's tiring for sure," Remus began, "but very rewarding. I never imagined I'd ever be in this position."

"You never thought about having kids?" Molly asked with true curiosity.

"Not really," Remus answered with a mouthful. 

"I didn't either," Sirius added.

"So no wives in the near future, then?" Her tone became sceptical. 

"Merlin, no. I have never given the family thing much thought." Sirius felt himself shrug while picking up more food with his fork. "I guess we were busy with the war."

"You boys should start thinking about it, Harry needs a mother figure. I think it makes all the difference."

"Oh, honey, leave them be," Arthur interjected, thankfully.

The thought of getting girlfriends bewildered Sirius. He had never even thought about it, but he could feel the aversion to the idea already seeping through his veins. Aren't they enough for Harry? Why would he want to involve someone else in it? Let alone a _wife_. It didn't even seem possible.

He let his eyes fall upon Harry while the others carried on with the conversation. He sat adorably next to Ronald. Molly's spell for feeding them was much more stable than Sirius', it worked like a steady hand. His kept dropping food and aiming for the nose. 

The rest of the night passed peacefully, with Molly only bringing up girlfriends once again when they were standing by the door about to leave.

"What about that girl from the Order, Mary, how's she been?" Molly asked while handing a sleeping Harry back to Remus after a night of smothering him. Arthur had left to check on baby Ginevra and she seemed to take it as her chance to bring up the subject once again.

"Uh...I don't know." Sirius answered earnestly. He had never been close with Mary, they were pretty much colleagues and never really spoke about anything outside of Order-related stuff.

"Oh, you _must_ owl her." She reached for his arm to rest her hand there and gather all of his attention. "She's probably dying to know how you're holding up."

A crease formed on his forehead, "I doubt that."

He heard a breathless laugh come from Remus behind him.

Molly must have thought that Sirius was joking since she offered him an honest laugh. "I _know_ she is! A good-looking kid like you will have no trouble!"

"Thanks…?"

They said their goodbyes and thanked her endlessly for the meal, that was now being brought home with them as leftovers. As she closed the door behind them, they heard silence for the first time in hours.

"Mary McDonald, huh?" Sirius shifted his gaze to Remus, who smirked at him.

Sirius scoffed, "Bugger off." Then he laughed, admitting the ridiculousness of the situation. "Why did she keep pestering _me_ over it? Why not you?" 

Remus shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe it's your 'ladies man' persona," he grinned.

"That part of me has been dead for years, thank you very much." He announced. "Besides, why ruin what we have by throwing someone else in the mix?

"She means well."

After that, they parted and went back home. _Home._ Huh, when did he start calling it that?

Remus went straight to Harry’s bedroom and put him to bed. The kid had had loads of fun at The Burrow. Merlin knows what one-year-olds get up to, but he seemed to really like Ronald. Maybe they could continue being friends, it would be nice for him to know kids his age.

It was hard thinking about the far off future as things had barely settled in their lives. Not only that, but Dumbledore's "temporary _"_ had always stayed in the back of Sirius' mind. 

He wouldn't ruin the good mood and think of it now, though.

He felt too restless to go to sleep, so he put on one of Remus' records and waited for him to appear sitting on the sofa.

"I see you're enjoying a little _Ram?_ " Remus asked enthusiastically as he emerged from the corridor.

"I knew you would come running," He felt himself smile.

"Of course, it's the greatest solo work by an ex-Beatle!" 

"You really know your muggle music, don't you?" If he had to be honest, Sirius would say that he found it endearing. But he'd never admit that.

"It's better than wizard music," Remus shrugged and sat comfortably beside him, but not too close. 

"Prongs and I were going to learn all that we could about muggle music after the war— we made that promise to each other. How come you never told us that you knew so much?" 

"I don't know much," He shifted in his seat, "just the slightly below-average knowledge of a common muggle, really." Remus looked around and settled on looking back at Sirius, continuing after two beats, "And you two weren't interested in my music, I didn't know a thing about Bowie, the Pistols, or whatever cool musician you guys obsessed over. All I know comes from my mum, so that's why I only know of stuff made until the early seventies." 

Remus' mum died when they were in second year. He remembered him taking it pretty badly, but they weren't old or close enough yet for him to have taken part in much of Remus grieving. He kept it to himself. It had been quite grim, the Marauders tried cheering him up and all that, but they were still twelve-year-olds, after all.

"Oh. I'm...sorry. We should have asked about what you liked for once." 

Remus smiled softly, "It's fine, Pads. I didn't mention it a lot because I knew you wouldn't like it as much as I did." Before Sirius could think of what to say, Remus continued, "I guess a part of me also wanted to keep her to myself. So that her music would still be ours...I know it sounds silly." He smiled and flushed.

"No, no. Not silly at all. I get it." Sirius wished he could say more. "But if you ever want to share it, I'd love to learn more. I'll admit, sometimes I get a little tired of the same old punk music."

The gloom mood shifted when Remus smiled wider, "Which Beatles records have you listened to back to back, then?" 

"Uh...none," Sirius replied back shyly.

"Merlin, that would be a crime punishable by death in the muggle world."

"Good thing I'm not a muggle, then"

Remus lifted himself off the sofa and made his way towards the record player.

"We'll fix that right now," he said while scanning his modest collection. His hand was on his chin, he seemed to be in deep thought. Again, Sirius found it to be quite endearing. "Aha!" He snatched one from the shelf and turned back to Remus, holding the record up proudly, "Let's start with a solid one, Revolver!" 

"Alright," Sirius smiled as he said softly.

Remus put on the record, the living room being flooded by the sound.

"Now just sit back," he went back to the couch and settled beside Sirius. "And I'll only let you out of here once the record's over." 

It was late at night already, but Sirius didn't worry about falling asleep as every song that played was better than the last. Personally, he thought _She Said She Said_ and _And Your Bird Can Sing_ were the best ones.

"I always thought of you as a Lennon type of person," Remus responded once Sirius told him what he thought of the album as penultimate track played.

"Why's that?" He asked in earnest.

"You've got that rebellious streak going on for you," Remus shrugged and looked away.

"And which one are you?" 

"George, I guess. Prongs was Paul." Remus laughed, "I've actually given it a lot of thought."

The song fizzled out and the room was dominated by the unique sounds of _Tomorrow Never Knows_.

"Godric, that's...different," he turned to see the look on Remus' face. He smiled widely, happy to be sharing something he'd kept private for so long. The Beatles were hardly private, but in their context, it felt like showing Sirius a hidden part of his life. "And you say _my_ music is noisy."

Remus shrugged and smiled from the corner of his mouth, "This is artistic."

A couple of minutes later, the record finished playing.

"I liked it." Sirius announced, "Even the noisy one." 

"I'll make you listen to every single one of their albums." Remus turned his head that rested on the sofa cushion towards Sirius, who was in the same position. Then he looked to the wall and smiled, seemingly thinking of something.

"What is it?" Sirius asked quietly.

"My mum raised me on Yellow Submarine," Remus said, "It's not their greatest work, it's sort of for kids, you know? I...want to do the same thing for Harry. I want him to have fond memories and things that connect him to his past. We don't know what may happen to us in the future...but I want him to feel like he always has us, Lily, and James by his side."

Sirius took advantage of the way Remus was looking away to analyse his face. His heart felt swollen with fondness whenever Remus said things such as this. 

He sighed and smiled too, "Yeah..." 

Remus turned back to look at him and smiled wider.

Sirius' heartbeat quickened and his palms got sweaty as he took a deep breath. He wanted to look away but couldn't. His thoughts took some time to fully reach him. Why did he suddenly feel so nervous and the surrounding air grew so hot?

Oh, he knows this feeling all too well.

He turned around and sat forward, pressing his fingers to his temples for a few seconds. He felt Remus shift in his seat.

"Everything alright, Pads?"

Sirius swallowed and looked up, "Yes, just tired."

He got up and took the spinning record out of the record player.

"Thanks for the music lesson, Moony," he smiled one last time and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face.

_This cannot be happening again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys I'm a Beatles nerd...  
> I've been thinking about writing a one-shot about Sirius' first crush on Remus, but I'm not sure if I'll do it before or after this fic ends. Sooo just a heads up :)


	10. If It Wasn't For the Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic reached 1000 hits! Yay! I'd like to thank everyone who's been reading it, especially those who've been commenting. It truly means a lot to me. This is my first "serious" fic, as well as the first one in English lol  
> The feedback not only makes me more confident but also warms my little heart <3 Thanks, everyone! 

Splashing cold water on his face did little to help himself calm down. Maybe he wouldn't have had such a reaction if he hadn't felt like this only once before. And of course that had been in '75.

Back then he spent much more time telling himself that he must have been wrong and that those feelings didn't exist because of Remus. It must have been something else! Maybe the air in the room grew hot around him because of a hex. Or perhaps someone had cast a milder version of the Jelly-Legs curse on him every time Remus touched him or got too close.

By 1982, life had beaten him down enough for him to recognise this for what it was. His… infatuation was back. But maybe he's just being dramatic and it was just a one-off thing. It could be, right?

Either way, as he looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, with his face dripping wet, he knew he was fucked.

When he dried up his face and went back to the living room, he saw that Remus was thankfully no longer there. 

Sirius felt weirdly calm about this. After so much hysteria, it felt odd to not be rightfully freaking out about this. He had no reason to feel serene, and yet he did. 

Instead of lying on the sofa, he decided on going to Harry's room to sit in the chair and think about all of his life decisions. The kid slept peacefully.

* * *

23rd of February 1982.

Sirius woke up with his back aching while he sat in his trusty armchair. It was usual for him to fall asleep there. He started thinking it was maybe one of his canine traits that came with being an animagus. Guarding kids, that's a thing, isn't it? Either way, it was commonplace for him to just wake up there at unorthodox times of the day, wondering how he'd fallen asleep so fast.

Usually, he would open his eyes to find Harry babbling or sleeping. This time, however, he found an empty crib. 

He didn't jump up in hysteria as he once did, not after getting used to someone else handling Harry daily. So he just gathered his energy and got up from the chair, walking lazily towards the living room hoping to find Harry and Remus.

What he did not expect was to find Remus playing his Ramones record bouncing Harry up and down in his arms while twirling. Harry's laugh was infectious. Remus held one of his chubby arms up as they were "dancing". His eyes were wrinkling and watering as he couldn't hold his own laughter, his face becoming increasingly red. Fittingly, _Baby, I Love You_ was playing.

Sirius stood by the door watching it happen in a trance. He wished he had a camera to record it and keep this moment forever with him. His chest fluttered and he smiled without even noticing. He couldn't keep his eyes off of them. 

It was like time moved in slow motion, as sappy as it may sound. 

There was a new beauty to Remus that he had never even noticed before, it was charming and earnest, not extravagant or over the top, just domestic and familiar.

This thought frightened and thrilled him at the same time. If he knew any better, he would turn around and pretend he never saw this and that he was just losing his mind again. But his feet were glued to the ground.

So this may not be a "one-off thing", as he had previously hoped.

Remus spun again. Halfway through, he met Sirius' eyes and came to a halt. He flushed slightly, having been caught by surprise.

Sirius cocked an eyebrow, "So you don't like my music, huh?"

"Never said I didn't," his smile widened, "I'll admit it has its moments..."

"And Harry is on his way to becoming a little punk rocker," he took a few steps forward, intent on getting to hold the kid, but his eyes couldn't leave Remus' face.

"Pafoo!" Harry called while stretching his chubby arms in Sirius' direction to be picked up. He diverted his gaze back to the kid, taking this time to gather himself a little.

"Not if I can prevent that," Remus joked while letting Harry be picked up from his arms.

He glanced back at Remus. This close, Sirius could see the freckles that adorned his face. It was all quite overwhelming, to be honest.

Realising this, his smile fell, and he took a step back. Trying to disguise it, he coughed.

Remus' smile fell a little, but he didn't seem to think much of it.

Godric, when did this even happen?

But it was fine. It was still under control. Back then it had gone away after a while, so he'd just wait and hope that the same would happen. Hopefully without similar traumatic events distracting him, though.

Suddenly, an owl tapping the kitchen window could be heard. Sirius let out a breath, thankful that it would distract Remus from asking anything about his well-being. 

"I'll get it," he ushered towards the window and opened it with one hand, grabbing the letter from the animal's foot. 

Going back to where he was, he put Harry on the sofa with his favourite toy, the golden snitch and opened the letter. His eyes widened when he saw who the sender was. He skimmed his eyes over it and began reading.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I've heard about the situation you encounter yourself in at this moment. I must say it was quite unexpected, but over the years I've learned with Nymphadora that parenting is a genuine gift of nature. I hope you're settling to this new lifestyle nicely. I would love to see you soon, we have a lot of catching up to do._

_Love,_

_Andromeda_

"Who sent it?" Remus asked.

"My cousin Andromeda," Sirius said. 

"Oh, you wanted to visit her, right?" Remus reminded him in a light tone.

"Well...when I said that I had been a little optimistic." He sat down on a chair and kept looking at the words written on the parchment. "Truth be told, I haven't really had much contact with her over the years. I wasn't supposed to talk to her after she got disowned and all that, but when I was at Hogwarts I'd still get the usual letter. But then things kind of...fell off? It was around the time my life became a mess...I stopped replying so often. Then, one day we just stopped corresponding." 

"And what did she say?"

"She wants to see me, apparently. She heard about Harry...wasn’t that supposed to be a bit of a secret?" Sirius asked with a furrowed brow. "It seems that everyone knows."

Remus snorted, "News travel fast in a community of a few thousands." He sat down across from Sirius. "So you're going to invite her over?"

"Invite her?" Sirius repeated. "Hm...Why not?" He shrugged.

Sirius scribbled down an invitation for tea and sent it through Simon. He had wanted to reach out to her for some time. Being disowned brought people together. Perhaps if Uncle Alphard was still alive, they could have had a get-together of the Black family's white sheep. 

Sirius wished he could say that the Black thing wasn't an unresolved issue in his life. However, it still plagued his daily thoughts. It was there when he woke up and went to bed. He tried very hard to distance himself from sides of his upbringing that were still ingrained in him. 

Remus could make fun of some of it, but Sirius would be lying if he said it still sent a pang through him. He hated it. He hated how Walburga even beyond the grave had control over him. She was the reason why he couldn’t just _let go_ and live as he pleased.

He missed Andromeda, though. She was a constant reminder that he could be good despite everything. In his worst times, he had also confided in her, she offered support that no one else in the world could. She understood what it was like being a Black.

* * *

On Sunday afternoon, Sirius was pacing around the living room waiting for Andromeda to arrive. He hadn't expected to feel this… nervous? Excited?

Either way, it made him giddy. 

"When was the last time you talked to her?" Remus asked while cleaning out the sofa from Harry's toys and the overall mess.

"During the war," Sirius answered, looking up from his clasped hands. "But it was brief, and she had just asked if I was alright. I haven't properly talked to her in… four years, I think."

Their conversation was disturbed by a knock on the door. Sirius glanced at the clock, it was precisely 3 o'clock. In large steps, he went to the door while smoothing out his hair and opened it in one swift move.

"Siri!" Air was knocked out of his lungs when Andromeda lunged forward to meet him in a bone-crushing hug. "It's been so long!" Her long brown hair tickled his neck as he hesitantly put his arms around her, not having expected the hug.

"Yes, it has." They pulled away, and he looked at her for the first time in what felt like a century. She smiled widely at him, her bright brown eyes as kind as they ever were. He couldn't help but smile back at her enthusiasm.

"How have you been?" She asked, seemingly not even knowing where to start.

"That's the question everyone seems to ask me these days… but I've been okay," he answered sincerely.

They were still close when Remus simulated a cough to get attention to himself.

"Er, hello, Andromeda." Sirius, who had his back to him, turned around and saw him shyly put his head down as he waved. The sight made his heart race a little.

"Oh, you must be the Remus Lupin they told me about. You're raising the kid too, aren't you?" She let go of Sirius' forearms and went over to Remus.

"Yes—" before he could add anything else, she was hugging him too. Remus reddened at the suddenness of it.

"It's good to know Sirius has someone to keep him grounded," she declared with her arms enveloping Remus, who looked at Sirius over her shoulder with an expression of mild bewilderment.

When she pulled away, Remus regained his thoughts. "It's great to finally meet you, Andromeda." He looked between her and Sirius. "I'll leave you to it, someone's got to keep an eye on Harry."

"Thanks, Remus," Sirius said with a shy smile while Remus lightly bowed his head and left.

They observed Remus leave and when they were sure they were alone, Andromeda turned to Sirius.

"The famous Remus Lupin, then." She remarked, inspecting his face.

"Famous?"

"From your letters," she frowned, "you… wrote a lot about him." 

"Oh. Y—yes, I suppose I did." Then, he added after a beat, "Well, I wrote a lot about James, too. The Marauders in general."

"Yes, but I sensed something else coming from that one. I even thought you might have had a little crush," She turned her head in laughter. 

Sirius couldn't tell whether he went white or red at that moment.

"Uh—What? I—" 

"I'm only joking," she laughed again and went to sit on the sofa. "Don't worry about it, dear cousin."

"Right. I'll make you some tea." He answered robotically. "How's Dora?"

That would give some time for his face's colour to go back to normal. He went to the kitchen and started making it.

"She might hex you if you call her that," she laughed. "She's with Ted right now."

"Has she started Hogwarts yet?"

"No, I still have two years left with her. I never thought about how awful it is to let them go, you'll understand soon enough." Her expression was slightly distant as she said it.

"Think she'll be a Slytherin like her mum?" He smiled to himself.

Andromeda snorted, "No. Bless her heart, she's going to be Hufflepuff."

"Thank Merlin," Sirius added.

A comfortable silence settled until Andromeda broke it.

"Sirius, I'm sorry I ever stopped writing you, I shouldn't have. I was — well, am — the only link you have to your family. I was just so busy with Dora, and the war was such a mess. Please forgive me, it wasn't responsible of me." He looked up to be met with a pained expression on her face. 

"It's okay, Dromeda. I understand, _now_ more than ever," he snorted, "how caught up one can get when there's a child in the midst of it. Besides, I was _fine._ I had the Order." He felt himself shrug while he went over to her carrying two mugs.

She thanked him before taking a sip. "The Order is no replacement for a family."

He sat on the other far end of the sofa, "It's okay, I've got one now," Sirius felt himself smile shyly.

"I'm glad you do," she seemed genuinely happy for him. "I didn't reach out sooner because I thought you might have not wanted to see me. Or anyone else, for that matter. 

"It's fine, you don't have to worry so much about me anymore. I guess I've grown." He smiled with the cup against his lips.

"Against your desires, if I know you well." She smiled. Then, her expression grew into a more serious one as the smile fell. "But...the main reason I came here was to tell you something."

Andromeda took a deep breath, "Sirius, when I look at you I see how they still affect you. I've always admired the way you were able to be yourself from an early age, but that doesn't erase your upbringing. When I left, a voice in my head kept yelling at me about how I was making a mistake, how I'd regret it, and, most of all, how I'd _always_ be one of them. No one would see me for _me_ , I'd always be a Black. Do you get it?" 

Sirius took a sip from his tea and nodded, crestfallen. 

"So, please, be yourself. Push your limits. We still have a lot of prejudice in our systems, even if we know it's wrong. I don't want you to live a life of guilt...when I finally let go of it and married Ted, it felt amazing. I'm not completely free of it, but it's a start."

A moment of silence followed where she gave him space to reflect upon what she had said. 

He wanted it so badly. She was right. But things aren't ever that easy.

"I understand what you mean," Sirius began, "but… what makes you think I needed it?" 

"I… Truth be told, that time we corresponded the most made me worried about you. And I could see how badly it affected you. I regret not doing much back then. I could see that you weren't able to be yourself...I know it may be late to tell you that, but it bothered me." 

"It's not too late, Dromeda." Sirius sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Not at all."

She made a pained expression and reached out to touch his shoulder, "I'm sorry, Siri." 

"It's not so easy, though, is it?" 

"It is not. But trying to break the cycle was the best thing I ever did. She offered him a kind smile. You don't _have_ to suffer in silence, Sirius." 

"But what if it blows up in my face?" He shifted in his seat, looking at her in the eyes.

It seemed as though they were having a conversation between the lines. Sirius wasn't sure if Andromeda knew exactly what he was talking about, but it felt right to pretend she did.

"What if it doesn't?" She cocked an eyebrow. "Either way, it will be worth it. Because it's all _you_ , not them."

"Thanks, Andromeda… I needed that," he stood up and gathered the empty cups, taking them to the kitchen.

Was this the universe again? Throwing shit in his face and hoping it sticks? 

It seemed as though everything pointed towards what he'd been so scared of.

"You must meet Dora one of these days," she said, turning to him. "But right now I'd love to meet Harry."

Sirius smiled, "I'll call them over."

He went to Harry's room hoping to find them, but it was empty. He then looked around and noticed sounds coming from Remus bedroom.

He knocked on the door. "Moony?"

The door opened, revealing a flushed Remus with a smile so wide his eyes wrinkled. "Hey."

"Andromeda wants to meet Harry," he said automatically, not trusting his brain to think of much as he observed the other's face. 

"Okay," Remus took a few steps back to get Harry, who was playing with a Screaming Yo-Yo.

His eyes scanned the room, the only place of the flat he'd never been in. The walls were of a muted green colour. The furniture was made of dark wood, a dresser stood against a wall and was filled with objects and pictures that he couldn't quite see from this angle. It was all very _Remus_.

His eyes went back to Remus, who now brought Harry in his arms.

"Oh, isn't he a darling?" Andromeda said while going over to Harry to pinch his cheeks when the three of them finally arrived at the living room. "I miss when Dora was his age..."

After some more time of superfluous conversation, now including Remus, Andromeda announced that she'd have to leave.

"I don't know how much time Ted will survive alone with her, so I must go," she smiled at them. 

"It was great meeting you, Andro—" Remus was interrupted by a loud squawk coming from Harry, who sat on the floor next to the sofa. His eyes flooded with hot tears. "There, there," he said while picking him up and patting him lightly on the back. "Must be the nappy. Hope to see you soon, Andromeda." He waved awkwardly while taking the kid to the back.

She said goodbye back and turned to Sirius with a look of pure delight on her face.

"You three are too cute," she declared.

"Er, thanks." He shifted awkwardly where he stood.

Andromeda went over to Sirius and pulled him in for another hug. "Don't be afraid," she whispered.

* * *

28th of February 1982.

The source of stress also known as the full moon rolled around soon enough. It had now been a month since the time Sirius made a fool of himself. But, more importantly, a month since they needed Madam Pomfrey's help with healing Remus.

It would be an understatement to say Sirius was concerned. He was more worried than ever before. He couldn't figure out _why_ Remus had been having such awful full moons. Everything was alright, wasn't it? 

The mysteriousness of it all only made Sirius giddier. He hated seeing Remus like that, now more than ever. Seeing him torn himself up to shreds was torture and there was nothing he could do about it except trying to distract him and failing miserably. 

Either way, it was time to face the inevitability of it again. 

Sirius and Remus found themselves entering the shack right after dropping Harry off at the Weasley's. 

"We could start leaving him with Andromeda, too," Sirius said while holding the door open for Remus to enter. He thanked with his head and crossed it swiftly. "We don't want the Weasley's to notice it's always on the full moon." He now shut the door behind him.

"Yes, we could." Remus took off his robes since the shack seemed much warmer than the outside. "I think it's great that you're talking to Andromeda again. I remember how you used to talk about her like she was the only bearable member of the Black clan," he said with his lips curling upwards.

"She was," Sirius began. "There was my Uncle Alphard, too. But I didn't get much time with him." 

"Why did he leave the family? If you don't mind me asking..." He now set his neatly folded robes on the edge of the dusty bed.

"I don't mind...It was because he refused getting married to whoever the family chose for him." Sirius bit his tongue, realising his own vagueness.

"Like Andromeda?" Remus asked mindlessly while taking off his shoes.

"Sort of..." Sirius braced himself for what he was about to say. "He didn’t want anyone the family suggested because he...preferred men." 

Remus looked at him and blinked, "Oh. Interesting." 

_Interesting?_

Sirius couldn't hide his curiosity at the comment made. Before he could say anything, Remus continued with a smug look on his face, "That's just not what you told us at the time."

Oh. Of course wee Sirius Black had to lie about that. Did he hit his head or something? Looking at all the stuff he did with new lenses made him seem like such a daft teenager. 

"I...don't know why I did that," he lied, hoping he wasn't getting too red and looking away.

Remus laughed and shook his head, "It's okay."

"I was a bit of an idiot,” he glanced back a Remus

"Who wasn't? I hate looking back at some of the stuff _I_ did." His eyes were sympathetic.

"At least you weren't so loud about the ridiculous things you did," Sirius said as he shifted where he stood. "It hurts to think about how many people's ideas of me are based on my most showy moments," he cringed.

Remus scoffed, "They loved you."

"Well, they were idiots too," Sirius shot back.

"So there's nothing to worry about," Remus offered him another smile and turned away to tuck his shoes under the bed.

Sirius' heart did involuntary flips. 

Then, Remus turned back to look at Sirius again, his eyes saying something that Sirius wasn't quite catching up on. He could barely think as he felt hot all over. 

Remus quirked an eyebrow up, "D'you mind?" 

"Wh—? _Oh._ Yeah. Sorry." His face burned as he turned away.

He cursed himself under his breath as he wasn't under Remus' gaze anymore. When did he turn into such a blabbering mess? 

He tried not to focus on the sounds of Remus' clothes shifting and being pulled away. Now that Sirius was hyper-aware of his...issue, he should have thought about how embarrassing the full moons would become. 

When they had the others he didn't have that issue, they made it less awkward and easier to hide behind the friendly banter. However, it was now his duty to fill in the silence, and he wasn't sure his brain could function properly enough to do so.

"Uhm, you should...you know," called a voice from behind him, startling him out of his thoughts.

"O—okay," his voice faltered a little. Merlin, he'd have to try and act a little more normal. Thankfully, as a dog, Remus wouldn't be able to tell how much it all embarrassed him.

As Padfoot, Sirius began walking around the perimeter of the shack, still trying to avoid looking at Remus. It’s not like before all this he would just stare at Remus' vulnerable form unabashedly, but now it felt like some sort of intrusion. He couldn't let his thoughts wander.

He could see from the corner of his eyes that Remus was sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes fixed on his feet, seemingly in deep thought. Truth be told, this time was always a little awkward.

Soon enough the full moon came, erasing the silence and filling the room with cries of pain coming from Remus' end. Usually, Sirius would turn away at this point, granting Remus the privacy to his own suffering. However, right now he couldn't help but look from the corner of his eyes.

He was flooded with anguish, thinking of the awful night that was to come, if the last full moon was anything to go by. 

Remus doubled up in pain as he screamed, his body transforming into that of what they affectionally nicknamed Moony. The other boys would wince even in their animagus form right about this time, but Sirius found it fascinating, to be honest. He didn’t think Moony was monstrous, he wasn’t afraid of him. Not when he looked up to see that Remus' warm eyes were still there.

The transformation was done and howling could be heard throughout all of Hogsmeade at this point. Padfoot began his task of distracting Moony.

However, something called his attention. He couldn't see the same vicious expression from the last full moon on his face. That way, Moony seemed more amicable, less prone to slashing himself with his own claws.

The hours passed by with less of a struggle than Sirius had previously anticipated. He chased Moony and vice-versa. They rolled around the ground in a friendly manner and overall had a normal night, save for a few moments where Padfoot had to lure him away from the door. Those earned him a couple of scratches, but he wasn't complaining. 

Moony had accidentally marked his face, though. Sirius could feel the heat emanating off of it, but it didn't hurt too badly. He'd much rather be scratched all over than to see Remus losing blood on the ground as the sun came up.

Sirius hadn’t even suggested to Remus to let him out on a full moon, he had been so worried about it all that he knew it would be out of the question. He still missed the freedom, though. And could tell that Moony missed it, too. If the full moons continued on like this, perhaps he would come around it.

By the time the sun rose, Sirius was almost as tired as Remus. He saw his body start to turn back to its original form and quickly stood up, now as himself, and went to the bed to get the covers. When he knelt beside Remus with them in hand, the process had already been completed.

Sirius traced his eyes over Remus body to see if there was anything worrisome. Thankfully, there wasn’t. He wrapped the covers around him carefully, preparing himself to get up and leave before Madam Pomfrey got there.

What had changed between today and the last full moon that made Moony so calm? Last time had been awfully tiring and worrisome. It was a miracle Sirius had managed to get out without a gash on his body. Remus hadn't been so lucky.

He couldn't help but stop to look at Remus' resting face for a couple of seconds. He had his eyes closed as his chest rose and fell at a normal pace. He looked so peaceful, Sirius wished he could reach out and trace the scars on his face that he'd been so insecure about. He didn't, though.

Remus furrowed his brows and opened his eyes slowly, Sirius almost jumped back. Then, his eyes found Sirius' face and he smiled lightly.

"What are you looking at?" Remus whispered and laughed softly.

"I— nothing," Sirius answered nervously. "This full moon wasn't so bad," he diverted the topic.

Remus traced his eyes along Sirius' face, frowning.

"What is it? Does something hurt?" Sirius asked promptly.

"No, no," Remus said. Then, raising one hand to trace a scratch on Sirius' face, he continued, "Did I do this?"

His voice sounded pained, Sirius held his breath and hoped Remus couldn't feel his heart.

"No, Moony, it's fine—"

"I'm sorry..." Remus mumbled. His hand fell from Sirius' face, but his eyes were still on his.

Sirius' chest ached at the look Remus gave him. He knew he hadn't gathered all of his senses yet, that explained how emotionally charged the look he gave him was. 

Still, Sirius wanted to cradle him in his arms and say that it was all okay. He thought scars looked cool, after all. But he didn't reach out to touch him, as he rushed away from Remus when he heard steps approaching from the corridor that led to Hogwarts.

"She’s coming," he whispered, "I'll see you at the flat."

Sirius left, trying hard not to look back.

  
  



	11. Exagerado

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I named the chapter after a Cazuza song

Sirius went back to the flat and slumped down on the sofa, sore all over. It was still too early to fetch Harry, so he'd wait until it was considered a proper time.

His mind wandered to what had just happened. Remus had looked so guilty when he noticed the scratch on Sirius' face. Allowing himself to have a wild thought for a couple of seconds, Sirius imagined if he could kiss his sadness away to tell him it was okay. 

He knew Remus would feel terrible about it. Sirius would try his best to convince him otherwise, but a kiss was off the table. He tried pushing those thoughts away, but it became harder by the minute.

It's not that Sirius didn't care at all about having scars on his face. He did. But he'd never blame Remus for something like this, not when he thought everything was his fault and that he didn't deserve anything he had. It was terrible seeing Remus feel this way, especially after such a soothing month. Sirius worried his scar would bring all those negative feelings back to the surface.

After some time of doing absolutely nothing, he heard the doorknob twist and turned to see Remus entering the flat, head down and shoulders slumped.

"Hi, Moony," Sirius said cheerfully, "How's Poppy?"

Remus looked up, the bags under his eyes were noticeable and he held a pained expression. 

"Sirius," he breathed out as he looked up to see Sirius' face. " _Fuck._ I'm _so_ sorry."

Now he looked a few seconds away from having a meltdown. 

"Hey, no, no." Sirius quickly got up and made his way towards Remus, reaching out to hold his forearms. "It's okay, really." He offered him a sympathetic smile.

Remus didn't seem to believe him and only furrowed his brows further. "No… It's not… this is all my fault. I shouldn't have let you come."

"It's not your fault, I chose to be there!" Remus finally met his eyes and breathed out. 

"I ruined your face..." He was getting choked up. 

"Ruined?!" Sirius repeated jokingly in an outraged tone. "You couldn't ruin it even if you tore it off!" That seemed to pull a smile from the corner of Remus' lips. "We'll just heal it a bit, it's fine." 

Remus' faint smile fell like a stone, "Sirius, werewolf wounds always leave scars! Fuck, fuck, I'm so sorry." 

"Stop saying you're sorry! Didn't I tell you I was jealous of your scars back at Hogwarts? I should be thanking you," he tried offering him a kind smile.

Remus didn't answer and looked down in shame. Sirius' chest tightened at the sight. Then he moved to hug Remus, putting his arms around him. His arms rested on Remus' back, rubbing it in tight circles.

"It's okay. I'm serious," he said softly against Remus' shoulder. He hoped Remus couldn't feel his heart's quickened pace.

Remus snorted lightly. "Not that joke in a time like this," he said with his voice filled with dread. 

"I wasn't joking! I don't know why you always think I am." 

"Right. Sorry," Remus pulled back much sooner than Sirius would have preferred. 

"Stop saying you're sorry!" 

"That was for the joke thing," he smiled from the corner of his lips, but his eyes were still sad.

Sirius shot him a suspicious look and stepped back. "Help me heal it, then?"

"Of course," he answered quietly. Remus walked pass him, "the kit is in the loo."

Sirius followed Remus through his bedroom and then to his bathroom. He'd never been inside the room but didn't take his time looking around, not when he was filled with nerves about Remus touching his face. Still, being inside it was to be enveloped by Remus' presence.

The walk past it was quick, and they soon found themselves to be in the tiny bathroom. Remus motioned for Sirius to stand in front of the mirror while he opened the cabinet.

For the first time, Sirius actually looked at the scratch. It went across his right cheek. There was some dried blood around it, so he couldn't measure the actual damage that had been done.

Looking at his reflection, he had to be honest. It did add a little _humph_ to his looks. 

He turned back to face Remus, leaning against the sink. Remus had a wet cloth in his hands. 

"I have to clean it first," he said shyly while raising his hand towards Sirius' face. Sirius nodded while standing up straighter. 

Remus pressed the cloth against the cut, it stung a little. Sirius took the opportunity to look at Remus' face up close. Remus didn't meet his eyes, as he was still obviously anxious about the injury.

Remus' other hand held Sirius' jaw in place as he pressed the cloth. The warm touch was distracting.

"Doesn't this take you back?" Sirius asked in a low tone.

Remus looked at him, puzzled. This close, Sirius could see all his freckles.

"To the day we got Harry," he explained, smiling softly. "You had to heal my splinching accident."

"Oh. Yes. I remember," Remus sounded as if his mind was far away. "How's that scar, anyway?" 

"Non-existent," Sirius said with a toothy grin. That was a little white lie, but you could barely see the scar of his shoulder. Remus turned to look at him properly again and huffed out a soft laugh. One of Sirius' hands gripped the counter, knuckles turning white.

They were so close that Sirius felt the warm hush of air.

Remus turned away and dropped the cloth on the counter and began shuffling inside the small bag, looking for whatever potion or cream he had in mind. Sirius felt and undeniably cold when his hand left his face. Without Remus' intense gaze clouding his thoughts, Sirius realised he'd been probably acting like a lovesick puppy. He tried to convince himself to snap out of it.

"Can I ask you something?" Sirius asked a bit louder, whispering seemed too personal. 

"Sure," Remus said, still focused on the bag.

"What changed? From the last full moon to this one. What made it so much easier?"

Remus furrowed his brows and seemed to think of the answer. He turned to look at Sirius again, blinking twice.

"I suppose I finally let go," he began after a few seconds, "I...was so worried about how being a werewolf affected Harry and our situation that I forgot about what he really needed from me— he needed _me_ , not a version of me that only thought of the problems and barriers. It was driving me insane." Remus smiled softly and looked away. "Long story short, I allowed myself to feel." 

Sirius couldn't help but stare at him as he said all of it. He felt himself smile involuntarily.

That's all then? Allowing yourself to feel?

"That simple, huh?" His smile faltered a little. It was all Sirius wished he could do.

Perhaps he would allow himself to do the same. Andromeda had a point, and clearly so did Remus. 

"It's easier said than done," Remus now reached for his wand and pointed it to Sirius' face. "This may sting."

Sirius squinted his eyes and waited for the pain to come as Remus closed the small wound. And sting it did. Sirius closed his hand into a fist while the other held him in place.

" _Ouch,_ " he cried out, wincing. 

"Sorry, I'm trying to minimise the damage," Remus said while still focused. "So shut up." Sirius could hear the grin on his face. 

Sirius did as he was told and bit down hard. He didn't remember this process being so painful. Remus must be using another spell.

"Here." Sirius opened his eyes and looked down, Remus held out a hand to him. Sirius stared at it, puzzled. "You can squeeze my hand," a playful smile played on his lips. 

"Don't mock me at a time like this," Sirius referenced what Remus had said earlier, but still took his hand in his and squeezed it.

Remus let out a laugh at the gesture.

"Now you're hurting _me,"_ Remus said.

"Consider it your punishment." 

A few seconds passed and Remus finally dropped his wand. 

"That's a relief," Sirius joked and didn't let go of Remus' hand, hoping he'd forget to take it back.

Remus reached for some ointment on the counter with his free hand, put it on his fingers, and raised them to Sirius' cheek. He started spreading it on the affected area.

"It tickles," Sirius backed away from Remus' hand but to no avail since he just kept going after his face with his fingers.

"The price of beauty, I'm afraid." Remus paid him no mind and held his face in place again with his free hand.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, anyway."

"I don't think you have to care all that much about the beholder," Remus snorted. 

"What do you mean?" Sirius sensed he was getting himself into some dangerous territory.

"Earlier you said you were okay with having a scar because you thought you would make you look cooler—"

"That makes me sound daft!" Sirius interrupted, but Remus continued on talking.

"—but it's not like you need much help," Remus concluded. 

Sirius blushed violently at the comment. There was no way it wasn't noticeable. 

"You're not so bad yourself," he said with the last shred of dignity he had left in his body, trying Merlin-knows-what. He wanted to punch himself.

Remus rolled his eyes and laughed once again, "You're all set," he stepped back and retrieved his hands so he could organise the counter.

Sirius cringed at himself and wished he could dig up a hole and bury himself alive. Was he being a bit... _too much_?

He turned around to face himself in the mirror. He was indeed red, but the place that previously had the cut now held a fine white line that went across his cheek.

"So do you think you look cooler?" Remus asked in an amused tone, with the worry still present in his eyes.

Sirius evaluated himself for a few seconds, "Definitely."

"Good. That's what's going to get that wife Molly suggested," Remus turned his head to look at Sirius' reflection, raising an eyebrow and smiling more relieved.

"Wife. Oh, yes. Exactly." 

Sirius was a terrible liar. It was like a bucket of cold water had been thrown at him.

When they finally left the loo, enough time had passed for it to be okay to pick up Harry from The Burrow. Sirius left Remus sleeping after a back and forth where he convinced him he had done enough for the day.

Each time Sirius went to the Weasley residence, he was more smitten with it. There was something about it that just made it feel so...homely? Whatever it was, it was the type of house he wished Harry could grow up in. The flat was temporary, it didn't even have enough space for all of them. A house, on the other hand, could be a place where great memories are made.

He'd never take Remus and Harry to Grimmauld Place, it was the stark opposite to The Burrow. But perhaps he should give moving somewhere some thought.

When he picked up Harry, the kid seemed to notice the new addition to Sirius' face and kept hitting his palm on it in curiosity. It made Sirius laugh, but he hoped it wouldn't call too much attention to it. Molly would probably throw a fit.

With that in mind, Sirius left the place in a usual hurry, trying to hide that side of his face by turning his head to the side every time Molly moved.

Thankfully, Harry left The Burrow more tired than he had entered it, which would give Sirius a few hours to rest.

At the flat, he settled on the sofa with Harry on his chest. He smoothed out the baby's hair and lightning bolt scar.

"Now we all kind of match, huh?" He whispered.

That day had been a handful. Too many emotions, but Sirius still felt excited on the inside. Being in Remus' presence was tiring, he couldn't rest when Remus' eyes were on him. But oh, was it thrilling!

It could be so easy to do as he said and let go. Not think about the thousands of "what ifs" and just live in the moment. Maybe it could work for him too. 

He sighed, what if he was just kidding himself? Sirius couldn't deny his feelings anymore. They were there to stay. Perhaps it has been like this for a long time now and he had just failed to notice. But Remus didn't see him this way. Sirius couldn't yet tell if he even wanted Remus to see him the same way he does. 

It was nice to think about it, though. It was all a fantasy anyway. 

He couldn't lose Remus. The thought of driving him away could make Sirius cry if he thought about it enough. Merlin, what an awful situation.

But wouldn't it be nice? The idea of being an actual solid family. Harry wouldn't need a mother figure, who cares about Molly's opinion on the matter? If he pursued this...would he drive Remus away for good? 

Such thoughts circled his mind until he finally fell asleep sprawled on the couch with a sleeping baby on top of his chest.

* * *

The calendar in the kitchen had a habit of reminding Sirius of important dates. Perhaps it was because Sirius' capabilities at telling time were worse for wear, but it became quite handy for him.

So, one morning right after waking up and dragging himself off the lumpy sofa, he realised March had arrived and with it Remus' 22nd birthday. Gladly, he still had a few days until the date, which would give him some time to think about what to do. 

Surely he absolutely could not go ham and do something sappy and ridiculous that would just make everything obvious. So perhaps something that reminded them of the old days. 

Merlin, they really do live in the past, don't they? Either way, it's all they have.

So, a few days of getting accustomed to his recent scar made Sirius get to the conclusion that it definitely made him look at least a little cooler. Perhaps even downright dangerous when he put on his leather jacket and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

Sirius had always been sort of vain, he could admit that. So he started thinking about what could make him look even cooler. 

His motorbike, of course. And oh, did it bring back fonder memories.

He missed it so much. He wondered if Hagrid still had it. If he threw it away or something, Sirius would probably throw a fit.

Sirius knew for a fact that Remus had never ridden it. Not for a lack of insistence on Sirius' part, mind you. He just never wanted to. James had been different, though. They went everywhere with it, that's how they had their best adventures right after graduating Hogwarts.

The motorbike had made him so happy that he just wanted Remus to have the same experience for once.

He scribbled down on a piece of parchment asking for it and sent it to Hagrid via Simon. The owl was just leaving the kitchen through the window when Sirius heard a voice behind him.

"Who are you sending a letter to?" The tone wasn't accusatory in the slightest, just curious.

Sirius turned around to find Remus balancing Harry on his hip and looking at him with a raised eyebrow. The sight made his heart's pace pick up a little.

"Hagrid," he said. Then, after a beat, "Do you miss my motorbike?" He asked with a smirk.

Remus scoffed, "Not at all."

"Oh, Moony! It's fun!" Sirius said excitedly. "We can all take it for a ride, I'll add a sidecar."

"Sirius, we're not taking the baby for a ride." Remus' face contorted into a frown.

"Why not? It's completely safe with just a few security spells."

"It still feels wrong!" Remus protested. "Molly would cut off your head for this."

"Well, Molly will never know!" 

"Sirius..." Remus said under his breath.

"Remus..." Sirius imitated him with a wide grin.

"I still won’t allow it," Remus said. "He's not even two years old!"

"It's not like Harry's never ridden it," Sirius argued, referring to when Hagrid took him.

"That was an emergency," Remus argued.

"Compromise, then." Sirius was still smiling. "I'll take _you_ for a ride."

"Out of the question," Remus announced quickly.

"Oh, c'mon...You never let me take you," Sirius was trying his best at puppy eyes.

"For a reason." 

"I bet it's a terrible reason." He imitated Remus frown, earning an annoyed glance from him which only made him smile wider. "Please."

"No."

"Pleaseee"

_"No!"_

"Why not?" Sirius asked genuinely, wiping the grin off his face.

"Because it's dangerous!"

"Oh, c'mon," Sirius wasn't convinced.

"I'm... afraid of heights, alright?" Remus admitted reluctantly.

"That's okay! You'll trump over that fear in no time." Remus didn't seem too convinced at that statement. "I promise it's fun!" 

Just as he said it, Simon came flying back into the room with a note attached to its leg. Sirius caught it and read it, smiling.

"What did he say?" Remus asked bracing himself.

"That I can go pick it up at his hut," Sirius looked at Remus with wide eyes.

"Oh, Merlin..." Remus said under his breath.

Sirius dropped the note and took large strides to the coat rack to get his outer robes.

"I'll be right back," he flashed Remus a grin before closing the door behind him.

Sirius apparated to Hogsmeade and went straight to Hagrid's hut, where he was waiting for him alongside the precious motorbike, looking good as new. 

After some minimal catching up with Hagrid about how Harry is doing, Sirius was free to take his beloved vehicle back home. He didn't disapparate with it, of course. He _had_ to ride it, even though it was quite a long way.

Getting on it, with his jacket and gear, Sirius felt like his old self again. This motorbike had always meant much more to him than a simple vehicle, it was his way of expressing his own freedom. Walburga would have fainted if she had seen him with it. She already hated the posters he had in his bedroom.

Taking off from Hogwarts' grounds felt liberating. He cast a warming charm around himself and a few others to make the trip a little more comfortable. Seeing everything become smaller by the second under him was thrilling. He had missed it so much.

And to think he was riding it home to Remus and Harry just made it better. The not-so-cold wind blew his hair and made him feel like he was physically and metaphorically on top of the world for what felt like the first time in decades. 

Flying the motorbike cleared his mind in amazing ways. Thinking about Remus didn't become as worrisome, it was like he was detached from reality. 

His thoughts circled back to the possibility of moving somewhere. Sirius would have to be very careful about his approach when suggesting it. It didn't feel fair to get to live his little family fantasy while Remus was completely oblivious to it. It would be an act of bad faith, wouldn't it?

His chest tightened, and dread washed over him. The initiative would have to come from Remus. That's what Sirius would act like from now on. He wouldn't take any steps if Remus didn't do it first. That way, he wouldn't scare him off. 

The sky was rapidly darkening by the time Sirius got to the flat. He had gone to his own flat previously to leave the motorbike there and then apparated back to Remus'.

As he opened the front door, he saw that Remus was at the table feeding Harry. 

"Thought you'd be right back," Remus said from the table.

Sirius turned to him with the annoying grin still on his face. "Sorry. I _had_ to ride it." 

He could see that Remus was trying to get mad at him, but staring at Sirius' giant mess of a hair and wide smile, he could only pretend to feel annoyed.

* * *

10th of March, 1982.

The day of Remus birthday had arrived and Sirius was excited about the plans he'd made. Granted, there wasn't much else to do in his life at the moment, so any chance to break the daily routine was welcomed. 

He'd spent a generous amount of time tracing out a good route for him to take Remus on the motorbike. He would absolutely love it. 

He also gave up about taking Harry with them. Sirius knew Remus wouldn't budge, and that it was already a miracle if he managed to take him alone. There lied another problem, the fact that Sirius hadn't touched the subject of taking him for a ride ever since that first conversation about it. 

Intent on starting the day on the right foot, he woke up early and went to get Harry from his bedroom. He felt a little bad about waking the kid up, but it was for a noble cause. He did protest a bit, though.

Carrying Harry in his arms and levitating a small cake he had made the previous night following Molly's cookbook, _Enchantment in Baking_ , he knocked on Remus' door. At this point, he felt quite silly. Standing there waiting to inevitably blush when Remus laid eyes on him. Oh, well. 

There didn't seem to be a response. He was starting to regret this.

He knocked again, a bit louder. Then, thankfully, he could hear shuffling from inside the room and an annoyed, sleepy grunt. The door was opened from the inside and he was met with a clearly tired Remus who could barely open his eyes. He was also shirtless. Sirius' cheeks heated, and he pretended he hadn't noticed as he averted his gaze.

"Happy birthday!" Sirius said with all the enthusiasm he could muster. He held Harry up as if he was going to say anything. 

Remus hadn't properly awakened yet and had a crease between his brows. Getting uncomfortable with the silence, Sirius moved Harry like a ventriloquist and repeated in a high-pitched voice, "Happy Birthday!" as if Harry had been the one to say it.

At that, Remus' expression softened, and a smile spread out on his face. He laughed at the ridiculousness of it, shoulders shaking and hand resting on his face. Sirius let himself stare.

"Thanks," Remus said breathlessly in between laughs. He picked Harry up from Sirius' arms, their hands brushing slightly. Sirius noticed how warm Remus' skin felt. 

Remus ruffled Harry's hair and hugged him.

"Moomoo!" Harry greeted.

Smiling, Sirius brought the cake to the forefront. It was a simple chocolate cake. 

"Harry baked this for you," Sirius said shyly, shifting where he stood.

Remus laughed, "Oh, I bet he did," he said while observing Harry. "All by himself, huh?"

"I tried to help, but he yelled at me and told me to get out of his kitchen, so..." Sirius couldn't hold his laughter and said it through chuckles. Remus laughed too.

After calming down, Remus looked at the cake again and then back up at him, smiling genuinely, "Thank you, Sirius."

"Don't worry about it." He looked at Remus for a few seconds and then continued, "Let's go eat it, then."

Remus followed Sirius to the kitchen, where he had left breakfast ready at the table. They all sat down and began eating as usual.

"Shouldn't we sing happy birthday?" Sirius asked with a mouthful.

"Please don't," Remus answered with a smile.

"You loved it when we did it at the Great Hall!" 

"I got mortified. I laughed out of nervousness and fear," Remus explained.

"I don't believe that. Your birthdays were so fun," Sirius said with fondness.

"To _you_ ," Remus accused lightly, "It was all about public humiliation"

Sirius snorted, "But you were a Gryffindor! You should have loved the attention!"

"You and James were the most Gryffindor Gryffindors to ever exist," Remus told him while cutting another slice of cake. "Did you know the Sorting Hat debated whether to put me in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw?"

Sirius blinked at him, "It doesn't surprise me. But you never told us that." 

Sirius had his elbows propped up on the table holding his face. He was looking at Remus intensely, keen on absorbing this new information.

Remus shrugged, "As I said, you two were the most Gryffindor people I’ve ever met. I...suppose I didn’t want feel left out." Remus looked down at his on plate a little embarrassed.

"You could have told me," Sirius said and Remus looked up at him again. "The Sorting Hat actually considered putting me in Slytherin..."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "Of course, you're a Black."

"Not really because of that...it had more to do with me. At least that's what it told me," he explained. "I didn't tell anyone either. You lads were such Gryffindors...I would be an imposter."

"You would not," Remus assured him. "We were stupid, weren't we? I wonder what James secret second house was."

"His sorting was almost instantaneous," Sirius smiled, remembering the moment. "He was a Gryffindor through and through."

Silence settled for a few seconds until Remus broke it. "What house do you think Harry will be in?"

They both turned to look at the kid, who had a hand in his mouth and very messy hair.

"If it isn't Gryffindor I'll disown him," Sirius joked.

"Like godfather, like godson," Remus chuckled.

"The difference is that I’ll love him even if he’s a Slytherin," Sirius said thoughtfully.

"I can say the same," Remus noted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit shorter, but in the next one we'll see the rest of Remus' birthday on his POV...


	12. Across the Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally.

When Remus opened his bedroom door that morning, he did not expect to find Sirius and Harry there to wish him a happy birthday. He thought the date would pass with no acknowledgement, and he was okay with that. He was never a big birthday sort of person. Either way, the kind act still warmed his heart.

The cake too had been thoughtful. That's the kind of person Sirius is. He may act loud and all over the place, but he always paid attention to little things one would consider microscopic to someone of Sirius' presence.

He'd always been like this, that's what drew Remus to him in the first place. At first, he got annoyed with him. However, Sirius won him over quickly. Oh, so quickly.

It was around fourth year that Remus realised his feelings towards Sirius might be a little stronger than what you usually felt for a friend. In fifth year, it became something else when he'd spend nights making him company in the Common Room late at night.

After that, however, Sirius started pushing back and Remus became terribly disillusioned with it. Sirius stopped going downstairs and hardly had the same type of deep conversations with Remus. He'd be lying if he said the whole thing hadn't affected him.

All wounds heal with time. After a while, Remus convinced himself to just stop and see him as an overly attached friend at most. And it worked. It was just so out of reach that the fantasy of having him didn't feel real enough for him to get too hung up on it. 

Granted, it took some time until Remus started thinking about anyone else that way. But, in general, every relationship had just been flimsy at best. Being a werewolf was already enough for him. Now queer, too? It's like he won the lottery.

At this point in his life, the matter was very well settled and he didn't think about it much. In fact, he took being a forever bachelor because of Harry's upbringing very well; it gave him an excuse to simply not bother with marriage. 

Then, of course, he read that letter. He couldn't even face Sirius right after reading it because he was too shocked. It wasn't so much the fact that Sirius might be anything other than strictly heterosexual as it was that  _ Remus _ had been involved in that discovery. And right about the same time he was, for a lack of a better word, head over heels in love with Sirius.

The universe is too cruel. Sirius assured him that he had no idea what he was doing when he wrote it. Remus believed him. Sirius had probably just latched onto the nearest shred of queerness that was around him when he noticed he might not be a hundred per cent straight.

It felt odd to think  _ Sirius Black  _ had had such strong feelings for him, a scrawny sleep-deprived werewolf. Sirius always had a regal look to him, a physical appearance that just screamed "superiority". His kind smile and upbeat manner made up for it, turning him into an interesting person to marvel at.

The words had been sweet, though. Remus was glad that letter never made its way to him back when it was written. He probably would have never been able to get over Sirius. However, he was now an adult. He understood.

It was good to know that, for some time, his feelings had been reciprocated during those late-night meetings where he just wanted to push Sirius down on that sofa and —

Well, it doesn't matter anymore.

And that leads us to his 22nd birthday. It was difficult not to have feelings for Sirius. Especially when he baked Remus a chocolate cake on his birthday.

Remus still felt quite bad about the scar on Sirius' cheek. A face like that is hard to ruin, he had to admit it. Nevertheless, it had been his fault. So Remus felt downright useless when, despite everything, Sirius showed up at his door with a blinding smile that morning.

His presence was intoxicating, and Remus feared the worst. Another kind act and he'd probably throw himself off the deep end and there would be no turning back.

As he ate breakfast, he tried to keep calm. Hoping that Sirius didn’t have anything else in store, be it for his birthday or not.

Next thing he knew, Sirius was getting up from the table as if he had forgotten about something. Remus confusedly watched him as he made his way over to the record player. His eyes scanned the shelf until Sirius found what he was looking for and grabbed it. It was  _ Yellow Submarine _ . He turned to him with the record in hands.

"If we're going to raise Harry on it, he may as well get used to it," he flashed Remus a smile as he got the vinyl out of the case and put it on the player.

"That's an excellent choice," Remus noted with the help of his last neuron. 

He could barely hear the song playing as he covered half of his face with his hand that was propped up on the table, hoping it hid his flushed cheeks.

Sirius came back to sit on the table.

"So, Remus…" he began with a dangerous smirk on his face and fingertips dancing on the table, "I have something prepared for the day. I will take you on—"

"Oh, Merlin," Remus said under his breath.

"— a ride on the motorbike! I've mapped out the places and everything. And no, we won't take Harry. Andromeda has agreed to watch him for the night so we could go out!" Sirius stared at him excitedly, waiting for a response.

"So, what do you say?" Sirius asked eagerly.

Remus looked down, thinking of what to answer. He did fear heights, but Sirius' enthusiasm was so endearing...Merlin, he really was falling off the deep end here.

"Okay..." he answered with a smile creeping up on his face before his brain could stop itself. 

"Really?! Oh, Moony, it's going to be so fun! You won't regret it." Sirius looked so excited with his response that Remus knew he couldn't take it back.

However, now he could only think about the chances of falling off the motorbike and dying a horrible death. Nervousness washed over him.

"So be ready to go in the afternoon" Sirius stood up and made all the plates levitate towards the sink. 

"What if I had said no?" He asked out of curiosity.

Sirius turned to him and shrugged, "I don't know. I hadn't thought about that."

Oh, he was so cocky. Still, he had to admit it had its charm.

"And where will we go?" Remus asked.

"You'll see." Sirius then turned around to manage the cutlery, keen on being mysterious.

Remus had no idea what Sirius could have possibly thought of for the day. A part of him wished he hadn't done any of this, it would be much easier to let the day pass without so much as a "happy birthday" wish. Remus had been on edge about the "Sirius thing", afraid that it would creep up on his mind again and catch him by surprise. 

His kindness certainly did not help. Remus had to keep reminding himself that this was Sirius. This doesn't mean Remus is special. It's just how Sirius has always acted with his friends and, well, considering he only has pretty much one left, it didn't come as a surprise that he would go a little overboard.

The rest of the morning passed in peaceful bliss, with Sirius not saying anything else about their plans for later on, keeping it all mysterious. It was hard for Remus to distract himself, time passed excruciatingly slowly.

When he realised he had been staring at the clock, he went to his bedroom to change. He took a shower, Remus might not have feelings for Sirius anymore, but that doesn't mean he'll risk smelling bad while they are pressed up together on the motorbike.

Not sure of what Sirius had in store, Remus opted for his casual everyday outfit. The Marauders  _ loved _ to make fun of his corduroy pants, but he never got tired of them. 

When he got back to the living room, Andromeda was already there.

"So there's the birthday boy!" Andromeda threw her hands up and went to hug him. Remus thanked her and they chatted for a few minutes. 

All the while, Sirius assembled the needed gear and looked like a child excited to play with new toys. Then, finally, he turned to Remus wearing goggles.

"Ready?" He asked with a huge smile on his face.

"As I'll ever be..." 

With that, they left Andromeda and Harry at the flat and disapparated to Sirius' flat. It had a garage where he kept the motorbike. 

"Alright, Moony." Sirius began, "Have no fear. I have mastered the art of protective spells and you need not to worry about anything. Just hang on tight and enjoy the ride."

At that moment, Remus was so nervous he could not say anything, so he just nodded. Sirius got up on the motorbike and motioned for Remus to get behind him. Carefully, he sat while maintaining a distance between them. He put his hands lightly on Sirius's waist.

"Ready, Moony?" Sirius asked one last time before he set the motorbike into motion.

Remus nodded before he realised Sirius wasn't able to see him, "Y-yes."

Sirius took it as a sign to start moving the vehicle out of the garage. Remus was so tense, he couldn't think of anything.

As they were in a wizarding community, there wasn't trouble with being seen taking off. So, arriving at the street, the motorbike started getting off the ground as it moved. Remus quickly regretted his weak grip and jumped to hang on tighter to Sirius.

As it got higher and higher, Remus enlaced his arms around Sirius and held him as tightly as he could with his face buried on Sirius' shoulder, not wishing to see just how small everything got under them. He could feel the cold wind swooshing around them, which only made it worse.

"Everything okay?" Sirius asked loudly so Remus could hear it.

"Uh...Yes. Fine. Perfectly alright," he answered with his face still crushed against Sirius' back. His heart could jump out of his mouth.

"Don't worry, Remus. I'd never let you fall," Sirius said as he felt Remus nervousness.

Remus' chest threatened to flutter at that.

He felt the wind pass through them as Sirius drove. He didn't dare look around in fear he'd have a heart attack and lose his balance. He felt Sirius' quickened heartbeat under his hands.  _ He must be excited to ride again,  _ Remus thought.

Time passed and Remus still had his eyes shut. Eventually, he grew accustomed to the cold wind, at least. He could very clearly smell Sirius from the position he was in. It was extremely comforting, considering the tense situation he found himself in at the moment. 

Remus grew relaxed, the sensation of flying didn't feel so bad, after all. He could understand why Sirius found it soothing. 

"Remus, look. It's gorgeous," said Sirius after a while, before huffing out a laugh. "Open your eyes, I know you've got them closed."

Reluctantly, he did as he was told. His eyes adjusted to the light and what he saw was a breathtaking view of an enormous white cliff next to the ocean. The beautiful sight looked even better as the sun had started to descend, and the clouds finally cleared a bit after days of cloudiness. Remus felt the sea breeze against his face, a sensation he was having for the first time in his life.

He smiled mindlessly as he took it all in.

"It is. Wow, Sirius." He said. "Thank you."

Sirius laughed, "You're welcome."

He kept driving through the scenery, making the motorbike go lower so they would be closer to the water, flying above it.

Sirius started to slow down as they got closer to a lighthouse. The water beneath them was quickly replaced by pebbles, and he parked the motorbike. 

Remus only noticed how tightly he had been hanging onto Sirius when they came to a stop, feeling incredibly self-conscious about it as he let the other man go.

"I'm sorry," he said as he distanced himself from him.

Sirius chuckled, "It's better to be safe than sorry." He climbed out of the motorbike and stood facing Remus. Sirius took off his stupid goggles, that left marks around his eyes. Remus snorted at the sight. 

"What are you waiting for? C'mon!" He gestured for Remus to stop staring and to get up. Remus was snapped out of it and promptly got up.

His legs felt sore, but he didn't mind it as he observed the scene around him. Small waves crashed against the pebbles on the ground. He closed his eyes and inhaled. He walked until he was close to the water, facing the horizon.

"You remembered," he said with his eyes still closed. 

"Your birthday? Of course I did." Sirius took a few steps and stood beside him.

"No," he opened his eyes and looked at Sirius. "That I've never been to the beach."

Sirius flushed slightly, though it could have been from the cold. "I...don't forget things easily." He avoided Remus' gaze.

Remus looked down at his feet and thought about how he hates himself for feeling this way. He can't help it, though. Not when Sirius acts like this.

"This is hardly a tropical paradise, anyway," Sirius noted. "One day we could go to the south of France. It's not all that tropical either, but I hear it's nice. Nicer than this. Sorry. I should have thought of a nicer place for your first beach trip, I—" 

"Sirius," Remus interrupted. "It's perfect." He looked at him again, trying to find Sirius' eyes so he could offer an assuring smile. He didn't expect to find such a sad expression on his face. "Are you okay?" 

Sirius manually changed his expression to a happier one in a matter of seconds. "Yes. I'm fine. Sorry...about that."

"You can talk about it with me." 

"No, no. I — I don't want to ruin your day." Remus looked down to see Sirius' hand closed into a tight fist as if he was focusing all of his pent-up energy into it. 

"You could never do such a thing." Remus smiled at him even though he didn't see it. "It's okay, Padfoot." 

Sirius sighed, opening his palm and creasing his brows. "It's just that — you know, this is the first Marauder birthday we celebrate without James." He lifted his palms to his eyes and seemed surprised to see that they became wet. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Moony," he spoke in a brittle voice.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, I miss him too," Remus said soothingly. A few seconds passed until Remus realised to envelop Sirius in his arms again by an awkward angle at his side. He wasn't great at this. It had been so sudden.

Sirius seemed surprised by it, turning his head to Remus, which in turn made him feel his breathing against his face. Sirius then took an abrupt turn to properly hug Remus, who gasped at the sudden movement. He rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder and vice versa.

Remus squeezed his arms to try and show Sirius that he was  _ there _ . Remus wished he could say he didn't melt into Sirius' embrace. As he stood on the beach with the wind blowing, smelling Sirius' hair, and hugging him tight, it became hard to argue that he had ever really gotten over him. Maybe the feeling had just been dormant, he couldn't be sure. The physical feeling of his heart aching was enough to prove that it wasn't as simple as he had tried to make it seem.

Sirius just made everything so bloody difficult. 

Remus observed the sunset, he knew right then that this was a moment he would want to keep forever in his memory.

After a few minutes, Sirius moved again and slowly let Remus go. His eyes were slightly red, but he seemed to have pulled himself together again.

"Thank you, Moony." He offered a faint smile as he finally met Remus' eyes again.

"Don't mention it." Remus's lips curled up. 

For a few minutes, they stood silently observing the waves and birds around them. Remus would have been able to actually observe them if thoughts of Sirius didn't cloud his mind. It felt electrifying to be beside him.

"You know," Sirius began, speaking towards the horizon, and Remus turned his head to look at him "I...actually thought of bringing you here because I had been thinking of all those stupid plans we made back at Hogwarts of things he wanted to do after the war. Most of them consisted of me and James going to places we read about on those fanzines you brought to us, I know. But I remembered how you talked about the simplest things. Like going to the beach." 

"I'm a simple man, Mr Black," he said in an upbeat manner, smiling to himself. "I can take you to those places on your birthday." 

"I think I'd rather not go now. It may sound kind of weird, but they sort of...don't belong to me anymore? Yes, something like that. I'd like to think that somewhere in some other universe Sirius and James are going to them and having the time of their lives," Sirius said with a sorrowful smile. Then, he turned to Remus and quirked an eyebrow up, smiling more soundly. "And Remus, of course. There you're also a punk fan. And punk is still all the rage there."

Remus laughed, “What else is different in that universe?”

"Peter doesn't exist. Neither does my family— Well, apart from Dromeda and Uncle Alphard. Maybe I could be a Potter in that universe. Either way, it's just us three. And Lily," said after a beat, "And Harry."

"Am I also a werewolf there?"

"Only if you want to be," he answered. "But it's what makes you  _ you.  _ I like you just the way you are."

"If you insist," Remus blushed and stared at his feet. "But the vomit Bertie Box every flavour bean doesn't exist there." 

Sirius scrunched up his nose, "Great choice." 

If only in that universe there were fewer barriers. Then he would have confessed his feelings in ‘75 and no time would have been lost. He would have said it right there in that Common Room. He would have caught Sirius by the wrist as he was turning to walk away and just blurt it out. It would play out like a muggle movie.

They would have lived blissfully unaware of the horrors that could have happened to them.

Remus didn’t get too caught up in that hypothetical situation, though. Truth be told, he didn’t know that version of Remus and Sirius. What makes them  _ them  _ is everything that they lived through. 

After a couple of minutes, the sun had finally set and darkness overtook the sky.

Sirius turned to him, "Let's get going, then." 

"Home? Oh, alright." He had to admit he had hoped the day wouldn't end so soon.

Sirius raised his eyebrows and began walking backwards with open arms. "No, dear Moony. We've got places to be." He turned around and walked towards the motorbike.

Remus took the opportunity of him not looking to allow himself to smile widely. He followed Sirius onto the vehicle, climbing up.

"And where are we going?" He asked while raising his arms to hold Sirius's waist.

"You'll see." 

* * *

The crisp air of the night blew against Remus' face as he had finally gathered the courage to look at the view from the motorbike. The city lights looked beautiful from where they were. His peace of mind was so strong, he didn't even fear falling off.

Sirius had been right about facing his fears. Perhaps he should try and do it more often, good things can come of it.

As the motorbike got lower and lower, Remus wondered about the place Sirius had in mind. Eventually, they landed inside a park, hiding the motorbike on a corner with lots of trees.

"A park, then?" Remus asked as the motorbike came to a stop.

Sirius took off his stupid goggles and got up, "Well, yes. But also no."

He offered a hand for Remus to get up and he accepted it.

"Come along, then." He waved to Remus and started walking somewhere. 

Excited, Remus followed mindlessly. Sirius seemed to know where he was going, walking in large steps on a straight line. After turning a few corners and passing through some dodgy places, they found themselves in front of a fence. Sirius took out his wand and did a spell to cut a hole through it.  
"Sirius! What are you doing?" Remus asked.

"Trust me, Moony." He turned with a smug smile. "I'll fix it on the way back." 

"Merlin, are you planning on something illegal?"

"Not  _ illegal  _ illegal. Just...illegal." Sirius shrugged. 

"What?!" 

"Trust me. And come quick," Sirius swiftly passed through the hole and waited for Remus to do the same on the other side. 

Remus hated the fact that he did and wouldn't stop him. So he just stopped talking and accepted his fate. Passing through the hole on the fence, he saw that an old building stood close by. Sirius walked in large steps towards a back entrance.

"Now we're breaking in?" Remus asked in an incredulous whisper.

"Yep." Sirius pointed his wand towards the door and hushed out an  _ Alohomora. _ The door flew open. 

They stepped inside and there was only darkness around them until Sirius illuminated the place with a  _ Lumos  _ charm. 

"Welcome to the Royal Observatory, Moony." He shot Remus a grin and turned around before he could answer.

He still seemed to have a place in mind as he walked along the corridor and up the stairs. The place felt big, even though Remus couldn't see anything apart from what the faint light of Sirius' wand illuminated. The way their steps echoed gave him an idea, though. Finally, they arrived somewhere, as Sirius opened a door.

Inside, the room wasn't dark like the rest of the building. Enormous pictures of moons and planets were scattered throughout the wide room, each of them emanating a light that made them look like the real thing.

Sirius turned to him with a shy smile, "Another thing I remember from those talks is that you said you didn't have the memory of ever seeing the full moon. So I thought this would be better than looking at small pictures."

Remus looked around to see that in the middle of the room stood the full moon. He took a few steps closer to it, looking at it in all of its glory. 

"Thanks, Sirius," he turned to him and offered a smile. "It's very considerate."

Sirius jumped out and almost dropped his wand, "Oh wait, that's not all."

Then, he closed his eyes and started muttering under his breath in a very concentrated manner. He did calculated moves with his wand and nothing seemed to happen for a few seconds, until a golden stream of light started to come out of it. It reminded Remus of how the blue light comes out of the wand when a Patronus is cast.

However, this golden light shined brighter. As the stream got bigger, it started floating around the room in swirls, twists, and turns. Through the places it passed, it seemed to leave a trail of small lights that next to the moons and planets reminded him of stars.

The room was now lit up as the trail danced its way through every corner of it. Remus couldn't think of what to say. He turned around to see Sirius finally opening his eyes, the crease on his brow from concentration disappearing as he looked around wide-eyed and impressed at his own magic. 

"Where did you learn how to do that?" Remus asked in a soft voice.

Sirius turned his attention back to him and gave a genuine smile, "A book I got at Flourish and Blotts, though I had to make a few alterations—" 

"You  _ created  _ this?" 

"I wouldn't say I  _ created _ it. I just...tweaked it a bit. It was originally for lighting light bulbs."

"That's definitely more than a little tweaking." 

Remus spun around and marvelled at it again.

"Sirius, it's beautiful."

"Yeah..." Remus' eyes set on Sirius again, he wasn't looking around at his own work as he said it, though. He was looking at Remus.

Remus burned under his gaze and felt electric all over. He took a few steps towards Sirius with his head down, gathering up the courage for what he was about to say. Perhaps he would commit the worst mistake of his life and ruin everything. Or perhaps he would finally get what he always wanted. Either way, it was now or never.

"Sirius," he began, eyes setting on him. "Remember about the parallel universe we were talking about?"

Sirius nodded, "Of course."

"I thought about it and...I would change one more thing other than that horrid Bertie Box flavour."

"Really?" Sirius asked while trying to offer his usual grin, but uncertainty and nervousness were written on his forehead. Remus stood still a step away from Sirius. He couldn't help but notice how his grey eyes looked against the golden light.

"In that universe, I would have had the courage to do something in the Common Room." It was so hard to say the actual words.

"What?" Sirius was transfixed, his question came out more as a mindless whisper than an actual question. He could swear Sirius was staring at his lips. He took it as a sign.

Remus could barely feel his toes as he had only one thing in mind. 

"This," he said with as much conviction he could muster up.

He took a step forward and was toe to toe with Sirius. He wanted to just do it so there would be no turning back. Sirius still looked at him wide-eyed, but discreetly wet his lips in a daze. Remus didn't take his time looking at him as he raised his hands to grab the back of his neck and pull him forward. 

Their lips met in a clash. Sirius gasped in surprise, but his hands quickly found Remus' waist. Remus felt like his chest would explode when Sirius kissed him back, opening his lips and allowing for his tongue to slide inside.

The fingers on his waist dug into his skin and he was sure that his grip on Sirius' neck hurt. Still, he couldn't bring himself to think about anything else.

He barely didn't hear it when the door of the room was swung open and a man gasped in surprise. They both jumped back, their heads shooting back to where the sound came from. Remus instantaneously missed the warmth.

A man in a uniform and shocked expression stared at them and at the lights that floated. The security guard, he figured. Remus quickly got his wand from his pocket and pointed it at him.  
" _Obliviate!_ " He cast towards him. He looked back at Sirius, who stared at him with red lips and blank expression. He looked at the man again, who was still in a confused state of mind. "Let's go, Sirius!" 

Sirius was startled out of his trance and almost dropped his wand. " _ F—finite Incantatem _ ," the lights went out all at once.

Remus grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room, running to the outside of the building. They passed through the hole on the fence again, Remus didn't wait for Sirius to fix it, as he seemed to be in a bit of a shocked state. 

With the fence issue resolved, he hadn't let go of Sirius' hand as he still pulled him towards where they had left the motorbike. On the way there, he couldn't help but laugh at the situation as he ran. He felt sixteen again.

Sirius started laughing too, it became yet another moment he'd like to remember forever.

When they got to the motorbike, they were out of breath, with the last few chuckles leaving their mouths. Remus looked at Sirius again, he had never looked better. His hair was messy from all the running, he was panting and, well, looked at Remus like he was the only thing there.

This all felt like one of his wildest dreams.

Sirius smiled as he looked into his eyes, "Happy birthday, Moony."

"Thank you, Sirius. It was amazing." 

They stared at each other for a few seconds with shy smiles on their faces until they finally got on the motorbike and left to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beach was inspired by the Seven Sisters cliffs!


	13. Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// mild sexual content  
> The upload days have changed, as I won't be able to post on Wednesdays and Sundays anymore. From now on it will be on Tuesdays and Saturdays :)

It was late at night when they finally got home. Sirius felt a little bad for Andromeda, who had to wait for them. However, the feeling was only at the back of his mind, as there was a much more pressing matter at the forefront of his thoughts.

He was still very much giddy when he and Remus arrived at the front door of the flat. Sirius didn't risk looking at him in the eyes in fear he'd blush an embarrassing amount. 

They hadn't addressed what had happened yet, but couldn't help but glance at each other from time to time with shy smiles on their faces. 

He had never expected that to happen. He was even a little worried that he had gone a bit overboard with the birthday celebration and that Remus could definitely tell that he had lied when he said he didn't have those feelings anymore. I mean, a beach? C'mon…

It was sappy, Sirius was never great at hiding his feelings.

Still, another part of him worried Remus had done it out of pity. Perhaps he found it sad that Sirius went through all that trouble, knowing that he would never get what he desired.

But Remus had been so confident when he grabbed Sirius by the back of the neck.

Sirius didn't know what to think. Godric, he always found a way to make himself worry over things. His heart pounded as he thought about it with Remus right by his side.

Opening the front door, Sirius saw Andromeda's head turn to look at him. She had thrown herself onto the sofa and sat there lazily. 

"We're back," he whispered, in case Harry was sleeping nearby.

"I can see that," she said, unimpressed. Then she looked at Remus and offered a friendly smile. "And how was the celebration?"

"Oh, it was... great," Remus answered while glancing at his feet. "Couldn't have asked for anything better. I'm sorry that we've kept you waiting."

Sirius smiled involuntarily. Andromeda shot him a knowing look. He furrowed his brows at her and she seemed very much amused.

"It's okay," she smiled more widely. "But I must get going to my beautiful Nymphadora. And there's Ted, too." She said while throwing her legs out of the couch, visibly tired.

"Are you sure you're not too tired to apparate?" Remus asked. "I know our lack of floo system is inconvenient..." 

"No, I think I'll be f—" a yawn cut her off, "—ine." 

"Are you sure, Dromeda?" It was Sirius' turn to ask. "You can sleep here if you want." 

Sirius regretted the words that came out of his mouth as soon as he said it. He shouldn't be inviting people to sleep at someone else's house! 

"Yes, you should," Remus said. "You can leave early if you'd like, help yourself to the kitchen and all that." 

Andromeda seemed to ponder over the subject as her eyes trailed across the room.

"Okay..." she said. "But I'll be gone early, I promise I won't bother." 

"You would never be a bother," Remus said while smiling at her.

"May I use your owl to tell Ted not to wait for me?" 

"Of course, go ahead," Remus said while pointing to the owl.

Andromeda went to Simon, who stood at his favourite spot in the kitchen close to the window.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't invite people over to your house like that..." Sirius said worryingly to Remus in a hushed whisper.

"My house?" Remus offered him a puzzled look. "It's ours. This is as much yours as it is mine." 

Sirius' heart clenched. He was glad to sense Andromeda coming back, as he wouldn't have been able to form a coherent phrase.

"Alright, boys." She was back at their side, and Sirius leaned away from Remus. "I am practically sleepwalking, so please tell me where shall I sleep."

"Uh... I hadn't actually thought about that..." Sirius' mind went blank.

"You can have my bed," Remus offered.

"Oh, no. It's your birthday!" She glanced at Sirius for a millisecond. "I'll be okay here on the sofa. This way I won't wake you when I leave."

"Are you okay with that, Sirius?" Remus turned to look at him.

Sirius was caught by surprise for a few moments until he spoke, "Uh. Yes. It's fine. Whatever."

Remus went to get Andromeda some fresh blankets on the cabinet in the corridor, leaving them alone in the living room. 

"No need to thank me, dear cousin," Andromeda whispered and gave him an exaggerated wink.

Sirius' cheeks went red and his eyes wide. "What are you on about?" 

His voice and tone couldn't hide that he knew exactly what she was referring to.

"Oh, come on… Later you will have to tell me all about this _birthday celebration_." He preferred not to know what came to her mind when she thought of the birthday celebration in question.

Luckily or not, Remus came back with everything she'd need for the night. As they discussed the subject, Sirius felt as though he needed a quick break from their constant pressure and went to check up on Harry.

The child slept peacefully in his bedroom, he probably hadn't even missed them, the git.

Merlin, what a day. He still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that _Remus_ had _kissed_ him. It seemed so bizarre, yet it never failed to make him feel butterflies in his stomach.

It had been so brief. He wanted so badly to properly kiss Remus. To feel his hair beneath his hands, his skin, and his touch again. It had all happened so fast; he felt as if he didn't enjoy it enough.

And now Andromeda was settled on his sleeping spot, and he had nowhere to be for the night. He glanced at the armchair of Harry's bedroom and accepted his fate. He hadn't been crazy to the point of thinking Remus would actually invite him to his bedroom tonight.

He left Harry sleeping soundly to go and get a blanket. As he was turning around after closing the door behind him, he bumped into someone.

Remus.

He laughed a little as Sirius crashed against him. "Went looking for this?" He held a blanket in front of him with an arched eyebrow.

"Uh. Yes." Sirius offered a sheepish smile as he reached out for it. His hands brushed Remus' ever so slightly. "Thank you."

Remus looked at him with his hazel eyes and a warm smile. Sirius' eyes trailed across his forehead, where a few locks of hair fell. He wanted to brush them into place with his fingers.

He was about to turn back around and get into Harry's room when Remus seemed to be put out of a daze.

"You're not going to sleep in that chair again, are you?" Remus asked, trying to sound casual.

"I am…" 

"You...could sleep in my room." He blurted out in a rushed voice. "If you'd like. I'm not, you know, trying to… you know what I mean." Remus couldn't look at him as he said it, his eyes trailing through the walls and ceiling. "You just shouldn't be on that chair." 

Sirius tried not to freak out as he felt his face burn. He smiled inwardly and tried to mask it. 

"O-okay," he answered as he shifted where he stood. Remus offered him a small nervous grin.

And that's how Sirius Black now found himself in Remus' bedroom for the second time in his life. Remus had gone straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth and had offered him no instruction of what to do. So he just stood there looking around.

Sirius didn't want to pry or anything of the sort, but he had been so curious about the details of Remus' bedroom that he couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering. His gaze first fell upon the dark wooden dresser that stood against the wall. He took a few steps until he was close enough to examine the pictures that sat there in picture frames. 

There was one which Sirius remembered the moment it was taken vividly. He and James had the idea of taking a "portrait style" picture of them in their animagi form. Remus was at the centre of the frame stifling a laugh and trying very hard to look serious and regal next to a dog and a stag, that had a rat balancing itself in its antlers. It was probably the first picture containing Peter that Sirius had seen in the house that didn't belong to him.

His eyes wandered to the picture next to it, it was of James and Lily's wedding day. Remus stood next to Lily, and they both had the biggest smiles on their faces. 

The next picture made Sirius quite uneasy, and he couldn't pinpoint why. Then, it dawned upon him… he remembered taking it. It was a picture of Remus sitting on the sofa of the Gryffindor Common Room. He had his legs over the armrest and held a book between his hands. He wasn't reading it though; he was looking straight at the camera while trying to partially hide his face with the book. Before Sirius could stop himself, his fingertip brushed the picture and Remus hid even further, his face burning red. Sirius didn't feel the small smile forming on his face as he looked at it.

He was, however, startled out of his thoughts when the bathroom door opened, making him almost knock the picture frame over.

"Hi," he greeted after spinning around to face Remus. 

Thankfully, he seemed to plan on sleeping with a shirt on this time. The contrary would have been too distracting.

"Hi," Remus answered, smiling. "Snooping around, I see."

"N—no! I promise I wasn't... I was just looking." 

Remus chuckled, "It's okay, Padfoot. I'm joking."

He walked over to where Sirius stood. For a few moments, he thought Remus was walking towards _him_ but felt silly when he just reached for the drawer, pulling out a sweater.

"Right," Sirius said under his breath as he looked anywhere but at Remus.

Then he decided to make himself useful and grab a few pillows to settle on the floor. He would not _presume_ they would sleep in the same bed. What if Remus just told him off? It would be awfully embarrassing.

As he settled the pillow next to the bed and spread out his blanket, Remus seemed to notice what he was doing.

"You can't sleep on the floor!" He said while looking at the improvised bed. 

"It's fine, I'll just sleep as Padfoot," Sirius tried brushing it off.

"But you've had such a long day. Doesn't your back hurt from all that driving?" 

Now that he mentioned it, yes, it did. Nevertheless, he didn't want to be a bother. 

"It’s okay, really."

Remus didn’t seem to agree, but just settled on nodding after fixing his gaze on Sirius. Remus sat on his bed.

Sirius sat on the floor next to the bottom edge of the bed, not being able to see Remus anymore. He lowered himself until his head was against the pillow, staring at the ceiling. The room was only lit by the bedside lamp next to Remus. 

He heard shifting from above and then quiet.

"Can I turn off the light?" Remus asked, voice soft amid the silence.

"Yeah," he answered quietly. 

The light was turned off and everything went dark. The only light came from the light poles of the street outside, entering the room by the few centimetres of the window that the curtains didn't cover. 

It felt odd to be wide awake in Remus' room, especially on this day. Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to sleep so soon, even though he was knackered. 

The minutes dragged slowly as he relived the moment Remus had kissed him. His presence in the room only made Sirius more restless. He didn't want to turn into Padfoot. He wanted to be here as himself, to have fully human thoughts as the only thing on his mind was Remus. 

It was electrifying to just be in his presence. He wondered if Remus was awake and thinking of the same thing.

"Padfoot, are you awake?" Remus’s voice broke the silence

"Yes," he answered.

His eyes were still fixated on the ceiling above him. His heart rate shot up. There was something truly intimate about talking in the dark late at night.

"I just wanted to thank you again… for everything." His voice was cautious.

"’twas nothing, Moony." Sirius brushed it off.

"It wasn't 'nothing'. I haven't had a proper celebration in so long."

Sirius didn't know what to answer. He felt awful about not giving Remus _more_ this last few years. Silence settled for a few seconds until Sirius broke it.

"So...how does it feel to be a 22-year-old?" He tried asking casually.

"I don't know yet. You tell me," Remus answered.

"I could tell you it comes with a lot more responsibilities, but that's just my personal experience."

He heard Remus snort.

"Actually, it feels great," Remus said.

"Really? And why's that?" 

"So far it's been going pretty well." 

Sirius could practically hear Remus smiling, knowing all his language quirks after years of seeing him every day. Yet, it all felt brand new through the new lenses in which he looked at him nowadays.

"I'm glad to hear," Sirius couldn't hold his own smile this time. It was awkward, and the silences between them only grew. But it wasn't because of weariness or anything of the sort. He felt sixteen again.

"I never knew you paid so much attention," Remus said after a few seconds.

"To what?" 

"Me, I suppose. When I talked about all the things I wanted to do. I just thought no one was listening. You two always got so caught up in the euphoria of everything and I was… quiet."

Sirius exhaled heavily, "You knew I listened..." 

"I didn't. Really," Remus insisted.

"Back in '75," Sirius began nervously, "you never thought about why I went to the Common Room every night? About...how I took more pictures of you than of the others? I saw that one on your dresser." 

"I did. Of course I did. And you know it, too," Remus answered. 

Then Sirius risked another question. "Did you really feel the same way back then?"

"I did." He answered softly. "I'm still sorry about reading your letter, but it just… really surprised me. That's why I acted a bit strange afterwards. It wasn't because—because I thought it was... wrong or anything."

"Was it really that surprising?" Sirius huffed out a laugh.

"Of course it was. I never thought you could… feel the same way about me. I was—well, am a scrawny dark creature—"

"Don't call yourself that." Sirius interrupted.

"—with nothing but pessimism to offer. And you're... _you._ The bloke who had any girl he wanted in Hogwarts. The Black rebel. And you know you're—well, you know."

"Know that I'm what?" 

"You don't need me to tell you what you already know..." He could hear Remus' roll his eyes.

"Moony, what are you on about?" 

"You know you're gorgeous! Always have been. I was struck by you back then. Who wouldn't have been, anyway?"

The force in which Remus said it slightly took aback Sirius.

"I think I only noticed it in fourth year, though I was in denial," Remus added.

"I think it was fifth year for me," Sirius said. "It might have been the day you yelled when McGonagall blamed you for that prank went wrong and accidentally made half the Hufflepuff students have purple hair for a week."

Remus laughed, " _That's_ the moment for you?"

"I think so," Sirius could feel his cheeks heating. "You were _so angry_ about something _so stupid_. I thought it was endearing."

It felt liberating to finally tell him those types of things. The conversation was deeply revelatory for both parties.

"Mine isn't as... interesting. It was when I watched you try out for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team."

"Merlin, but I was rubbish!" Sirius chuckled.

"Well, I didn't notice. It was a confusing day for me," Remus confessed while laughing.

Sirius wished he could see him right now. The laughter died down and his desire to get up only grew hot in his belly. The silence was comfortable this time, but it vibrated with anticipation.

"Why didn't we do anything?" Sirius asked earnestly.

"I was scared. I thought it was impossible," Remus answered, the traces of laughter having vanished from his voice. 

"But there wasn't a single moment where we might have...understood each other?"

"Maybe we were too caught up in the impossible-ness of it," Remus breathed.

"But was it?" Sirius asked mindlessly. "Impossible, I mean."

"I don't know." He heard Remus breathe in deeply.

Sirius braced himself for what he was about to ask, shutting his eyes and scrunching up his nose. "... Is it now?"

"No," Remus said after a beat.

That was all it took for Sirius to take the impulsive decision to rise from his makeshift bed and go towards Remus. He felt Remus' eyes on him even though he couldn't see his face. All he saw was his outline, propped up on the bed, with his elbows holding him up.

Before he knew it, Sirius was kneeling down beside where Remus lay. His face was close to Remus', now he could make out his features.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked in a quiet whisper, hand itching to reach for Remus. He saw the outline of his head nod

"Are you?" Remus whispered back. Sirius felt warmth seeping off of him.

He didn't answer the question with words, but with action.

Sirius leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of Remus' mouth. Sirius pulled back as if to give Remus another chance to give up. It would have broken Sirius' heart if he took it. But thankfully Remus chased Sirius' lips with his own and they met in a languid kiss. It differed from the first time, where it had been quick and almost chaste. This was unhurried and had no uncertainty behind it.

Sirius reached to run his fingers through Remus' hair, caressing his curls softly. He was at an uncomfortable angle, but he couldn't care less. Remus followed suit and reached to hold Sirius by the back of his neck with one hand, using it to guide him away from the floor and onto the bed.

Sirius slowly got up, not wishing to break the kiss that took so much time to happen. He could barely believe this was even happening as his knee touched the mattress. He climbed onto the bed and was grateful that at some moment Remus had kicked the covers off. He settled on putting one knee between Remus' legs and the other on the outer side, touching his hip.

As the kiss deepened, it felt like there was less and less oxygen in Sirius' brain. While one of his hands tugged on Remus' hair slightly harder than before, the other trailed downwards to rest at the strip of skin that Remus' clothes didn't cover at his hip. Remus held Sirius' face with both hands as if he was scared he'd leave.

Every new movement Sirius made felt like a test, he wanted to be perfect for Remus.

He could feel the slightly raised scars on Remus' hip. He began tracing them inwards, hand going under the shirt. He felt Remus breathe in deeply. One of his hands fell from Sirius' face and found the one he had on his stomach, holding it while moving it away. Still, he didn't break the kiss.

Sirius, on the other hand, did. Pulling apart and slightly out of breath, he furrowed his brows in concern even though Remus probably couldn't see it.

"Did I do something wrong?" He whispered against Remus' face.

"No," Remus murmured and went in for another kiss. "You're perfect."

Sirius wished he wasn't so weak and pressed on the issue, but he absolutely could not focus when Remus had his lower lip between his teeth.

Bravely, he parted from Remus' mouth and trailed wet kisses on his jaw and then neck, burying his face there. As he pressed their bodies closer, Remus' hand trailed along his torso and nails dug into his hair. 

He could feel Remus' hard breathing next to his ear. A sound came from deep in his throat, and Sirius took it as a win and went to capture Remus' lips once again, not being able to not smile a bit as he did so. Remus seemed more impatient as his hands shifted to find Sirius' bare back from under his shirt. His hands felt soothingly cold.

Sirius pressed downwards further, and he felt Remus press forward. A pang of pleasure washed through him and his movements became clumsier, his kisses sloppier, and lost his self-control by the second. Remus tugged at his shirt and Sirius broke their kiss to let him yank it over his head, tossing it somewhere aside. 

Remus reached for his own shirt and yanked it off. He didn't lose time asking him what had happened before, as the only thing that seemed to matter was the feeling of their bodies against each other.

Remus ran his hands over Sirius' warm back. Sirius wished once again he could see him properly, but everything was too frantic for him to stop and think. Anticipation was hot on his belly, thinking about what they could do, given that it felt as though they had all the time in the world. 

He gripped Remus' hip as he thrust upwards further, a small moan escaping his lips. 

Sirius could barely remember the last time he was with someone this way. It had been much less memorable and enjoyable, that was for sure. This right here felt different from anything he had ever experienced.

However, when he slipped just one finger under the band of Remus' trousers, he was startled out of his daze by a loud sound coming from afar. He and Remus froze for a couple of seconds. He held his breath and became alert. 

It was crying. Harry was crying in his room. 

This wasn't the first time one of them had to go to the child's room in the middle of the night, and nor would it be the last. The first few nights, Sirius felt awfully tense when he woke up this way, but by now it was already standard.

Sirius dropped his head to rest it on Remus' collarbone, regaining his breath. He reached for the switch on the bedside lamp and flicked it on. He raised his head and waited a couple of seconds for his eyes to adjust to the yellow light. They quickly focused on Remus beneath him. 

"Hi," he said.

Remus offered him a soft smile, "Hi." His hair was messy, his lips swollen, and cheeks flushed. He had never looked better.

"I'll be as fast as I can," Sirius told him apologetically while reluctantly climbing off the bed.

"I'll be right here," Remus said, smiling at him.

Sirius tripped on the pillow he had left on the floor on his way out, as he wasn't able to take his eyes off Remus.

Carefully closing the door behind him, he began walking down the cold corridor. With concentration, tried to make the stiffness in his trousers fade away as he approached his godson's bedroom, as it would feel awfully inappropriate. Thankfully, he managed it before he opened the door to find the crying kid.

Harry had hot tears flooding down his red face. Sirius suddenly felt an enormous sense of guilt for taking his time goggling at Remus when Harry needed him. He reached for Harry and took him in his arms, bouncing him up and down, trying to figure out what the kid needed.

Sirius checked his nappies and they seemed to be clean. He reached for the bottle of milk they kept in the room at night, but Harry seemed to have no interest in it. Then he finally reaches for his forehead, pressing his hand against it.

It felt oddly hot. 

Harry had never been sick under their care, so this was all new territory. Sirius felt terrible as he realised he had no idea of what to do. The crying baby in his arms didn't let him think all that much either.

Having no clue about what to do, panic started to flare up in his stomach. Sirius carried Harry through the corridor and opened the door. Remus was still shirtless on the bed and eyed him with concern as he saw that Harry still hadn't stopped crying.

"Is everything okay?" He asked while getting up from the bed in one swift move. 

"I— I don't know," Sirius said. Remus was now standing beside them. "Feel his forehead."

Frowning, Remus did as he was told.

"But he has never been sick," Remus remarked to himself under his breath with his hand still on the kid.

His gaze shifted to the side for a second, deep in thought. 

"Should we take him to St. Mungo's?" Sirius asked.

A crease formed on Remus' forehead, "We should avoid places with so many people… Let's see if Andromeda knows what to do first, then we'll see."

Sirius nodded, and they went to the living room. Harry was still bawling in Sirius' arms. He grew increasingly worried at the sight. Harry's face was puffy, he felt utterly useless as the kid cried and cried. He tried shushing him, smoothing his hair, and distracting him, but nothing worked at all.

The noise announced their presence a long time before they got to the living room, so it wasn't surprising to find Andromeda awake, sitting on the couch with a lamp turned on.

"Er...Dromeda—" Sirius began. She looked at the trio, frowning.

"Is everything okay?" She asked.

"Harry's sick," Remus began. "We don't know what he has." 

Sirius felt awfully stupid with this whole situation. He was supposed to know how to care for Harry but didn't even know where to get started in this situation.

"Let me see," she stretched her arms out and Sirius carefully handed Harry to her. She put her hand against his forehead and frowned. 

Sirius and Remus stood in front of them with worry written on their foreheads

Andromeda reached for Harry's hand, examining it to see if there was something different. When she didn't find anything, she pulled out one of his socks to look at his ankles. Her eyes widened.

Sirius couldn't see what she was looking at from this angle.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I think he might have the Mumblemumps," she explained.

Sirius and Remus quickly moved to stand by her side and look at Harry's ankles. They were visibly swollen.

"It's not so worrisome, but it shouldn't go untreated," she said while turning her head and glancing at them.

"Shit, should we take him to St. Mungo's?" Remus asked.

"Since he's so young, I'd say so," Andromeda advised.

"Okay," Sirius said. "We'll take him."


	14. Happy Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got an idea for another long-fic AU that I can't get out of my head! So right after this fic ends I'll start working on it lol can't wait to post it

It was tricky entering St. Mungo's Hospital with a crying baby, as they weren't supposed to let anyone see them. At least it was still quite dark outside, meaning there weren't many people around.

But everything was made much harder by the fact that the crying baby in question was Harry Potter. Sometimes they forgot about his celebrity status, being reminded by headlines on the Daily Prophet and all sorts of speculations about the whereabouts of The Boy Who Lived. It often came as a shock to Sirius that Harry was so talked about.

Dumbledore might have pulled some strings since Sirius and Remus' names rarely ever came up in conversations on the Prophet about Harry. When they did, it was usually to talk about James, rather than his kid. Sirius didn't enjoy reading any of those articles either way.

Thankfully, they had enough clarity before arriving at the Hospital to remember to disguise Harry's looks and cover the scar. It was difficult doing so when he wouldn't sit still, but it was decent enough. They had to tell the Healer the true identity of the child, though, in fear that the appearance-altering charms would get in the way of Harry's treatment.

The wide-eyed look of the woman in the lime green robes when they told her this was Harry Potter slightly annoyed Sirius. They made her promise this was classified information. She seemed almost scared at that. Maybe the responsibility of caring for The Boy Who Lived was too great. Either way, she seemed eager to help him.

And that leads us to where Sirius stood now, at the fifth floor of St. Mungo's Hospital in the visitors' tearoom, waiting for the Healer to come back and allow them to see Harry.

Sirius rested his head against the wall while a cup of tea went cold in his hands. He examined each and every person who stood in the wide room. Some had puffy and red faces from crying, others sat mindlessly waiting for something to happen, and others gave sighs of relief when a Healer approached them to tell the good news. 

He couldn't mask his tiredness anymore, this day seemed to be endless. He'd give anything for peace of mind and a bed to sleep in. But Harry came first. He always did.

Andromeda had gone home when they left the flat, so Sirius was alone here, save for Remus who had temporarily left him to go and ask the whereabouts of his "nephew, Edward Hopkins". 

He still had the energy to arch an eyebrow when he saw Remus walking towards him, coming back from the reception.

"So?" Sirius asked him.

"She still says they will come to  _ us _ ," Remus answered while leaning against the wall next to Sirius. 

"I feel so useless," Sirius remarked with a sigh.

"Don't. This isn't your fault," Remus tried catching his eyes.

"We don't know that yet." Sirius looked down at his feet and avoided Remus' piercing gaze.

Remus discreetly brushed his hand against Sirius' hand that dangled between them. Sirius couldn't hold his reflexes, that just opened up his palm to fully catch Remus' hand.

Even in the midst of a crisis, he couldn't help the quiet smile that came to his mouth.

The hand holding was brief, though.

"We shouldn't," he whispered.

"I know," Remus said in a bit of a pained voice. 

"If...if some of those gossip columnists from the Prophet finds out it's him here and sees us holding hands… They will start a rumour that he's being raised by two — you know..." Sirius said it as low as he could.

"I understand." Remus turned his head to offer him a reassuring smile and then looked down at his feet, face falling. "It's unfair, that's all."

Sirius frowned, "It is. I'm sorry." He brushed his hand against Remus' again, this time not holding it.

"But it's a small price to pay," the crease on Remus' forehead disappeared as he smiled and looked at him.

Sirius smiled softly.

He looked around the room and seemed to be pulled out of a daze, as he noticed just how many people were around them and how many could secretly be whispering about the fact that Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, James Potter's best friends _ , _ had discreetly held hands while waiting for Harry Potter. 

Sirius realised he was leaning into Remus and pulled back a little. He felt like an arse for it.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw the Healer that attended them walking in their direction. He couldn't tell from her expression whether she brought good news. Sirius quickly went to her and Remus followed when he realised what was happening.

" _ Is he alright? _ " He blurted out.

The witch was taken aback by the forcefulness. "Yes, Mr..." she looked around, uncertain if she should address him by his name. "Everything's alright, please accompany me to my office." She eyed them both and gestured for them to follow her.

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other, not sure of what to expect. They turned a corner and entered a small room with a wooden desk. She stepped behind the desk and took a seat. They did the same with the two chairs that stood in front of her. 

"Well?" Sirius asked impatiently. "Can we see him?" 

"Yes, Mr Black, you can," she stated. "I just brought you here so we could discuss the matter in private, seen as we're talking about a… special patient." 

"Go ahead," Remus voiced.

"Harry has the Mumblemumps," she started. "It's rather common in children, there's not much to worry about. Parents usually know how to treat it at home," she offered a tight-lipped smile.

Sirius felt a pang with the reminder that he's not such a great parent after all. His mother never really cared for him. If he got sick, the house-elves would treat it without so much as a word of encouragement or explanation. Bringing Harry to a cold hospital at the first sight of a common disease was just shameful. He wasn't fit for this.

He looked down at his lap. The Healer seemed confused by the reaction but just brushed it off.

"And how did he get it?" He asked.

"Probably just by walking around some wizarding community, it's contagious. You shouldn't worry about catching it, though. You probably already had it and don't even remember it!" She laughed. "It's treatable with a potion. You may see him already, although he's asleep. You should be able to take him home in a few hours. We prefer to keep younger patients here for longer, just in case there are any unwanted reactions to the potions." 

Her upbeat manner didn't match whatever was going through Sirius' head at that moment. The way she stared at him made him feel awfully exposed, too. His eyes felt heavier than ever, and although he breathed a sigh of relief, another issue pressed in his mind.

Remus took his silence as a sign to take over the conversation.

"That's great news," he nodded. "We'll wait a few hours, of course… May we go to him now?"

"Of course." Her smile fell when she addressed Remus. The Healer began standing up, and they did the same. "He's on the second floor, the Magical Bugs ward." 

Once again they followed her through the hospital. Sirius felt an indescribable mix of emotions that even Remus couldn't quite understand as he eyed him worryingly as they walked together.

"Are you okay?" He whispered to him.

"Yes…" he said, not fooling anybody. "We'll talk about it later."

Remus nodded encouragingly and kept walking.

The Healer guided them through what felt like endless rows of corridors and doors until they got to a room in a more reserved part of the building.

When she opened the door, the big space seemed like a waste for a tiny baby with the Mumblebumps. Only the best for The Boy Who Lived, apparently.

Sirius rushed past her to see Harry laying calmly, finally sleeping after so much time of only crying. It quickly eased his nervousness. He approached him and stroked his cheek softly with his index finger after brushing some of his untamed hair out of his face. The charms could change everything in his appearance, save for the messy hair.

He didn't even see the Healer leave the room, only noticing her absence when Remus came to stand by his side to look at Harry as well.

"So this is parenthood," Remus remarked.

Sirius only made a sound of acknowledgement.

"What's wrong, Sirius?" He asked, now glancing at him.

Sirius sighed heavily. "He got it at a wizarding community." 

"So?" Remus asked, confused.

" _ So  _ that means that if Dumbledore hears of this, he'll know that we've been disrespecting his rules about where we could take Harry," he explained, leaning away from where Harry slept and folding his arms. "And  _ this  _ would be a perfectly plausible explanation of why we shouldn't have him. He could see it as just the tip of the iceberg or something else."

Remus followed him, walking away from Harry so as to not disturb him.

"That could hardly be used as a reason for him to get taken away," Remus said.

"Don't you remember he said this could all just be  _ temporary _ ?" Sirius was starting to feel anguish as he sat down on the hard sofa they had in the room. He put his hands in his face as he organised his thoughts.

It took aback Remus, who sat down next to him, placing a warm hand between his shoulder blades and rubbing it.

"Hey," he whispered. "It's going to be  _ fine _ ."

"Is it?" he asked, voice muffled. He looked back up and straight ahead, "We shouldn't have got lost in the whole 'playing house' idea..." 

"We haven't. Dumbledore probably won't even hear of this." Sirius wasn't convinced at that. "And if he does, we'll figure it out." 

Sirius wouldn't bear losing Harry again. The thought frightened him to no end. His face fell to his hands again. It felt like he'd gone back to those terrible days right after James and Lily's deaths. 

The only difference was that he wasn't alone anymore, something he was reminded of when Remus pulled him in for a hug. Sirius' body just went numb and he let himself be pulled into Remus' arms, head resting on his shoulders.

"When will this day end?" Sirius said against the fabric of Remus' shirt.

"You're tired, you should go to sleep," Remus said with a hand buried in his hair, stroking his scalp.

Sirius leaned into Remus' touch even further, melting into his arms. It felt much better this way, being surrounded by him, feeling him all along his body. It didn't feel like the anguish and despair would have no end like it did before.

"I don't know if I can," Sirius said honestly.

Remus leaned into the sofa and twisted his body in a way that Sirius could lie with his torso on top of him, using Remus as support. Now, Sirius had his head resting against Remus' collarbone and an arm draped across Remus' body. The hand in his hair was still moving soothingly. 

They stayed like this for a long time. So much so that Sirius' eyelids felt heavier and heavier by the minute. It was so much easier to fall asleep like this. 

* * *

Sirius would be lying if he said he woke up renewed after the couple of hours of sleep he got on that couch. Still, waking up against a sleeping Remus was what gave him a boost of energy. Even if his body ached from the uncomfortable position.

He carefully disentangled himself from Remus, who always slept like a stone. Getting up from the sofa, he did his best to stretch out his sore limbs.

Harry still slept peacefully; he must have been exhausted as well. Poor lad, Sirius felt like utter crap as he stared at his peaceful sleeping form. Thoughts of losing him flooded his mind again, making his chest ache. 

James and Lily would have known how to treat the Mumblemumps. They were the perfect parents. Sirius was...temporary. Not good enough. 

The room felt too small for him all of the sudden. He needed space to think, to stretch out his legs a bit.

He opened the door and closed it carefully behind him and set out to walk aimlessly through St. Mungo's. 

The reception area on the ground floor offered a unique crowd that pulled Sirius from his thoughts. Bizarre disfigurements and other showy maladies made for quite the show. It was a crowded and loud area. Sirius realised he had had enough of it when he flinched at the sight of a particularly gruesome injury. 

Glancing around at anything else, he spotted the sign detailing what which of the five floors was for. As his eyes skimmed through it, he stopped in his tracks when he read about the fourth one, the Janus Thickey Ward, for treatment of permanent spell damage.

The last time he'd heard of such ward was when he got the news of what his dear cousin Bellatrix had done to Frank and Alice Longbottom. He shivered. He hadn't thought of them in a very long time.

In an impulsive decision, he set out to the fourth floor. 

He just wanted to  _ see  _ them.

Sirius walked down the corridors and up the stairs until he got to the ward. He shuddered as he noticed the people around him showing signs of distress, confusion, and whatever other things spell damage could cause. He got to a very wide room that reminded him of Hogwarts' Hospital Wing, with lots of beds. However, most of them were occupied, while in Hogwarts it was usually quite empty.

He skimmed his eyes over the patients, trying to hide in a corner so no one would question his presence there. Some faces felt distantly familiar, perhaps others lost in the war. Then he saw Frank and Alice. They sat on their beds, side by side.

Physically, they looked the same. But the light in their eyes had been completely lost. They looked around with empty expressions and hardly reacted when Healers would talk directly to them.

Sirius' stomach lurched as he remembered his own blood had done this.

He couldn't bring himself to look at them for much longer. It was another terrible reminder of what the war cost. He felt utterly stupid for being allowed to feel sorry for himself despite what others went through. He was reminded of the child Frank and Alice left behind. Sirius' presence here, safe and sound, felt unearned at best.

He glanced to the other side of the room, trying to see if he recognised any of the other patients.

Sirius was taken aback when he found a pair of eyes looking straight at him. He jumped back into the wall he was leaning against but didn't break eye contact. 

He knew exactly who it was. 

Well, he knew pretty much every single Death Eater. 

Antonin Dolohov didn't have the same lost look in his eyes as he stared shamelessly at Sirius. His heart rate quickened and he forced himself to look away from him before he lunged forward and committed a crime in the middle of St. Mungo's. 

The Death Eater was chained to his bed but otherwise seemed to be treated as any other patient in the ward. Sirius felt a shiver through his spine. How could they let such a monster be in the same room as Frank, Alice, and other dozens of innocent people?

It just goes to show how the Ministry is far from perfect.

Shaken up by the encounter, Sirius went back in large steps to Harry's room. He tried to control his breathing on the way there.

Once he reached the familiar door, he stopped for a few seconds before opening it, making sure he didn't look so freaked out. After a deep breath, he opened the door.

Closing it behind him, he saw Remus standing in the middle of the room with his arms folded on top of each other.

"Where were you?" Remus asked, not accusatorily, but curious.

"I… I saw Frank and Alice," he said.

"Oh." That seemed to pique Remus' interest, "How are they?"

"Honestly? Bad..." Sirius cringed.

Remus' face fell a little. "They didn't deserve that…"

"Did anyone from the Order?" Sirius asked, rhetorically. 

Remus shook his head, seemingly in deep thought as silence settled around them.

They heard knocking from the other side of the door, and Remus went to promptly answer it. Outside stood the Healer they talked to… yesterday? Or had it been earlier that day?

"Hullo," she greeted with the usual tight-lipped smile. She didn't wait for Remus to invite her in as she walked past him. "Mr Black, here's all the paperwork from Harry's stay at St. Mungo's." She handed him a considerable stack of parchment. "He must get plenty of rest for the week. Oh! and you can leave by the back entrance if you prefer, it's less crowded." 

She didn't even glance Remus' way as she spoke. Sirius sneaked a look at him and saw the annoyance written on his forehead.

"Very well." Sirius looked back at her, "Thank you very much." 

She stared at him, smiling for a few seconds. She didn't seem too eager to leave them.

"We'll get going, then," Remus spoke from the other side of the room. She snapped her head to look at him, almost as if she'd forgotten he was even there. 

Remus walked towards them in slow steps and stood beside Sirius.

It was her turn to display slight annoyance.

"Uh… okay. I'll get him, then," Sirius said, excusing himself from the weird dynamic around him. "We should leave through the back." 

Once they finally got rid of the Healer, Sirius could practically hear Remus' internal growling.

* * *

When they were finally back at the flat, with Harry promptly put in his bedroom to rest some more, Sirius felt like he could breathe again. The disease seemed to have knocked the kid out, he'd never seen him sleep this much. He still felt awful about it.

The sun was shining through the windows and it felt wrong to go to sleep now, so he just went about his day normally and would go to sleep early when the night came.

Lounging on the sofa and hearing Remus take care of the dishes with cleaning spells, he was reminded of the weird interaction he'd had with the Healer.

"What happened back there?" He asked with his back to Remus.

"What?" Remus replied from afar.

"Why did that Healer get your knickers in a twist?" He felt the grin from amusement creeping up on his face as he said it.

"She didn't get my 'knickers in a twist'," he answered slightly revolted. "She just ignored my presence. It was like I wasn't one of Harry's guardians," he ranted. "And she couldn't stop making googly eyes at you." 

Sirius scoffed, "She did not make 'googly eyes' at me." Then, after a beat, "But she did sort of ignore you."

Remus walked with his wand in hand to stand in front of him.

"Were you even there? Merlin— she was about to throw herself at you." He put his hands on his waist. "Maybe she was crazy to become Harry's 'mother figure', as Molly suggested." Remus rolled his eyes.

"So  _ that's  _ what that was about," Sirius chuckled. "You were jealous." He arched an eyebrow.

"I wasn't  _ jealous _ . I was rightfully irritated." He put down his wand, having finished washing the dishes.

Sirius couldn't help but laugh a little. Remus' cheeks were flushed as he got more exasperated. 

"I suppose I'm rather used to it," Remus shrugged. "Guess I finally got tired of it." 

Sirius blinked, "What do you mean?" 

Remus sighed and smiled softly. "Every girl always fought for your attention. James' too, but it was mostly about you. Peter and I usually just sat back and watched in our sad little corner. Well, we each had our reasons… I'm sure mine differed greatly from his."

Sirius reached out to loop his finger through one of the belt loops of Remus' pants to pull him closer. Remus smiled as he let himself get pulled along.

"Little did they know  _ you  _ had my attention — Merlin, little did  _ I  _ know at the time," he said while looking up at him and offering a blinding smile. Sirius placed his hands on the back of Remus' legs. 

Remus chuckled and grabbed a fistful of Sirius' shirt, impatiently pulling him up. Sirius complied with no fuss and stood up so they were toe to toe. 

"No need to worry, Moony. She would have to do much more to get my attention, like spend five years as my friend. Then she'd have to spend nights awake with me talking about my issues. Then maybe she'd have to raise a kid with me to then—"

That ripped a smile out of Remus, "You're ridiculous." 

"But I'm serious," he arched an eyebrow and smiled cheekily.

Remus chuckled and tried rolling his eyes. 

"You're infuriating," Remus said with a smile on his face.

"I know."

Sirius reached for Remus' jaw, wishing to place his open hand there to hold his face. However, incessant knocking on the door startled them before he could do so, making them jump back. Sirius fell back onto the sofa.

"Not again," Sirius groaned, putting his face against the cushion.

"Shite," Remus cursed. "It must be Molly." 

"Molly?" Sirius whispered.

"I owled her about Harry. She would have never forgiven me if I didn't tell her right away," Remus explained in a rushed whisper.

Sirius let out a groan while he stood up, accepting his fate and going to the door. Opening it, he was met with a surge of red hair rushing past him.

Molly.

Of course.

She walked past him without offering so much as a glance, going inside to look for Harry. 

Sirius tore his eyes away from her and back at Arthur, who still stood in front of him with an awkward smile.

"Er… hullo, Sirius! I'm sorry about her…" He said while fidgeting.

"It's okay. It's… Molly." Arthur nodded as that seemed to offer all the explanation needed. "Please, come in." 

Arthur did as he was told and stepped inside the flat. Molly now whispered to Remus with great concern on her face. Sirius promptly cast a silencing charm around the living room so that Harry wouldn't be disturbed.

"Hello, Molly," he greeted with a wave.

"Oh, Sirius… I was just telling Remus about how you should have brought Harry straight to me! Hospitals are too cold for children, don't you think?" She said while looking around the room with her nose wrinkled.

Sirius glanced at Remus, who offered him a strained smile.

"Uh… I suppose so," he mumbled while thinking of what to say.

"I brought some food for him," she raised her hands, holding a bowl of what looked to be soup. "When William had the Mumblemumps, the only thing he could keep down was the family recipe's soup." 

She put the bowl in Remus' hands and turned to Sirius.

"Where is he?" She asked directly.

"Sleeping in his room," Sirius answered.

"I promise I won't disturb him," she turned away and made her way to Harry's bedroom, clearly comfortable in their house.

Remus chuckled at the sight and went to put the soup aside.

Sirius thought it was best to go after Molly and make sure she wouldn't go about the flat finding new issues with it. When he got to her, she was silently looking over Harry's sleeping form with a smile on her face. When she noticed Sirius approaching, she widened it.

Molly could be slightly intrusive and even annoying at times, but she meant well, and that could be seen by taking one look at her face when she was looking at Harry. 

As soon as he got closer, she motioned for him to follow her to the corridor. Closing the door behind her, she turned to him.

"Sirius," she began in a low tone. "I think you're doing a wonderful job at raising Harry. He's very lucky for having both you and Remus to take care of him. I know sometimes you must feel like everything will go wrong, I've been there. Just don't beat yourself over it, okay?" 

Sirius didn't quite know what to answer.

"Thank you, Molly." He offered the most confident smile he could. She reached out to touch his shoulder soothingly. At that moment, he knew what having a mother must feel like.

She squeezed his arm and let it go, going back to the living room as Sirius followed her.

Remus was quietly talking to Arthur when they came back and diverted their attention. 

"Oh, Sirius!" Molly jumped back and turned to him. "I  _ just _ remembered something. There's this lovely girl who works at Flourish and Blotts," Sirius breathed in deeply and prepared himself for what was to come. "I told her  _ all  _ about you — well, not all. Just an overview without telling names. Anyway, she was more than interested!" She beamed at him, Sirius had to suppress a laugh.

"Molly, leave the poor boy alone," Arthur said. "He can go out and get a girl if he wants to. He doesn't need you meddling in it."

"Then why doesn't he? He just needs a little push!" She fought back.

"I'm sorry to disappoint her, Molly," he glanced at Remus who had an amused look on his face. "But I'm good."

She frowned and turned to Remus, who arched his eyebrow. "What about you, dear?" 

"Me?" He asked, surprised.

"Well, yes. I didn't specify which one of you I was talking about when I told her about it." She looked at him expectantly. It was Sirius' turn to chuckle.

"I… think I'll have to pass on it, too. Sorry, Molly…" 

"See, Molly? I told you. They don't want you meddling on their business." Arthur had clearly dealt with this many times.

"But she's lovely! Her name is Margot, she was a Ravenclaw, she loves reading — of course. She also cooks. It's perfect." Molly looked between Sirius and Remus to check if that seemed to pique any of their interests. 

"Molly," Sirius began stifling a laugh, "thank you for your help. But… I'm not looking for anything right now." 

"And neither am I," Remus added.

She folded her arms and frowned, "Alright, then."

Arthur laughed from the corner where he stood.

"But you must come to dinner once Harrys feeling better. Ronald misses him." She lightened up quickly.

"We will," Remus said.

"Don’t secretly invite her to it, though," Sirius said through chuckles.

Molly widened her eyes and opened her mouth to answer, faltering a little. "I'd never do that."


	15. Somebody to Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every gay kid needs an awakening...

17th of March 1982.

"How much do you want to bet that when we walk through that door, Molly will drag us to meet dear lovely Margot?" Sirius glanced at Remus from the corner of his eyes with an arched eyebrow and a grin.

"I'm not trying to lose any more money," Remus said, huffing out a laugh. 

Sirius took a deep breath and stretched his arm to knock at the door. Midway, with his hand in the air, he looked back at Remus, who had now a quizzical expression on his face while Harry sat mindlessly in his arms.

Sirius offered a smirk and launched forward at him, catching his lips by surprise, pressing them for only a couple of seconds. Harry didn’t seem too impressed, slapping his chubby hand against Sirius’s face once he got too close.

When he pulled away, he chuckled at the reddening of Remus' cheeks. 

"Okay, now I'm ready," he announced before finally knocking at The Burrow's door.

He cherished every small moment they had. Caring for Harry these past few days had been a handful, even though the kid mostly slept. They had been frantically running around trying to predict his every need. Their moments of intimacy had come in quiet instants; hands touching, smiles, glances, and a chaste kiss here and there.

Sirius hadn't even spent a night in Remus' room again. He settled for his trusty chair in Harry's room since he'd been more prone to waking up at night. And, to be honest, Sirius just didn't want to leave him.

But he'd made progress and was good as new, so Molly invited them over right after she got the news (which Remus sent to her in one of his daily updates via Simon).

Sirius would be lying if he said he hadn't been also eagerly awaiting Harry's full recovery to resume where he had left off with Remus.

So, today, he stood like a giddy schoolgirl in front of Molly's door.

Even from the outside, Sirius could sense the energy from inside the house. Warm yellow light seeped through the cracks of the door, and the rustling of the kids could be heard from afar.

The door opened, and Sirius had to look down, having expected to face Molly. Instead, there stood Bill, who opened a smile once he saw who had come to visit.

"Hi, Sirius!" Bill greeted enthusiastically. "And Remus," he tried offering the same energy. It was certainly endearing.

"Hello, Bill!" Sirius said while the kid stepped aside for them to come in. "Excited to go to Hogwarts?" 

Bill's eyes glimmered either at the mention of the school or at the fact that Sirius remembered he was going soon.

"Yes! Mum says I can choose my familiar since I'm the first in the family to go — I think I want a rat," Bill said it so fast that Sirius had to pay close attention to keep up while he took off his robes.

"I would advise against those, they can be quite treacherous," Remus said while motioning for Sirius to hold Harry so he could take off his robes and hang them next to the door. 

Bill seemed slightly confused at the remark but ignored it.

"I had an owl, it's a classic," Sirius told Bill. "But if you want to be really cool, I'd go for a toad. They're all the rage." 

Remus snorted, "They were. In the early 70s. Kids these days are probably into something else. I'm afraid we got old, Padfoot."

"I'm only 22. I know what's hip," Sirius protested. However, he looked quite ridiculous while Harry pressed his open palms to both of his cheeks, pressing them together. 

"I think I'll go for an owl," Bill said with a shy smile on his face while looking up. "Thanks."

Sirius looked at him and chuckled. There was something so adorable about how excited he felt. He wished he could go back to that time in his life and live there endlessly.

Sirius could hear heavy steps coming closer, Molly appeared after turning a corner. Her mouth shot open when she saw the three new guests standing there.

"William!" She called. "You should have told me they were here!"

Bill turned around to look at her with his head down, "Sorry, mum." 

"It's fine, Molly. We were just catching up with our old friend Bill." Sirius swung his free arm around the kid's shoulders even though he was far too short to make the action seem natural.

Beside him, Remus snorted.

Molly rolled her eyes, "Come in, dears." 

They all followed her inside the house. The chaotic nature of it became more endearing as they got to know the family. Sirius had never stopped to think deeply about how grateful he was for the Weasleys. Even though they had never been particularly close at the Order, they had helped him through his toughest times. It had been an unprecedented twist.

He had been secretly excited to come to the next dinner at The Burrow. It relieved Sirius beyond words to see Harry get better in less than a week. It seemed the episode at St. Mungo's had just been a bit of a scare and nothing more. Dumbledore would never even find out, and they would just carry on as is.

As they approached the cosy living room, the swarm of redheads made for a lovable sight.

"Hello there, Arthur!" Sirius greeted while waving. Arthur offered them a smile and tried to wave, but had his hands full while trying to keep two of his kids apart. Sirius couldn't really tell which one was which.

They barely had time to take the space in when Molly turned to them with a smug smile and hands clasped together.

"Now, boys, I know I promised you," Molly began in a low tone. Sirius glanced at Remus with a discreet but knowing smile. Remus returned the look. "But I just _had_ to invite Margot over today… You see, she's a Muggleborn, her family doesn't celebrate Merlin Remembrance Day,—"

"Today's Merlin Remembrance Day? That exists?" Sirius asked with furrowed brows while Molly simply ignored him.

"—I couldn't let her have dinner all by herself!"

"That's fine, Molly," Remus answered, resigned.

"Great!" Her smile came back in full force. "She's sitting there in the corner. Give Harry to me and go talk to her. Both of you."

She came forward and placed Harry in her arms, walking away with him before they could even say anything. Sirius stifled a laugh and looked around the room, finally seeing the girl Molly had talked so much about.

She sat on a chair in the room's corner, separated from the high energy of the Weasley family. She discreetly looked around, risking a few glances at the two men who stood in the middle of the living room. 

Sirius looked back at Remus and arched an eyebrow, as to say they would have to do this for politeness' sake. It would be easier to just tell Molly at the end of the night that none of them had found anything in common with the poor girl. And, for all they knew, she could be as interested in them as they were in her when it came to a romantic affair.

Remus nodded at him, and they began walking in her direction to introduce themselves. She noticed they were on their way but avoided looking at them too evidently. 

"Hullo," Sirius greeted first with an awkward smile. He offered his hand, "I’m Sirius Black."

"And I’m Remus Lupin," he shook hands with her after she shook Sirius'.

"Hello, I’m Margot Miller.— I must say, I’ve heard a lot about you two." She looked at them and smiled politely before her face fell. "I meant — from Molly. I'm not… talking about the Prophet or anything. I don't — I don't read that."

She got tangled in her words and face redder as it went along.

"I’m afraid all of _my_ information comes from Molly. That puts you at an advantage," Sirius tried being playful so she wouldn't feel too bad about it. 

Still, she looked a tad mortified. They had to endure a few seconds of awkward silence until Remus broke it.

"So you work at Flourish and Blotts?" 

"Yes!" She nodded, relieved to have something else to talk about. "Been doing so ever since I left Hogwarts. I guess they were right about me being a Ravenclaw." She chuckled.

"When did you graduate? I don't remember seeing you there," Remus looked to the side, trying to search his memory.

"Oh, I was two years below you," she explained. "I remember seeing you, though," she laughed nervously. "What did you call yourselves? Was it something to do with… mischief?" 

"Marauders," Sirius interjected. "That was our name."

"Oh, right! I remember the pranks you pulled on everyone. I once twisted my ankle after you cast a _Glacious_ spell on the floor of the corridor. It sent me skating right to the wall."

Remus flinched, "I'm sorry about that..." 

"Water under the bridge," she smiled. "I'm actually quite grateful. Thanks to that accident, I had to spend some of my days at the library instead of Quidditch practice. That's when I found my love for books." 

"So not all was lost?" Remus asked.

"Not at all. I love working at Flourish and Blotts, I get to explain muggle classics to wizards who never heard of them. I get a thrill out of seeing their faces when they read some of the greatest works of all time," she smirked. 

"They get so shocked, don't they?!" Remus replied excitedly. "I get the same thrill out of it whenever I show Sirius something like that. Though he hasn't had the energy to read any of my favourites. Yet."

Margot laughed in such a friendly manner that had Sirius slightly narrowing his eyes. "Ugh, purebloods…" she joked.

"You can't ever get them to eat humble pie," Remus said.

She laughed again and Sirius could have sworn he saw her eyes glimmer.

"Hilarious, but may I remind you that I myself am basically a muggle connoisseur," Sirius noted, arching his eyebrows. 

Remus laughed at the statement made by Sirius.

"Oh, sure you are," Remus said between chuckles.

"I had a pureblood friend who thought all great muggle writers must have secretly been wizards," she told them. "I was so offended!"

Remus laughed, "Once Sirius tried to convince everyone that Bowie was a wizard."

"Well, I've never seen a muggle look that cool," Sirius retorted.

"Now that's just prejudice." Margot eyed him playfully. 

That struck a nerve on Sirius, sore subject and all. He breathed in deeply and Remus seemed to instantly understand what was going on.

Sirius allowed himself a slight frown when everyone's attention was diverted to the other side of the room.

"Dinner is served!" Molly called from afar.

Around them, the kids disentangled themselves from whatever fight they were having and started walking towards the dinner table in the other room.

Sirius made his way over while looking at his feet. He could hear Remus making polite conversation with Margot behind him, but didn't care to actually listen to what they were talking about.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he looked ahead to see a redhead kid with a toothy grin standing in his way.

"Hungry, Bill?" Sirius asked.

"Starving," he replied. "But Sirius, I actually wanted to ask you something." 

Kids always pick the best times, don't they? 

Still, Sirius felt himself smile fondly and nodded. "Go ahead." 

"D'you think I could play Quidditch?" Bill asked carefully.

"You're asking the wrong person," Sirius replied. "I was awful at Quidditch."

Bill's smile fell a little. 

Sirius regretted his words. "I mean, you can play it, of course—just not in the first year. But if that's what you want… then yes, you should." That seemed to save his arse a little.

"I'll think about it..." Bill said, still a bit crestfallen.

Sirius wondered what that had been about, but dwelt little on it. Kids loved to be enigmatic, only to forget whatever they had meant in five minutes.

Looking around, he saw everyone had already left for the table and they now stood alone.

"Better get going before your mum comes to tear us a new one," he told Bill, who laughed at the crude joke. 

Arriving at the table, Sirius was disappointed to find his usual seat beside Remus taken by none other than Margot. Not only that, but they seemed to be enthralled in a very interesting conversation containing only the two of them. He had to force himself not to frown at the sight.

He sat in front of them, where he would still be able to listen to whatever they were talking so passionately about.

Molly was still bringing out the dishes when she turned in his direction, a giddy smile on her face.

"Sirius, darling, could you come and lend me a hand?"

"Molly, don't put our guests to work," Arthur said.

"Oh, he doesn't mind it. Does he?" She turned to Sirius.

"Not at all," he answered with a tight-lipped smile, getting up from his chair.

At the kitchen, Molly quickly pulled him aside, holding onto his forearm and leaning closer.

"I'm never wrong, am I?" she asked excitedly. "Remus is already head over heels for Margot, I can see it!" 

Sirius swallowed dryly, "I...don't know about that." 

"Sirius, don't be jealous of him! They just hit it off right away… I'm sure I could find you another girl—"

"No, Molly," he interrupted her before she could let her mind wander to some other poor lass. "I just don't know if I see all that fire you're talking about."

"Poor thing, you must be blind," she laughed. "Men are much worse at noticing these things, it's fine. But believe me...it worked." 

Before Sirius could answer, she let go of his arm and stepped back.

"Now quit stalling and help me bring out the dishes."

* * *

Sirius dipped his spoon in the ice cream they had for dessert for what felt like the hundredth time. Somewhere along the night, he had lost all of his will to appear as a pleasant guest.

It had been somewhere between the moment Margot's infectious laughter reached his ears for the tenth time and when Remus talked about yet another thing Sirius lacked in comparison to her. To be fair, he hadn't been outright comparing the two of them. Still, Sirius knew the issue must have been at least at the back of his mind.

Truth be told, they had a lot in common. He was reminded of it each time Molly managed to catch his eyes and send him a wink. He groaned internally each time it happened.

"So you're telling me you don't believe the Realist movement is leagues above the Romantic?" Margot asked playfully outraged to Remus. They now had red cheeks due to the wine, their conversation becoming more unbearable as time went on.

Sirius had to hold a groan, it was becoming harder to do so.

"What can I say?" Remus asked while looking at her with a smile. "I adore the tragedy of Romanticism, but I do understand how someone else may find it a tad tired." 

"Ugh, I don't mind calling it downright tedious," Margot said. "I never quite understood the appeal of great romantic heroes dying for their causes or whatnot. All that suffering doesn't relate much to real life, where grand gestures don't really exist." 

"It's a bit out there, I agree." Remus took a sip from his cup and eyed Sirius, who straightened up in his chair instantly and tried to disguise the fact that he'd been intently observing them. "But I could not ever hate the Romantics, seen as I live with one." 

Margot turned her head to look at Sirius, "Wonder how that must be." 

Sirius wished he could contribute to this conversation. He just let them stare at him, raising an eyebrow quizzically.

"While it's not always grounded in reality, it's great fun." Remus settled with a smile, glancing away from Sirius.

 _Whatever that's supposed to mean,_ Sirius thought.

He'd tired of listening to their talk that he almost wished Bill would strike up another conversation about some random Hogwarts thing.

When the time came to rise from the table, he heard Margot complain that dinner had passed through way too fast. Sirius thought the exact contrary.

He didn't feel like being dragged hostage to the kitchen while Molly gushed about the couple she'd just got together. By this time, she'd probably already have wedding ideas. 

Sirius felt left out at best. He thought that after getting with Remus nothing would make him insecure about it again. He just couldn't help but look at her as a threat! She was much more similar to him than Sirius could ever be. They could bond over the muggle experience or whatever they want to call it. She would offer a much easier life, too. 

He felt silly for thinking it, though. Like a spoilt brat who needed attention at every hour of every day or else, he would collapse. 

At a time like this, it only made sense to go after Harry. And so he did, finding him sitting with Ron in a corner surrounded by toys. 

Sirius knelt beside them and started grabbing their toys and dangling them in front of the children. Playing with them was a much more enriching experience than listening to Remus and Margot talk, that was for sure.

"Harry." Sirius nodded in the kid's direction. "Ronald," he nodded again. Sirius relegated himself to the kid's table. It was easier.

Harry, like any kid, loved to point at things. Now, he suspended his chubby hand in the air toward a toy broomstick that leaned against the wall of the living room.

"Voom," he muttered, "Pafoo, voom!"

Sirius practically felt his heart swell. He needed to get Harry a new toy broomstick, just like the one he had given him months earlier. He felt a tug at his chest, remembering the picture he had received of him on it through a letter of Lily's. 

He spent some time with the kids. Sirius didn't hand Harry the broom in fear he'd run around somebody else's house, knocking everything down.

Ron was a sweet kid, he never made much fuss when Harry would grab his toys. Sirius hoped they would grow up to be great friends. Perhaps they would share a room in Gryffindor.

He tried distracting himself with the kids, but Sirius still observed Remus and Margot talking from the corner of his eyes. He watched her lean over and say something very close to Remus' ear. Seeing the act made Sirius' blood run cold. In return, Remus smiled and nodded to her.

Sirius' mood turned downright sour at that.

He turned his attention back to Ron and Harry, keen on spending some more time with them. He kept doing the job of turning the crank of a jack-in-the-box. Secretly, Sirius wished they were old enough to play Exploding Snap already.

For as much as he tried to kid himself, his thoughts were on Remus and Margot. In need of a few minutes away from everyone, Sirius left the kids and set out to find the bathroom after asking the directions to Arthur without so much as glancing Remus and Margot's way. The loo was a bit separated from where everyone was, making Sirius go down a short flight of stairs until he found the door Arthur had appointed him to.

He grabbed the doorknob and twisted, noticing the door was locked.

"Sorry!" he apologised.

"Sirius?" a voice called from inside. The door swung open, revealing a flushed Remus, even more so than he'd been at dinner. 

Sirius noted that he loved the way Remus looked after one too many drinks.

"Hi," Sirius said stupidly.

Remus leaned against the doorframe and frowned a bit, "Are you okay? You’ve been a bit off tonight."

Sirius felt trapped, "I'm fine."

Remus leaned his head against the doorframe and almost rolled his eyes, "C'mon, you can talk to me." 

Being faced with the issue, it felt awfully silly to say that he'd just been annoyed at Remus' new lady friend. It would be easier if Remus didn't look so bloody good right now.

However, being terrible at self-control, he arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "You seem to be very good friends with Margot, huh?"

"She's very nice, yes," Remus answered.

"You have a lot in common," Sirius noted.

"That we do." A grin started to spread on his face.

What? Now was he _laughing_ at Sirius? 

"I need to go to the loo, so if you don't mind—" Sirius was cut off by Remus taking a step forward, placing his hands on both sides of his face, and pulling him for a kiss.

Sirius' annoyance vanished so quickly he was almost embarrassed. He uncrossed his arms, allowing Remus to step closer. He melted into the kiss, the crease on his forehead disappearing completely.

Remus pulled away slightly, Sirius instinctively tried capturing his lips again, but Remus didn't let him. Instead, he began speaking with his lips brushing Sirius' ever so slightly.

"It's true, Margot and I have a lot in common," Remus began and Sirius' annoyance almost came back in full force at the mention of her name. Remus was too close to him for it to happen, though. "Know what else?" 

"What?" he whispered against his lips.

"That we're both queer." Remus couldn't hold a blinding smile as he said it.

Sirius had to take a few seconds to reflect upon the news. He was put out of his daze like a bucket of water had been thrown over him.

"Wait," he moved his head further away to look at Remus properly. "You mean she's— y'know." 

Remus chuckled, " _Yes_. No need to be jealous." 

"I wasn't _jealous,_ " Sirius tried arguing. Remus shot him a knowing look. "Alright. Maybe a tad envious… or resentful." 

"And even if she weren't queer, you wouldn't have to worry. I do love a romantic hero," Remus said. "In its masculine form, no less." 

"Moony, you spoil me," Sirius joked. "But what is she doing here, then? If she didn't come for a hot date." 

"For the same reason we are here," Remus laughed. "Molly's insistence."

That answer was most definitely good enough for Sirius.

He chased after Remus' lips again, this time being met halfway through. Sirius' hands found the belt loops of Remus' pants as leaned more into him. 

It felt as if they were picking up from where they had left off on Remus' birthday. It felt so right, Sirius prayed no one would come looking for either of them downstairs.

They kissed and kissed and kissed. 

Remus looked so beautiful like this. Cheeks flushed, hair unruly, and shirt crumpled from Sirius’s hands pulling at it. And after a few glasses of wine, Remus became looser and laughed even at Sirius worst jokes. It was enchanting. 

Sirius had to hold himself a little so his hands wouldn't travel too far. They weren't home, for Merlin's sake. When it started getting a little too hard to resist, he pulled back.

"We should head back," he said, gasping for air.

"We should." Remus smiled, he didn't seem too keen on going back upstairs, as his eyes were dark and still fixated on Sirius' lips. He came forward to press their lips again, and Sirius just couldn't say no.

It was chaste, though. 

"I missed this," Remus said after pulling back again. Their foreheads were touching.

" _Fuck,_ so have I," Sirius confessed with relief. 

To be this close to Remus was to be drunk on him. It was as if there was nothing else around, which explains the difficulty he had in remaining grounded to reality. The worry about someone coming to look for them slightly pulled him back, the force becoming stronger with each second.

However, being in love was never easy. So Sirius leaned forward again to kiss Remus one last time before they went back to the living room.

As he pulled away, a gasp coming from the other side of the room made his blood become ice cold. They froze for a couple of seconds and looked towards the direction the sound had come from, jumping back ever so slightly.

Neither of them saw a face, only the small frame of a child with red hair hurriedly walking away. Sirius’s mouth hung open while he was dumbstruck.

"Merlin." That was the only thing he could say.

"Shite… Which one of the kids d'you think that was?" Remus asked him in a rushed whisper.

Sirius knew who it was. It was clear to the narrative. 

He still stared at the place from which the sound had come from. "Bill." 

Remus exhaled, "Do you think he's going to tell everyone?"

"No," Sirius looked back at Remus again. "But we should head back. I'll fix this." 

Remus only gave him an apologetical look and nodded.

As they went upstairs, the surrounding air was awkward. They had yet to discuss the whole coming out thing to those closest to them. Not that it would be such a big problem per se, but it came with its complications. 

It didn't feel… necessary. Not now, anyway. It was still so new, Sirius didn't want to spoil it by letting everyone know so quickly. It was just theirs for the time being.

Arriving at the living room, it appeared everyone had hardly missed them at all. Molly was busy with the kids while Margot explained whatever aspect of the muggle world Arthur had asked her about.

It didn't seem suspicious for Sirius to disappear with Remus for moments at a time, and for that he was grateful. Had Remus been a girl, he knew he'd be receiving a lot of winks from Molly.

Sirius scanned the room, hoping to find Bill. But there was no such luck. 

Then they heard shuffling outside, coming from the back garden.

Sirius glanced at Remus beside him and nodded. Remus returned the gesture with an affirming smile, then stepped back, going towards where Molly sat with Harry, Ron, and Ginevra.

Bill sat quietly on the porch, staring off to the distance. He was an almost imperceptible presence. Studying his body language, Sirius could see he was in deep thought. 

The fact that Bill had been the one to see them carried meaning. 

Sirius wasn't the best observer, okay? He knew that. 

But he wasn't _blind_. He had been in Bill's shoes once, not too long along. Thinking back at it made him feel old. Still, he had to make sure of it before he said anything.

He took a deep breath and strolled to where Bill was, sitting beside him.

"Hi, Bill."

The kid looked at him with a tad of panic in his eyes, instantly diverting his gaze to his feet.

"I'm sorry..." Bill said, almost whispering. Sirius couldn't help but notice his crestfallen expression.

"Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for," Sirius said softly.

Bill looked up, "I don't?" 

"Not at all," Sirius tried being firm with his words. He didn't feel like he was as good with kids as Remus had told him. _"I'm_ actually sorry you had to see that."

Bill shook his head, "Don't be. I shouldn't have gone looking for you."

"Bill, you didn't _do_ anything." 

The kid looked down again. 

"Listen," Sirius began. "I'm sorry I have to ask you this. You're too young—"

"I'm not a kid!" Bill interrupted him. Sirius had never seen him show anger.

"Right. Sorry," Sirius corrected himself. "But I have to ask something unfair of you." Bill looked at him again, slightly confused. "Me and Remus— we're… _this_ is quite new to us. We didn't really want anyone else to find out so soon— not that we never planned on telling your family. It's just… we haven't talked about it, yet."

Sirius was clearly struggling with what to say.

"I won't tell anyone," Bill said with a sullen face.

Sirius knew where this was coming from and it seemed he would have to confront it head-on. He took a deep breath, thinking back to when he was Bill's age.

"Bill, believe it or not, I was once your age," Sirius stated. Bill looked at him confused and a tad annoyed at the cliché. "And I… went through the same thing I think you're going through. Sort of. I got angry at my friends sometimes, even when it wasn't their fault; — not that it was all my fault. I couldn't control myself, and I wondered why I felt that way. I hated being different. But… sometimes, someone would make me _want_ to be different. I even secretly cherished it when I didn't feel too self-conscious about it."

Sirius paused, giving himself time to reflect upon what he'd been saying. He smiled fondly when he thought of the person he'd been talking about. It was really him all along.

"But here's where we differ," he continued, glancing at Bill, who patiently listened to him. "I'm a Black. Our family motto was _Toujours Pur_ — always pure. It tore me up from the inside, to feel this way while sometimes thinking I still had to comply with it." He glanced downwards, then at Bill, holding his gaze. "But _you_ are a Weasley. Your family will love you no matter what. — And Bill, you will find someone that will make you cherish all that is different about you. Just give it time." 

Sirius hoped to Merlin his speech had actually made some sense. Bill tore his eyes away from him and glanced downwards, taking a breath and looking up again.

"You're talking about Remus? He makes you cherish it?" He asked, slightly shy.

Sirius glanced away for a moment and chuckled lightly, "Yes. He does." 

"Okay… I get it, Sirius."

"Why don't you call me Padfoot? All my closest friends do," Sirius said with a smile on his face.

"Okay," Bill smiled for the first time in a while, "Padfoot."

"Now since we're out here, why don't you show me some of your best Quidditch tricks? I learned a lot from watching James. Maybe I could help you out at figuring out your position." 

Bill's smile widened significantly. He got up excitedly, "I'll go get the broom!" He ran into the shed.

Perhaps Sirius wasn't as bad with kids as he thought.


	16. Light My Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// sexual scene towards the end  
> Happy Karol Conká Elimination Day!

"Is it inappropriate to say that you look quite dashing like this?" Sirius asked with his classic grin.

Remus looked up at him, the corners of his mouth betraying his intense stare and forming a smile. "There's no need to lie, dear."

The full moon had gone great, so much so that Sirius allowed himself to say such things to Remus just after he transformed back into himself as the sun rose. Sirius was still catching his breath.

Remus sat on the dusty floor of the Shrieking Shack while Sirius looked down at him with his hands on his hips. Remus just wore a few scratches that came from playing with Padfoot all night, he didn't even need to see Poppy today.

Sirius smiled brightly as he looked at him, this was concrete proof that everything was fine. It meant Remus hadn't even been secretly worrying about a thousand things. Everything was just _fine_. 

"When have I ever lied to you, Moony?" 

"You _must_ be joking," Remus answered.

"Okay save for when I said I didn't feel anything about you anymore."

Sirius walked towards where Remus had left his clothes and pulled out his trousers, handing them to him so he wouldn't feel too exposed. He had tried not to look much and give him his privacy.

Remus thanked him for it and Sirius turned around so he could put it on more comfortably.

"But there _is_ something about those scratches on your chest, I must say…" Sirius joked (but not really).

Sirius heard shuffling from behind, then the wood creaked as Remus approached him in slow steps. Next thing he knew, arms were circling his torso from behind and he was being pulled into Remus' tight grip.

He hummed as Remus settled his chin on his shoulder, sneaking a few kisses onto his neck. 

"Would Poppy be shocked if she found this scene?" Sirius asked with a chuckle while tilting his head backwards.

"Not at all," Remus responded with a chuckle.

"What? Why?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"Well, she isn't _blind._ — Besides, you would always stay with me at the Hospital Wing until she had to kick you out. She'd arch her eyebrows and say things like ' _that friend of yours must really like you,_ '" Remus did an awful job at imitating her, which got a few laughs from Sirius. 

"Perhaps I was never all that subtle," Sirius moved against Remus' arms and turned around to face him. "But I won't try to give a lady a heart-attack so early in the morning." 

He sneaked a few kisses all over Remus' face and finally disentangled himself from him. Remus just sat there smiling mindlessly at him.

"Wait for me outside the shack, alright? — I'll tell her I can handle the scratches today." Remus walked over to his bundle of clothes and put on his shirt. Sirius allowed himself to watch him.

He agreed and stumbled out of the shack like a drunken man waiting for Remus once they heard the heels clicking against the stone floor. 

Sirius leaned against the wall of the shack. The world outside seemed better, brighter. The air was still crisp and cold outside, but Sirius felt warm all over. He felt like a teenager again with Remus, which must be an odd thought to have at 22 years old. Either way, it felt as if the war had never taken place and they were their old selves again. 

And that was pure bliss as long as Sirius was concerned. 

The minutes dragged on, Sirius was never known for his patience. He looked around and imagined what it would have been like if this were taking place when they were around seventeen. 

Sirius would have secretly invited Remus to go somewhere to Hogsmeade with him on a weekend. They would have made up some lie to the others about their whereabouts. It would be just like this, sneaking around, laughing in corners, and exchanging glances when around others.

Merlin knows what they would have got up to at the Broomshed while everyone was at Quidditch practice. Sirius laughed as he thought of it.

Before he knew it, the door of the shack was swinging open.

"Sorry for taking so long, Pomfrey wanted Harry updates."

Remus was now by his side and fully clothed.

"That's okay," Sirius assured him. Then a thought flashed to his head, "Why don't we have breakfast in Hogsmeade?"

Remus shrugged, "Why not?" 

"Would you be too mortified to go to Madam Puddifoot's?" Sirius couldn't hold his grin.

Remus laughed, a rich sound that filled Sirius' ears. "Not at all. However, I don't think anything besides The Three Broomsticks would be open at this time of the day." 

"Shite...you're right. But don't think you've escaped it," Sirius playfully pointed a finger at him.

They began their walk towards the pub while making pleasant conversation, Sirius wondered how he could still feel tingly inside when talking to Remus. It was silly, but he couldn't help it.

Arriving there, they were the only customers besides a couple of drunks who babbled incoherent nonsense at the bar. 

"Rosmerta!" Sirius greeted in his usual larger-than-life tone, just as he used to do. 

The barmaid's head turned to look at him, caught by surprise. She looked at them and rolled her eyes, though she couldn't hide she was actually happy to see them. A flash of sadness passed through her eyes as she noted they were the only ones left, but she quickly disguised it.

"Happy to see me?" Sirius asked as he sat on the barstool closest to her. She stood behind the counter organizing cups and plates.

"Sirius Black and Remus Lupin...Long time no see," she greeted.

"Hello, Rosmerta," Remus greeted with a nod.

"I can only wonder how gloomy this pub has been without our brilliant presence around to shake things up," Sirius said.

"It's been great, I've actually been able to serve the clients without your lot around," Rosmerta joked.

"And how sad is that..." Sirius sighed dramatically. 

Annoying people was his speciality, and Rosmerta was a top contender for his favourite person to annoy. He used to stroll around The Three Broomsticks like he owned the place. Sometimes adult-Sirius would cringe at the things teenage-Sirius used to do, but at least he had fun.

They spent some more time talking to her and pretending there weren't two members of the troupe missing. Rosmerta even seemed more amicable because of it. 

Hunger ended up speaking louder, so they finally let her go and settled for a table on a corner of the room, sitting in front of each other. They ordered butterbeer for old time's sake and whatever food Rosmerta could fix them up with quickest.

Sirius took a big sip of his butterbeer, the first one was always the best. He noticed Remus looking at him in a funny way as he lowered his glass.

"What?" He mumbled.

"You've got — " Remus reached his hand to wipe Sirius' mouth, "here." 

Sirius smiled mindlessly at him for what was probably the fiftieth time that day. "Thanks, Moony." 

He looked around the pub, taking it in as he remembered his fondest memories of it. It probably wasn't healthy to feel this much nostalgia at such a young age. His thoughts always wandered back to James.

"What do you think he would have thought of this?" He asked as though Remus could read his mind.

"James?" Apparently, he could.

"Yes." 

"I think you would be the best judge of that," Remus noted.

"I don't know about that…"

"Prongs always supported you no matter what. I think… maybe he would have found this," he pointed at both of them, "a little out of the blue, but he would have got used to it." 

"He was never the greatest observer, was he?" Sirius smiled softly.

"Never." Remus mimicked his smile. "And once he got used to it, he would try to make us go on tacky double dates with him and Lily." 

Sirius laughed, "He would. — Perhaps he'd find it cool, — our _thing_ , that is." 

"He was precious," Remus nodded.

"And what about Lily, then?" 

"It would not surprise her."

Sirius had to agree, "Not at all."

"Especially because I may have told her a few things..." Remus revealed, glancing downwards.

"What did you tell her?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"She knew I wasn't straight; — there was no hiding in _that_ department. She also noticed every glance I threw your way. I never had to tell her anything, she just _knew_." Remus looked up at Sirius again, cheeks slightly flushed.

"Do you think she knew about me?"

Remus gave himself a few seconds to think, "Yes." He huffed out a laugh, "I mean… she never said anything. But she did try encouraging me about you, and I don't think she would have done it if she thought it was impossible."

"Of course she did. — It's nice to know." 

"That she knew? Yes. It is."

"It's better to think they didn't go without so much as an idea of what would be of us," Sirius reflected.

"I think she always knew this would happen," Remus glanced at him with a soft smile.

"She always knew everything." 

* * *

Picking up Harry the morning after the full moon was never an easy task. If only it consisted only in apparating and disapparating with the kid, but the small talk was the worst part.

After having breakfast, Sirius convinced Remus to go home and get some sleep. He sometimes felt it was unfair to say he was tired when Remus looked a couple of minutes away from giving up to exhaustion. He even worried a bit about his apparition capabilities at such a state, but he was not about to patronise Remus.

Harry was once again at the Weasleys, Sirius made sure to make the visit as quick as possible. For as much as he loved them, he wasn't sure he would be able to endure a lot of questions about how Remus and Margot's "relationship" had been going. And, to be honest, he hoped Bill wouldn't have any more questions about Hogwarts.

"I always wonder what you two get up to when Harry's here, — you always come back looking half-dead," Molly noted after letting Sirius in.

"Oh, dear Molly," Sirius began playfully, "you shan't ask what two young gentlemen such as ourselves get up to when the night is young." 

Molly scoffed, "I'd rather not know." 

To be fair, after that it was easy leaving The Burrow, save for when Molly cornered him and asked excitedly as if she had caught him red-handed, "Remus wasn't on a date with Margot, was he?" 

Sirius only settled on answering "Dead men tell no tales."

He prided himself on his wit sometimes. Molly only rolled her eyes at him, but he knew he entertained her endlessly.

With Harry in his arms, he was ready to go home. The kid seemed to have had all the fun in the world at The Burrow, having access to the broomstick and all the toys those kids have. Sirius knew for a fact Molly would let Harry knock all her furniture over with that broomstick. He hoped Harry wouldn't turn out to be a spoilt child.

The schedule of that house seemed like a proper mess. He wondered what time Harry went to sleep and when he woke up because he always seemed to come back tired. Sirius wasn't complaining, though, it was great for their arrangement.

Thank Merlin for the Weasley chaos. Sirius was knackered and all he wanted to do was sleep. More precisely on Remus' bed. 

"Prongslet, you better be exhausted," Sirius said as he lowered the child into the crib.

It didn't take such a long time for Harry's eyelids to become increasingly heavier. Sirius tried to make the process go faster and even sang a few verses of whatever Beatles tune Remus had got stuck on his head.

His voice sure wasn't angelic, but it seemed to work well enough.

When he considered his work to be done, he peeled off the clothes he'd been wearing and took a quick shower.

He put on the usual comfortable muggle clothes and carefully made his way to Remus bedroom, hoping not to awake him.

Remus slept curled up like a ball. Just like anything he did, Sirius found it endearing. The first time he noticed the funny position, he'd made a big deal out of it, going on and on about how it was a sign that the Marauders would inherit a few of their animagus characteristics just like Remus had with wolves. 

He tip-toed to the edge of the bed and before lowering himself onto the bed, wondered if Remus wouldn't want him here. He went on his luck and sat on the bed with Remus' back to him. He was shirtless and Sirius could see a few bandages on his chest peeking through the covers.

Without making any sudden moves, he lowered himself until he was laying down next to him and very carefully hugged him from behind, draping an arm on top of Remus. Sirius held his breath as even the action of breathing seemed to be too loud for such a quiet moment.

Remus' eyes did not open, but he seemed very content to have Sirius around, even if he was unconscious. Gaining more confidence, Sirius allowed himself to breathe again and settled his face against Remus' neck.

If sixteen-year-old Sirius could see him now… All those nights at the Dorm Room where he'd wished he could just hop onto the other bed.

At such ease and exhaustion, sleep came as easily as possible.

* * *

Sirius most definitely did not want to wake up. 

It was warm and cosy. Besides, Remus was there. But parenthood came with its faults.

He begrudgingly opened his eyes once his brain registered that the crying from down the corridor wouldn't just go away.

"Good morning," he found Remus looking at him. They had shifted so now Sirius' arm was draped across Remus' chest, he was lying flat on his back. 

"I'm ninety per cent sure it's not morning," Sirius replied, voice still rough from sleep.

"Just a manner of speech," Remus noted. "I'll go get him." 

He tossed Sirius' arm aside and began getting up.

"No! You should rest," Sirius argued.

"Too late, Paddy." Remus stood up and left the room.

Sirius "rested his eyes" and did not see time pass. Next thing he knew, Remus was back with Harry in his arms.

"Changed his nappies," Remus informed. "I don't know what Molly feeds her kids, but...Merlin." 

Sirius offered a very weak laugh, barely registering what Remus had said.

"Come back," he groaned.

Remus obliged and sat back on his previous spot, but now leaning against the bed frame with Harry on his lap.

Sirius rubbed the sleep away from his eyes and made himself wake up properly.

"How come you've got so much energy? We've barely slept," he asked.

Out of the three of them, the most energised was actually Harry, who was now kicking his little feet against anything that came into contact, including Remus' ribcage.

"I don't know," Remus shrugged in an unusual upbeat manner. "I'm just… happy." 

Sirius smiled, "Happy?" 

"Yes," his cheeks reddened a little. "It seems everything's falling into place." 

"I suppose it is." Sirius looked up at him, "You're adorable."

Remus chuckled, "I never thought you'd be such a sap."

"Guilty as charged," Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"James would have laughed so much at you," Remus started laughing at his thought. "You two would bond over being terribly sentimental." 

"And you and Lily would bond over your ice-cold hearts..." Sirius said with exaggerated dramatics. 

It felt better to laugh at such hypothetical thoughts about their late friends than it did crying about them whenever they were mentioned. It's not that they liked pretending they were still around, it was about keeping their memories alive. This way, Sirius hoped Harry would grow up having a better sense of who his parents were. 

Sirius smiled softly to himself as he thought of it. A comfortable silence settled over them. He found himself mindlessly staring at Remus while he combed his fingers through Harry's unruly hair.

He wasn't yet used to being allowed to stare at Remus, years of sneaking glances made him forget that it was now okay to do so. Sirius knew Remus was insecure about his scars, but he loved them. 

Remus glanced at Sirius and noticed he was staring, he became more self-aware and tried hiding himself a bit.

"What are you looking at?" He asked in a light tone.

"You."

"There's not much to look at," Remus snorted in his usual self-deprecating way. 

"I beg to differ," Sirius said. "You shouldn't be insecure about your scars."

Remus avoided his gaze, focusing instead on the baby hands that tugged at his fingers. 

"I'll make you believe what I say one day," Sirius said.

Remus gave a shy smile while still looking down, "I'd like to see you try." 

"But, sadly, right now I should probably go and feed this child," he poked Harry's belly.

"I can—" Remus was interrupted by a yawn, "—go." 

Sirius snorted, "Nope." He grabbed Harry from Remus' lap, soundly kissing him on the cheek before he lifted the kid off.

Before he passed through the door frame, he looked back to see Remus grinning at him. He couldn't help but grin back.

"Please sleep some more," he said before turning around again and closing the door carefully.

* * *

Sirius spent the rest of the afternoon trying to make Harry as tired as possible. He didn't want the kid to be awake for most of the night for obvious parental reasons as well as...less parental reasons.

He was only human, okay?

After so much trouble that didn't let him and Remus fully...take advantage of their newly-formed relationship, Sirius couldn't help but let his mind wander at the most inappropriate times. 

He was only flesh and blood, after all. And he'd been wondering what it would be like to finally get down and dirty with Remus for years now. At sixteen his thoughts had been more prominent and coated with a thick layer of shame. Then after he "got over" Remus they would come in dreams more often than not, from which Sirius would wake up red-faced.

And, right now, he felt like a teenager again. There was some bliss in being allowed to feel young after a war that stripped him away from everything. But it came with its downsides; he was _so_ bloody nervous.

He'd never been with a man, and he had never asked Remus if the same was true for him. 

Would Sirius end up being a letdown? Did Remus even have _expectations_ of him? 

Well, there was only one way to find out.

Harry was positively drained after a very fun afternoon with Sirius. He loved playing with Padfoot! What kid didn't? 

It took a toll on Sirius' own energy, but he was willing to just drink coffee and power through it.

So, after lowering Harry onto his crib for the night right after dinner, Sirius considered his mission to be done. For a moment, he humoured himself with the thought of whether James and Lily had the same problem.

With a goal in mind, Sirius strolled onto the living room, but not before checking himself in the mirror. He looked good, as always, and he'd even grown to love the scar on his cheek.

Remus stood beside the kitchen sink wand in hand putting a few of Molly's much better charms to test. 

"Harry's down," he said while taking slow steps towards him.

"I don't know how he can sleep so much," Remus commented without glancing his way. "What did he even do in the afternoon after waking up to get so tired?" 

Remus, of course, had been unconscious by that time and hadn't witnessed the entire ordeal Sirius went through.

"I have no idea," Sirius said. "Maybe the Weasleys are more chaotic than we thought." 

"Good riddance to those poor children, then."

Remus didn't appear to be on the same...wavelength as Sirius, who stood with a tiny frown as he wasn't given the attention he desired.

He took one more step forward, pretending he didn't have any second intentions while glancing away and putting his hands in his pockets even though Remus couldn't see him.

"So… that was a good full moon."

"It was," Remus flashed him a smile but turned away too quickly, not giving Sirius the opportunity to hold his gaze. "I...was actually so relieved at that. It feels great."

Sirius couldn't help but push his thoughts aside for a couple of seconds and smile.

"I'm glad," he said, lovestruck. "But...what are your plans for the night?"

"Uh, I dunno. You could pop in a record," he suggested. "I'm finishing up here."

Sirius' shoulders fell and he complied. Soon enough the sounds of The Clash's _London Calling_ album flooded the living room.

"Feeling nostalgic?" Remus joined him next to the record player.

"I suppose I always am.— But no, I'd like to live in the moment for once."

The room was lit only by a couple of lamps scattered throughout it, casting shadows over Remus' face that only made him look all the much better.

He chuckled at what Sirius had said, "Well, there's not much happening at this exact moment."

Sirius thought this would be the perfect moment to throw one of his famous grins in Remus' way. "But there could be." 

Remus took one look at his face and started laughing.

"Mr Black, you're trying to seduce me," he observed playfully outraged.

"Maybe I am," Sirius decided to roll with it.

"Bless your heart," Remus was still laughing at him.

"Alright, there's no need to point and laugh!" 

Remus reached out to grab Sirius' arm and dragged him closer. "I just think you're adorable. In what world would you have to _seduce_ me? I'm already here and willing.— Have been. For years."

"When you put it that way..." Sirius mumbled.

"Shut the fuck up," Remus said with a blinding smile. He reached out to place his hand on Sirius' jaw, closing the distance between them instantly.

Remus' presence is the same as always: constant, reassuring, and warm. As Sirius kisses him, his intestines plummet. He wonders when he'll get used to it.

Their tongues soon slide together in a way they hadn't previously, the kisses become less sweet and more urgent. Sirius, always so eager, grabs Remus' shirt and makes him walk backwards so he's with his back to the bookcase.

Remus laughs fondly as he hits his back against it. Sirius sees him run his eyes over his face, he isn't able to hold a grin as he does the same to Remus. He observes the other's eyes flash with want rather than fondness this time. His smile widens, he's sure he looks desperate from Remus' point of view.

Remus tilted his head down so he could kiss Sirius again and again and again. Sirius let his hands wander as he groaned into it. His fingers found Remus' hip, slightly touching the small patch of skin of his hipbone that was showing between his trousers and shirt. He pressed himself against Remus and heard him groan, it was music to his ears. 

A hot, tight bubble of anticipation began to build inside of Sirius as he let his hands wander inside of Remus' shirt. He loved the feeling of his skin against his hands, how warm it felt. He pulled at the shirt upwards and they broke the kiss so he could toss it aside.

"Sixteen-year-old me would be so jealous," Remus said while carding his fingers through Sirius' hair and pulling it slightly. The act almost made Sirius' knees buckle.

"I can say the same," Sirius added.

He let his eyes gloss over Remus' exposed chest. Remus pulled him into a kiss before he could stare all that much. The hand on his neck guiding him sent shivers all over his body. Soon enough his shirt was the one being tossed on the floor.

Before Remus could kiss him again, Sirius blurted out while looking intently at his eyes " _I've never been with another man."_

"That's fine." Remus' expression was kind, he didn't even react. "I didn't expect that you had. I'll guide you through it."

"O—okay."

Remus pulled him closer, Sirius felt more confident now that the truth was out and lurched forward into Remus' arms, eager to feel his bare skin against his. Remus hissed in pain as he was pressed up against the shelves. 

"We should..." Remus looked at the door.

"Y—Yeah, okay," Sirius' ability to form coherent sentences had started to worsen.

On the way to Remus' room, they didn't stop touching each other. Sirius sneaked a few dirty kisses before they reached it, making them stumble all the way through.

As he hungrily kissed the life out of Remus, he stretched a hand to close the door. He let out a surprised yelp when he felt himself being pushed onto the bed. He fell with his back to it, propping himself up by his elbows. Remus stood before him grinning.

He felt awfully cold as the crisp air that came through the window washed over him. He raised himself so that he was sitting and hooked his fingers into the belt loops of Remus' trousers. Pushing him forward, he was finally able to undo his buttons. 

He stopped for a second and looked up at Remus, only to see that he was looking right back. He thought of it a lot, but _now_ was probably the best he's ever looked. 

"Are you going to stare or…?" Remus' tone was playful, but Sirius could only see how dark his eyes were.

"Merlin, I've wanted you for so long..." Sirius confessed. Remus' grin fell as he put his hands over Sirius and pushed his trousers down, kicking them off and finding Sirius' mouth again, pushing him onto the bed and falling on top of him.

Once Remus was on top of him, his mouth found its way to other parts of him, such as his neck, chest, and collarbone. He let out a few involuntary embarrassing sounds at that. It wasn't long before his trousers were off too and he could feel Remus all over.

Sirius always knew Remus was stronger than he looked, but right now he could feel it. His hands guided him with such certainty that it made him feel all gooey inside. 

Remus' mouth started to go lower, lower, and lower on Sirius' torso. The sight from where Sirius stood was downright pornographic. His fingers found Remus' hair, he could only tug at it as a sign of encouragement — that is if his unsteady breathing didn't give anything away already.

His mouth was hot against Sirius skin, he felt as though there was fire coursing in his veins. He'd never felt like this before during any sexual act with another person whatsoever. Looking at Remus, he feared he wouldn't even be able to last long — and that fear was closer to becoming a reality when Remus placed his hand on a key part of Sirius' body under his boxers.

Sirius just whined at that point, earning a glance from Remus, who wore a smirk on his face. 

To put it bluntly, Sirius had never been so turned on in his life, and he knew it as he stared at Remus.

"You should go a little slower..." Sirius advised while panting. 

Remus' hand didn't leave its place, but he raised himself again to kiss Sirius and shut him right up again.

Sirius wasn't one to simply sit around like a pillow princess, though. So, eager to surprise Remus, he gathered his strength and flipped them over. Remus let out a laugh in surprise. 

Sirius planned on making justice of the promise he'd made Remus earlier, to make him believe just how gorgeous he thought he was. However, Remus' hand began to move more steadily and his thoughts could barely register properly.

Uncertain, he reached down to mimic Remus' moves on him, touching him as he kissed his chest freely. That seemed to distract him enough so he wouldn't recoil at the mere thought of having his scars be looked at. 

Their moves and actions became more and more frantic, as well as daring on Sirius' part. Uncertainty slowly vanished and made way for Sirius to simply act upon what he had always wanted to. With heavy panting and sounds that came deep from within, they came undone in each other's arms, having tossed their boxers aside and being far more shameless than Sirius ever thought he could be given the situation.

Afterwards, he traced circles on Remus' chest as they regained their breaths.

"How many men have you been with?" He asked with honest curiosity. "Not that I'm jealous— well, I am a bit, but—"

Remus laughed, "It's okay, Padfoot."

Hearing his nickname in this context felt strange, yet grounding.

"I only did anything of the sort at school once. Remember that Slytherin boy who was the only one of the bunch to never rat us out? Turns out there was a reason for it." Remus glanced at Sirius to see if there were any angry remarks to be made about the Slytherin in question.

"A Slytherin!" Sirius couldn't hide his shock. "So _that's_ why you don't condemn them the same way I do." 

"I suppose I have seen another side to them, yes," Remus laughed and Sirius slapped him on the arm lightly. "But it only happened once, we never even talked to each other after that… It was kind of weird. Then, after school, it happened more often as I was away during the war, but they were just faceless strangers, really. I was always afraid of getting caught… so when the opportunity came with someone I'd never have to see again, I took it." 

"Do you regret it? Any of them?" 

"No. It didn't mean anything. It just opened a whole new world of possibilities." He glanced at Sirius, "Not that I wouldn't have loved for it to have been you instead of the Slytherin." 

Sirius chuckled, "So you've never had a boyfriend?" 

"Merlin, no." Remus seemed to think the idea was ludicrous. "The closest I've ever been to having one was probably just a lad I shagged twice." 

"Good to know." 

" _Good to know?_ " 

"I didn't want to have to deal with any mental exes you might have." 

"If I did have any 'mental exes', you'd have nothing to worry about. Not with those come hither me eyes." 

Sirius grinned at him and came forward in a kiss, starting the whole evening again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I made the Simon and Garfunkel thing a *thing* but I just believe Remus would throw a The Graduate reference knowing Sirius wouldn't even get it.


	17. The Sound of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan.

"Are you excited to meet her?" Remus asked as they stood in front of a house they hadn't yet seen the interior of.

"Fuck, yes," Sirius said with a glimmer in his eyes.

" _Language!_ " Remus replied in a mocking tone, pointing at Harry in his arms.

He shook his head, "Shit, sorry—Wait, no— "

Sirius grunted in frustration while Remus shot him an amused look. Sirius rolled his eyes and stepped forward to knock at the door. The house was much different from The Burrow; it didn't have the same cluttered family feel to it, but it didn't make it any worse. It just looked, well, more normal.

The door swung open and there stood Andromeda Tonks, who had a smile spread across her face as she saw her cousin.

"Siri! Come in, Dora's dying to meet you!" She grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside. She only noticed Remus afterwards, "Oh, hello, Remus! And Harry, of course." She lightly pinched the kid's cheek, causing him to recoil in Remus' arms. She turned back to Sirius, "You may hand the present to Ted, he'll put it with the others." 

Andromeda was all over the place, but seemed very much happy and excited to be celebrating her daughter's ninth birthday. The decoration didn't look like it was a young girl's birthday party, though. It appeared that the theme was dragons. Huh.

As Sirius was pulled from room to room, probably to be taken to meet Nymphadora, Remus lagged behind. The party was in full swing, there were wizards and witches of all ages—which was to be expected, a nine-year-old that didn't even go to school wouldn't have many friends.

The crowd was diverse, there were wizards of all kinds; some with the most peculiar wardrobe possible, while others could pass as muggles. That part of the wizarding world had always amused Remus, how purebloods like Sirius didn't understand how utterly ridiculous they could look with their "traditional wizard robes". If Sirius wore them, Remus would find a way to change his mind and think they're actually the hottest outfit to have ever been put together.

Andromeda and Ted must have been very well-liked to have this many guests, and all of them brought gifts, as he could see on the ever-growing pile beside Ted.

Not wishing to miss the moment Sirius met his cousin's daughter, Remus walked the path he'd seen them go through. He had to be careful not to bump shoulders with anyone. Harry seemed excited to be around this many people, even though he looked nothing like himself thanks to a few charms and spells.

Remus searched the perimeter with his eyes until he heard Sirius' distinctive voice and followed it. He came to a stop in front of an empty room once he saw him on one knee talking to a girl with bright pink hair. They were away from the rest of the party, Andromeda stood behind her daughter, smiling down at them.

He could see Sirius smiled brightly, which made a wave of fondness wash over him.

He entered the room and stood there silently, Andromeda gave him a nod of acknowledgement.

"But Nymphadora is such a cool name!" Sirius protested.

The girl frowned angrily, "No! It has _nothing_ to do with me." 

"Don't even try, Siri, I've already made every possible argument." Andromeda rolled her eyes, but Remus could see she wasn't actually bothered all that much.

"You had to keep the Black tradition of wacky names, didn't you?" Sirius looked up at her.

"Eccentric? Yes. Traditional? Hardly, it isn't a constellation." 

Sirius looked at Dora again, "At least your name isn't Sirius. Everyone always thinks you're saying ' _serious'_.—Ugh, it's even confusing to say it!" That seemed to pull a laugh out of the child.

He glanced at Remus, who stood behind him and got up from the floor. "Now, _Tonks_ , you should meet your… godcousin? Or… I don't know. Well, Harry." 

Sirius took the baby away from Remus' arms and brought him closer to the girl. She eyed him with curiosity.

"He doesn't really look like this. And around that many people you should call him Edward," Sirius explained. She was hesitant to do anything, but Harry was a show-off and stretched his chubby arm to grab her pink hair, which must have puzzled his baby-brain.

Dora laughed as he tugged at it, " _Ouch._ "

"Stop it, Harry." Sirius' face fell, and he tried pulling Harry's arm away from her. "Be polite, for Merlin's sake." 

Andromeda giggled at the sight, and Remus couldn't hold a few huffs of laughter either.

After wrestling with the kid, Sirius was able to release Dora's locks from the incessant grip Harry had on them.

"Sorry about that, Dora," Sirius apologised.

" _Tonks!_ " She corrected.

"Right! Sorry. Tonks." Sirius complied. "It's so weird calling a nine-year-old Tonks," he said to the others in the room.

"Tell me about it," Andromeda said.

"Oh! And, of course," Sirius turned to Remus again, catching him by surprise. "This is Remus, he's Harry's step-godfather, sort of. And...my friend," Remus offered a tight-lipped smile, awkward at the sudden attention thrown at him. "Actually, no. He's my boyfriend." 

Remus' eyes widened and glued onto Sirius. He could feel his face going scarlet. Sirius only gave him a shy smile, going red as well. A moment of silence ensued, being broken by Andromeda's hands coming together excitedly.

"Finally!" Andromeda cheered from across the room. "It's been so long..." 

Remus stared at her, mouth agape. She smiled from ear to ear. He tore his eyes away from her and Sirius and looked at the pink-haired girl.

"Uh...yes, that's me. Hi, Tonks," he greeted the child who seemed completely unfazed by the revelation.

"Hello," she said back, seemingly confused by the uproar whatever Sirius had said caused.

Sirius asked her some more random questions, which wiped the moodiness from her face, as he was always able to entertain just about anyone under the age of 13. Hell, just about anyone, period.

They went back to the party and Remus couldn't stop sneaking glances at Sirius. It wasn't until they were alone again (or as alone as someone can be at a party) that he addressed it.

"So… boyfriend, huh?" He tried looking smug and probably failed miserably as the corners of his lips twitched upwards. Only Sirius could pull these stunts.

Sirius looked at him and lowered his eyes, "I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have said it before talking to you. I don't even know what came over me, just don't be m—" 

" _Sirius,_ " Remus snapped him out of it. "I'm not mad. Not in the slightest." 

Sometimes he needed a little reassuring, and that's okay.

"I mean, it's pretty much a dream come true," Remus said in a lower tone so no one around would hear with a soft smile on his face.

Sirius looked at him again, smiling shyly. "Okay. Good. Me too." 

"I would kiss you if I could," Remus offered a reassuring smile while gazing at him.

"And I would kiss back," Sirius answered, a smiling creeping up on his face. He had Harry in his arms, blissfully unaware of the conversation happening before him while looking around with his big green eyes.

Remus huffed out a laugh and rolled his eyes, "Sap."

"You love it."

Remus only threw a glance his way with an arched eyebrow. Sirius smirked.

Then it all happened at once.

The party went silent at the same time as a loud thump came from outside. Everyone's heads turned to the windows to see what it could be, but they saw nothing.

"What was that…?" Sirius mumbled while taking a couple of steps forward.

Remus' blood went ice cold. He knew this couldn't be good news at his core, but perhaps it was the post-war trauma speaking.

People began speaking again, wondering what had transpired. He could see a few guests pulling out their wands while others grabbed their children's hands and brought them closer. But there was little space for conversation, as another ghastly noise came from outside, this time a crack.

This moment took him right back to the war, and he knew Sirius felt the same. The sudden noises, the suspending silence… They've gone through it all before.

Sirius turned to Remus, his face white as a ghost's. 

"Take him." His face twisted into one of anguish as he hurried to stand closer to Remus, gripping tightly onto his wand. "Take him somewhere else. I know this isn't something good, Remus. I know it." 

Remus stared at him with wide eyes, not knowing what to do.

"I—" 

There was barely any time for Remus to answer as the front door was blown open, causing screams of surprise to come from the crowd. People hurried away from it, but there wasn't a lot of room to escape. At the now gaping door stood none other than Dolohov.

The Death Eater had two henchmen behind him. The sight sent awful shivers through him. He stood with his mouth agape and sinking stomach, hating himself for not being able to move. His feet were glued to the ground and he pressed himself against the wall he was leaning on, gripping Sirius' arm and pulling him and Harry closer.

The other wizards in the room had a mixed reaction, a few ran wherever they could, and others pointed their wands at the threat.

Sirius and Remus stood on a corner that was hidden away from where Dolohov stood. It was pure luck. However, if they were to pass through a door, they'd be seen. 

There wasn't much time to think of making a run for it, as the first curse Dolohov performed was against a witch that tried leaving as others had. The purple ray of light hit her back, making her arch in the most unnatural manner possible. She sank to her knees while letting out a pained cry. 

The wizards in the room sent spells Dolohov's way, the two men shielded them.

When he finally ceased the spell, the witch's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she fell unconscious in a thump.

Dolohov took a step inside, having the devilish smile of a madman stretching across his face.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" The man screamed. "I KNOW YOU HAVE HARRY POTTER."

Remus held his breath and looked at Sirius beside him. Life seemed to have left his eyes.

The surrounding wizards began to throw spells at Dolohov and the other two who fought back, throwing the most aggressive attack spells. The room was lit up by the lights that came from the wands. It was impossible to hear anything else other than the magic flowing around, except for Dolohov's screams of madness.

"I KNOW YOU'RE HERE, BLOOD TRAITOR!" 

Remus pressed himself against the corner, trying to gather his thoughts and to keep grounded. Sirius was pulled out of his daze and passed Harry to Remus, who was whimpering and would start crying at any second.

"Remus, take him somewhere safe. I'll deal with Dolohov." The fear in his eyes was clear. 

"I can't leave you here," Remus mumbled, knowing it would be useless.

Sirius raised a hand to cup Remus' cheek. "I'll be okay. _Go,"_ He said as firmly as he could.

"But, Padf—" Remus could feel the beginnings of tears forming on his eyes as his voice became choked.

"Fucking go! Leave!" Sirius' tone became angry as he whispered.

Remus nodded at him and looked around, trying to find a way out. There wasn't a passage that wouldn't make them visible.

Sirius noticed the problem at the same time Remus did. His breathing was becoming more unsteady by the second.

He turned to Remus and looked at him intently in the eyes. Remus couldn't hold his gaze as people screamed around them and bits of furniture flew everywhere.

" _Remus,_ look at me," Sirius ordered. Remus tore his eyes away from everything and obliged. "I'll distract him and you'll pass through _that_ door." He pointed to the nearest exit that would lead to the corridor. "Take him to The Burrow." 

He knew he had a terrified look in his eyes, Sirius noticed, and his face softened ever so slightly. "I won't get hurt," he assured and Remus pretended to believe him. "Follow my signal." 

Remus could only nod before Sirius turned to see what went on behind them. He looked back and his eyes fell on Harry, immense hurt washing over them. Sirius lowered himself and kissed Harry on the cheek. The kid had already begun crying by this point, thankfully the sound was somewhat masked by the surrounding noise.

Sirius straightened up and looked at Remus one last time, lurching forward and pressing a brief, chaste kiss on his lips.

"Now," Sirius said, clearly not confident about himself.

He fully turned away and left their spot, Remus watched his back and didn't move. He tried calming Harry down in vain.

"There he is!" Dolohov's disgusting voice said.

"Weren't you supposed to be at the mental hospital, Dolohov?" Sirius asked hastily.

Heads turned to look at Sirius striding into the scene. A few wizards sat on the floor hurt while others still fought with the cartoonish henchmen. Dolohov ceased fighting as he talked to him.

By that time, there were only two other wizards left, each fighting against one of the men. Remus recognised one of them to be Ted Tonks.

"Checked myself out," Dolohov's tone was mocking. "Now, where's the git?"

Sirius' posture changed completely. He went from a faux relaxed poise to completely rigid as he pointed his wand ahead. Remus couldn't see his face but wondered about the expression it held. 

Harry became louder by the second, and Remus had to try to muffle his cries by pressing him against his chest. 

"Is that crying I hear?" Dolohov asked excitedly.

Sirius' knuckles were white. He murmured a spell and flicked his wand in Dolohov's direction. 

_"GO!"_ Sirius shouted, and Remus took it as his signal.

Remus pulled his feet away from the ground as if they were glued there. He ran towards the door while holding Harry as tightly as he could. The air swooshed around him and the light in the room changed colours drastically with the force of Sirius' spell against Dolohov's. 

He went through them safely, his heart beating out of his chest. Remus now found himself in the corridor. He could see the door that led to the garden.

However, a piercing scream made him stop in his tracks.

_Sirius._

The sound cut through the air like a knife. He glanced backwards, laughter came from the room. A mad, dangerous type.

Remus almost broke down. But he couldn't. Not with the weeping kid in his arms. He fought the urge to go back as hard as he could while he went to the door in hesitant steps. Warm tears rolled down his face, not that he had yet noticed them.

Then he was finally outside. There wasn't a single soul there, everything had already fled. 

It took everything he still had inside himself to pull it together and disapparate.

Thoughts were rampant in his mind, he could barely focus on getting to The Burrow. Remus closed his eyes and tried his best. It didn't feel like it would work, the surrounding environment didn't seem to change for as much as he tried. Remus mumbled under his breath, telling himself to snap out of it.

It was only when his knees hit the grass that he opened his eyes again. His eyes widened as he saw The Burrow in front of him.

"Merlin," he muttered.

Standing up on wobbly legs, he took large steps towards the door. He banged on it as if his life depended on it. 

Molly opened it, clearly confused. 

"Remus! What is this!"

"Molly! It's Sirius, he's—he's… Merlin, Molly, I don't know what just happened. A—a Death Eater—"

 _"DEATH EATER?"_ Her eyes widened even further, and she opened her mouth in shock.

"He—he wanted Harry.—Sirius is there, I—; God, Molly." 

"Come in! Calm down and explain everything."

* * *

Remus couldn't help but sigh at his utter uselessness while he sat in Weasley's living room with a cup of tea in his hands and Harry on his lap.

Molly had ushered all the kids outside and came back quick on her feet, worry written all over her face. Remus had told her what happened the best he could, but in such an emotional manner that he doubted she'd got the entire picture.

They had immediately called the aurors and warned them about the incident. In turn, they promised to intervene promptly. 

That was the last bit of news they got about the issue. They sent a couple of aurors to The Burrow in case any more "surprises" came in search of Harry. However, the two aurors, who he had never even seen in his lifetime, just paced around the living room looking for signs of an attack through the windows and didn't usher a word about their colleagues.

Remus tried asking, but they said they didn't know what was happening there. 

So now he just sat with slightly trembling hands, not allowing Harry to leave his sight even if Molly was the one to take him.

There was only one thing on his mind, though.

Sirius.

Merlin, to say he was worried sick would be an understatement. He thought of every possible outcome that could have occurred in Andromeda's house after he left the living room without looking back.

Sirius could have killed Dolohov easily and helped with the two other men. He could have got help from the aurors that arrived just in time to retain Dolohov. He could have struggled a bit but persevered.

Then again, he could also have died. He did scream, after all.

Remus didn't even want to entertain the thought. He could not imagine such an outcome, and to put it to words would be heartbreaking.

By the way Molly looked at him, he knew she probably thought about it too. She just had the common sense to not bring it up.

For now, he could only hold on to Harry tightly and wait.

Wait for literally anything to happen. 

Remus couldn't tell how much time had passed for every minute seemed to drag on for an eternity. He drowned in his thoughts circling Sirius. The only thing that signalled the passage of time was the sun and the Weasley children walking around the house to ask their mum about dinner, to which she'd reply in a hushed whisper that there are bigger things to worry about, thinking Remus didn't hear it.

Harry drifted off in his arms after some time, Remus stroked his hair for an eternity until he woke up again, this time hungry. Molly, bless her, prepared something for them to eat. Remus wasn't hungry at all. In fact, he feared he'd throw up anything he tried to eat. 

The kid ate, though. Molly offered to feed him but Remus refused, he was taking no chances. He didn't even use magic to do it like most times, opting for the muggle way. It seemed more personal.

Then there was a knock at the door. A firm and steady knock.

Scenes of muggle films where army officials go to a woman's house to tell her her husband died in the war popped up in his mind. His heart sank, and he took a deep breath.

Molly went running to the door, but the female auror stepped in. Outside, stood someone Remus had never met but seemed to be another auror. They talked so silently that he couldn't hear a word they said. He watched the man glance at him and continue talking to the woman. 

He stood up, still holding Harry against his chest.

"Is he okay?" He asked behind the aurors shoulder.

The man glanced at him again, but ignored his questions and continued talking to her.

"... the Ministry's orders," the man continued saying to the other one. 

"Where the fuck is Sirius?" Remus asked, much angrier.

The auror beside him only nodded to the man, "Very well, come in."

Remus felt like a fucking ghost. 

The woman stepped aside and let the other man in.

" _Where's Sirius? Is he dead?_ " Remus asked again, more desperate. 

The man's eyes showed no emotion whatsoever as they finally came to rest on Remus.

"Mr Lupin, by order of the Ministry of Magic, you shall hand Harry Potter over to the Ministry at once, as he's no longer under your and Mr Black's care. You are legally obliged to comply with the commandment or you shall receive legal consequences."

Remus' mouth hung open in shock. His heart sank. He couldn't utter a word. Time froze around him and the air went ice cold. A loud gasp came from where Molly stood.

"Mr Black is currently at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. You may see him after handing Harry Potter over." 

"W—what?" Remus' voice faltered. 

"Harry Potter, Mr Lupin. You may hand him to me," the man said, completely unfazed while taking a step closer to Remus.

Remus' inner turmoil was indescribable. He couldn't put his feelings into words, but it felt natural for him to hold on even tighter to Harry.

"N—no," he tried saying firmly but failed. His throat felt tighter, and it was harder to concentrate.

"Mr Lupin, do yourself a favour. If you don't comply we may take him by force." 

It was Molly's turn to make a sound of indignation. "Take him by force! What is this! This is completely absurd, you will not do such a thing!" The wrath in her voice became clearer as it went along.

"Mrs Weasley, this is a private matter," the man dismissed her. Her eyebrows knitted even closer. Remus watched it desolate. "Now, Mr Lupin, if you m—"

"No." 

"What?" 

"No. I won't hand him to _you_." A type of anger he'd rarely ever felt substituted his uncertainty.

"Mr Lupin, it's not within your right to—" 

" _Fuck off!_ " He vociferated and got his wand. Remus took a few steps backwards as he slowly raised it in the man's direction.

He only noticed he was crying when he felt the warm tears rolling down his face. He knew he was outnumbered even if Molly helped him out. There were a total of three aurors, after all. But he wouldn't hand Harry over to strangers without a fight.

The act made the aurors alert. They didn't raise their wands in response, but raised their hands in the air so Remus wouldn't feel threatened. 

"Mr Lupin, don't do something you'll regret," the woman said. 

Remus wished they'd at least point their wands at him and make threats. This way it was clear they didn't even consider him a threat.

"I _won't_ hand him over," he raged loudly. Harry, who was too close to him, didn't take his tone very well and started sniffling, almost ready to cry.

The man glanced at the other aurors, communicating with them with nothing but a look. They nodded.

Remus gripped his wand tighter. He glanced at Molly, who watched everything in horror with eyes full of tears. 

" _Remus..._ " she called, choked up.

"Mr Lupin, this is your last warning. You don't want to end up in a court hearing, do you? You may as well be sent to Azkaban for kidnapping."

 _Azkaban._ Remus had spent his entire life fearing the prison. There were times in his childhood where he couldn't even see a future that didn't involve ending up there for having hurt someone on a full moon. 

It was all coming full circle, then.

If he ended up there with a bunch of Death Eaters, then so be it.

He sent the _Expulso_ curse to the man without even saying a word and his wand barely moving. It caught them by surprise, so it hit its target perfectly. Blue light hit him and sent him flying towards the wall behind him. His back hit it in full force, earning a hiss of pain.

The two aurors acted immediately, pointing their wands at Remus and performing an intricate set of spells that would only hit him and not the child. By this time, Harry was full-on crying.

Remus' body went numb and his legs gave out, he couldn't keep himself grounded anymore as his head swirled. He didn't fall, though. 

The remaining male auror caught him while the other took Harry from his arms. Remus could barely fight it at this point. It seemed more like a dream than anything else. They put him on the floor and the female auror knelt to look at him.

He could barely keep his eyes opened but saw her mouth moving. 

"—lucky we're so compassionate. I doubt Morgan will press charges,—he never does when there are parents involved." She looked away, "I am sorry, but we must leave." 

The last thing Remus saw was the auror getting up and leaving him.

"Moomoo!" Was the last thing he heard.

* * *

Pacing. That was the only thing he could do. Pace.

Two visits to St. Mungo's in a month were two too many. And those shitty Healers wouldn't even let him see Sirius.

Remus went there immediately after waking up from what he first thought was a terrible nightmare. But, it turns out, he was still living it.

He woke up to Molly crying and smoothing out his hair. He wasn't sure how much time had passed. He didn't know what state Sirius was in before getting to the hospital. It had taken a lot of convincing for her not to come, she just wanted to help. But Remus knew he'd have to deliver the news in private to Sirius.

When he got to St. Mungo's, they directed him to the fourth floor. By that time, his heart was beating out of his chest and he could barely breathe. 

Then they finally informed him that Sirius wasn't in mortal danger, after all. He would be okay soon enough. However, Remus couldn't see him until the Healer permitted visitors besides family, and since he wasn't a Black and/or a spouse, he'd have to sit there and wait.

He said many rude things to the poor lady at the reception, but there was nothing to be done. Eventually, he tired of sitting and begun pacing, which didn't help at all

 _Merlin,_ where had they taken Harry?

It was pure torture.

After a couple of hours, the Healer finally came to tell him he could go see Sirius, which sent him sprinting down the corridor to his door.

" _Sirius,"_ he said as he entered the room and ran to the side of the bed.

Sirius lied on in with a big bandage across his torso. Otherwise, he seemed to be fine. 

"Remus...is he okay? Is he safe?" Sirius asked with a weak voice while holding his gaze intensely.

Remus looked down and back up again, Sirius frowned.

"Remus," he called firmly. "Where is he?"

"Sirius…" he didn't even know where to begin. "They took him away. The Ministry."

Sirius had a look of pure disbelief on his face as Remus told him what had transpired through choked up sentences and pauses for him to regain his breath. 

He had feared Sirius' reaction. He thought perhaps he'd be mad at him for not fighting long enough. Or maybe he'd get so angry he'd do something _really, really_ stupid. But he hadn't thought Sirius would listen to it all so silently and patiently, not rushing Remus at all.

When he was finished, he could see the look in Sirius' eyes. It was truly heartbreaking.

"Moony… what are we going to do?" He whispered and Remus' heart clenched. 

"I don't know," Remus said breathlessly. 

Sirius finally met his eyes, they were full of tears.

They spent the rest of the night with calming words and doing their best not to lash out and lose their minds. 

Sirius scooted over so Remus could lie next to him. It took hours until they fell asleep from exhaustion through light caressing and soft words.


	18. Strawberry Fields Forever

St. Mungo's was an awful place. There wasn't a single redeemable quality to it. The walls had a funny smell, the patients could be downright murderous depending on the floor you're on, and the Healers would be as cryptic as they could for absolutely no fucking reason.

Sirius had taken a nasty curse to the ribcage, which earned him a few days of misery in the Hospital. To be fair, the misery came mostly from the fact that the Ministry had taken his godson away to Merlin knows where. But the slash across his torso still stung.

They could be so heartless. Taking a child and not saying anything else about their wellbeing. Sirius was going to do a number on them once he was able to stand up straight.

What he felt when Remus told him what had transpired was comparable to that of what he felt when he saw James and Lily's lifeless bodies in Godric's Hollow. He had failed them. 

The only substantial difference was Remus' presence. Back in November, he didn't have anyone to smooth out his hair and tell him it was going to be alright. Little did he know it would make all the difference in the world.

It was only on the next day that he told Remus what happened after he left Andromeda’s house.

He didn't do it earlier in fear Remus would leave him at his worst time. It was unfair of him to hold the information, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Not when there was so much to cry about.

However, he owed him the truth. So, breathing in deeply, he began to speak.

"I was willing to do anything. I even thought about using the Killing Curse.—It'd be easier, wouldn't it?" Sirius told Remus as he sat on the edge of his bed. Remus listened without judgement. "But… I didn't. Remus, I—I couldn't perform it." 

Remus reassuringly squeezed his hand.

"The moment you left, he hit me with this nasty curse. If I hadn't hesitated,—if I just had the guts to do it,—I wouldn't be sitting here uselessly while Harry's gone," Sirius began getting choked up as he spoke. "I couldn't stand after that. The fucker laughed and all, real mental stuff.—I thought he was going to kill me, so I just… performed whatever spell first came to mind. But I was so confused and all over the place that I think I got a bunch of them mixed up on my head. I don't know what I hit him with. But it was strong. So strong it took the other two down with him. I never felt this type of magic before." 

Remus' thumb traced patterns on the back of his hand. He looked at Sirius with furrowed brows and a deep understanding.

"I think I know what you mean," he said.

"They all went down and got very disoriented. I took a few steps and looked at Dolohov in the eyes, even though I could barely walk. He still had that fucking smile on his face. Then—then he told me… Remus, he said they would never stop serving their Lord. That after him there would be others. That they would get revenge on him. On Harry."

Sirius looked down in shame, he couldn't look at Remus in the eyes.

"Moony, I—I, _fuck._ " Tears started forming in his eyes. He didn't mean to cry. Not for that Death Eater. 

"It's okay, Padfoot, you can tell me," Remus said softly. He reached for Sirius' shoulder and placed his hand there.

"I… did it," he confessed. "I killed him." 

Remus followed with a sharp intake of breath. His thumb didn't stop moving against his hand, though. Sirius couldn't hold his tears anymore.

" _Shh,_ it's okay." Remus' hand left his shoulder and reached his cheek, wiping away some tears. 

"I… performed a _Petrificus Totalus_ followed by a _Reducto_ , he was still smiling. I thought about how I hadn't got Peter when I had the chance, so I just… did it. I couldn't let it slip from my fingers again." 

Sirius was still looking down, Remus' hand travelled to his chin and guided it upwards, making him look at him. 

"Sirius, you're not a murderer," he said firmly. "It was self-defence. You did it for Harry."

Sirius couldn't stop his mouth from quivering. 

" _Moony,_ I hate that I feel so terrible for it," Sirius admitted.

"It's okay," Remus came closer to him and enveloped Sirius in his arms. "It's not your fault." 

"Rationally, I know he was a Death Eater. That he wouldn't have hesitated to kill me or anyone I loved. But—shit, I saw the life drain from his eyes," Sirius spoke against Remus' shoulder.

Remus' hand came to rest on his head, carding his fingers through the hair.

"I feel like I'm no better than them," Sirius confessed.

Remus pulled out hastily and gave him a stern look.

"Don't say that, Sirius." Remus started to look emotional. "Don't even start with that." 

"He was still a person!" 

"Who was willing to kill your godson, you, and probably me as well. You're much better than he ever was. He was blinded by fanaticism and pureblood mania."

"I once was no better than him," Sirius whined.

"You were a child. He was a grown man."

Sirius didn't answer, just looked to the side and hoped to be freed of this conversation.

"Listen, you did nothing wrong. He had it coming, he asked for it when he went after you. I would have done the same for Harry.—I know it's not so simple, but don't feel bad about him, okay?"

Sirius looked at him again and nodded weakly. 

* * *

Going back home with only the two of them was tough. They stayed at the hospital for another couple of days, which dragged on and felt more like a week. Andromeda and the Weasleys had come to visit them. Molly went on and on about how absurd the situation was and how she would be by their side no matter what. It was great to have her, but sadly there wasn't much she could do at the moment. 

Andromeda was worried sick and so sorry she had let it happen. She said she should've put more protection spells and charms around the house, but they assured her it wasn't her fault. They asked about Ted; she said he was fine, just tired. Poor Nymphadora had a ruined birthday, though.

The only constant presence was that of Remus. They talked and talked about Harry and what they had to do next. 

Remus convinced Sirius to wait some time until they went after the Ministry themselves. The Ministry's always been rubbish. They knew the information they'd get there would be minimal and no one would move a finger to help them.

Then there was Dumbledore, of course. They'd seek him out soon enough, Sirius just had to get a little bit better.

Remus woke up like an alarm every day at the same time, then got up and looked for anything to fix and/or change inside the flat. One thing he absolutely loved to fix was Sirius.

He managed his bandages like no other and was always ready to provide anything he could ask for. Sirius usually didn't ask for anything, he didn't want to feel like much of a burden.

And, to be honest, he felt like he deserved to suffer a little. This all had been his own doing, after all. It was only fair. Remus was having none of that, though.

"Sirius, what the fuck?" Remus asked after peeling off a layer of gauze from Sirius' torso.

"What?" Sirius asked, already knowing what was to come.

"It's bleeding! Why didn't you tell me?" Remus looked at him with wide eyes. 

"I… didn't notice." Sirius wished he could hide his blushing face. He felt like a kid again, being scolded for some childish thing.

"How could you possibly not notice this? Doesn't it hurt?" 

_Yes, of course it did._

"Uh," Sirius didn't have anything better to say. "It's fine."

Remus looked at him with pleading eyes. "You have to warn me when this happens." 

"I'm sorry… I—I don't know why I did that." Sirius didn't meet his eyes, ashamed.

"You don't have to make yourself suffer, Sirius. None of this is your fault." 

Sometimes he hated how Remus knew him so well.

"It sort of is, though, isn't it?" Sirius asked in a low tone. "If I hadn't gone to the Dursleys, we would at least know where he is. If I hadn't done that, he'd probably be safer.—And then there's all of my wartime regrets, but I don't think we have enough time to unpack all that." 

Sirius felt hot under Remus' piercing gaze. His eyes said it all, but it was still difficult to come to terms with it.

"Had he stayed there, he would have grown up in a family that doesn't even care about him," Remus stated firmly. "For Merlin's sake, Petunia's an absolute cunt."

Sirius gave the weakest smile possible, "She is. But that doesn't erase the fact that he'd be safe."

"But he wouldn't have anyone to love him," Remus said softly. He reached out a hand and grabbed onto his.

That certainly had an impact on Sirius. He knew all too well what it was like to grow up loveless. At least he had Reggie before Hogwarts, though. Then there were the Marauders and the Potters, whom he loved dearly, but didn't erase all the years of trauma that came with being a Black.

Back then, he remembered thinking that he'd do anything to have what the families he saw on Platform 9¾ had. 

"You have a point," he said, looking down. Remus offered a knowing smile. "So what do we even do?" 

_"You_ get better. But this story isn't over." 

* * *

Recovery didn't come fast for Sirius, but Remus' constant presence makes it all much better. Had he been alone, he would have probably gone completely mad already and done something incredibly stupid—not that he wasn't itching to do so.

Remus brought the record player to the bedroom so he would at least have something to take his mind off things. They should have bought that muggle telly when they had the chance.

However, he couldn't bear to listen to his own records.

 _The Ramones_ reminded him of when he and James first discovered the wonders of muggle music in 1976.

 _The Runaways_ reminded him of the time James confessed to having Cherie Currie as his ultimate celebrity crush. Sirius said he preferred Joan Jett. No wonder he picked the queer one. That should have been a sign.

 _The Clash_ reminded him of when he and James went to their first muggle concert right after graduation. It was a glorious night that they promised each other would happen many more times, and then it didn't.

He loved thinking about James, but knowing he'd let his son slip from his fingers hurt more than he could possibly describe. James would have been so disappointed in him. He didn't deserve this,—to have such a shite friend who _always_ fucked up.

Being the coward that he is, he just didn't play his records, instead opting for Remus' _The Graduate_ soundtrack. _Scarborough Fair_ didn't help his mood at all.

He even ended up crying to the record, how embarrassing. What a fall from grace. Everything was so good, they were all so happy. 

"Enjoying a little Simon & Garfunkel, I see," Remus said leaning against the doorframe. Sirius turned his face so he wouldn't be able to see the tears running down his face. "Is everything alright?" Remus asked, concerned.

Sirius heard him put the bag of groceries down and come sit by his side at the edge of the bed. He didn't say anything else as he came to lie against Sirius hugging him from behind and combing his fingers through his hair in a very soothing manner.

They stayed like that for a long time, the ache in Sirius' chest got a little better.

* * *

Sirius couldn't help but feel a spike of happiness once he started walking normally again after a few days. 

It was pure anguish to watch the days pass while sitting at home, they had to do something. Remus had promised it wasn't over, and Sirius was going to take him up on the offer.

Most days were simply sad, but others were coated with a layer of anger. And that was one of those days.

"I'm going there. Now," Sirius announced one morning.

"No, you're not," Remus dismissed.

"Yes, I am. And you're coming with me." 

"You're not well enough yet! You're going to hurt yourself." 

"I can't stay here anymore without doing _shit_! We don't know where he is, who he is with, if he's fine or not." 

Remus looked to the side with concern.

"I'm well enough," Sirius assured more soothingly. "We'll just go and ask him what's going on, I won't hex him." 

"You better not hex him," Remus advised. "That would be incredibly stupid considering he's the most powerful wizard alive." 

That's it. Remus had agreed. The plan was in motion. They would strut into his office and demand to know where Harry is and what happened. 

They disapparated to Hogsmeade. The walk to Hogwarts was slow but steady, Remus followed Sirius' pace, trying not to rush him at all.

"Padfoot, please don't lose your temper," Remus broke the silence.

"Lose my temper? When have I ever lost my temper?" 

Remus glanced at him, annoyed.

"I won't shout at him," Sirius promised. "But I won't let him fool me like he always tries to do." 

"I guess that's enough," Remus agreed.

Before they knew, they had reached the school. They silently made their way through the long corridors and various staircases, which would get a hiss of pain from Sirius every now and then. Remus kept glancing at him worryingly and offering a hand.

He started getting quite nervous about the entire ordeal once they stood outside Dumbledore's door. He'd been so confident in his anger and motives, that he hadn't actually stopped to think about the act of confronting him in it of itself.

Well, too late to back down now.

He knocked on the door which opened after only a couple of seconds.

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other and nodded weakly, in mutual agreement of what was about to happen. Remus let him take a step in front of him.

Dumbledore stood behind his desk looking the same as always. He had his wand in his hand and wore a peaceful expression on his face.

"Mr Black, Mr Lupin," he nodded, "I thought you'd come soon." 

"So you've heard the news, Professor?" Sirius asked without greeting him.

Remus muttered a greeting after noticing Sirius wasn't planning on being all that polite.

"Indeed I have, Mr Black," the man nodded, infuriatingly calm.

"So?" Sirius asked.

" _So_?" Dumbledore repeated, a glimmer of humour in his eyes.

"How can we get him back?" Sirius asked as if it was obvious.

"Of course, you want Harry Potter back. That's a great change in scenery, if we had to compare you to the Dursleys." Dumbledore sat down and motioned for them to do the same. Sirius didn't budge and Remus followed suit. He didn't seem offended by the act. "But that is a very hard question." 

"I'm willing to do anything," Sirius said firmly.

"I understand you are. Would that it were so simple, though." Sirius started getting angry. Again with the cryptic shit. "I believe first you should understand the grounds in which they took him away from the two of you. Please, sit down." 

Sirius almost rolled his eyes but complied as Remus did.

"Very well," Dumbledore began, "Harry is a _very_ special person, which is something I'm sure you're well aware of. He requires the utmost protection at all times, and not many people can provide that. I myself would struggle with such a task. Now, remind me if I'm mistaken, but the agreement was that your situation with him was temporary, was it not?"

Sirius itched in his seat, "Well, yes, but—" 

"There was no 'but', it simply was. I'm terribly sorry if I ever gave you the impression that it wasn't, but I thought I had made myself clear. You knew that, didn't you, Mr Black?" 

Sirius was just about fuming, he had to look away from Dumbledore to not blow up. He looked at Remus, which was always calming. He, however, did not look calm at all. He had the same look of disdain Sirius probably wore. 

"I did," Sirius said through his teeth.

"Then, of course, the plan was never to take him from you so abruptly. But after Mr Lupin notified the Ministry of what was happening at the Tonks residence, they had no choice but to step in.—You see, for all they knew, there could be flocks of Death Eaters going after him at that instant."

"But no one went after him. Or did they attack him wherever you put him?" Sirius' anger was briefly taken over by worry.

"He's perfectly safe, Mr Black, I can assure you that," Dumbledore said calmly. "And no, there was no sign of other attacks, at least for now."

"So why can't he go back home?" Remus intervened for the first time. "If it was an isolated attack, I don't see why you would have to keep him _hidden_ from his family." 

"That _is_ the root of the problem, Mr Lupin. Harry simply was not as safe as he could be under your care." Sirius closed his hand in a fist under the table, knuckles going white. "I understand he was admitted into St Mungo's some time ago, was he not?"

Sirius' blood went cold, "Yes, but it was just for the Mumblemumps," he tried to say it with a blank face.

"Which is a disease one gets when out and about in a wizarding community," Dumbledore completed. Sirius could feel his chest flare up, he bit his lip and glanced away from the other two people in the room. "Do you see where I am getting at?" 

Neither of them answered for a few seconds until Sirius gave in. "Professor, if the issue is that he got the bloody Mumblemumps, we promise to never bring him in contact with another wizard again." 

It felt pathetic to plead, but his pride had long been abandoned.

"That takes us to another issue." Dumbledore looked between the two of them. "You, Mr Black, went through not one but two traumatic events in the last six months. Mr Lupin, too, of course. But I am also referring to what happened at the Tonks residence with Dolohov." 

Dumbledore paused and Sirius didn't answer.

"The Ministry reached the conclusion that neither of you is fit for the role of raising Harry Potter. They wish to find a more stable and traditional household." 

Sirius cursed himself under his breath as he felt his throat start to close up. It's always his fault.

"That's ridiculous," he mumbled. 

"It is," Remus supported him. "What he _needs_ is someone who knew his parents and truly loves him. It's absurd! We're the _only_ ones fit for the role."

"I completely understand, but my opinion doesn't matter in this case. I had appointed you two after the Dursleys and they saw it as a failure."

"A _failure_!" Sirius involuntarily raised his voice and went forward on the chair. It was so ridiculous, such nonsense that he began to chuckle.

Remus eyes him sideways, worryingly.

"A fucking failure,—pardon my English, Professor," Sirius continued. "Right. I see how it is" 

"Mr Black, I understand how you must feel—" 

" _How_ could you possibly understand how I feel?" Sirius stared at Dumbledore with fire in his eyes. "As I recall, no one in the world besides Remus quite understands what I'm going through. Not only did I lose the person I loved the most because of some idiotic mistake _I_ could have prevented, but now I've also lost that person's child because of some other _shit_ I did. So no, Professor, you don't understand." 

Mid-way through his speech, Sirius had risen from his chair without noticing. The two men stared at him from their seats. Dumbledore didn't look too moved by it, but as he looked into Remus' face, he saw all the worry and love he had for him, it made him calm down a little.

"Mr Black, don't assume I don't understand the feeling of loss, betrayal and regret. I can assure you I have plenty of that from all the years of accumulated experience." Dumbledore set his glasses on top of the table. 

An uncomfortable silence ensued, Sirius folded his arms. "At least tell us where he is, then." 

"I'm afraid I cannot." 

"So you're _hiding_ him?" Remus asked, outraged. In solidarity, he came to stand beside Sirius. "You are _hiding_ him from the two people who love him the most. That's it?" 

"I know it's unfair. However, I'm obliged not to answer that question." 

"That's revolting," Sirius huffed out a laugh.

"Under normal circumstances, the Ministry would have informed you. But if no other attacks are made against him for a determined period of time, you will be allowed to visit him once a month." 

" _Once a month?_ " They asked in unison.

Dumbledore looked between them, this time a sad smile of understanding came to his lips.

"I am deeply sorry."

A knock on the door disturbed the conversation, Dumbledore opened it from afar, revealing Professor McGonagall standing outside of it.

She offered them a kind, pitying smile from afar before saying the matter which brought her there. So she'd heard the news, huh? Were they hot gossip now?

She had to take Dumbledore away from the conversation for some urgent matter, leaving it at that.

* * *

The meeting with Dumbledore put them in the foulest of moods. Something tugged at Sirius' chest, he couldn't tell whether it was hurt, sadness, anger, outrage, or all of the above.

They went back home in silence, shoulders slumped down and with the weight of the world on them.

The day passed quietly, the flat terribly empty now that Harry's crying and laughter didn't fill it anymore. 

Sirius was still recovering, it had taken a lot of ointments and other sneaky charms to let him go to Dumbledore's office and stand there as if nothing was wrong. 

As his world came crashing down, the injury on his torso was the least of his problems. He much preferred to stay in bed wallowing in his own misery than to get up and put his mind on something else, which was Remus' tactic.

"Sorry," Remus apologised after raising Sirius' bandage and earning a hiss of pain from him.

"'S okay," Sirius answered with a scrunched-up face.

They'd been awfully quiet ever since they came back. Granted, there wasn't much to talk out that didn't leave them in the gloomiest of moods. Besides, it felt like betrayal and negligence to wish to talk about anything else.

Sirius officially moved to Remus' bed, where he'd stay for most of the day feeling like a corpse while Remus took care of everything else.

"I’m sorry I’m so useless right now," Sirius said as Remus cleaned his wound.

He looked up at him, "You're far from useless." 

"I sit here all day and do nothing but look around lifelessly..." 

"You keep me sane," Remus squeezed his hand and smiled softly.

Sirius watched his eyes travel around his naked torso, stopping at a certain spot on his shoulder. 

"Wait—is this scar from that splinching accident months ago?" Remus asked with furrowed brows.

Sirius was caught by surprise, having forgotten all about his little white lie about how it had healed perfectly. 

"Oh. Uh… maybe." 

"But you told me it had healed!"

"And it did, it's just a tiny mark."

"Padfoot, I can't keep leaving scars on you like this." 

"You're not 'leaving scars' on me," Sirius assured him. "Besides, I like them. That one reminds me of why I'm still here."

Remus smiled sadly at him. "You still shouldn't lie about it just to ease my mind."

"Sorry, I just don't want you to worry,— you felt so bad about the one on my cheek." 

Remus looked down, "I'm still sorry about that one..."

"Don't be. I love it, no one's ever made me look cooler." Remus looked at him and rolled his eyes. It felt unnatural to pull out "jokes", but truth be told, he didn't know how else to deal with his emotions. "And it reminds me of you."

Remus laughed softly, "Sap."

"You love it," Sirius repeated, being pulled right back to the moment before it all went to shit.

"I do," Remus said.

Sirius couldn’t hold the soft smile that came to his lips. Only Remus could make him feel like this under such circumstances.

"We'll still try, won't we?" Sirius asked. Sometimes he needed some reassurance.

"To bring him back? Absolutely," Remus said as firmly as he could.

A wave of fondness washed over Sirius. He wouldn't have survived all of this without Remus. No other person in the world could understand him quite like he did. Remus had seen the worst and best in him, being affected by it in the worst and, hopefully, best ways possible. No one would ever compare to him, no one would ever be able to see so much of Sirius as Remus did. It was something unique.

"Come here," he said. Remus lowered his utensils and moved closer, kissing Sirius soundly on the lips. 

"Thank you," Sirius said after he moved back.

"For what?" 

"Being here." 


	19. Two of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter, but we're getting towards the end :)   
> And there will be an epilogue, just so you know.

_"Two of us riding nowhere_

_Spending someone's hard-earned pay_

_You and me Sunday driving_

_Not arriving_

_On our way back home"_

Days came and went in a bit of a blur. But it could have been worse, oh so much worse. Waking up in Remus' arms or vice versa every day made Sirius forget about their misery for just a few seconds. It was pure bliss,—then he would remember.

Sirius' injury was fast healing once he stopped neglecting it and wishing it wasn't there. Remus was so patient with him, never judging him for not taking care of himself properly. Sirius wondered if Remus had ever done the same to his full moon injuries. 

Sirius had accepted that the path to getting Harry involved a lot more healing than being angry all the time. Still, he couldn't help his wish to scream at the top of his lungs at whoever had caused this, but he wasn't a teenager anymore.

He had to be in his right mind if they were going to do this. The decisions he made while angry were chaotic at best, never bringing the true catharsis he'd hoped for.

Sirius spent his days focusing on the aftermath of what they were going to do, which brought him enough peace and hope to allow him to get up from the bed each morning. 

He would let his mind wander. Sometimes it would even hurt a little since that reality was quite far for him at that moment. 

"Moony," Sirius called one morning while he was still in bed and Remus had got up to tidy up the room. 

"Padfoot," he answered cheekily. Sirius smiled mindlessly at him.

"When we get Harry back, we should move out to a place like The Burrow."

Remus glanced at him with a smile, "With lots of stairs and garden gnomes?" 

"With warm yellow lights and no one to bother us," he explained. "We'd get him another toy broomstick, he could ride it around the garden. It would have plenty of space for Simon to stretch out his wings, too." 

"Sounds amazing." Remus turned to look at him properly with a proper smile on his face, "Like a real family." 

"We absolutely are a proper family.—Fuck the Ministry. Fuck Dumbledore," Sirius announced with conviction.

"Keep that energy," Remus huffed out a laugh. "But go easy on Dumbledore, he might still be useful."

Sirius looked at the side and thought about their future as a family. Sure, they weren't traditional by any stretch of the imagination, but it was good enough.

Sirius chuckled a bit. How mental it was to be in this situation with _Remus,_ his childhood friend.

"What are you laughing about?" Remus asked, curious. He probably hadn't seen him have this reaction to anything in a long time.

Sirius looked at him, feeling peaceful for the first time in a while, "It's mental, isn't it? How we ended up here. The two of us." 

Remus nodded, "I would have never guessed it." He averted his gaze as he thought for a couple of seconds, "But I _did_ wish for it, though." 

"I think I did, too. I just didn't know," Sirius confessed.

He had always dreamt about having some stable family to keep him grounded in reality, to be there for him, and to never judge him. He never thought about raising kids, it didn't seem like it would be a good fit. But life has its twists and turns.

Remus' promise that they would do everything in their power to bring Harry back put Sirius in a much better mood, which allowed for these moments of daydreaming, not that the dark ones weren't present.

Sometimes he had nightmares. At first, he was a tad ashamed of them. But Remus confessed to having them himself. They kept each other company when they were at their worst. Sirius never knew heartbreak could feel quite like this.

Remus, ethereal as ever, looked his best at times like these. Right before bed, or in the mornings. He had an unassuming look to him; it was as if he had no idea of the impact he could have on Sirius. 

He enjoyed staring mindlessly at him. Sometimes Remus would catch him looking and send curious glances. Other times, Sirius would be the one to catch him staring, but he'd send knowing smiles.

Their life became considerably less exciting with the lack of Harry, and it's not like they were doing typical 22-year-olds stuff in the face of suffering.

But it was all set to change the moment an owl entered, flying through Remus' window to drop a letter between them on the bed one morning.

"That's not the Weasley or Tonks owl," Remus observed as he picked it up. "And it's addressed to the both of us." 

Sirius scooted closer to take a look at it, his head next to Remus'. He opened the letter and unfolded it.

_Messrs Black and Lupin,_

_Harry Potter is currently at the British Seaman's Boys' Home in Brixham under the name Richard Collins._

_Do what you will with this information._

_M. McGonagall_

Before they could say anything, the piece of parchment burst into flames in Remus' hands, making them flinch and scooted away slightly.

They didn't utter a word as they turned their heads to look at each other with wide eyes.

" _Moony_ ," Sirius said while opening a genuine smile.

" _Padfoot_." The same feeling could be observed in Remus' voice.

"I can't believe this," Sirius shook his head in awe. " _McGonagall_." 

"Fuck, neither can I. Merlin, she's amazing." 

Sirius leapt off the bed in excitement, "Oh, my Minnie! She always comes through!" 

"She's amazing! Thank Godric we pranked her so much,—she loves us!"

"That she does, Moony!"

Remus laughed as he watched Sirius jump around. "Quick! Write it all down again before we forget."

In all seriousness, Sirius stopped his celebration and wrote all the information on a piece of parchment. Once it was done, he turned back to Remus with an enormous smile on his face. Remus wore a similar expression.

"This is happening," Sirius said, giddy as a teenage girl.

"It is. It really is." 

Sirius took a few steps in his directions and knelt onto the bed, reaching to grab Remus face with his hands, cupping his cheeks. Remus laughed at the act but let himself be pulled closer to Sirius’s face.

"We're going to get him back," Sirius whispered.

"We are," Remus answered while lost in the blue of Sirius' eyes.

Not knowing how to express himself with words anymore, Sirius met Remus' lips in a kiss. The celebration escalated from just a chaste kiss, turning into a sloppy meeting of tongues and hands roaming everywhere. They could barely contain themselves as the burst of happiness dawned upon them after so much time of sorrow. 

They snogged and laughed all throughout, smiling like a couple of idiots. 

* * *

"What do we do now?" Sirius asked as he chewed on some not-so-good leftovers during lunch.

"We have to think of a plan," Remus answered while picking up food with his fork.

"It has to be something akin to our Marauders glory days," Sirius remarked.

"D'you have any ideas?" 

"You know that it'll be something… illegal, right?" Sirius asked carefully.

"I do," Remus nodded. "I'm willing to risk it. I mean, I'm a werewolf, I already live in the margins of society, what's a little bending of the law?" 

"Never in my life I would have expected to hear such words come from Remus Lupin's mouth," Sirius chuckled. However, the thought became more and more serious as it dawned upon him. "What if we go to Azkaban?"

Remus' face had already fallen when Sirius glanced back at him, "Do you think they would sentence us?"

"The Ministry? Yes," Sirius put it plainly. "The real question is if Dumbledore would side with them." 

"And do you think he would?" 

"I think he owes us a great deal," Sirius stated. "I have never known what goes through that man's mind. But, when it comes to it, I don't think he'd do it." 

"It makes sense," Remus wasn't too confident. "But I don't know, Sirius..." 

Remus' face contorted into one of discomfort, seen as the reality of joining the Death Eaters in Azkaban was knocking on the door.

"I'm not too sure either, but I'm willing to risk it," Sirius said firmly. "For Harry." 

Remus' tense face softened a little, "For Harry." 

What followed were hours and hours of planning and discussing their next step. Brixham was a long way from home by muggle standards, but if they went fast enough on the motorbike, they could get there in under two hours.

The questions, ideas, and new problems kept coming at them as they went far into the night discussing the issue. It was awfully late when they finally decided to rest. 

Given the current climate, a good night's sleep would have been great for their minds, bodies, and souls. However, they only got a few hours of sleep, as resting apparently wasn't on Molly's books.

"Wake up already!" Said a muffled voice from outside their front door. Sirius flinched at all the heavy knocking as he approached the door in slow steps, having just woken up.

Already knowing what to expect, he opened the door.

"Good morning, Molly." 

"Oh, dear." She pouted as she looked at him from head to toe. "How have you been?" 

"Holding up," Sirius answered. 

They hadn't discussed telling anyone else about Harry. So, just to be safe, he didn't tell her right away, even though he knew she would support them.

"And you, dear?" She asked, looking behind his shoulder. Sirius glanced backwards to see Remus standing at the other side of the room. They exchanged glances in mutual agreement of what not to tell Molly.

And then there was also the fact that they didn't want to involve a mother of seven in something as illegal as this.

"The same, I guess." 

Without waiting for an invitation, she passed Sirius and entered the flat. She held a closed pot in her hands, Sirius hoped it was anything edible. She put it on the kitchen countertop.

"I still cry about it," she said with a frown. "I can't believe they did that to you..." 

Neither of them knew what to say.

"I came to see how you were doing… if you were still alive." Molly looked around the living room with a scrunched up nose as she took in all the mess. "Well, it looks like something's died here."

"We haven't really had the… energy to do much cleaning," Remus explained. 

It wasn't a lie. Sometime throughout the week, Remus gave up on his habit of trying to find anything to fix in the flat. It was probably the fact that he grew to learn how to cope as Sirius did. And,—well, naturally, neither Sirius nor Remus were the tidiest people.

"I understand, dear." She didn't look like she did all that much. "But you're never going to get your spirits up while living like this." 

She had a point. When no answer came and they only ducked their heads, she came to stand in the middle of the living room and clasped her hands together.

"Alright," she began, energised, "I'll go get the cleaning products in the closet. We'll do this together, boys." 

Molly strutted out of the living room with vigour. Sirius huffed out a laugh as he met Remus' eyes, who had the same glint of humour in them. 

After a couple of minutes, she came back with everything in hand, wearing a smug smile. Sirius wondered what it was about, but paid little attention to it. It was only after Molly convinced Remus to dust off the bookshelf that Sirius learned the reason behind it.

She pulled him by the arm to the far end of the kitchen where they'd be as away from Remus as they possibly could within the room. 

She looked at him with wide eyes and whispered excitedly, "I saw that two people slept on Remus' bed." Sirius' blood went cold. "Was Margot here? Did I make her leave hastily?—Oh, I hope not. There's nothing to hide."

Molly stared at him expecting an answer, but Sirius could only stare back with his mouth slightly hung open wondering what to say. He had completely forgotten about that girl's existence, and probably so did Remus.

So he settled for the truth.

"Uh, no, she wasn't here." Molly furrowed her brows.

"I promise not to talk about this with neither of them!" She insisted.

"Molly, I'm telling you the truth, she wasn't here. As a matter of fact, she has never stepped foot inside this apartment."

Molly seemed slightly confused, "So is there another girl?—Oh! is it someone I know?" 

Her eyes lit up at the mention of possible gossip material.

"No. There isn't a girl." Sirius hoped he was making some sense. Molly only seemed more confused by it. Apparently, he would have to spell it out. He looked at Remus, unaware that anything was happening on the other side of the room, and took a deep breath as he redirected his gaze to the woman standing before him. " _I_ slept on his bed." 

She took a few seconds to register the information, her eyebrows shooting up, " _Oh_ … that's so kind of him, it's because you're injured, isn't it?" 

Merlin, Sirius could have laughed if he wasn't so bloody nervous.

It had been easier to tell Andromeda; she had always known about Sirius and was quite progressive, especially by Black family standards. Molly, on the other hand, was the traditional housewife witch. With her, it would be a mixed bag.

"Well, yes,—sort of. But no. Er… we're together."

Her face was blank, and the seconds dragged like minutes as Sirius examined her expression to see what she thought of it.

"Together?"

"Yes. As in a couple," he explained. 

"Oh. Right." 

Sirius wondered if she had actually understood what he meant, but as she left him standing in the kitchen's corner after walking out trying to make sense of what he had said, he felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders. Give her a bit of time and she'd understand.

Molly kept on working as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She would sometimes stare into the nothingness and not hear when one of them called. Sirius couldn't help but find her confusion a tad amusing. She didn’t seem like the kind of person familiar with anything queer.

She didn't boss them around as much this time, probably because she felt bad. However, Sirius had probably never helped out so much. He really embraced the whole responsibility thing. If he was going to get Harry back, he'd be the paternal figure he deserved.

Molly left after a couple of hours, leaving behind some of her delicious food. It was so very kind of her to bring it to them since they hadn’t had all the energy to cook. 

"You told her?" Remus asked, shocked. Sirius nodded.

He had blurted out the news to him the moment they heard the crack from Molly disapparating.

"But she didn't even mention it to me!" Remus too knew Molly quite well.

"I know! She didn't even acknowledge it," Sirius said. "I think she was shocked."

Remus laughed, "D'you think she'll be okay with it?"

"Soon enough, yes." Sirius thought about it for two seconds, "I mean, she better be… if not for us, for Bill." 

Remus nodded.

Sirius ended up telling him about the Bill situation after that dinner at The Burrow. Remus found it endearing. After all, he'd "been there" quite literally.

They continued the day planning, picking up from where they left off. It felt great to work towards this with clear goals, knowing where he was.

However, the pressing issue was _what_ they were going to do with Harry once they got him. 

"We can't bring him back here, it's the first place they'll look," Remus said.

"You're right, but they're bound to find us, eventually."

"Still, we should be able to buy some time..." 

"So what if we move?" Sirius asked, the idea coming to him naturally. "We'll buy the house we want in a muggle village and bring him there, we'll worry about furnishing and whatnot later. We won't tell anyone we've moved. It should buy us a couple of days,—enough time for us to get Dumbledore on our side." 

The corner of Remus' lips quirked up as he listened to Sirius, "It could work, I think." 

"So it's settled then." Sirius smiled. "I'll go to Gringotts today and get the money converted to pounds, we'll do our best to find a house on the muggle market, and—"

"I can't let you pay for all of it," Remus interrupted him.

"Oh, Moony, we went through this already, it's fine," Sirius pleaded. There wasn't enough time for this.

"No, I can't let you do it. The excuse that this flat is mine still held some water, but in a house bought by you I'll be a complete bum!" 

Sirius furrowed his brows. He understood what Remus felt, but he _really_ didn't mind sharing anything he had with him.

"Consider it a loan," Sirius proposed. "After all of this, you can get a job. You can pay for our furniture." 

"It's not like anyone would employ me with my 'conflicting' schedules." 

"They will. Maybe Margot can help you out at Flourish and Blotts. Perhaps Dumbledore won't loathe us by the end of this and could help you get a teaching position.—Imagine that! A professor! I get hot and bothered just by thinking about it."

Remus rolled his eyes but did not successfully hold a laugh. "I don't think he'd ever employ _me._ Especially not after this."

"We'll see..." Sirius thought about making use of his 'Black' name to get something for Remus, but he'd feel filthy doing so. And if Remus ever found out, he was sure a nasty fight would follow. "And you could try muggle places, we'll just obliviate them when you don't come to work after a full moon." 

"Merlin, Sirius. By then we'll have broken enough laws..."

"What difference does it make? They'll never know." 

Remus laughed, not taking him seriously at all.

"But really, it's not impossible," Sirius assured him.

"Alright… we'll see. The furniture, right?" 

Sirius beamed at him, "Yep." 

* * *

Getting a muggle real estate agent on such brief notice had been harder than they first anticipated. It also didn't help that they were looking for a specific type of house that was away from any other human beings and nice enough for them to live in, but not extravagant.

Of course, they had no idea where to find said agent, so they had to get a little help from Ted Tonks and make him swear to secrecy. No one could find out about their mission.

He hooked them up with a muggle woman by the name of Jane, who had agreed to meet them at a house the very next day. Things were running so smoothly, Sirius hardly believed it to be true.

They apparated to the agreed place, but a little farther away so she wouldn't see them. 

"Jane?" Sirius approached the woman who stood by a car. 

She was startled by their presence, jumping up a little.

" _Oh_ , goodness.—Hello! " She recomposed herself, though she eyed them twice, thinking they looked definitely too young to be buying houses. She seemed slightly confused by them, "You came by foot?" 

"Uh, yeah," Remus said. "We… love trekking." 

Sirius held a snort. Does _he_ look like anyone who would take walks for fun? Absolutely not.

"I see," she clearly found it odd, but a polite smile quickly came to her face. "Let's go see it, then." 

She motioned towards the house. For the first time, Sirius looked at it properly. It was modest, but in its idyllic aesthetic he knew it could feel like home. It was made of bricks and had a modest front garden.

"It's not much, but it's lovely, isn't it?" Jane pleasantly asked as they made their way through the front garden to the door. 

Sirius wasn't the greatest at detecting good taste, not after being raised at 12 Grimmauld Place with its horrid and depressive decoration. So, he observed Remus for the answer.

As he had hoped for, Remus wore a smile on his face. "Yes, it sure is."

They saw the entirety of the house, Sirius grew more excited with each room they got to meet. It had everything he had wished for, the back garden just needed some grass cutting and it would be perfect. He could picture Harry running all over the house already.

Remus noticed his excitement and looked at him throughout the visit as if he found it endearing. By the end, Jane stood by the door and clasped her hands together with a smile.

"What did you gentlemen think?" 

"I loved it," Remus said, cheeks slightly flushed.

Sirius was relieved to hear it and smiled, "I think it's great." 

That seemed to be music to Jane's ears. "I should present to you some other cottages around, we have lots of options, you could get one even bigger than this—"

"There's no need for it," Sirius interrupted her. "We'll take it."

She furrowed her brows, "But you've only seen this one, right?" 

"Yes," Sirius answered.

"We're in a bit of a hurry," Remus explained. 

"Is that okay? Or is there a problem…?" 

"Uh, no, no—it's fine." She certainly found them odd. "Just unusual."

"I suppose there's not much that is usual about us," Sirius said.

* * *

Sirius did not expect the muggle paperwork to be so laborious. How complicated could it be to just hand over the money and get the keys? For fuck's sake. 

Remus wasn't too surprised. His flat was in Muggle London, after all. 

"It would be _so_ much simpler if we could just sign a contract with our wands and get it over with. Why do they need to know everything about me? I'm not even registered!—Merlin knows Walburga would have rather died than to have the 'Black' name on any muggle registry." Sirius ranted as they stared at the paperwork on the desk.

Remus observed, slightly amused.

In the end, they had to put it on Remus' name,—not that it wouldn't raise any questions, they would probably find him quite sketchy.

But they had to do it fast, get it over with. 

The urgency paid off the moment Remus came home after going to the library. They planned on learning a bit about the muggle orphanage Harry had been put in. It hadn’t been easy to find much information, but somehow Remus had managed to get over a few documents. And the result of his research was enraging, to say the least. 

"It says here it's for the children of deceased British sailors," Remus handed him a yellowed paper that looked like it would disintegrate in his hands if he moved too hastily.

Sirius read the bit Remus pointed out and nodded.

"I believe the Ministry put him there because there wouldn't be many questions to be asked, it's a small town and people would have just assumed Harry was like any other boy.—Then there's also the fact that the nearest wizard community is 100 miles away." 

"However," Remus began, handing him a clearly old news article from a paper, "there are a few reports from men who grew up there,—it's worrisome, Sirius… They talk about physical violence, lack of affection… the list goes on." 

Sirius widened his eyes and grabbed the paper. He searched for testimony given it was dated from 1962. It was of a man who grew up at the orphanage; he gave an interview about it in hopes to start a campaign to get it closed. Apparently, it wasn't very successful.

Sirius read all of it, and the urgency in his chest only grew. Once he finished, he was shocked and revolted.

Remus looked incredibly worried as well.

That was it. There was no more time to wait. 

Sirius got up from the sofa, "Let's go then."

"Now?"

"Now."

They dressed and left the flat, not sure of when they would come back. They had already moved some furniture to the house, even though the paperwork was far from done. All they needed there was a place for Harry to sleep and the rest they could manage, even if they had to sleep on the floor and make food from thin air.

Sirius had moved his motorbike from his flat's garage to the outside of Remus' building. It sat there under a disillusionment charm. 

They hopped on it and Sirius drove as if it was muggle transport since they couldn't fly off from the middle of muggle London, even though the sun was starting to set. 

Once they finally left the crowded urban area, they lifted off and got some real speed, going as fast as a broom. 

The path was clear. They had studied and mapped it out to a tee. Remus had either got over his fear of the motorbike or was so focused on getting to Brixham that he didn't even notice how high they were flying.

Excitement grew in their chests. They were going to see him again.


	20. Band On The Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! The last chapter. It isn't quite over yet, though. The prologue will be up by Friday, so I won't say my goodbyes just yet.
> 
> I got the Dictus charm from this (https://archiveofourown.org/works/330906) fic, so props to lettered for creating it :)

_Well the night was falling_

_As the desert world began to settle down_

_In the town they're searching for us everywhere_

_But we never will be found_

The cold air barely bothered either of them as they drove through the clouds to Brixham. There was only one thing in their minds, and a little shivering would not get in the way.

It took them over an hour and a half to catch a glimpse of the town. By then the sun had completely set, so they drove not worrying about anyone seeing them. Still, with so much at stake, they weren't about to risk it all and not have disillusionment charms all around the motorbike.

Sirius became nervous as they approached the address. He could feel Remus getting agitated as well, shifting behind him and tightening his grip on him ever so slightly.

Once he started lowering the motorbike, it all became real.

He carefully parked it in an alley a block away from the orphanage. They cast all kinds of protection spells around it; they needed the motorbike to escape.

The moment he lowered his wand, he raised his head to look at Remus.

"So this is it," he said excitedly.

"Nervous?" 

"Yes,—Merlin, my heart's leaping out of my chest," Sirius answered honestly. "You?" 

"The same," Remus had an anxious smile.

"Alright," Sirius said under his breath as he gave the plan a one over in his head. "Let's go, then." He took a couple of steps towards the outside of the alley.

"Wait," Remus called, not having moved.

Sirius looked back and saw Remus walking over to him in hurried steps.

"Sirius," he breathed out once he reached him, "if it all goes to shit and we get sent straight to Azkaban or something,—which may very well happen,—I want you to know that I don't regret it. Any of it. I—Thank you, for everything." 

Remus stared into his eyes as he said everything. It caught Sirius by surprise.

"I don't regret it either," he answered. "None of it. And _I_ should thank _you_ for what you’ve done for me. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me..." 

"I didn't do anything," Remus contested. 

Sirius chuckled lovingly, "I knew you would say that..."

They stared at each other for a few more seconds. It was the calm before the storm.

"I love you, Padfoot." Remus' smile was blinding as he put it so simply.

"And I love you, Moony." Sirius couldn’t help but replicate the expression. 

He lurched forward and kissed Remus strongly, making him stumble backwards a couple of steps.

He pulled back, "Now I'm ready." 

Remus nodded vehemently, and they finally left the alley.

The orphanage was a not-too-tall building made of grey bricks. 

They walked right past the entrance gates, following the map Remus held in his hands. They followed the iron fence that outlined the property until they reached the point where they were the furthest away from the building. It was probably the back garden. 

"Remember how to do it?" Remus asked apprehensively.

"Of course I do," Sirius replied with a mischievous smile. 

He took out his wand and muttered, _"Diffindo!"_ , tracing a circular pattern on the fence, just big enough for them to pass through. He cast a levitation charm on the severed part and set it leaning on the fence carefully. 

They passed through the hole, careful not to get the bag Remus carried ripped open. Once they were inside the property, the real thing began.

"Alright, so you go and look for him and I'll make the dungbombs go off when you tell me to," Remus whispered to him.

The plan consisted of Sirius finding Harry's whereabouts and Remus setting various dungbombs throughout the building so that when Sirius found him, they would all go off at his command, making everyone wake up and have to leave the building. They had to cause a commotion to get him out without anyone noticing.

Sirius nodded and raised his wand, pointing it at Remus, " _Non-Dicatus_."

Remus did the same to him. 

Now, they could hear anything the other said in their ears as they executed their plan.

"Good luck, Moony," Sirius couldn't hold a smile.

"Good luck, Padfoot," Remus said with a nod.

With lingering glances, they parted ways. Sirius had studied the plan of the building and made his way through the garden with ease, knowing which entrance would lead him closest to the stairs that went to the second floor, where the rooms were. He couldn't help but glance at Remus as he went the opposite way to the other side of the building, hoping he'd succeed. However, once he cast a Disillusionment Charm on himself, he became invisible to Sirius' eye.

Once Sirius got to the door, a simple Alohomora did the trick. It was much easier to invade muggle places.

Inside, it was so quiet; it was almost unbearable. Any step would account for a creak on the wooden floor. So, of course, a Muffliato charm was needed. The rooms were large and uninviting, the space unbearably clean. It definitely did not look like the kind of place that housed dozens of young boys.

Sirius linked such characteristics to the claims he'd read in the newspaper. It made sense that it would look like this… so lifeless and drab.

He shook those thoughts out of his head and found the nearest staircase. Going up the stairs, he was careful not to get too distracted and end up bumping into someone.

 _Is everything okay?_ He heard Remus talking.

"Yes. You?" 

Even though he was on the Muffliato charm, he couldn't not whisper.

_I'm okay too._

The first floor was not better than downstairs, it was, in fact, even worse. Here Sirius was met with two opposing big open doors that led to different rooms of sleeping boys. Each door was being guarded by a different woman, who looked to be a nurse. They each sat next to the doors with looks of the utmost boredom on their faces. 

He took a gamble and went to the one on his right. The room was wide and the beds were lined up from wall to wall.

There was nothing to indicate which bed belonged to who, so he just had to examine each face and hope that his memory didn't play any tricks on him.

_You found the room?_

"Sort of. I'll have to take a look at each one of the kids."

_Okay._

It was uncomfortable looking at each boy. A twinge of pity made itself present in his chest. None of them deserved to stay here, but there was nothing he could do. They were all varying in age, which only made his job harder.

Most of them were sleeping, but a few were staring at the ceiling or trying to distract themselves with the little they had. When passing by them, Sirius would hold his breath involuntarily. The windows were all locked close, which only served as a sign of the type of authoritarianism that ran the place.

Harry wasn't in this room, Sirius was quite sure of that, so he went to the next.

However, there was also no sign of Harry there. He started wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him, if he even remembered what the kid looked like. No, he couldn't be mad.

"I'm on the second floor now," he told Remus.

_No sign of him yet?_

"Nothing." 

The architecture was the same. This time, he chose to take the left first. He walked through the room of nameless faces and came out empty-handed once again.

The building had only two floors above the ground floor, meaning that if Harry wasn't in this next room, Merlin knows where the kid could be. Sirius entered the other room with his heart leaping out of his chest, worry starting to settle in. The room looked the same, he walked past the beds while his breathing became more and more shallow.

Then he passed by an empty bed.

That set something in him. He knew there was something wrong, that it wasn't supposed to be like this. The bed wasn't made, it looked like someone had got up. 

He didn't even look at the other boys, he knew what it was. Sirius prepared himself to tell Remus, but his voice flooded his ears first.

_Shit shit shit_

"Remus? What's the problem? Is everythi—"

_No, no. Merlin, shit—_

"What's going on?" He became more alarmed.

_Padfoot, I don't know what happened—The dungbombs are going to go off._

Just as Remus told him, he heard a loud explosion sound, only made greater by the silence that filled the building. The woman next to the door flinched violently, and some of the kids jumped up a bit.

_Shit. I don't know why it happened, I'm so sorry._

"We have bigger issues. Harry isn't here, there's an empty bed. I think someone might have taken him away." 

_What? Shit. What do we do?_

"What was that?" The woman at the door asked.

"If it's the Jackson boy pulling a prank again, we might get him transferred for good," the other one answered.

It was then that a putrid smell started invading the room. 

"God, what is this?" She brought the fabric of her dress to shield her nose.

"Remus, look for him on that side of the building and I'll look on this one, okay?" 

_Okay._

Sirius glanced at all the boys getting up from their beds scrunching up their noses and came to the conclusion that Harry definitely wasn't there. He left the room sprinting; he didn't even notice when the surrounding people began to widen their eyes and look in his direction

That is until one of the women screamed " _WHO ARE YOU?"_

Sirius had been completely caught by surprise. It made him stop in his tracks. He froze and didn't know how to proceed. The charms had worn off. The women seemed too scared to do anything else as that couple of seconds dragged on for an eternity.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something. A dark figure going down the stairs. His mind snapped, and he lost no time following it.

He left the room running. The women and children stared after him as the putrid smell became stronger. The scene was as chaotic as it could possibly be.

"Remus, I think I saw someone leaving. Come to the staircase on the west side of the building," he informed as he went down the stairs, skipping over a bunch of steps and hoping he wouldn't fall flat on his face.

_On my way._

On the first floor, everyone was up and questioning what had happened. He noticed the women from the second floor were chasing after him, and now called the ones on the first to join them. It was absolute madness.

When he got to the ground floor, he looked around and didn't catch a glimpse of the black figure. 

"Sirius!" _Sirius,_ Remus shouted from the other side of the room while he ran to him. 

Sirius went to him before the women caught up to him.

" _Non-Dicatus,"_ they said in unison while pointing their wands at each other, breaking the charm.

"I think I saw something—someone running away," Sirius blurted out. "It was only a blur."

Remus didn't blink as he took all of the information in. Sirius still roamed his eyes around the perimeter, focusing on the windows to see if there would be anyone outside. 

Then he saw what he thought were robes swishing in the wind as a person ran. He gasped and bolted to the exit, barely hearing the screams of the women who had got to the ground floor.

He gripped his wand and ran towards the figure in the garden.

" _Arresto Momentum!"_ He cast while pointing at them. He couldn't risk a more violent spell, not when the person probably carried Harry, so he just made them slower.

The charm hit its target, making them slow down significantly. The person was quick to get rid of the charm, though, throwing a hex their way by just pointing their wand without turning back. Gladly, Remus blocked it.

 _"Colloshoo,"_ Remus cast. The last time Sirius had seen this hex was probably at fourteen years of age.

Instantly, their shoes stuck to the ground, which gave Sirius time to cast a _Petrificus Totalus._

They could finally breathe again as they made their way to the figure who all this time had had their back to them while wearing a cloak. When they came to face the person, they noticed it was a woman, dressed in the same clothes as the other ones from the orphanage. 

She had Harry in her arms, clutching onto him. The child kept moving under her grasp, trying to break free. 

Sirius and Remus breathed a sigh of relief and carefully got him out of her hands, which was made difficult by the curse she was under.

"Shh, we're here," Sirius said.

"She has him under a Silencing Charm," Remus observed as he reached out a hand to smooth out Harry's back.

Sirius glanced at him and pointed his wand to Harry, " _Finite Incantatem."_

Instantly, their ears were filled with the sounds of a crying baby.

When he finally got him away from her hands, he looked at Harry's face and sighed in relief. He looked okay, only a little shaken up by the entire incident.

"Fuck, thank Merlin," he breathed out as he pressed Harry against his chest and bouncing him up and down in hopes of calming him down a little as well as for his own comfort. "Shhh, it's okay. Padfoot's here."

Sirius was so relieved he could cry, it was like a gaping hole on his chest had finally been closed.

As he hugged the kid who was beginning to calm down, he looked back to the woman who had planned to take him, eyes stopping at a tattoo peeking through her long-sleeved shirt on her forearm.

"Remus," Sirius called, "look." 

He passed Harry to Remus' arms, who was very much grateful to have his chance to welcome him back with a hug just as tight as Sirius'. 

Sirius exposed the Dark Mark on her arm and pointed at it to Remus.

It didn't surprise him. Not at all. Even when he took a second look at her face and realised he recognised her from somewhere, probably from the Black social circle.

"What should we do about her?" Sirius asked.

"I… I don't know, we can't leave her here."

He glanced back to the house, where he saw everyone staring at them through the windows with confused and frightened looks on their faces. The women were trying to take the boys away from the windows, but their curiosity was stronger.

"What do we do about them? They saw us casting spells, didn't they?" Sirius grew more anxious. None of that was meant to happen.

Now they had a Death Eater in their hands as well as dozens of people in need of a memory charm. 

"We're going to have to call the Ministry," Remus declared, defeated.

"No." Sirius just about pouted. "No, we can't, shit…" 

"We can't just do this ourselves," Remus said.

Then it was like lightning struck Sirius. "Let's get Molly, Arthur, Dromeda, and Ted. And perhaps Minnie. D'you think they'd help?" 

"Sirius." 

"They can help us clean it up! They won't object,—well, at least I don't think Molly and Dromeda will."

"Have you forgotten this is illegal?"

" _No._ But this is our chance! We just saved him from a Death Eater! If they come to help, we'll just sweep the 'muggles seeing us' thing under the rug and keep the Death Eater for when we get the aurors."

Remus thought for a few seconds as Sirius looked at him expectedly. 

"Think of it as our biggest prank yet," Sirius tried persuading him with a sweet smile. 

When he saw the corners of Remus' mouth twitching up, he knew he was done for.

"Okay. Fine," Remus agreed. "There's a fireplace here. I'll connect it to the Floo Network, you'll have to convince the muggles to stay in one place, or something.—And bring her inside, use a few protection spells," he gestured towards the woman who was still frozen. "And let's not get McGonagall, she has already done enough for us."

"Okay," Sirius nodded excitedly. He lurched forward and gave Remus a chaste kiss on the lips that lasted for less than a second.

Harry had stopped crying by now but clung to Remus' neck as if his life depended on it. Sirius kissed him on the forehead before heading back to the building with his wand in hand.

It was tricky going back while everyone inside was in shock and fearing him. He felt bad about the kids, but they wouldn't remember it anyway. He had to cut the phone lines, though, as well as spell-bound the windows and doors closed, just in case. That didn't help the dungbomb odour, but he did his best to conceal it.

They were all shocked and wide-eyed, especially when they looked at his wand with curiosity. The women in charge didn't even bother trying to prevent him from doing anything else, not when he made sparks fly out of his wooden stick to prove it was all real.

"I promise nothing will happen to you. Now if you could just stay here in a calm and orderly manner, we can have it done in no time," Sirius spoke loudly to the entire room.

There were hushed whispers and frightened stares all around, but they would be gone soon enough.

Once he got the entire room put on a sort of a calming daze with the help of a few charms, he went to check on Remus.

"Everything going smoothly?" He found Remus sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace, wand in hand muttering a few spells.

"Yes, I'm almost finished." 

Adorably, Harry now sat calmly by his side, but chubby hands still clutching parts of him, be it his arm, hand, or leg.

"Pafoo!" He raised his arms in Sirius' direction. He took a step closer and swept him off his feet and into his arms.

"Oh, we missed you so much, Prongslet," he said as he squished Harry with a hug.

"He's going to grow to hate that name," said Remus, still focused on his task. He lowered his wand, "Okay, I'm done." 

He reached for his bag and pulled out a small bag tied with a string that contained Floo Powder. Remus spent the next few minutes with his head on the fire while he contacted everyone. He made a thousand apologies about coming to them so late, but it was urgent.

He didn't risk telling the truth of the matter through the Floo Network, since they had set up a clandestine one. He did say it was "Harry matters", which made them agree to come instantly. 

However, Sirius and Remus hadn't accounted for one thing. They had kids, which meant only one person out of the two in a couple would be able to come and help.

So, in no time, Molly and Andromeda arrived by Floo. 

" _Merlin!"_ Molly screamed in a high-pitched voice as the green flames got lower and she saw Harry in Sirius' arms.

"No, just Harry," Sirius joked, earning a roll of eyes from Remus. She barely heard him as she came forward to pick Harry up from his arms and give the kid a hug.

"Siri!" Now it was Andromeda who stepped out of the fireplace. "I'm so glad you've got him back, but this does seem sketchy." She looked around the strange room.

"Thank you both, so much, for coming," Remus said with clasped hands.

They explained the situation as fast as they could. Molly was no short of shocked, while Andromeda found it strange but oddly amusing.

"So we're an Obliviating squad? That's it?" Andromeda asked.

"I know it's... _illegal_ ," Remus explained, "but I couldn't tell you all that through a Floo Connection. If either of you doesn’t want to participate, it's fine, you can leave,— no hard feelings."

Well, on Sirius' part there would be hard feelings. But that's alright.

Gladly, the women agreed to help.

"But," Andromeda began, "if we start now,—by the number you gave me,—we won't be able to finish until sunrise. And I don't know about you, but I'm not the most skilled witch at Obliviate. We could really use another hand… can't you think of anyone else who'd be willing to help?" 

Sirius turned his head to look at Remus, who looked back already knowing what the other had in mind.

"No. We can't call her," Remus said.

"But she would do it!" 

"She wanted us to be careful with this..." 

"She's already used to us fucking up," Sirius put it bluntly.

"You shouldn't use that language in front of a child!" Molly scolded him.

"Besides, she's very skilled..." Sirius argued.

Long story short, Remus gave in and flooed McGonagall. She found it extremely odd to receive such a call in the middle of the night by Remus, of all people. But, hearing the urgency in his voice, agreed to come.

"Please, forgive me, Professor," Remus began the second McGonagall could be seen in that fireplace.

"Minnie!" Sirius cheered.

"This better be important," she said as she stepped out of the fireplace. Then, taking a look around and at the baby within the group, she knew what it was all about. "I thought I implied that you should have used the information I gave you responsibly." 

Sirius allowed himself a wry smile, "It seems we have a bit of a situation..." 

She prepared herself for the story, hearing it all with a serious face.

"Would you help us?" Remus nervously asked once he was finished.

"Honestly, Mr Lupin, I am shocked at how you two thought this could all be solved by simply kidnapping a child." Sirius watched Remus' shoulders become tense. He was transported back into a time where being scolded by McGonagall was just a normal Tuesday. "However, the situation that presented itself offers for a much easier way out. I, Mrs Tonks, and Mrs Weasley will gather the muggle boys, get started on the memory charms, and send them back to bed one by one. You two can fix this mess," she said while looking around at the state of the room. "You may leave before we are finished, that way it will give you more time to organise yourselves at home. Oh! and wipe his name from the registry."

Remus raised his head to look at her in awe, "Thank you so much, Professor!" 

"Let's get to work," she began walking towards where they had left everyone. They all stared at her as she moved, she could be quite unbelievable. She turned around and looked at them, "Well, are you not coming?"

They scrambled to follow her.

Sirius stayed behind to settle Harry somewhere. 

"Sirius?" He raised his head to see Molly approaching.

"Yes, Molly?" 

"I have to tell you something… I'm sorry for my reaction upon hearing about your and Remus'... relationship. I found it odd, to be quite honest.—Definitely unexpected." 

Sirius laughed, "It's alright." 

"No, I have to say that I am very happy you found each other. Sorry for pushing Margot,—even though she had everything to do with Remus.—Well, with one exception. Either way, you two are precious. I'm thrilled for you."

Sirius smiled genuinely at her, "Thank you, Molly. It means a lot."

* * *

 _Obliviate_ was a tricky charm to perform, very dangerous if not done correctly. So, having such a skilled witch in the room made for a much safer choice. She seemed to be doing a fine job, much faster than they ever could.

In the meantime, Sirius and Remus ended the night putting everything back where it belonged while guarding the petrified Death Eater.

All the while, Harry sat in a corner with his beloved golden Snitch, which they brought because they were certain Harry had missed it.

"Never thought I'd end the night like this," Sirius commented while he cast a _Scourgify._

"Sadly, it isn't quite over yet," Remus said from the other side of the room.

Sirius stopped what he was doing for a minute and observed Remus, who worked focused. He was flushed from the action and kept passing a hand through his hair to get it out of his face. It was in moments like these that Sirius thought he was gorgeous.

"What are you looking at?" Remus asked with a small smile, having caught Sirius staring.

"You, of course," Sirius said with a smirk. "You should really know what the sight of you all flushed like that does to a man—"

"Merlin, Sirius," Remus laughed.

He liked complimenting him out of the blue. It was just a part of his plan to make Remus understand just how beautiful he thought he was. Remus usually got shy when it happened and avoided looking at Sirius while burning under his gaze.

Sirius took a few steps to where Remus stood

"Hey," Sirius called, becoming toe to toe with him. Remus breathed out a laugh. "I really think this is going to work out." 

"So do I," said Remus softly. He had a tendency to find the eager way Sirius looked at him up close terribly endearing, he often laughed a bit at it. He felt exposed, being observed like that, but he knew of Sirius' honesty.

It only felt natural for Remus to come forward and end the distance between their lips.

Then they heard steps coming down the stairs. Instinctively, they pulled away and looked at where the sound came, alarmed.

"Mr Black and Mr Lupin," McGonagall approached them after reaching the last step.

Before she could say anything, Remus was a bundle of nerves again. "I am so sorry for having called you, Professor.—But it was urgent. Thank you so much for helping us and—" 

"Mr Lupin, do calm down. You're not fourteen anymore." 

Sirius snorted.

"Now, you do have the Floo Network set up at your new house?" They nodded. "Good. Go straight home and rest for a bit. I will have to warn the Ministry about the situation, but we'll make it seem like it was more… organised." 

"I see," Sirius said. He bit his tongue about the Ministry thing, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. "Professor, before we go, may I ask you something?" Sirius risked asking.

"Go ahead." 

"Why have you helped us so much?" 

McGonagall took a breath and pondered. "Well, Mr Black, I believe in doing what's right. I, more than anyone at the Ministry and even Dumbledore, knew of your relationship with James and Lily Potter and just how much they meant to both of you. It's only right that you get to raise their child." 

Sirius smiled, "Thank you, Professor. For everything. I don't even know how to repay you." 

McGonagall let a smile seep through her serious façade, "Repay me by raising him to be a good man like his father,—even though he was nothing short of a handful."

Sirius smiled fondly, but Remus was the one to answer. "We will, Professor."

"Call me Minerva, you two haven't been my students in years."

Now was their time to go, McGonagall, or Minerva, told them. As they said their final goodbyes and walked towards the door, Remus went to pick up Harry, leaving Sirius and her alone for a couple of seconds.

"Mr Black, I must say, you have excellent taste." She had a playful smile on her lips. 

Sirius blushed furiously, but before he knew it, Remus was back at his side. 

"Thank you, Minnie," he said as he burned scarlet.

* * *

The house had barely anything in it, they had only bothered to bring whatever concerned Harry. So, as the kid slept peacefully in his much larger room compared to the one he'd had in Remus' flat, Sirius and Remus found themselves sitting on the floor against the wall of the living room side by side.

It was uncomfortable and hardly counted as resting, but the peaceful atmosphere of the new house already filled their spirits with new feelings and hope.

It was also a bit nerve-wracking to stay there just sitting and waiting, not really knowing what to expect.

They discussed what they would tell the Ministry, settling on a version of the truth. There wouldn't be anything about the orphans seeing them, but the truth of the reasons why they went there remained. 

Even though they were expecting it, they jumped a little when there was a knock at the door.

Sirius turned to Remus, "They’re here."

Remus nodded firmly, standing up and offering a hand to Sirius, who gladly took it. "It's going to work out," he whispered.

They greeted the two ministry officials.

"Mr Black, Mr Lupin," the man in the formal robes greeted. "Minerva McGonagall has already warned the Ministry about the issue, so let's not waste any time, alright?" 

They nodded, still jittery about what to expect.

"The Ministry has spent the last few hours dealing with the Death Eater you captured, Alecto Carrow,—good job on that, by the way. It turns out, she was part of the same group as Dolohov, who swore vengeance in the name of Voldemort. Her capturing highlighted an issue on the Death Eaters who were pardoned for proclaiming to have been under the Imperius Curse during the war, which was her case. We will keep investigating the issue, but it seems she was the last active member of said group." 

"Oh… that's good, then?" Remus asked.

"It's excellent," the man answered beaming. "It's still very soon to say so, but Harry Potter's safety may not be as much in danger after her arrest, which marked the termination of the last Death Eater organisation,—at least to our knowledge."

"That's great," Sirius said genuinely happy. "But what does it mean about where he should stay?" 

"Mr Black, we are very much aware of your reasoning behind going to the orphanage." Sirius cringed and a knot formed in his stomach. "However, the Ministry is willing to turn a blind eye." 

Sirius could have exploded right then and there. He couldn't help but look at Remus with a smile.

"Does this mean he can stay with us?" 

"His name is not on the registry of the orphanage anymore for mysterious reasons, no one could explain it. So… yes. I suppose so. The Ministry's yet to make a formal statement, but since the initial issue was his safety… I don't see why it would be denied. It is preferable that Harry stays with family." 

Sirius thought he couldn't smile any wider until he turned to look back at Remus, who also beamed. 

"Thank you so much," was the only thing he could say to the men as they left.

Once he closed the door behind them, he engulfed Remus in his arms and laughed carefreely.

"Can you believe it, Moony?!"

Remus laughed while he pressed his face against Sirius' hair, "Barely." 

"You best believe it, then," Sirius pulled away to look at him properly. "We've got plans to make! We have to decorate, clean,—oh! we must buy him new stuff." 

Remus laughed and let Sirius go on and on and on.

* * *

The first night after they properly settled in the house wasn't as peaceful as they had previously anticipated it would be. 

All celebration was cut short when they heard Harry crying in the middle of the night, as any kid does. Sirius went to soothe him after promising to _not_ bring the kid to bed with them again, as he usually did.

It wasn't healthy to always let Harry in. That way, he'd never get used to sleeping on his own bed. 

Either way, when he pouted and looked at Sirius with those big green eyes, he could not say no.

That's how they ended up with a child snoring in between them in the bed.

"Do you think we'll be decent parents?" Sirius whispered.

"Not if you keep doing everything he wants, he'll boss you around!" Remus said.

Sirius rolled his eyes and smiled, "I know. But I didn't mean it like that."

"I think we may have some shortcomings," Remus began thoughtfully, "we may not be the most responsible, we may not give him the best ideas… but I think he'll turn out alright." 

"Shortcomings, huh?" Sirius opened an eye and glanced at Remus. "Suit yourself. I won't have a single shortcoming. I won't rest until he is the Gryffindor Captain, playing as a Seeker,—of course." 

Remus laughed.

"I'm only joking… if he ends up being a Slytherin who doesn't like Quidditch, I'll still love him.—Can't say I won't be slightly disappointed, but I'll get over it."

"It would be nice if he were a Ravenclaw, there are too many Gryffindors around him already, he's going to get cocky." 

"Like father, like son," Sirius added.

"By the way this kid snores, I can already tell you he'll be just like James," Remus joked.

Sirius laughed and looked at the two people next to him with the look of utmost fondness in his eyes.


End file.
